More Myself

Morning turned into afternoon and Dee and Sage came back to the apartment. Sage and Dee were laughing at a picture Chris has posted, at least that was what I gathered from their conversation as they walked past me in the kitchen. Neither one paying much attention to me as they past. Dee must still be pissed at me.

Chris had gone home earlier and Andrew and Matt had a long chat. I assumed it was more than a chat, Andrew left with a bright red blush on his cheeks when Matt walked him home. I really didn’t want to know what they had gotten up to.

I went for a run. I was gone for two hours before I went to sleep. I should be out looking for Rob, but I was drained. I needed sleep. I slept alone, in my room for the first time since we came to live here. Even when it was just me and the boys I slept with the family. But tonight I didn’t. Dee and Sage were mad and I was probably more depressed than I wanted to admit with Dev so far away.

I mean I was happy for him, but he wasn’t here and I missed him. But I couldn’t keep him from his dreams anymore than he could keep me from being me. With those thoughts I drifted to sleep and got caught in the torrents of my dreamscape watching the memories play out in the night sky.

My night sky flooded with clouds and thunder sounded, lightning cracked and I sat up and looked around. In the distance I saw Dev walking towards me. The dreamscape reacted to his moods as much as my own. I’d never seen the clouds blanket my sky and obscure my starry sky.

In Dev’s hand there was a phone. He showed it to me. I saw a picture of Andrew cleaning blood from Matt’s face. The caption read, “Aww, how cute. Matt fell down and broke his crown. And Andrew is tending his wounds.”

I looked up into Dev’s blue eyes and they were stone cold. Fury radiated from him and the thunder sounded again, “What’s this?”

“Matt fell from the rafters.” I said calmly a little concerned that Dev was so angry.

“Where were you?” He said shoving his free hand through his hair.

“I was cleaning up a therian mess.” I said.

“Why weren’t you looking after our kids?” He fumed.

“Matt is fine. He fell, he broke his leg and has a cut. He was healed in four hours.”

“That’s beside the point.” He yelled at me. “You were to fucking busy chasing a case you weren’t there when our kid needed you.”

That was the second time he claimed them as our kids. Like it was ever in doubt. “Why are you yelling at me Dev? Dee and Sage were home.”

“They weren’t the ones who let them jump all over the house.”

“Forgive me if I thought we were all responsible adults. If you didn’t want them doing it then maybe you should have told them to stop.”

“You’re the fucking boss. You’re their guardian. It’s not our place to discipline them.”

I sighed. “So it’s okay for you to bitch at me when they get hurt, but not okay for you to tell them what to do. Where the hell is this coming from Dev?”

“All you care about is your goddamn job. You’d rather be out hunting down rogue wolves than taking care of your family.”

I took a step back as lighting popped behind Dev. I swallowed hard. I wanted to say something but Dev’s words stung. And he didn’t stop there. “I bet the three of you are happily in bed screwing around without me. Don’t even miss me.”

“I’m alone in my bed. Dee’s pissed at me because I let you leave. Sage is pissed at me because Dee manipulates him and I told him so. Told him he had no time for us.”

Dev took a step forward and pressed a finger into my chest. “You are the one who has no time for any of us. We take care of your kids while you put yourself in danger. You gallivant across the world and take risk after risk without ever thinking about us.”

Wait a minute. I thought we’d covered this argument already. Dev had stood up to me. But his hand in his hair, the grip on his phone, the way he stood and his tight voice said otherwise. Dev was angry at me for things we’d settled months ago.

I turned around and walked a few steps before Dev’s hand was spinning me around. “Don’t walk away from me.”

“We’ve already had this fight. But last time you were on my side.” I yelled back at him.

He blinked at me and frowned and then, “Someone has to be on your side. But Sage was right. You don’t think about any of us. You don’t see what any of us need. You barely even notice I’m around.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked. “I live and breathe for you.”

“You didn’t even notice I existed until Sage came into my life.”

I sighed. “I didn’t know anyone existed until Sage came into my life.”

“It’s always Sage this, Sage that. Everyone is always catering to you and how you feel. I’m sick of it.”

Dev tugged on his hair and walked away from me. And in between steps he was gone. With him the storm fled but rain fell and I slumped to the ground in a heap. What the fuck had just happened.