I walked away. I headed for my room I couldn’t do people right now. My mind was recoiling from my mother, the knowledge that she had a family without me. I don’t know why it hurt me more than finding out about Kai. Maybe because it was functional where as Kai Viddens was not a great father. Nick barely knew his own dad, Adam and Iris were the closest but the rest of us we were just bastards but he claimed us all – even me. I was on the family roster now. I got the whole family updates from Iris. Mine and Nick’s graduation was on it and what we were doing. Nick had a blurb about college he’d written, Iris commented saying Nox had already been whisked away and I can’t reach him. But she didn’t even try. Maybe that was Dad or Dae’lin I don’t know. Either way I didn’t really care.
I sighed as I shut my door behind me and crashed on the floor. It was shitty fucking week and it was only going to get worse.
For three days we all waited in limbo. I spiraled into hell. Jesse blamed me. I didn’t blame him. The boys were confused. Michaela was staying out of it.
My mother blamed me. Wouldn’t let me see her. Wouldn’t let me in the room to do anything. Not that I could. But either way I spiraled down. The day approached that my mother threw me away and she was holding true to the notion so when the day actually hit and my head hurt so bad that not even yoga was helping I opened a bottle of scotch from the commissary and I drank half of the bottle straight before pouring myself a glass.
I was about to go hunt down something a little stronger when my door opened and Jesse walked in. “Your mother is not doing well. You might want to say your good-byes.”
I stood up and staggered to the door. Jesse frowned as he watched me wade through the fog in my head. But I walked straight once I hit the door. It wasn’t a matter of being less drunk. It was a matter of metabolism. The moment I moved the more alcohol burned off. Venatori don’t get drunk like humans. It takes a lot and it takes stationary spots to actually get falling down drunk. But it was possible to be a drunk Venatori. You just had to drink a lot. I didn’t drink nearly enough to be considered a drunkard and I only drank on one or two days out of the year. At least to this extend. A beer or two for fun but that was it. A glass of wine with dinner.
I made it to the Infirmary but the machines were beeping and the my mother was convulsing and frothing at the mouth. Jesse was pulling the twins out of the room. Everyone was crying as I watched through the window as the were bear venom took my mother’s life. Even after she passed I stood and stared through the window.
The room was empty by the time I came back from my misery. I felt less drunk but I was numb. Michaela was sitting in the chair by the window and I looked at her. She was watching me. “You’ve been standing there for a good 2 hours.” she answered the question I was about to ask.
“Jesse, and the boys?” I didn’t bother finishing she was reading me anyway.
“They went home. They couldn’t be here anymore. Her funeral will be tomorrow.”
“She was Venatori.”
Michaela smiled. “Her family is not. They don’t understand our ways. It will be somber and sad and less about the life she lived and more about comforting those she left behind.”
“I know what a funeral is.” I said to Michaela. “I don’t think I can go.”
She nodded. “I know. But it would mean a lot to Rider and Laker if you did.”
“I’ll try.” I said and Michaela took my hand and tugged me away from the window. I followed dazed and confused and when she opened the door to her room and tugged me after her I knew she wanted more than I could give her.
She laughed, “I think I can just be in bed for a night.”
I shook my head. “No, you don’t have to. I can take care of myself.” I stopped before she pulled me inside completely. “I want to be alone.”
“Nox. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
I pulled out of her hand and headed for my room. “Mich I need to be alone.”
It was still the middle of the day. I had plans to be so wasted I didn’t remember the next few days. But when I got back to my room, the bottle was gone and there was food and a gallon of water on the table. Mich had someone replace my plans.
I fell into bed instead and prayed for a dreamless sleep. It would have been better high or drunk but right now just empty would be good.