We walked a few blocks to Bonnie’s little diner across from the AU building. I listened to his little tirade in his head. He was trying to make himself normal when all I could hear was the sadness in his head. The fucking depression and anxiety that was all encompassing. He was a fucking mess and there was nothing I could do, I only made it worse. This was a mistake. I should have let him walk out the door. But we were here I’d try to make the best of it. I took his hand in mine hoping to quell his thoughts, and offered. “Do you want me to stop reading you? Not that I think I can, but I could try.”

He shook his head. “No. But remember my thoughts are my own. If they bother you, you don’t have to read them.”

I nodded, that was a lot easier said than done, “Maybe I should just go, leave you to your thoughts.” There was no way I could stay out of his head, I didn’t even want to think about trying. It might be like him shielding, and I didn’t want to risk it anymore than he did.

Nox stopped and turned to me. There was so much sadness in his voice. “I don’t want you to go. I just don’t want you to get mad at me because my thoughts are a mess.” And so much anger as he turned and headed for the diner. “But you do what you want, obviously I’m selfish.”

He really wasn’t going to let that go was he? I grabbed his arm, “Fuck Nox. Can’t we just have breakfast without fighting.”

“I’d like to.” He pulled out of my grip and winked out harshly. It hurt when he disappeared like that. It was like someone had cut off my hand.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I did. You don’t want to see my selfish thoughts, so now you get to see what everyone else does.” There was no proprietary holding the door, he just walked in and let the door close behind him. I followed catching the door as it swung closed.

Bonnie greeted us, “Hey Nox. Alex.” She sounded surprised to see us both together.

I took my usual seat and Nox looked back at what I knew was his and he said nothing as he slid in across from me. One small win.

Bonnie came to our table and smiled,and started rattling off today’s specials. “Your usuals boys?” She asked.

Nox nodded and I looked at him before answering Bonnie, “Yes please.”

Bonnie took our orders and left us alone with a glass of water a peice. The tension between us was growing by the minute. I had to say something to break the silence, “You come here often?”

“I used to come here everyday when I was younger. It was an easy respite from the chaos that is the dorms so I could study without someone trying to make trouble.” He answered and countered with his own question. “How long you been coming here?”

He was going to love my answer, I gave him a half smile as I told him the truth, “For as long as I’ve been following you.”

“Oh.” Nox sounded unsure of himself. His curt answer bringing up more memories than either of cared for but I knew he wanted to talk, no needed to.

I started to tell him he could, “Nox…” But he cut me off.

“I don’t want to talk about it Alex. I don’t want to fight.” He changed the subject quickly, “Why do you have two apartments? I mean, do you rent them both, or have you lived in New York long?”

“I told you one’s a business one.” We’d gone over this already.

“Right, but why don’t you just have one? Seems like a lot of wasted money to me.” He said.

“I have money to waste. But I only pay for one, the other is bought and paid for. I haven’t been in New York long. Only since December.”

“And you already bought a house? Must really like it here.” He was asking more questions than I liked about things I’d rather not talk about.

And I spoke without thinking, “Actually I hate this city.”

His frown spoke volumes but I wished I could hear inside his head as he spoke. “I’m sorry.” I could imagine the self doubt and hatred

And yet my big mouth kept making it worse, “I’d say it’s not your fault, but it’s part of the reason.”

“And the other part?” he asked.

Bonnie brought us our coffee and set down a pot for us to refill with at need. “Your food will be ready soon darlings.”

“Thank you Bonnie.” I said as I watched her leave us alone to fight. “Uh. A woman I was seeing died here.” I was so done with this conversation. I didn’t want to talk to him about her again. I’d spilled my guts to him once and look where it got me.

“I’m sorry. Were you close?” He asked.

“What’s will all the questions, Nox?” I was not sorry I was rude.

“You say I never ask, so I’m asking.” And just like that we were back to where we were.

I should have said nothing, but my own bitterness took over, “Shit! Well don’t, Nox. I don’t want to talk about me.” I never wanted to talk about me. It wasn’t my thing. He wanted to talk about me because he didn’t want to think what, he was selfish?

Nox nodded, “Which is why I never asked.” He knew me better than I knew myself. How the fuck did he do that. He didn’t remember shit about me, about us. And he knew I didn’t want to talk about me. He knew my birthday. He knew my fucking name. This was a fucking disaster. And it only got worse as Nox stood up and dropped cash from his wallet on to the table.”We’ll try this again some other time. Enjoy breakfast. I’ll call you later.” He said as he walked out the door. I watched him get to the edge of the sidewalk and then he was just gone. Gone from my head, my sight like he never fucking existed.

I couldn’t stay here. But I wasn’t going to let good food go to waste. There was more than enough money on the table to pay for our meals. I waited for Bonnie to deliver our meals. Nox had ordered steak and eggs and I had my pancakes and ice cream. I had Bonnie box it all up and I took it with me.

Bonnie was worried about us – about both of us. She cared for her regulars, but I could tell she was worried about Nox more than me. Everyone fucking pandered to him and his fucking mood swings. I was so sick of it.

I walked back to my apartment and left the food with Joe, the door man. He could do what he wanted with it. He thanked me profusely as I headed up to my apartment. It was about fucking time I left this fucking city. I’d call Poet and tell him the bad news. I just couldn’t anymore…

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)

Nox fell asleep in my arms. I was too strung out from what had happened. The moments we’d shared. In the depths of his soul, Nox knew me. He didn’t need the memories I had of all the times we’d shared, those feeling seemed to bubble up. His hands roaming over my body missing ticklish spots like an expert. His lips finding just the right spot. I laid awake thinking about how he’d memorized my body from the one time we’d been together.

I could have sworn he mumbled Mushu in his sleep and I pulled him tighter against me feeling that tingle. I had not felt the in years. It was there, he was thinking about him. About me but he didn’t know it. I wanted to go to him, to tell him tonight had been beyond anything I’d have hoped for five years ago. I wanted to tell him how much I cared, about everything, not just the house, or my job. I fell asleep and found myself floating in the ocean alone but he kept calling to me. I waited for the call to stop but it didn’t. Not until a sharp annoying sound pierced the water around me and the warmth against my chest pulled away to turn it off.

And then his warm hand was on my shoulder shaking me and I groaned. “Alex?” he shook again.

“What?” I said. It was too early – way to fucking early.

“I’m going into your living room gonna do some yoga and grab a shower, then I’ll make you breakfast.”

“I don’t have anything for you to make.” I rolled on to my back and looked at him blinking away the sleep.

“Then I’ll go for a run and get stuff and I’ll cook for you again.”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him on top of me. I didn’t want him to leave. If he left he might not come back. “Stay with me. You can make be breakfast when the sun comes up.”

He pressed a kiss to his forehead. “If I stay in bed I’m going to lose it later.” He confessed and I didn’t really care, I didn’t want to get out of bed right now, or soon. I wanted him to stay with me.

I rolled us back to our sides and ran my fingers down the side of his face while pulling him tight against me and whispered, “Sleep baby.” I nudged him to sleep. Kish would probably be pissed but I didn’t care. I didn’t want the moment to end. Nox was sleeping against me and I felt that fucking urge to pee. I stayed in bed as long as I could before I had to get up.

The relief was paramount as I was walking back into the room and saw Nox whimpering in bed, and blood and mangled skin running down his naked back. Fuck! If I hadn’t believed it before I sure as fuck did now. I wasted no time before I was shaking him to wake him. His eyes popped open and he yelped. “Fuck Nox.” I pulled my hand away and whispered, “I was gone like 2 minutes.”

I watched as Nox eased his way out of bed. I didn’t fucking care if he got blood everywhere. I asked, “You okay?”

