We talked. Rather I talked and he asked a bazillion questions. Sometimes he’d ask about something I hadn’t even said out loud. Which was weird, but oddly familiar. It was a vague deja vu moment. He’d come at three and we talked while we ate and around five Alex was leaning against the couch stroking his full stomach absently. He’d eaten all my leftovers. My threat to Fee was carried out however unintentional it was. “I’m gonna have to be careful around you.”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“I keep eating like this I’m gonna get fat.” His hand lifted his shirt revealing a slip of tight skin and I couldn’t help but stare.
“I’ll make sure you don’t get fat.” I broke away from the delectable spot to look into those ice blue orbs that made me catch my breath every time with a smile. “I can help you work those extra calories off.”
There was a light in his eyes and I slid to the floor and moved between his legs. He watched me with those gorgeous eyes and I kept looking into them lost by the depths of the blue and the widening of his pupils. It went straight to my cock.
I looked up at him and bit my bottom lip. “May I?”
“May you what?” he asked as if he wasn’t reading my mind.
“Are you always going to ask to touch me?” Alex cocked his head to the side trying to figure me out.
“Probably.” I shrugged. “I have a tendency to touch too much. Margo says it’s my undeveloped need for comfort and safety by someone I trust and I’ve gotten this shit kicked out of me for innocent touching more than I have for gropping the wrong guy’s girl.”
“Margo your girlfriend?” he asked shifting back a little, like he was trying to get away from me.
There was a sigh of relief that escaped his lips before he retorted, “So you are just fucked up not dating someone.”
I laughed. “Yeah. I’m fucked up.” I tossed my head back my hair had fallen into my face and it was annoying the shit out of me. But the errant strands fell back to where they were and I ran my fingers through my hair shoving them back into place. That’s what i get for not styling it after my shower.
My hand was still above my head when Alex sat up suddenly and put his index finger to my right temple. “So why do all of you wear this tattoo. Says hey look there is a cult of psycho killers living here.”
“Only people attuned to the occult can see the tattoo. Normal humans just see a human. It’s the only defining feature between a Venatori and a Human. At a visible level. Genetically there is a big difference. Blood type, cells that sort of thing. But it’s part of our ceremony at graduation. A test of sorts. You’ll see kids running around without the mark, we don’t get them till we are 18.”
“Has anyone ever told you you talk too much?” Alex asked.
“All the time.” I grinned. “But there is an easy way to shut me up.”
“What’s that?” The smirk on his face grew wider as he listened to my thoughts about all the different ways he could shut me up.
“Take your pick.”
“None of those ways actually help me work off those calories we were talking about.”
I laughed. “I have a name now I can scream out if you wanna go with what I suggested at Aspect.”
Alex shifted forward to the edge of the couch and I was eye level with his adam’s apple and I bit my bottom lip to keep from kissing him. He hadn’t given me permission to touch him and i wanted to so badly. My fingers clenched and unclenched at my sides. I could feel his breath against my skin. The only sounds in the room were the beating of our hearts and the air leaving our breath in jagged draws.
“Why don’t you just touch me?” Alex’s voice so close to my ear made me shiver.
“I know you want to, it’s the only thing on your mind.”
I looked up into those blue eyes that were so close, yet so far away from me. “You didn’t say I could.” I could. I knew he would let me. This wasn’t an accident but I couldn’t. I never could. I always asked and they usually agreed in the moment never actually even knew what I was doing.
“Why do you need permission?” He shifted closer and off the couch forcing me to sit on my heels as he rested on my legs. My heart was trying to pound it’s way out of my chest and the blood was all rushing to my cock. It was difficult to think much less speak. He shifted his knees trapping me against the coffee table, the glass edge digging into the scars on my back. “Why?” He asked again.
I dropped my eyes and the answer came out in a bare whisper, “Because it was what I was taught.”
“You were taught to have sex?” He laughed, not a funny ha ha laugh though, a cold laugh. I had no idea what had just happened but he seemed angry all of a sudden. He climbed off of my lap and I was cold – so much colder now.
