The rain fell. I curled up in a ball on the browning grass around me. My thoughts were dark. I felt nothing but empty blackness and my dreamscape turned to reflect it.
I felt terror running through my veins at the bleakness of the dream. I tried to wake up but I couldn’t. I felt trapped. Glowing red eyes… A glowing tentacle rose above me and fell against my skin. I howled with pain…
My eyes popped open and I felt blood running down my back as I kicked my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. A slight breeze cooling the warmth as it oozed from the wound. I sent the elements to my back and I felt my skin knit back together. I closed my eyes as the sensation became all I wanted to feel. I hated it. I hated myself…
The next moment Ant was standing above me. His hands were on my face and globe of fire was hovering above my head. “Are you alright?”
Ant looked down at the bed and then at me and he sank to his knees. “I thought you killed the demon.”
I looked away from his concerned face. “I told you all along I was the one hurting myself. I had a nightmare. A memory is all it was.”
“What happened?” Ant asked he put his hand to my chin and made me look at him. “Why the memory?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about Dev walking away from me saying he was ‘sick of it’, sick of me. I didn’t want to think about it and I stood up. “Nox talk to me. I can’t protect you if you don’t let me.”
“I don’t need you to protect me. And you can’t protect me from this.” I said as I stood up and pulled the blooded sheets from the bed and tore the shirt from my back and tossed it to all to the ground and let it burn. I wanted to feel the pain of the fire. I wanted to hurt in a way I could stop but I didn’t put my hand in the flame. Instead I pulled clean clothes from my hidden closet and I put on the fake smile that said everything was alright. I hadn’t put it on with clothes in a long time. My life had been good. Now I was lost and I didn’t want to talk about it.
It was still early. I made breakfast, prepared chicken salad for lunch. And I left a note with money for Pizza on the counter. “Doing the thing everyone hates. Be back when I find Rob. Food for the day is taken care of. Pizza for dinner. ~Nox.”