Nox nodded. His mind was focused on what had happened, on his dream, on thinking of me and the nightmares and I felt like shit. “I’m going to take a shower.” He said as he walked out of my room. I listened for the bathroom door closing and breathed a sigh of relief he hadn’t gone home naked. Though it would have been funny. Not that he’d care really he could hide himself from view.

After the water started and he got settled I knocked on the door to my own bathroom, “Can I come in?”

“It’s your bathroom.” He said like he was far away. His thoughts drifting again to his dream man and back to me. I was real. He’d given up on him. I had done the same, but here he was standing in fucking front of me again. And last night still high in my mind. But I didn’t like being a second thought, even though I was the same person as he was thinking about. How couldn’t he see it was me? Was he that clueless? I’d recognized him right away, even with all the many faces. But I had to fix it. Always having to fix it.

I asked again. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I told you I would lose it later. This is me at the beginning of losing it.”

“I’m sorry I made you sleep again.” I truly was sorry. I was selfish, and hadn’t thought about him.

He smirked. “I’m not mad at you Alex.”

“You’re mad at who then?” I asked annoyed. “I can see it in the way you move and I can hear your thoughts.”

“I’m mad at myself. Because I let you manipulate me.”

“I…” Fuck! He was right, I had, and guilt for that killed my anger. It was my fault he was in this state.

“I’m okay with it Alex.” he reassured me, “With all of it. The lies and the secrets. I’m okay with it all. But I shouldn’t let you manipulate me when I know what’s best for me.”

Nox turned and looked at me through the steamed glass, “Spending the night was always going to be rough on me. Waking up in a strange place, with strange smells and patterns. Yoga would have helped me cope with that change, kept me balanced. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to leave you, I should have. I should have been stronger.”

“Can I join you?” I asked quietly.

“It’s your shower.”

“Nox.” I wanted an answer. I didn’t want to push more – again.

“Yes, Alex, you can join me. I’m not mad at you. Nothing about this is anything you can do anything about.” Which was precisely why I wanted to be in the shower with him..

I stepped into the shower and wrapped my arms around him from behind and kissed my favorite spot, “Your back is already healed why isn’t this.” I asked.

“Because I’m fighting my body.”

“You want to wear my mark.” I sounded surprised to my own ears.

“Always have, Alex.” he said quietly like he was lost in thought.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Just a gut feeling. Something inside saying you’d be happy to see the mark still on me when we woke up.” Nox sighed, “Just like I know deep down inside you are keeping something from me, something that will rip my heart out when I know it.”

I stepped back from him. In shock of his words. His confession. The hurt in his voice. “I can see it every time I look at you. The lies and secrets. The aliases, the client who thinks she’s your friend, the case itself where you are helping someone find something you don’t want. I don’t know what it is, but I feel it, Alex. Just as you feel safe, and like home. I know that when I find out it’s going to hurt.” His voice cracked and I knew he was in tears.

After everything that happened. Everything that we’d gone through, all the torment. The past five years. Poet’s fucking job. After all of it, all I wanted was to keep him safe, to make it stop. To make this work. He felt good against me, like no one had ever before. Not even Kate, just my little monster. “I don’t think I can keep doing this, Nox.”

“Doing what?” He looked over his shoulder at me and he looked about to lose it even further. I decided I’d lay it all out. I’d lay the whole fucking thing out. It worked so well for him…

“I already ripped your heart out. Just like you ripped mine out.” I confessed.

Nox turned around and stared at me. I saw the thoughts forming. The connections being made even as he asked, “What?”

“Five years ago, almost, in a few days anyway, you asked me to show you the real me. You wanted to touch the real me, promised darkness and the real us. No games, just us.” Nox shook his head in disbelief, but he knew it was true. He remembered the dream. “It was a perfect. Just like last night. You never remember me. And I was okay with that. Until I found a book, one my dad wrote me before I was ever born. It made me think you were the one. So I tried everything again to get you to remember me. And then your mom died, and you were a mess. I’d seen you so many times before that high or drunk and completely broken, but this time, this time was different. I told you about my box of things and I made you wake up. If you woke up before the black took you away you remembered me. I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen it before, the nights you remembered me. You found it and we spent months falling in love, planning to meet. And then the weeks before you were gone. I couldn’t find you.”

“It was the vampire magic.” He interrupted, “I didn’t know it at the time. But Ant and Ryan’s taught ability to keep dreamwalkers from their sleep protects those around them, and I had been staying with Cari and her power encompasses the entire house. And it’s a large house.” Fucking vampires.

Nox shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He turned around and shut the water off and grabbed two towels. He was done. And I felt exposed. I’m sure he did too.

“And then came the day and you didn’t show up. You sent your fucking friend to tell me you weren’t interested.” He started to interrupt and I glared at him holding a finger up to make him wait, I wasn’t done, “I knew it was a lie, i heard the truth of it but I figured I’d just see you in the dream and we’d meet up later.”

“You never came back to the dream after that.” His words were so broken.

I couldn’t help but laughing. “I could never find you. You’d been calling me every night since this power manifested. Last night you called to me again. But I didn’t come.”

“I know. I didn’t have a nightmare last night.”

“What do you call what happened just then?” I pointed back at my room..

“You left me. And I… I don’t know. But that was because I fell asleep thinking about you. It’s what happens when I think about him. About you. How long have you known?” He asked. I saw his annoyance and I knew he’d be angry.

I shook my head as I told him the truth, “Since the beginning. I only took this job so I could hurt you the way you hurt me.”

I added to give it a little more context “Funny thing is that I already ripped your heart out. And I’d been too blind to see it. Ignoring things because I was trying to stay away from you, I didn’t want you to lure me in.”

Nox nodded. “So now what? What are you going to tell your master?” he said as he stalked out of the bathroom towards my room. To find his clothes. He was going to leave me like this. Of all the fucking times not to talk to me!

“Same thing I told you. I can’t do this anymore.” I called after him.

I wanted to let him walk out. The earth shattering pain I was reliving again. But if he walked the fuck out the door we’d never see each other again. We’d never get another chance. And I didn’t reveal the truth so he could walk the fuck out of my life. But I’m an ass too I stepped out of my bathroom just as Nox got to the door and I yelled, “For someone who talks all the fucking time you have nothing to say now?”

“What do you expect me to say?” He ran fingers through his hair and it got caught in a knot I’d probably made last night. “Thanks for ripping my heart out? You want confirmation that you paid me back before I go?” He sniped at me.

“No I want you to give a damn about me for a change. It’s always about you and your feelings and your anxiety and your schedule. How about you show some interest in me! Do you even care why I told you everything or are you too busy thinking poor Nox, fucked over again, everyone uses me and he’s no different.”

He stared at me. “You are no different standing there on your high horse.” But it was just a biting comment. His thoughts had recoiled at the thought he hadn’t been taking care of me. That he’d been selfish. That he was always selfish.

“Do you know how many times I talked you out of doing something stupid? Every fucking October would roll around and I’d look forward to seeing you, and every October you were a mess. Or how many times I had to refrain from being angry at you because I only got a little bit of time with you before the fucking darkness took you away from me. Or the fucking scars I had to hide because whatever the fuck takes you tore into me when I tried to stop it.”

With each new word, Nox was crumbling. I knew it was harsh. And I knew I should have let him walk out the door. But he didn’t. He collapsed to the floor like he had in his apartment. He backed up against the door and his world crumbled around him. He was so much fucking work. I couldn’t even have a fight with him without feeling like shit.

Nox mumbled something I didn’t hear, but his words were clear in my head, “I don’t remember those things.”

I didn’t care. He should. “Wouldn’t matter anyway Nox. You never asked anything. Not even when my fucking birthday was. It’s always about you.”

He stared at me definitely and the words tumbled out. “You’re birthday is on Halloween.”

