An Apology

I stood leaning in the cold air with just my suit jacket waiting for Dee to come to the train station. It was how we got here it’s how I expected us to leave. Twenty minutes later she came out of the studio and headed for me standing there. She stopped in front of me and slapped my face. I smirked at her. I deserved it. I had called her a bitch. “Do I get to slap you now?” I asked ironically – she was the one acting like a child.

The look she gave me was still fury. Her green eyes were like fire in the dim light. She went to touch my face and I backed up out of her reach. “Don’t touch me when you are angry.”

“Why not?”

I sighed. “You seethe Dee. Every emotion you have you spill it all over me. I don’t need your shit on top of mine.”

“I do not seethe.” She said.

“You do. If I could show you I would.”

“You called me greedy.”

I laughed, “That’s what you take offense too?”

She shook her head. “You called yourself names you hate.”

I shrugged. “I am those things.”

“But you hate them.” She said.

“Doesn’t negate the fact I’m gay Dee. I known for years, women weren’t going to be my go to when it came to finding ‘the one’. I like sex. I enjoy it. I use it to cope and getting laid is so much easier with a woman than a man. Specially when you need to be the bottom.”

“You don’t need to be.” Dee said.

“I do Dee.” I sighed and grabbed her and pulled her against me. “I do need to be bottom. I need to give in to someone who will take care of me. All these years I’ve been letting guys fuck me because I wanted the freedom it gave me.”

“You can be my bottom.” She said with a twinkle in her eye.

“Dee, you don’t take care of me. You take and take and take and you never give me anything back. Yeah you make sure I eat, you keep me on the straight and narrow, but you don’t give me the care I need, the touch on the hand as you walk by just to say hi. You don’t just lie with me in bed. You expect me to do all those things. And I do everything you need me for because I love you. I’m needy. I crave touch. I don’t trust you to take care of me in a scene. I don’t trust you’ll stop when I say red, or chill when I say yellow. Dee you don’t listen to me or any of my signals, ever. It’s all about you.”

I took off my jacket and draped it around Dee’s arms, “We can talk on the train, you are shivering.”

I put my arm around her and lead her to the stairs down. It was significantly warmer down here.

We sat down on the train and Dee curled up against me under my arm. “Nox can we try something tonight?”

I smirked, “What did you have in mind?”

“Show me what you want.”

“What I want?”

She looked up at me with those green eyes. “What you want as a bottom, with me.” Dee sat up and looked at me, “I won’t do anything I want. Only what you tell me to do.” She blushed. “I’m told you can teach a Dom from the bottom.”

I shook my head, “You’ve been talking to Leah haven’t you?”

She nodded. “She’s a good friend.”

I nodded. “Yeah, we can Duckling. But this doesn’t mean I’ll trust you any more.”

She frowned, “I know. But this is a step in the right direction. Right?”

I grinned at her. “Yeah.”