I saw the pile of work on my bed and I knew I needed a shower. My mind wandered to other things I could use my bed for and I sighed. Alex still hadn’t gotten back to me. But I pushed work from my mind and I took that much needed shower after eating the rest of my plate. The boys had done well. I might not need to cook the whole time they were here.

My shower was relaxing but I was still missing Alex. I tried not to think about things. About him but he was never far from my mind. It was funny now that I knew how to find those dreams so easily I could fall into them with ease.

They always started the same way, with me in the room a small boy, my greatest fear. That I was a monster. Every time. I saw flash after flash of me in the same room with the monster costume on and the building blocks scattered across the floor. Sometimes though I was picking them up when Alex came to me. I always smelled him first. Always caught that comforting smell that told me he was there. I tried to hide it, let him think he was sneaking up on me.

As we got older I could see how we were more than friends. I knew things about Alex. Things that didn’t surprise me. There were fights of course. But never long lived. Making up was fun. I could get lost in this place between dreams and reality. I was so fucking in love with Alex and this only proved that I had been for a long time. Why did it take me so long to remember him?

By the time I pulled myself out of the shower and into a pair of boxers and tank top Rider was poking his head in. “We are going out now. We’ll be back by 1 alright?”

I nodded. “No later.”

He nodded, “We know.” I knew it was later than Jesse let them, but I was okay with that. They had their phones and I could find them if necessary.

I cleared the bed of all the paper but left my laptop on one side of the bed and curled around a pillow and stared at the screen. I could drift off to sleep but I was trying to figure out something for Ant and I could see it, but I wasn’t feeling it. I needed a little more time. But my mind kept wandering. Why wasn’t Alex sending me any messages back. His fake friend was looking for him, so where did he go? I sighed and pulled my phone from the night stand and looked at all the messages I’d sent him. Maybe Ant was right?

I shook my head and frowned, No. I sent Alex a flurry of texts. Probably more than I needed to.
N: Margo is helping me remember my dreams. I remember our first kiss, and our first time – both my firsts if you can count a dream encounter

N: I’m so sorry I don’t remember all those times. I wish I did. I hate thinking about what you had to think of me back then.

N: I want to remember all of them. Please help me.

It was a cry for help or attention. All I knew was that I needed Alex to help me remember him. It was…

As I was drifting I saw the destination. The man wasn’t from Vegas, but he called Vegas his home, he always drifted back there, every time. I needed the distraction of Alex to see the pattern to look at it different. He was going to Vegas.

I sighed as I rolled on to my back closing the laptop lid. I curled up on my other side around an extra pillow and wished it was Alex. I wanted him to be here in my empty bedroom so badly. This place was too big for Drake and me. And right now it was too big for just me. I felt the depression sinking in. The lack of desire, the need for comfort and the one person I wanted wasn’t around. Fuck. I sent Alex one more text. One more plea for him to help me.

N: Alex, I’m worried something’s happened to you please call or text. Any hour.

I hoped he’d call or text or something. If he thought this was over I wish he’d say something. And then a thought dawned on me, what if he threw the phone away, or smashed it. I could call him and if it went directly to voicemail I’d know. But it could just be dead, so I didn’t. I didn’t need to torture myself. I sighed. Alex, where are you? I thought to myself as I closed my eyes and hoped that I could dream about him before the nightmares took me. Fuck being hurt worse, I needed him.

• Comfortably Numb (5/12/2018)
• A Day In the Life… (5/14/2018)
• Meeting Up with Friends (5/15/2018)
• Decision: Flit or Aspect? (5/16/2018)
• What’s Your Name? (5/17/2018)
• The Card (5/18/2018)
• The Ritual (5/19/2018)
• Vampires, Werewolves and Venatori, oh my! (5/20/2018)
• My Brother (5/21/2018)
• New Job (5/22/2018)
• Grocery Shopping (5/24/2018)
• Panic Attack (5/25/2018)
• Atlas (5/26/2018)
• Elevator (5/27/2018)
• Linner? Lupper? Hell Food (5/28/2018)
• Small Talk (5/29/2018)
• The Setting Sun (5/30/2018)
• Me v Anxiety (5/31/2018)
• A Puppet (6/1/2018)
• The Tattoo (6/2/2018)
• Dr. Silverman (6/3/2018)
• Hangouts (6/4/2018)
• Childhood Bully (6/5/2018)
• Getting Ready (6/6/2018)
• You’re Late (6/7/2018)
• Train Ride (6/8/2018)
• Friendly Game (6/9/2018)
• Grocery Shopping Round 2 (6/10/2018)
• Falling Apart (6/11/2018)
• Breakfast for Dinner (6/12/2018)
• Heavy Burdens (6/13/2018)
• Time For Work (6/14/2018)
• Ugly Dog Saloon (6/15/2018)
• Run Away Dragon (6/16/2018)
• City Tracking (6/17/2018)
• No Hope (6/19/2018)
• Lost Phones (6/20/2018)
• Over Coffee (6/21/2018)
• Chocolate Cake (6/22/2018)
• A Walk in the Park (6/23/2018)
• Young Novices (6/24/2018)
• The Dragon Boy (6/25/2018)
• Negotiations (6/26/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (6/27/2018)
• Groceries Round Three (6/28/2018)
• Alex’s Place (6/29/2018)
• A Tour (6/29/2018)
• It’s Early (6/30/2018)
• The Next Morning (7/1/2018)
• What About Me? (7/2/2018)
• Breakfast at Bonnie’s (7/3/2018)
• Emergency Session (7/4/2018)
• Lead Number One (7/5/2018)
• Lead Number Two (7/6/2018)
• More Than I Was Looking For (7/7/2018)
• Manhattan Wolfpack (7/8/2018)
• Happy Reunion (7/9/2018)
• My Nephew, The Intern (7/10/2018)
• My Big Bad Bosses (7/11/2018)
• Testing My Dragon (7/12/2018)
• Downright Weird (7/13/2018)
• The Rune on My Door (7/14/2018)
• Packing My Things (7/15/2018)
• Dusk Arrived (7/16/2018)
• A Pep Talk (7/17/2018)
• The Favor (7/18/2018)
• Friendly Dinner (7/19/2018)
• Clearing My Head (7/20/2018)
• My New Place (7/21/2018)
• Relaxation (7/22/2018)
• All Growed Up (7/23/2018)
• Before the Party (7/24/2018)
• It’s My Party (7/25/2018)
• Family and Friends (7/26/2018)
• Joe, The Doorman (7/27/2018)
• Nightmares and Comfort Foods (7/28/2018)
• Breakfast with Family (7/29/2018)
• Well Done IT (7/30/2018)
• Safe Harbor (7/31/2018)
• Unlawful Entry (8/1/2018)
• Things that Go Boom! (8/2/2018)
• Cleaning Up Your Mess (8/3/2018)
• Hacking the System (8/4/2018)
• It’s Underground (8/5/2018)
• Vampire Negotiations (8/6/2018)
• Finding a Dragon (8/7/2018)
• I’ll Never Tell (8/8/2018)
• The Grand Plan (8/9/2018)
• Many Firsts (8/10/2018)
• Where Are You? (8/11/2018)
• Returning the Favor (8/12/2018)
• Desparate (8/13/2018)
• Ant’s Favor Returned (8/14/2018)
• Head Honcho Sucks (8/15/2018)
• Hacker v Hacker (8/16/2018)
• Finding a Hacker (8/17/2018)
• Negotiating with Lives (8/18/2018)
• New Old Players (8/19/2018)
• Hacking the Fishbowl (8/20/2018)
• Walker’s Prognosis (8/21/2018)