The fucking things he remembered. The doubt in his mind. He didn’t know where the memory came from but I saw him dressed in a pirates outfit and I remembered having the best fucking birthday because of him ever.”

“So you remember things off the wall things, like my name, or my birthday. Nox. Always at your convenience. How the fuck do I know you even cared. You used me to get that thing off your back.”

“I would never use you.” he cracked out through sobs.

A part of me wanted to comfort him, but he had to get through this him fucking self. I wasn’t going to pick him up and I wasn’t going to let him go run to his fucking vampire prince either. But he was just sitting there crying and breathing and I had enough. I turned and walked into my room.

I saw the drying blood on my sheets and swore. I’d have to deal with that later. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I needed a shower, but I didn’t care right now. I pulled on a pair of boxers and a plain t-shirt then the other clothes from the closet. I went to walk out but the sight of his blood… I couldn’t just leave it there. I stripped the bed of the linens and crumpled them up and tossed them into the garbage bin. It was too small and it just landed in a pile on top then flopped over spilling the few papers it had collected.

I walked out of my bedroom and to the linen closet by the bathroom and saw Nox still sitting there against the door his head resting against it. Tears flowing and his lips moving. His inner thoughts were some sort of mantra. 3 things I could touch… I ignored them and grabbed clean sheets and walked back into my room to make the bed.

I was straightening the last corner of the comforter on my bed when I felt his presence behind me. His breathing was even as he spoke quietly. “I’m sorry. I have no excuses to offer that can explain why I treated you in a way that made you feel I didn’t care. I know I don’t remember all those things you do. And I don’t ask questions. I don’t want to pry, but it’s no excuse for my behavior.”

“Fuck, Nox.” I turned on him and glared. He still looked pale and broken but he was standing there. I could see how hard it was for him. “You are always such a pity party.”

“I’m sorry.” His gaze dropped to the floor.

I was tired of this fucking submissive shit. I stomped over to him and shoved his chest. “Stand up for your fucking self.” Nox stumbled back.

He didn’t say anything, which was slightly better than saying sorry again. I shoved him again. “Why do you let people push you around?” He took another step back. I could see the temper rising. His anger blinding the rest of his thoughts.

I shoved him again. “Why do you let me push you around?” But before the words had completely left my lips I was on the ground, long lean fingers were wrapped around my throat and I couldn’t breathe. Nox was staring down at me with his knee in my chest. I hadn’t even seen him move before I was gasping for air.

He didn’t smile he fell backwards onto his ass and then backwards still on to the floor gasping for breath like I’d been choking him instead of the other way around. Then I realized he wasn’t gasping for breath he was crying – again. “You really are a piece of work, Nox.”

Nox sat up, tears streaming down from red puffy eyes and I goaded him to get that anger back, “I thought dating a guy would have so much less fucking crying. I guess I was wrong.”

“Fuck you, Alex.” He snapped as he stood up drying his tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember you all those years, but getting fucking beaten every fucking night since I was six year old seems to have stuck in my head instead of all those good memories. I’m so fucking sorry that you get pissed at me for being submissive. Here let me stand up for myself.” He started for the door again.

I scrambled for the door first. “No, you don’t get to leave like this!”

“How would you like me to leave Alex?” He yelled at me. We were both yelling like a pair of idiots and I tried to calm down.

“Honestly?”

“Always, honestly, but I know that’s kinda hard for you.” His sarcasm level was at 11, a massive improvement over the tears and anger, but I bit back my own sarcastic response and gave him my honest answer.

It stung but it was the truth. “I don’t want you to leave at all.” He stared at me. “I want you to ask me why I don’t think I can do it anymore, or what it is. I want you pretend you care, Nox.”

His thoughts churned. He wanted to snap at me he didn’t need to pretend because he fucking loved me, but that wasn’t what he said. He went from tears to anger to this fucked up resignation in the space of a couple of minutes, fuck he was exhausting. “What can’t you do anymore?” he whispered with his eyes closed. He was waiting for the final blow just like I was waiting for him to walk away.

“I can’t keep lying to you. I can’t pretend that I don’t care about you. I can’t keep lying to myself about wanting more. If it means it’s over Nox, that’s fine. But you have to know why before I’ll let you leave.” He was losing it again. The anger gone, replaced with broken parts – with anxiety, depression but mostly self doubt.

“What about your revenge?”

“I don’t know Nox. I might go back to hating you again tomorrow. But last night reminded me how fucking much I wanted this to work. And it wasn’t the sex.” He smirked, “Though, that was amazing.” Nox grinned at me, I was making progress. “We have issues. Both of us. We hurt each other. I’m hoping that now that we both know we can mend some of those hurts. But we can’t do that if you walk out the door.”

My stomach rumbled. Nox dropped his gaze to the floor and asked, “What if we both walked out together and we went to get something to eat?”

I sighed with relief at the change of subject. “Yeah, pretty boy. I think we can do that.” I felt a little better, he looked a little better. But this was by no means fixed. But at least we agreed to try. At least that’s what I got out of it. Fuck. I didn’t even know how to process what happened.

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)

The weight shifted above me and I grumbled. I started feeling cold and woke up with Nox gone. What the fuck! I got played. I sat up and looked around. Nox walked into the room apologizing profusely. “I’d never leave without waking you first. I just had to go to the bathroom.”

I beckoned him to come to me, and rolled over into the middle of my bed and pulled him down next to me. I was shaking, I could feeling the tremors in my arms. “You okay?” He whispered against my neck. “A bad memory, that’s all.” Waking with him gone was like every nightmare I’d ever had growing up. “I’m better with you right here. Don’t do that again okay?”

He nodded against my neck. “I think I can manage that.”

I smiled at my pretty boy and pressed a kiss to his lips. We were both ready for more, teeth and tongue. We’d stalled too many times. Now we let everything go. It was just us. I was on top of him pressing my body into his his, both of us pressing our hips against each other as we tried to find just the right amount of friction. But it was a futile effort. I shifted down and ran my tongue down his jaw line nibbling at the well manicured beard and wondered only slightly what he’d say if I asked him to shave. But I was licking my way down his neck to the perfect spot on his neck. I had a favorite spot and Nox tilted his head to the side to allow me access.

The taste of his skin in my mouth, the feel of the tender skin between my teeth, soothed the pain away with my hot tongue and I was so ready to fuck him. I wanted him so bad.

I pulled his shirt over his head and left it just above his elbows so he had to untangle himself from his shirt. My fingers ran over his chest and I felt the rough edges of the scar that reminded him everyday that his mother had died a foolish death. “You didn’t tell me the bear got you too.” I said. But it was his thoughts that made me realize my mistake. I was distracting him but he moved his hands into my hair and I grabbed his hands and pressed them above his head and kissed him long and hard. We broke apart breathless. “Now I need to start all over. Stay put.” I ordered then moved from his lips to his neck nipping at my favorite spot before moving down. He was putty in my hands as I ran my tongue along the scar on his chest to his nipples.

I could read him like a book and he was so open about everything. All I had to do was listen to his thoughts and follow the cues his body gave me. I had Nox whimpering underneath me. I sat up and he met my eyes and he was whimpering at my lack of touch along his body. So fucking easy. “I think I like how well you behave.”

Nox beamed at me and bit his bottom lip. He liked praise. He was a submissive in this. He whispered, “Always.”

He was perfect. Even the scars on his back I knew were there. I wanted all of him. The night went on. And I hadn’t had a better night. Not ever. Well maybe once but it was with him anyway. The night in the dark, the real us in the darkness. His hands all over me. I had wanted to explore his body then but he’d worked me up so much. So I took the time to do it properly this time.