“Not to have sex.” I gasped. “I was taught I had power even though I was a bottom.” I growled.
“”You don’t look or act like a bottom.” He said as he took the couple of steps over to look down at Fee on my bed. So play time was over I guess. I uncurled from where he’d left me on the floor to clean up.
“Looks can be deceiving.” I said as I walked into the kitchen with the used plates and glasses. I was done. My heart was racing for a whole different reason. I could feel the anxiety crawling up my spine. It was like a spider looking for that perfect fly on its web. Just the right place to spin its web.
“”Why did you need to have power?” He asked. I didn’t know what he was doing, I knew he was over by Ophelia. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got up and left the room with all the tension radiating in the room.
I shrugged, “Why do you think?” I spared a glance in Alex’s direction. Fee was still lying on my pillow and he was just looking at her.
“I don’t know.” He said, and turned to look at me. I could feel him looking around for the answers in my head, so I thought of how I used to go to bars looking to get laid. I showed him the memories of the first guy who fucked me. How he’d treated me. How I felt. Why I felt that way was irrelevant. How it had set me up for the next few men I sought out.
He stared at me until I was done then his head moved in the slightest shake of denial. I could see a muscle in his jaw ticking and he had jammed his hands in his pockets otherwise I thought he would be pulling at his own hair. Abruptly he growled. “I gotta go.” He didn’t even fake a phone call this time.
Fuck! He was leaving? I’d fucked it all up as usual! “We still on for tomorrow?” My voice shook as I asked but I had to know if I still had plans or if I needed to figure out what the fuck to do with that time.
He blinked at me. “I…. ”
“It’s not a problem. I’m used to people treating me like shit. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” I said with a raised hand and the door opened. I started washing the dishes. I expected to be alone. But as I turned the water on I felt hands brush against my waist and then he had me trapped me between him and the counter. “Why are you still here?”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just leaned into me pressing me against the counter. I could feel his breath on my neck when he spoke, his tone apologetic. “I wasn’t angry with you. But I couldn’t listen to how you let people hurt you.”
“You were the one who pushed.” I sighed, “Please back up. I don’t like feeling trapped.”
He stiffened and the smirk was back when he said, “That wasn’t the vibe I got earlier.” But he backed up an inch so I could breathe.
“That was different.” I said trying to hide the anxiety that was creeping up my back.
“How?” Alex asked sounding genuinely curious.
“Before it was about sex. Now it’s not.”
“Who says it’s not?” Alex breathed in my ear but he kept his distance from me while still holding me against the counter.
I closed my eyes. “I’m about to have a fucking meltdown, and it is hardly sexy to watch me break.” My voice cracked, on the verge of tears. There wasn’t much control left.
“This why you see a therapist?” He asked softly, his hands wrapping around my waist pulling me against me. His face pressed against my neck and his arms wrapped around me holding me tighter.
It was too much. I felt the tears fall. “Among other things.” I said. I tried not to go through the litany of things wrong with me in my head. And I only accomplished the minor feat because he held me.
Alex reached across and turned the water off. He didn’t say anything as he turned and grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bed. Ophelia turned and looked at us then moved without even a shoo. She leapt from the bed and curled around Alex’s legs and then walked to the door. It closed behind her as it always did.
Alex sat down on the bed and kicked off his shoes then shifted to the middle of the bed pulling me with him. I laid down only because I wanted to curl up and cry. I needed to calm down. I could barely breath from the panic setting in.
“Jesus Fucking Christ, Nox. You need to calm down.” He jammed his fingers into his hair and pulled in frustration, just like I had expected him to earlier. I wanted to apologize, but there was no speaking left I just curled around my pillow and closed my eyes but Alex pulled the pillow from me. “No. Turn around, come here.” He pulled at me and I followed.
I pressed my face against his neck and took a deep breath. I counted backwards and breathed deep of the man holding me. I didn’t know why he was doing this, but I didn’t care in that moment. I was just glad he stayed.