Getting Ready

Sage pulled me off the couch. “Go get ready.”

I sighed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. Ever since Dev left I felt worse. To kill time I went to NYU’s website and looked at all the courses they were offering. But the semester had already started so I could apply but it wouldn’t help my boredom now. I didn’t even have any fucking clue what I wanted to do.

Both Sage and Dev were trying to help me find a path to go. Dev tried to talk me into bartending at Aspect. Sage pushed me to teach a class at the gym. And I had I said I’d try both, but they didn’t have places for me so again I waited.

Sage sighed. “Come on Nox.”

“I’m moving.” I said.

“You could be happy about it.”

“I’m happy.” I said with a faked grin.

Sage rolled his eyes. “Dee has a good night planned. I know we are busy but you’ll get used to this. I promise. Go have fun. Forget your mundane life.” He said mundane with hatred. That was the only thing he didn’t like – the fact that this life bored the living fuck out of me. He was happy I was here all the time. He was happy I lived with him. That I cooked for him. I cleaned for him. He was in heaven and I lived a boring mundane life. I felt like shit and no amount of yoga or working out fixed it. I really should go see Adrian. Or Margo… You know it’s bad when I am almost to that point.

I went upstairs and took a shower and pulled on a pair of blue jeans, a non-sarcastic t-shirt – actually it was one of Sage’s. It still smelled like him and it was comforting when I felt like shit. I wore a black button down over top the black t-shirt with the Avengers written across the chest.

My hair was colored orange and my nails matched. I think redid my nails everyday out of sheer boredom. My hair too. I applied make up everyday, maybe not as thick as I did today but there were parts of me that stuck to my habits. I scratched at the modified tattoo. You couldn’t see the cross swords anymore. It was a chinesse symbol that meant exiled. Very blatent for the Venatori.

I didn’t have nightmares anymore at least not like I used to. My other fears were replaying in my head – the tattoo had me in sweats for a few nights afterwards. But I don’t think it had anything at all to do with the actual tattoo more what it represented. My fear of change. I couldn’t even jump from the AU building. They wouldn’t let me past the Infirmary. My whole fucking life was changed the day I said fuck you to the Venatori.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

I pulled on my leather jacket and headed back downstairs to say night to the boys and Sage. They had pizza for dinner. No telling what I was having since no one would tell me anything. No one really understood the anxiety not knowing caused me. But what did it really matter. I was a ball of nerves anyway.