The first time I touched his back he groaned. I jerked my hands away and he caught them pulling my arms around him and he breathed in my space, “please.” It was the only single word he’d said since he’d said always. My fingers felt the edge of each scar, and the valleys of countless lashing he had receive. He shook against me and bit my shoulder and I could feel how hard it was making him against me. I saw in his head that he’d never let anyone touch him like that. His back was overly sensitive and with just a few touches I had him on the edge.

We’d worked ourselves into such a frenzy that one more touch, one more grind and it was going to be over before I got inside him. He gasped for air as I bit his neck and he almost screamed, my name a hoarse cry as his hips jerked and he came. I only managed, “Fuck!” as I came against him.

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)

Nox finished eating before I did and was up cleaning up the mess he’d made. Which in retrospect wasn’t that big of a mess since he did the dishes as he went. There was very little to do . I could do this. “You cooked. I can clean up.”

He nodded. “I know you can. But if it’s not taken care of it’ll drive me nuts. The whole change thing, the patterns mess up cause it’s outta order. I’ll be better with it cleaned up, now instead of later.”

I sighed, “You really are a pain in the ass.” I got up and collected my dishes and took them to the sink to start the dishwasher.

“Not yet.” He grinned at me at me as he hip checked me and started washing the dishes by hand. I don’t think I’d ever done that. Maybe once as a kid.

“Go put the food away. I’ll have it later.” I ordered. I could wash dishes, or do it my way anyway.

He didn’t seem to mind, “Yes, sir,” he said as he pressed a kiss to my temple and then started putting everything in separate bowls.

I was going to have to wash all that. “You could have put it all in one thing.”

“No way. Then the pasta drinks all the pesto sauce. And the chicken gets all mushy. This way you can just pop the chicken in the oven for ten and warm and melt the cheese again. You can microwave the pasta and the pesto together but I’d just do the pasta and keep the pesto cold, maybe mix in some more olive oil to thin it out a little.”

I dried my hands. “I’m going to go with my first statement. You are a pain in the ass.”

He smirked. “And I’m still going with, not yet.”

His words went straight to my cock. I groaned, “Alright, come on. Tour first and then I want dessert.”

Nox laughed, “Hey, I’m not a piece of meat.”

I ran my eyes over his body and grabbed his hoodie zipper and let it fall from his shoulders when I pushed it off his shoulders. “I’ll be the judge of that.” The idea that his hoodie was on the floor would bug him so I kicked it up into my hand and tossed it to the couch so he’d be less prone to freaking out. His thoughts were one tracked again. He was thinking about all the things he wanted to do with me. I was the piece of meat and it was making me hard. I growled, “Come on.” I stumbled away and grabbed my guitar on the way out. “This way.”

I pointed to the spare bedroom that was pretty much empty except for a desk. “That’s the spare bedroom I use for an office.” I gripped the guitar with my other hand and pointed to the other end. “The only bathroom is down this way.” We walked that way. I actually showed him this room. And he seemed to like it. I hoped we’d be checking it out later.

I pushed opened my bedroom door and I stepped inside to put the guitar on it’s stand in the corner of the room. It wasn’t much, but it was all mine. “This is my room.” I saw its state of disarray, my unmade bed and the room itself again and sighed. “I wasn’t expecting guests.”

He shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me. You leave it a mess all the time so it looks fine.”

“But you make yours.” I tried to understand.

“But I’ve always made mine. It was a rule growing up, kinda like boot camp and the military.”

I nodded, “Okay, you sure?” I asked to make one last final check. I’d make it if I knew he was coming over.

He nodded and sat down on the bed. “Yeah, no need to worry about making it messier.” He grinned at me, “I assume that is part of the goal?”

I shook my head and pulled him off the bed and tossed the blankets to the floor on the other side of the room then flopped down on the top of the bed face first. “I was serious, my neck hurts now.”

“So dramatic.” He said behind me as he tugged at my t-shirt. “If you want a proper back rub you need to lose the shirt.”

I rolled over and looked up at him and I knew he liked the view. I smirked at him. He was so fucking easy. I sat up and he pulled the shirt over over my head. As I tossed the shirt across the room into the corner I reached around him and grabbed his phone. “I’m going to put this on Do Not Disturbed.” I watched his face and listened to his reaction and so far nothing seemed wrong, “You’re alarms should still come through.” I said confidently.

He nodded, “I know. I use it at night.”

I smiled. “This okay?” I set his phone on the nightstand and then set my own in the same mode next to it. He nodded at me. “Good now you are all mine.”

Nox whispered, “I was already all yours.”

I shook my head, “No you would have left if someone told you something had happened on your big case.”

He shrugged. “You’ll never know now – will you?” He shoved me and I sat down on the bed. He spun his finger to tell me he wanted to get started and I gladly obliged him.

“Bossy, I swear.” I kicked off my shoes and I put my cheek on my crossed hands with closed eyes. I was going to to enjoy this. “The mess isn’t gonna make you agitated will it?”

“I’ll let you know when things start getting too much, alright? You don’t have to keep asking.”

I rolled on to my side. “I don’t want to freak you out at all Nox, Not even a little. I want this to go well.” I wanted him to stay with me, here outside of everything else. Fuck what was I doing?

Nox was confident, “It’s going great.” It felt odd him being the one who knew things would be alright. “I’ll let you know when it gets too much. I promise. I’m not fragile.” Could a fooled me.

I laid back down with a sigh and the words slipped out of my mouth. Nox didn’t say anything in response as he sat on my ass and started rubbing his hands on my back. They felt warm. I fucking melted under his touch. I bit my lip to keep from making too many unwanted noises as he kneaded the knots I hadn’t really known where there.

Nox whispered as his hot hands pressed through my back and it went straight to my cock. “There has just been a lot of stress the past few days. I’m not usually quite so volatile. You make me nervous among other things.”

“Why do I make you nervous?” I sounded far away. His fingers were making me sleepy.

“I don’t date. I don’t take guys numbers and keep them, much less call them back. I haven’t been with a guy in a few years. It’s just all new and yet you make me feel safe and like I’ve done this a thousand times before. I know it sounds crazy but you smell and feel like home.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that so I shut up and Nox expertly worked my back until I fell asleep.

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)

I watched as Nox dumped the contents of our coffee, “Don’t forget to feed the cat. You won’t be home for a while and I think she’ll get mad if you don’t feed her.”

He smirked, “Are you chatting with Fee?”

“Maybe.” I grinned back.

He cut some chicken and poured some milk them looked at me “Anything else I need to do?”

I shook my head with a smirk. I pushed some of the fallen strands from my face, “Let’s go.” I held up the paperwork, “Tell me where to take this so we can get it done and over with.”

“Just need to drop it off with Dae’lin.” He said like it was obvious.

“So back down stairs.” I nodded and headed to the stairwell. “I think I remember the way.”

Nox gave me that smile and took my free hand. I pulled my fingers from his hand and slid it around his waist. I wanted to be close. And I think he needed me to be even more. “Pretty boy, I’ll catch you when you fall. I meant it.”

Nox pressed a kiss to my cheek and pulled away as we started down the stairs. He was missing the warmth and so was I. I knew where I was going, or at least that was what he thought anyway. When in reality I was reading his mind where to go. He was so easy to just lead through like I knew what I was doing and his mind and memories did the rest for me. I knocked on the door frame without waiting for an answer dropped the packet into her inbox with a smile “Nox said he had to drop this off here.” He stood just outside the door watching me. I felt his eyes on me.

She looked up with a frown and then her eyes drifted to the packet lying in her inbox. “You got him to sign?” She sounded more surprised and I wasn’t really sure if she was surprised I got him to, or that he signed it. It hadn’t been difficult, but then again I couldn’t read her to see what she thought. It was a very strange feeling standing and talking to someone and not knowing even a hint of what they were thinking.

