I think I drifted to a dreamless sleep in Dev’s arms until he was helping me stand up. He grinned at me, “Come on pretty boy.” Dev pulled me through the crowd that was approaching the stage area and we slipped off into the DS dressing room. Which really was just a large room. There wasn’t a party going on as I expected. Dev chuckled, “They are all waiting for the band to get back. Who wouldn’t want to party with them. Let me just get my things and we’ll go to my room. We need to talk, “ he said.
I sighed. “You know nothing good ever comes out of that sentence.”
Dev chuckled. “Either way we still need to talk, Nox. You won’t do it on the phone, so I had to talk to the one person who would make sure we fixed this.”
“Always the peace keeper.” I muttered under my breath.
I shrugged. “Whatever Dev.” Every bit of my anger and self hatred had slipped back in with the notion we needed to talk. I watched Dev’s body slump as he pulled his guitar into its case and hefted it over his shoulder so he could grab a few other cases and then nodded at me to head for the door. He felt me.
We made it to the elevator and I stepped in and saw the plate glass and brass railing and frowned. Dev set the cases down and wiggled his fingers for me to come to him. There was a quick jerk as the elevator started to rise and I stepped into him and pressed my face into his neck. I could smell nothing but him. I felt nothing but him. And wondered how I could ever be so mad at him that he thought I didn’t love him.
How had he ever thought that? I tried not to cry, but in Dev’s arms, the fear and anxiety crashed into me. The despair from before broke through and there was nothing but pain and anguish and I felt the darkness creeping in. I felt the visage of my demon lingering at the edge of my mind. I was forever going to be haunted by the nightmares. And I was my own worst enemy. I wondered how much of my tramatic experience was my way of feeling something so that there was pain and anguish. How much of the beatings I’d done as a child were of my own creation. When life got hard and I hurt, I didn’t know how to express it. I was lost in my own head.
I felt the sun shine on me. A kiss pressed to my temple and warm arms wrapped around me. I wasn’t some big strong leader. I was a scared little boy. I needed Dev. I needed him like I needed air.
The elevator stopped and Dev had to push me upright. “Let’s go pretty boy. Ant can whisk you home from here.”
I stepped out of the elevator and took a case from Dev so he could use his key. It wasn’t far but the silence made it seem like it. I could feel the awkwardness and strain as I set the case down with the rest of Dev’s things.
Dev opened the mini fridge and pulled out a cold Sam Adams, popped the lid then handed it to me. “Sit please.” He pointed to a seat and then opened his own beer and sat down on the foot of his bed.
I took a giant gulp of the beer and was thankful for the cold wed drink but I could do without the buzz it was making me have.
Dev watched me sit awkwardly opposite of him. He started to say something. His mouth had opened and then he closed it and looked down at the ground. And when he’d look up he tried again but still nothing.
I closed my eyes and sipped the beer and thought of nothing. Nothing at all. It’s alot harder than you think it is until you have to do it.
Dev sighed. “Nox…”
I opened my eyes and he was watching me, staring at me with those ice blue eyes I loved and I wanted nothing more than to just forget everything but him.
“I don’t know what’s going on right now. What was once clear is now like mud – thick and dirty and I can’t find myself in it all.”
I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea how to help him or how to fix anything. He doubted me.
Dev interrupted my thoughts by throwing a pillow at me. “I don’t doubt you. I’m pissed, I’m angry. I’m in love. I’m afraid. It all feels so new and so strange and I can’t find me for all that’s you inside.”
I opened my mouth to say it was Dee but Dev held up his hand to stop me. “Ant says it’s Dee’s empathy. Says he sees it everyday. When she’s with me and Sage, and the boys. It doesn’t work as well on you. He doesn’t understand why not. Probably something to do with your abilities, a protection against supernatural manipulation.” Dev sighed, “I know I’ve never been able to influence your thoughts, no matter how hard I’ve tried.”
“You’ve tried to make me do things?” I asked.
He nodded. “When you and Dee or Sage fight, yeah. I’ve tried to get you to back down. Just let it be, so we could be happy.” Dev sighed again and flopped back against the bed almost spilling his beer on the duvet. “I know it’s a shitty thing to do Nox, but I just want us happy.”
“How can I be happy when someone is always trying to make me do things?”
Dev nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about all of it.” He propped up on an elbow and sipped his beer looking at me down the length of his body. It was mighty sexy and he knew it. I had to force myself not to go to him. “I don’t know what to do about Dee, Nox. Or Sage. But I can settle the problems between us.”
“How?” I asked.
“Ant and I had a long talk. About Dee. About life and love and your immortality.”
“I knew this would be a problem.”
Dev chuckled. “You are going to watch us grow old and die. And then you’d have the boys, and then you would watch then die, and their kids, and so on forever, never being able to share with anyone for your lifetime. Except Ant. And he’s…”
“Not into me that way.” I completed for him.
“That’s his words exactly.”
“I know. I’ve heard them plenty of times.”
“We talked. He suggested a means to an end. It’s kinda scary and it means some of us need to make a choice. There’s only room for one.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Dev sighed. “Ant can take one of us Chevalier.” I sat and stared at him a little dumbfounded. “I don’t think Dee will. And Sage I don’t know. But if no one objects, Nox. I’d tie myself to a vampire just to be with you. It’s not exactly a sacrifice to do it. But what I said was wrong. I was upset that I had to learn about Matt through a picture. I blew it out of proportion. I talked with Matt and he explained things but I’d already fucked up with you.”
Dev’s grip on the bottle was tight, his fingers were white. I stood up and plucked it from his hands and set them both on the ground. “You’d drink blood for me?” I asked.
He nodded as I placed my hands on either side of his waist and crawled up to him. He watched me with those icy blue eyes and I melted into him with a kiss. My body collapsed and Dev was pulling me closer and tighter against him. When I managed to pull away to breathe Dev whispered, “I would do anything for you.”