I turned around before reaching the door. I grinned at Ant, “Mind if I use your roof?”
There was a slow smile that crept up Ant’s face as he nodded. “Mother says you have the code, feel free to use it whenever you like.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think they’d appreciate me jumping too much.”
Ant shrugged. “Never stopped you before.”
I sighed. “I wasn’t in love before…”
Ant laughed and waved his farewell as I shut the door behind me. Well fuck! I had the perfect oppurtunity to jump. I could take control of my life. The tattoo on my arm was only a minor releif and I don’t think I want to have to cope with the fear and the pain of getting another tattoo. The heart and serpent meant a lot to me. I loved my life. It was a reminder, a constant one now. I rubbed at the spot under my hoodie and sighed. I needed to jump.
I took the stairs, the elevator didn’t go to the roof. I was grateful it was dark, but the weather was colder up here. The wind ripped through the clothe of my hoodie and I pulled the hood up around my head and tightened it down. It only helped a little. I stood by the door and when I tried it, found it locked. There was only one way down now. I sighed… They were going to be super pissed if I did this.
I took my phone out of my pocket. I could call Ant, have him come open the door. My phone buzzed in my hand and I juggled the phone in my hands before catching it. My heart was racing from the fear and the surprise. I don’t know which was worse. I glanced at the text and smiled.
Pretty boy, where you at?
The roof of the Night Life building.
I sighed. I knew he of all of them was going to be pissed. I sent another text.
I was going to jump. Door’s locked now that I decided I shouldn’t.
Don’t jump. Wait for me.
Take the elevator to the 40th floor, use the stairs up from there.
I sat down near the door and pulled my knees up to my chest and waited for Dev to show up. I tried to calm my heart rate and my breathing. But I was on the roof. My fear of heights, the wind cutting through my clothes, I was overwhelmed and I hugged my knees tighter to my chest while I waited. The door opened and Dev stepped out. He let the door close behind him and I was about to say something when he grinned. “I put a rock down.”
“What’s wrong pretty boy?” Dev sat down next to me and leaned his head against the wall. “Dee called me as my shift ended. Bitching at me because you went to see the vampires. Your father called interrupting you and she had plans.”
“You here to to talk to me, or avoiding Dee?” I asked.
“A little of both.” Dev confessed as he took my hand in his and entwined our fingers together. The simple touch made me calm down and speed up my heart at the same time. “Nox, you aren’t Venatori anymore. I thought we were done with all this.”
I shrugged. “They are my friends. You want me to abandon my friends. Tell them what, I can’t help them because it’s too dangerous.”
“What about us?”
I sighed. “So in order for you to be happy, I need to be miserable.”
“That’s not what I said.” Dev sighed. “You gallavant off to be the hero you are. The hero we love and go and get yourself hurt or worse you’ll die this time.”
“At least I lived. I got to know you. You got to know me. We didn’t spend the time we did have never having known each other. I got to fall in love with you, and Sage and Dee. I’d die happy.”
“And you’d leave us all.” Dev’s voice rose. His hand was squeezing tight, I thought my hand was going to fall off.
“I’m not killing myself. If I die I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to die. I want to be happy with you forever.” I pulled my fingers from his grasp and shook my hand as I stood up.
Dev sighed. “So why are you up here then?”
“To jump. To control my fear. To get a handle on my fucking life. To feel in control for 8 seconds. So I can feel the wind against my face, feel the power of what I can accomplish if I put my mind to it. So I can feel alive, Dev. I’m drowning in nothingness. My entire body hurts from trying so hard. I just want to give up and let the world claim me. I hate this feeling. I know this feeling will lead to really letting it happen. I have to stop it. And I don’t know how. I don’t want to die Dev.” I knelt down in front of him. “I want to be with you fucking forever. I can’t see my life without the three of you and the boys. Without you there is nothing.”
We sat there staring at each other for a long time not saying anything. Dev moved to stand up and I fell backwards on to my ass. Dev grinned and offered me his hand. He walked to the ledge of the roof and looked down. “45 floors?”
I nodded. “10 floors short of the AU building.” I added.
“And you want to throw yourself over the edge with only your magic to save you?” He asked.
“Yeah. Come with me?”
His baby blue eyes looked at me in the darkness. I couldn’t see his ice blue eyes, but I knew the color, I knew what they looked like right now without having to see them. “Trust me Dev. I won’t get you killed. I don’t want to die.”
He dropped my hand and I was afraid he was going to leave. The door opened and he stared down the the darkened entrance. “There are perfectly good stairs right here.” He knelt down and I sank to the ground by the edge of the wall. He was going to walk away.
Dev picked up the rock he’d propping the door open with and tossed it to the side. He didn’t stand up, just stared down into the darkness of the stairwell. I pulled my knees to my chest and pressed my forehead into my knees.
I heard the door close and I didn’t look up. I felt like my body was being crushed. But the sound of gravel under foot made me look up. Dev was standing in front of me with a frown. “You crumble too easy pretty boy. Will this help?”
I shrugged. “For a little while. But it doesn’t fix the problem so it’s a band-aid.”
Dev offered me his hand. “Alright. I’ll do this. But if you get me killed I’m going to haunt you.”
I grinned up at him as I took his hands and he helped me up.
“At the AU building we have harnasses to insure there is no separation. I trust you won’t let go of me?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He wasn’t grinning. It wasn’t funny nor upset he was staring over the ledge in horror.
“You don’t have to do this.” I said.
He looked at me with a smirk. “Pretty boy, if you can do it. I can do it. I trust you.”