I shrugged. “It didn’t really take much.” I gave her a wave. “Was nice meeting you.” I added as I took his hand and we left. I knew Nox hated the elevator but there was no fucking way I was taking the stairs the rest of the way down and I told him so. I pulled Nox to the back of the elevator and I leaned against the back wall. Nox pressed himself against me making me react in all sorts of ways. I wrapped my arms around his waist and watched as he bit his bottom lip in that shy innocent way he had a habit of doing.

He knew exactly what it did to me and he did it on purpose. He confirmed, “I’m okay. ‘Specially if you hold me like this.” His thoughts were content and I was more than happy to keep him that way. I didn’t want to have to deal with another panic attack. It was becoming part and parcel to the whole gig.

We were a block down the street before nox asked, “Where we going?”

I was starving, but I had no food. “Grocery shopping. I found you have food to feed me there days in a row. And my place has no food. But we have to make a stop after we get the groceries. I told you I’d give you a taste of me.”

He licked his lips and it went straight to my cock as I imagined my words did for him. “I think I’d like that.” Me too I thought.

Nox held on to my hand casually but he was afraid I’d run away. I could only smirk at the thought. I distracted him with food, “So, what do you want to make?”

“I don’t know what you like.” He grinned at me like it was some secret or something, Or maybe it was because he had paid some attention, “Sort of pancakes and a well cooked steak.”

I didn’t care, I was starving. “Surprise me?” I asked?

“You really want me to surprise you?” He asked.

“You were taught by a three star Michelin chef.” Not that I had any clue what that meant, but it was in his thoughts, “Dazzle me.” I smirked at him.

“Alright, then we are going the wrong way if I’m going to dazzle you.”

I flung up my hands and shrugged. “Lead the way, chef.” I flung us around, Nox was such a child sometimes. Though I couldn’t exactly say much I was the one doing the flinging.

We stopped at the butcher and picked up some chicken and then the farmer’s market where Nox picked up some vegetables.

“Is there a store close by where you live, so we don’t have to carry it all to our next stop?”

I nodded. “Yeah. That’s where I was heading.”

“We can go to your stop then pick up the rest of the groceries.”

“Alright.” It was as good of a plan as any other I could think about. And it gave us a good reason to leave the posh apartment.

We walked for a little ways before we were inside the Lincoln Center where Brent called home. On the 14th floor I opened the door with my little speech prepared, “This is not home. This is a place I use to pretend I have money.”

“Pretend?” Nox asked but as he stepped inside he was awed by the space and the exuberance of it all.

“I mean, I do have money, but I don’t like to live like this. This place is just too much.” I said to explain his question.

“No offense, Alex, looks like the Easter Bunny vomited all over the place.”

I smirked. “Brent is fashionably gay.”

Nox looked at me like I wasn’t telling him the truth and asked, “You are playing a gay guy? I mean it’s not exactly a stretch but fashionably gay? You mean stereotypical, pastels, clothing, shopping, the works?” He didn’t believe I could do it. I should show him… but he was right this was so not me.

I nodded. “Yeah. This is his place. A lot of money went into making it look like Easter Bunny vomit.” I laughed a little. It really sorta did.

“Sorry.” Nox apologized, “Why would you waste money on it?”

“It’s mostly in rent. I had to make a few alterations and the clothing. I really want to burn that shit, but still working the case so…” I said. I didn’t really want to explain what I was doing with Janice. Because that would be reiterating something I’d already told him once. He knew all about Kate in the dream. Somedays he even remembered, he remembered on the anniversary of her death. Which always surprised me when he offered up a big hug and said, ‘I’m here if you want to talk about it.’ Though he never really knew what it was, just that it was a bad day for me. But I knew Nox wouldn’t ask, it was only reaffirmed in his thoughts, so I added, “You can ask you know.”

We walked into the kitchen and Nox whistled. He was impressed. And it made me smile inside.

“You’ve never cooked here have you?” He said with great sadness.

I shook my head, “No, and if I’m lucky neither will you.” The comment made Nox pout and it was the cutest fucking thing I just wanted to pull him him close and kiss the pout away. I pushed him up against the stone countertop island, “I don’t want to ruin it for the next person.” I said with a smile. “I’m only here temporarily.”

The thoughts running through his head were the same as mine as he nodded, “So you’ve never christened the house?” He challenged me.

We couldn’t stay here. I really didn’t want Nox here for long. This was not me. He wanted honest I could give him a little piece of that. So I smirked and backed away and showed him the rest of the place and the last room was my bedroom. After he saw it I asked, “You ready to go. I’m really hungry.”

Nox nodded, but his words didn’t sound like he wanted to leave, “What, no hanky panky in your room. You show it last and nothing?” He was trying not to laugh as he walked out of the room.

I couldn’t help find the humor in it. But Nox was tempting my last ounce of reservation with that little sway of his hips. I breathed out slowly, “Fuck Nox, you keep it up and I’m going to be eating you for dinner.”

He turned around with a perfect smile for me, “Is that a challenge?” he asked.

I grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall with a growl and then there was a knock on the door and the front door squeaked reminding me I really needed to tell the front desk. Janice called out “Brent?” Fuck! I growled again but this time it wasn’t playful.

“Fuck!” I said quietly, “Stay here.” I ordered. I saw the thoughts of staying exactly as he was pressed against the wall. I had the urge to say good boy, but I didn’t as I backed away from my pretty boy to go deal with the annoyance Janice had just be come. I ran my fingers through my hair and I put on Brent’s guise and headed for the other room. “Janice, darling, what are you doing here?”

“We’ve been calling since last night, where have you been?” She said as she kissed both of my cheeks. Janice walked from the living room into the kitchen and if she turned around she’d see Nox. And I knew he hadn’t moved and he wouldn’t until I said so, fuck him and his submissive streak.

I sighed and beckoned him to come to me and he did so. I felt him standing by my side silently. Janice turned around and gasped. “I didn’t know you had company.” Her eyes looked over Nox and I growled under my breath. He’s fucking mine. “Slumming it Brent?” she asked after returning her gaze to mine.

Nox groaned and started for the door. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Before he was more than a step away from me I grabbed his hand. “No, Janice was leaving.”

She had the audacity to complain, “I just got here.” No fucking shit sherlock. Get out! I wanted to yell at her right then. She was going to fuck everything up. She didn’t want to go so I took her by the arm and dragged across the floor. “Janny, you were leaving.” I whispered for Nox’s benefit but it sounded like it was just for her. Sometimes being with a fucking Venatori had its perks. “I can’t get him in bed with you hanging around.” Though that was a complete lie. I’m sure I could easily get Nox in bed. I knew he’d comply But fuck if I was letting Janice lay a fucking finger on him.

Janice laughed, “You can just tell him what to do, he’ll do whatever you say.” She looked back at Nox and all sorts of memories of things she’d seen ran through her mind. Things she wasn’t supposed to see. Thing she was hot for but had never had him. Thank fucking god. “I’ve seen some things…” She said.

“I don’t care what you’ve seen, or what you think you know about him, he’s mine until I say otherwise, got it?” I growled at her

Janice sighed, “Fine, but when you are done we…”

“You’re pushing your luck Janny. Time to go.” I dragged her a little more.

But she sighed again, and looked at Nox with all too knowing smile. “Well… it was nice seeing you with your clothes on Nox.” She said curling her finger around his hoodie string seductively “though maybe you could take some style tips from Brent.” She turned back to me forgetting all about Nox, “By now darling, call me!” She said as she sashayed out the door.

When I turned back Nox was standing still, “You okay?” I asked.

He sighed, “Yeah. I think so. You were with her weren’t you?”

“When?” I asked. I’d been with Janice a lot. I didn’t think he meant sex, and I wanted to groan when his thoughts were remembering yesterday.

“Before laser tag.” He said.

“Yeah, why?” I nodded, there was no denying it, I saw his thought swimming with all the confirmations.

