Halloween came and went. Thanksgiving and Christmas I spent with Jesse and the boys. Michaela did too.It was awkward. But we managed. Michaela commented more times than I could count that I wore a smile more often than not. She also said I was sleeping a lot more. Which was true. I was happy to sleep for the first time in a long time.
We still played the guess who game every night. Never the same person. I think now it was more about not knowing until we met. The allure was strong. And it wasn’t about the sex. Well it was part of it, but it wasn’t all of it. We talked too. I talked about my mom and the boys, and my dad. I didn’t tell him what I did, I made sure that he couldn’t pry that out of my head. He was a dream walker. Which meant if Michaela found out about him, he would be dead. And I kept him a secret for the most part. I was locked down more than usual around Mich.
She wasn’t happy. She wasn’t happy that I was less and less eager to join her bed. I was happy though. I didn’t question things like I should. I didn’t ask his name. Didn’t ask what he did, where he was. I was content in whatever he shared, which wasn’t much. But I was okay with that I talked enough for both of us.
The New Year came around and I spent the midnight hour asleep. But shortly after the kiss my dream ended with a painful bite on my neck. Remembering always hurt. I doubted he’d left a real mark but it felt like he’d taken a chuck out of my skin before I startled awake.
Valentine’s day didn’t end the same way. I was too busy with Michaela to take time out and take a decent nap and at night things were always mostly hi, kissing and then I was taken away from him.
I was probably a bit obsessed. No probably about it. If I didn’t lock my feelings down tightly with him I might scare him away. That was always part of my problem. I didn’t let people close to me, when I did I attached too quickly. It was a defense mechanism. Margo said I thrived on the comfort of others, but I couldn’t let people near because I was so afraid of getting hurt. She wasn’t wrong. I was afraid. I was afraid the moment he found out what I was, what I did, how I felt that he was going to leave. I don’t know why he even kept coming around.
I was fucking terrified that I was so happy. Margo and I discussed it on many occasions. But she was proud of me for putting myself out there, even if it was just a dream. She believed me when I said he was real. But we all had our doubts. Me most of all.
It was March now, the weather was getting warmer and Michaela and I were busier than ever.