Life oustside the Venatori was a lot scarier than I imagined. I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to do the family life. Tried to be mother and father to the boys. I tried to take care of Sage and on the outside everything looks good. I’m happy, I’m functioning. The world is working. But on the inside I’m dying. On the inside I was curled up and fighting the depression and anxiety. But no one knew. Dee was locked up tight in her own little emotional world. She never bothered to try. Sage was all the more happy to ignore it. Dev he was the only one who noticed.
He came by the house while Sage was working downstairs and the boys were at school. He used his key while I was in the kitchen making dinner. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, if I wasn’t running or working out. There was little else for me to do.
Dev wasn’t smiling, he looked angry. “Pretty boy, we need to talk.”
I sighed and set down a coffee, cream with two sugars and made my own. “I don’t think I’m going to like this.”
“Probably not, but it needs to be said.”
I sat down. “I’m listening.”
“Let me in, Nox.”
I closed my eyes and let my shields down. “You’ll hate me afterwards.” I muttered. I don’t know what he felt, we sat there for several long minutes while Dev delved into my thoughts. He couldn’t feel what I was feeling but I wasn’t hiding from him right then.
Dev touched my cheek. “Oh my sweet pretty boy.”
I got up and walked away from him. He could feel everything now. Dev knew everything about me in this moment. I sighed. “Now you know.”
“I don’t know how you do this. Why won’t you talk to us?” Dev sighed.
“What do you want me to say?” Did he want to hear the words out loud?
Dev sighed. “I don’t know, Nox. How can I help?”
I shrugged. “Just be you, lover. I need you. I need Sage. I need Dee, too.”
Dev smirked at me, “Speaking of Dee, she wants to take you out on a date tonight. Says you aren’t busy and she’s free.”
I groaned. “Do I have to?”
Dev stood up and wrapped his arms around me, “Yes, pretty boy you do.” He leaned against me and I shifted against the counter behind me. His lips pressed against mine and I hummed in pleasure. But, first you are mine. Dev thought at me.
5 thoughts on “What Was I Thinking”
“Did he want to hear the words out loud?” Pretty much yep. :(
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Yeah…. I’m a mess, I’m bored, I’m feeling useless… that is my day.. how was yours?
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