He shook his head, “I just smelled her on you before, is all.” And he didn’t let me say anything as he kept on talking, “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just wanted to know if it was her.”

“It was her, her current co-dom and their sub I was with. Lindsay was new and I was making sure they took care of her. Things got carried away. I didn’t have sex with then, they just…”

Nox interrupted. “I don’t want to know, Alex. What Brent does, I don’t want to know.” Nox closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then opened them again. He felt more centered as he begged me, “Can we go now?”

I nodded, “Yeah.” I felt like shit but he was moving past it. I could too.

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)

Nox stepped out of the glass room and waved for me to join him in the doorway of a hot brunette who was tapping away at her computer when he spoke, “Dae’lin.” She looked up from her computer with a frown. “I’m leaving the boy with his mom. Give them a few hours then take him back down to the Academy. If she talks, see about getting him to spend the night with her instead of in the fire rooms. He’s three he was crying in the corner when we got there.”

She looked at me and her frown got deeper, Nox was just grinning like he always did. “Alex this is Dae’lin, my boss and my former mentor, the only other woman who gives a fuck about me.”

She rolled her eyes. “A pleasure I’m sure.” She looked at me, “I’ll do my best, Nox. You know Gary doesn’t like it when you bring them back alive. She’s going to be dead with in the week if the Dragon Council doesn’t step in and the boy’s going with them.”

“No he’s not. There should be signed adoption papers. Dorian got all the paperwork to do it right. You might need to clear it with the Council but Dorian will file it regardless of what you and they say. He’s mine – in a very short while.”

She growled and he tapped me on the shoulder to say he was going, “Later Dae’lin. Oh, and I want her cell phone. I need it asap. Have it dropped off at my apartment.”

“Bossy, bossy!” She sighed. “I’ll see that it gets done.”

“Thank you, Dae’lin. I appreciate it.” He gave her another bright grin before he left.

“Yeah, yeah. Go waste your smile on someone else.” She called after him.

And then he turned to me with an even brighter smile, “I’m all yours.”

We headed for the stairwell and I was a little leary of climbing all those stairs but I didn’t think it was that many. So I tried to distract myself by asking, “So you really are going to adopt him? How long do you think that will take?”

“Officially, as soon as she signs the paperwork I could take him by Venatori law. By human law it’ll take a little while to file the paperwork as the parents are both still living and have to sign some forfeiture of rights or something. They’ll then disappear in the system and no one will be the wiser unless you dig deep.”

I wasn’t sure about the whole illegal paperwork and the way it worked, “You have hackers to do that?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s all on the up and up. We have people to do the job. It’s illegal in terms of we shouldn’t be doing it, but we aren’t hacking into systems or doing things the wrong way.”

Fucking bunch of hypocrites., “You’re entire race is a hypocrite! Breaking human laws.”

Oddly enough he didn’t take offense and grinned at me. “The difference is, we don’t get caught doing it.” But then he got all serious on me again, “The only time the supernatural pose a problem is when they start revealing our nature to the humans. When that happens things need to stop. Murdering people because you were hungry isn’t an excuse. But the fledgling can also be trained and taught to behave. They shouldn’t be destroyed because they made a few bad mistakes.”

“You really believe that?” This wasn’t the first time that he said that. He believed he was truly different. Though I wasn’t really seeing it. He was just logical.

“I do. We all make mistakes. Il Cane straight out of her training slaughtered an entire village of people because she was hungry. Her sires didn’t feed her properly. Expected she knew how to feed. But she didn’t. She’s clinical in her own right, much like I have my issues she has an entirely different set of them. The biggest being lack of empathy. You’d call it a sociopath. Cari Giovanni was an assassin, a prostitute and a thief before she became a vampire. She was raised by a psychopath who put her into that state of mind. And the blood lust she had as an assassin only grew worse with her embrace. She was hungry didn’t know better. She’s still a sociopath but hasn’t killed any humans since then except one, but she turned him, so not really a bad thing since it was to save his life. But that’s another story.”

I listened as he explained more about how fucking scary his friend’s mom was. And that she was a sociopath raised by a psychopath. What the fuck! But he kept on going, as he always did, “So yeah, if the biggest, baddest of the supernatural world can get a reprieve, however unintended it may have been and come back a better person for it, everyone deserves that chance.”

He paused long enough so I could speak, “I don’t know what to say about all that. Holy fuck, comes to mind the most.” He pushed his door open and stepped inside. He felt less anxious but he was starting to feel it again. I was about to say something when he asked, “Something to drink?”.

“Am I going to need something stiff or will coffee or water be fine?” I smirked. I was hoping to lighten the mood a little I knew he was about to drop his entire life in front of me. And I wasn’t sure I was prepared for it all but his reaction to my words made it worth it.

He was so fucking cute when he was being shy. “Maybe a little of both.”

He had no TV so I picked up a magazine as I sat down on the couch. “You read any of these?” I was currently flipping through a girlie magazine, one with a sex quiz and how to tell if you and your boyfriend were meant to be together type quizzes.

Nox sat down with two cups of coffee I assumed had whiskey in them considering the bottle was sitting on the counter next to the coffee maker, “No. I think Dorian or Sage bought them.” They didn’t buy this one, I showed him the cover and he laughed. “That would be Mia. The whole gay best friend thing.”

“You didn’t read it though?”

He shook his head. “They are for my guests who find my lack of a TV annoying.”

I looked at him with a smirk “It’s not annoying, it’s unusual.” Who the fuck didn’t have a TV in their house – not one!

He shrugged. “I don’t watch it, no point in it when it would just hang on the wall unused.” He sipped his coffee with two hands wrapped around it like he was taking comfort in it. If he was anxious then I was not going to like this conversation at all His voice was soft, “So… everything.”

But he wasn’t ready and there was more packets sitting on the counter when we walked in, “I have a question first.” I interrupted his train of thought, “What’s that packet on your bar? Looks like the packet Dorian gave you for Drake? Your copy? Already?”

He looked behind him and shook his head, “No that’s housing papers. There are a lot more people moving back into the building we are running out of space. They are offering double stipends on those who would move off campus into the human world.”

“And Dorian thinks you should?” I got up and grabbed the packet and started unpacking it. There was signed paperwork, recommendation, a dollar amount even a fucking apartment in that paperwork.

I whistled and sat it down on the table, “That’s a nice place, three bedrooms, a balcony, away from the AU building. I’m betting that’s a hint.”

“So you think I should do it?”

I smirked. “Pretty boy, this place is fucked up, so yeah. If you can get the hell outta Dodge, then do it.” I pushed a piece of paper over to him, “It looks like all you have to do is sign it.”

“Everyone thinks it’s a good idea.” He sighed, his thoughts said more though, he thought everyone just wanted to get rid of him. It was his self destruction all over again. And yet Dorian said he was better. If this was better I’d fucking hated to have seen him then.

“You don’t?” I asked.

He laughed nervously, “Sure, it’s a great idea. I don’t have to follow Venatori rules, my friends would more comfortable.” Nox turned to look at me, “It’s a great idea in theory. But I know me. I don’t cope well with change. The move will upset the balance I have, it’s not just my living arrangements changing, it’s the schedule change that will come with it, the extra space I have to manage.”

I rolled my eyes. But the mere thought that this was some sort of challenge he did some magic. It was just a stick dripping with ink but he signed the paper. He was like a fucking magician with that, pulling things out of thin air. “I’m going to be a mess for weeks.”

I wanted to tell him I’d be there but I wasn’t sure I would be. I didn’t know how long Poet wanted me to do this charade, so I made a joke instead, “You’re already a mess, what’s the difference.”

“Thanks.” He said sarcastically, it was almost good to hear the dry humor in his voice.

