I was back in my dream world. I was alone. I knew I’d be alone. I hated being alone. I never wanted to be alone again. Dev was fighting with Sage and Dee. I didn’t want to know what turmoil I had caused them. Dev was right, I wanted to curl up and cry, but it was more than that. I just wanted it all to end to be over.
The world didn’t need me.
My dream world cried for me. The rain streamed down in a light mist and I felt my clothes cling to my skin. I knew that Sage and Dee would be happier without me. But I wouldn’t be happy without them. But I’d let them go. I didn’t know if I could let them all go though. But Dev went with Dee. I knew that he loved her heart and soul.
There was an echo in my head. ‘No one loves you.’
My heart ached. The rain came down harder.
Images in the night sky caught my attention. Dee and Sage in bed, curled up together. I couldn’t hear what they said. But I just knew what they were saying. “Let’s have a baby.” “You’d make such a great Dad.” “Let’s start a family.” In the words there were echos that weren’t translating to their mouths moving ‘without Nox’, ‘Nox is a bad parent leave him out of this.’
The images flickered away and Dev and some other guy stood on the street kissing.
More images flickered into view. Drake was with his parents. Parents I knew were dead or in jail. Parents who gave him to me to take care of. They were holding the little dragon to their chests. He was purring and happy. ‘He’ll never hurt you again.’
My heart was in my throat, the rain was pouring down and I was sure I was crying too as images of Fae and Matt came across the night sky. Happy without me.
I collapsed to the ground of my empty wasteland. The green grass was gone, the tree was empty of everything. There was nothing here but me and the tree and the haunting images. Nothing but my fear. I curled up against the tree and let the stress of my life overwhelm me. I cried and shivered in the rain. I felt hopeless and useless. I couldn’t be the person any of them needed. I was nothing. ‘You should kill yourself.’ echoed in my head. Over and over – a mantra that I didn’t chant.
2 responses to “Falling Down”
I felt so bad for Nox in this whole chapter. Especially the part with Dee and Sage in bed. :(
But I loved the strength in that last line, showing that no matter how awful he felt, he wasn’t going to just give up. (You go, Nox! :D )
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Thanks. It was a hard scene to write AJ says
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