“No problem.” I smirked, but it was time to let him air his truths, so he could feed me. I was fucking hungry. “Alright, pretty boy, lay it on me.”

Nox got up off the couch and walked over to his bed. He reached under his pillow and pulled out a notebook and he looked defeated as he walked back from his bed to drop it on the table in front of me. “Every night since I was six years old I’ve had one singular dream that I remember. I have notebooks full of drawings like that.”

As he spoke I picked up the notebook and started flipping through the pages. ” Every dream is always the same. Every night the darkness forms, the fog rolls in, and a pair of eyes stalks me. When I was younger, before I knew the rules, the demon, my demon would make me spread my legs, put my hands on an invisible wall. ”

Each image was almost precisely the same like he’d been drawing it for years, and apparently he had been. I stared at the sketches in disbelief. How could something like this be happening to him every night. And why wasn’t his therapy working? ” And every night it would lay into my flesh with whips made of elements – fire, water, earth and air. Each one sharp and meant to do more than flay the skin off my back. Sometimes the dreams manifest with my own power. That’s why the scars on my back. I do it to myself.” And then I had a thought maybe he was making it up to make me feel sorry for him. For hurting himself. For the suicidal thoughts he had, the worst parts of him.

Nox was sitting on his bed now pulling something from underneath the bed. My body froze as I recognized the box. For the first time in my life I wanted to panic and run and I knew that this was the moment of truth. Fuck!

Nox didn’t skip a beat as he went clutching the box to his chest like a lost treasure, “But after I graduated from the Academy, and on my first hunt I woke one night to the realization that I’d been having other dreams. Ones that were eclipsed by the nightmare. A trama so large that I didn’t remember anything before it. He said I had been having them for the same time. But how could a figment of my dreams be real? I don’t know if he was, or if it was my mind playing tricks on me. But I believed he was real then. I found this where he told me to. Everything in there was his except the matchbook I threw in there. I was in love with him. I didn’t know his name. Fuck I didn’t even know what he looked like. The two of you share the same eye color and I’m terrified that I’m projecting my feelings of him on to you and that in doing so you are going to get scared and run away.”

I honestly had no idea what to say, or do as he set the box down. I had the urge to grab it, to open the box and see all the things that I thought I’d never see again. I felt like screaming as the anger welled up inside. What kind of game was he playing? Why would he keep my things after all these years? I should just take them from him.

“But we said we’d met, he never showed up.” I growled to myself. I did show you your fucking friend told me you weren’t interested.

But Nox was oblivious to my thoughts, but I felt the pain he had felt as he thought about those memories. I saw how much I’d hurt him. “And every night for two weeks when I tried to get to him in the dream, I got a nightmare. Instead of the red eyes, they were blue. When the blue eyes come it’s worse, because it happens twice.” And to make things worse his nightmares got worse. I doubted everything I knew about the dream in that moment. I was going to need to talk to Kish. I didn’t understand any of it.

“So for years I did my best not to think about it. But no matter how many times I push this box to the back, it always winds up back in the front and I stumble over it on Sunday morning. Which is why Ant started coming by Sunday evenings to pull me out of my self sabotaging funk.” The idea that this fucking vampire was there for him and I wasn’t stung, but he had stood me up. He deserved the pain. But I couldn’t show him how I felt. How my life had fallen too when he hadn’t shown up. Fucking bastard making me feel bad for him.

Nox pointed to the camera that he’d crushed. The black mounting plate still screwed into the ceiling and kept going. He was going to lay it all out for real. No more secrets. And here I was hiding every fucking thing from him, including my feelings. “I installed the camera, to see if I could figure out why my power kept being used against me. But it was a pointless endeavor, you can’t catch the invisible weaves, all we ever saw was my skin breaking open. And Sage did use it for other purposes, we had an agreement. He can’t stand to be touched, so his kink is watching others.”

It didn’t surprise me that his friends used him. “You let him watch you?”

He nodded and I could tell he was trying too hard, and when he looked down at the floor in that fucking submissive pattern he had I wanted to growl and tell him to stop, but I had to pretend to be okay with it all, “So you’ve never had sex with your friend?”

“I didn’t say that.” He looked up at me with those big brown eyes full of self hatred and loathing and he spoke clearly, “I had sex with Sage once. I was his first, his wife is the only other person he’s ever allowed to touch him like that. He wanted me to show him how to touch her. What it would be like because he was terrified of it. I was safe. But I’ve slept with Mia and Jace countless times. But I haven’t done that since well before I left the Academy. Mia was a sexual deviant and she lead Sage and I down some pretty weird rabbit holes. But I don’t hang out with them much anymore. My friends now are more productive and it’s not about sex.”

I know he’d told me before but I was still jealous of the only one I considered a threat to my relationship with him. Other than myself that is, how fucking crazy was that. I was jealous of my prior fucking self. But the vampire, he was a constant threat to Poet’s goals. “So you’ve never slept with the vampire?”

Nox shook his head, “We came close once, when we first met. I remember he stopped me from finding his mother, and he bought me a drink and after Ryan left, he got too close to me.” I remembered that time. I remembered the dream he’d had. I remembered how he’d made me feel. But most of all I remembered the fucking mark on his neck. And I remembered letting him go to with the darkness. Fuck, had I given him to the nightmare? But there was no lie in his head.

“My power called to him, and his pheromones overpowered me. I made him bite me and I wanted nothing more than to be fucked by him. But that’s the call of the vampire, it’s the reason vampires can feed off of humans willingly, because they can make it feel unfucking believable. Unlike most vampires like Ant, he can’t control the lust he sheds when bites you. That part of his venom he’s incapable of changing. He’s cursed with it because he’s not quite born vampire and he’s no where close to an embraced vampire. He sits in the middle unable to tip to one side or the other.”

He hadn’t been in control, neither had his friend. “It was out of your control?” I knew the answer but I was just clarifying. I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to hear him say he hadn’t really wanted it. It was all fucking magic.

“It was. We stopped to go back to my room. And when we got there thoughts of my dream guy made me backup. We didn’t have sex. But it started a fucking great friendship. Without Ant I’d never have survived the lost of the idea that I was worth loving. That somewhere out there some loved me. And then when he never showed up, I was close to doing stupid things. But Ant saved me.” My heart sank. I’d caused him to relapse into bad habits. Or maybe it was the start of these good ones – without me. Without our nightly dreams Dorian said he got better. How fucking depressing for me.

“If he hurt you so bad, why did you keep these things?” There was so much here I didn’t understand and I didn’t want to before, now, maybe I should. But none of it mattered to Poet and this boy wasn’t going to wrap me around his finger, not again.

Nox sighed. “I loved him. I still do sorta. But I don’t, if he walked into my dreams again and said I’m sorry I made a mistake, before, I might have said okay. I forgive you. But now, now I’ve met you. And I know you don’t love me, and you might never get there, but it’s real here. You’re real. I can touch you. I can remember you. You’re real.” I didn’t believe him. I could almost with a certainty see him going back to the man in his dream. I knew I was just a substitute. He didn’t love me, he said he was projecting. And I was grateful for those feelings. He’d fucked me up good, it was only fair I did the same. But not yet, Poet still needed whatever he needed.

“This is me. The darkest parts. My life is filled with danger and threats and I’m a broken mess. But it’s what I am, it doesn’t define me, or stop me from doing what I should. I don’t have any secrets from you. Not now.” He didn’t have anymore secrets. I highly doubted that, but these were the deepest darkest secrets he had. And now I had to go back to falling for him, playing like none of this means anything when all it did was confirm to me that I shouldn’t be here.

Nox was sitting next to me again, lost in his own little world, his hands wrapped around his cup of coffee but he wasn’t drinking it. He was waiting for me to leave. And I almost did. I shoved the papers in the envelope, he’d signed them. The least I could do is get him out of this hell hole, into the real world before I left him high and dry. Make his life a little better. Maybe he’d have less anxiety.

I didn’t know why I fucking cared, but I did. The same reason why I didn’t want Poet to send someone else, no matter how much he’d hurt me, and how much I wanted to hurt him, he was still mine. I stopped by his door and turned towards him with a welcoming smile, “Come on. We’re getting out of here. We’ll drop this off and I’ll give you a taste of who I am.” Not that I really knew who I am. But I’d give him as much as I could for now. I couldn’t tell him my secrets. Not the way he’d done, but I could show him my life, who I was. All so I could get closer, so he’d trust me with all his secrets. Enough to control him for Poet’s designs, whatever the fuck they were.

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)

For being in the heart of what was the Venatori – there were tattoos every fucking where, it felt quieter than most places. The only people I felt were Nox, the two dragons with him and a handful of others throughout my current reading range. But it was a change from being in Nox’s apartment where there was only him. Whatever warding they did to keep vampires out also kept stray thoughts from leaking around. Or at least that’s what I assumed.

A man in a well tailored suit walked past me with a nod and opened the conference room door. He held papers in his hand. Nox looked happy to see him. I watched through the plate glass walls as words were exchanged and papers slide to Nox, and to the woman to read. I should have read Nox’s mind, but I didn’t want to get involved. Poet would never know I had the opportunity to listen to a negotiation by the Venatori, but I didn’t suspect this happened outside of Nox anyway, the mere fact that it was happening was the key point.

The man left with a wave. As soon as the door closed the man sat down in the chair next to me. “You must be Alex.” He said.

I turned to look at him. “Do I know you?”

He shook his head and offered his hand. “Dorian Vega.”

“So you’re the one who let someone hurt him.” I said bluntly – my mouth escaping me for a moment.

The man smiled at me. He didn’t get angry which surprised me. “There was no proof that the man hurt him. While he was in his care, there were no signs. Should I have seen the way the boy drew into himself even more than he had been when he got here. Yes, probably. But I too was young. He was my first charge. I did everything in my power to protect him. Even after the fact.”

“That doesn’t negate the fact that he was tortured.”

“It does not.” Dorian agreed. “But Nox never blamed me for what happened to him.”

“Of course, fucking not, he idolizes you.”

Dorian laughed. “No, he respects me. He’s forgiven me for my transgressions great and small and I’m eternally grateful. He idolized his true father for which I encouraged. But when it came time to know his father it took a few years and they still have problems.”

“I’m aware of his problems.” I said curtly. I wanted this conversation to end.

Dorian stood up and smiled. “You aren’t like his other friends. You aren’t like any of his other lovers. I’m hoping you are nothing like the man he tried to have relationship with.”

“I’m nothing like Dan.” I growled.

Dorian chuckled. “Tell me Mr. Kennedy, do you know you are more than just a human path?”

What the fuck? I blinked at him. The well manicured man gave a brief nod. “Most of us can’t see what Nox sees. Whether it’s out of disbelief, or complete lack of gift, i don’t know. But you are more than just a telepath. I see something different, a little wiccan, and something else.” He shook his head like he was riding himself of some bad image. “Take care of him. He wears his heart on his sleeve if he lets you close enough to see it.:

“What no, if I hurt him I’ll kill you speech?”

“Would you like me to?” he asked. “Nox doesn’t need someone to stand up for him, he needs someone to pick up all the pieces when he’s broken.”

I sighed. “So, I’ve seen. How do you do it?”

Dorian sat back down on the edge of his seat turned towards. “How do I pick up the pieces?”

I shook my head, “No, how do you not want to just leave?”

“I don’t think you need me to answer that. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t already know the answer. I know you’ve seen Nox in a bad place. And I expect as you and he get to know one another you’ll see him at his lowest. But for me, there was never the option to leave. He was my duty, my responsibility at first. Then he was the topic of my thesis and a hallmark student. It took me five years before I loved him – and his quirks. He’s the reason I am where I am both professionally and personally. With out that boy, I think my life would be dull.”

I laughed at that last comment. Though I wish I could tell him I had seen him at his lowest – more than once. I’d talked him out of suicide on a number of occasions. I’d seen him high out of his mind and in a drunken stupor. It was all dreams – I had always wondered if they were real. “I have one last question, I know you want to go.”

“Not want, son. Have a job to do and chit chatting with my favorite students boyfriend isn’t getting it done, but go ahead.” He smiled warmly at me. It made me feel like I could tell him anything and it wouldn’t matter what it was.

“As a kid, was he… did it get so bad that he wanted to end it all?”

Dorian looked at me through stunned eyes. I knew he was looking at those things he saw like Nox did. He was trying to find out why I’d asked.

“You’ve seen his mind.” He said.

“There is a lot of darkness I don’t want to step into.” I said honestly. The darkness had scared me on a primal level as well as an emotional one. I’d seen myself in there and I didn’t want to know why.

Dorian sighed. “Yes. The anniversary of his sparking has always been rough for him. And I know of two cases where he tried and failed to kill himself. The first was when he was seven and he slashed his wrists but he healed too fast for it to do any good. The second he jumped from the top of the building and had second thoughts half way down. He broke several bones in the landing. But nothing recent, the past five years have seen a drastic drop in his destructive behavior.” Dorian stood up and offered me his hand. “I should go. It was a pleasure meeting you Alex. Maybe you and Nox can come by for dinner. I’m sure Nox and Marco would love to show up whatever concoction they could put together for us.”

I took his hand and then watched him walk away. The past five years he’d been less destructive. Well fuck!

• The Pretty Boy (Alex) (8/30/2018)
• Dad’s Journal (Alex) (8/31/2018)
• Ward, CO (Alex) (9/1/2018)
• More Than (Alex) (9/2/2018)
• Green Eyed Monster (Alex) (9/3/2018)
• Mine (Alex) (9/4/2018)
• Mine (Nightmare) (9/5/2018)
• Club Aspect (Alex) (9/6/2018)
• Fuck Him (Alex) (9/7/2018)
• Charity Case (Alex) (9/8/2018)
• The Mercenary Bitch (Alex) (9/9/2018)
• The Limo Ride Home (Alex) (9/10/2018)
• The Wicked Truth (Alex) (9/11/2018)
• Olivers Orgie House (Alex) (9/12/2018)
• Meeting Jared (9/13/2018)
• Leather and More (9/14/2018)
• Introductions (9/15/2018)
• One on One (9/16/2018)
• Fast Forward (9/17/2018)
• Three Months later (9/18/2018)
• Worth It? (9/19/2018)
• Help Us, Obi Wan (9/20/2018)
• Coming Together (9/21/2018)
• Plan B (9/22/2018)
• The Kissing Game (9/23/2018)
• The Emergency (9/24/2018)
• Dreams and Letters (9/25/2018)
• High Maintenance (9/26/2018)
• Fear and Anxiety (9/27/2018)
• Doubts (9/28/2018)
• He’s So Broken (9/29/2018)
• Not So Poetic (9/30/2018)
• The Morning After (10/1/2018)
• Shit! I’m Late (10/2/2018)
• Mental Caphony (10/3/2018)
• Information for Poet (10/4/2018)
• For the Win (10/5/2018)
• A Regular Thing (10/6/2018)
• Down Hill (10/7/2018)
• In Control (10/8/2018)
• What Am I Doing? (10/9/2018)
• Poet’s Designs (10/10/2018)
• Anger and Lies (10/11/2018)
• That’s … Wrong (10/12/2018)
• Inside the AU Building (10/13/2018)
• Father Figure (10/14/2018)
• Who Are We? (10/15/2018)
• Talking Myself Into It (10/16/2018)
• A Truth (10/17/2018)
• Losing Myself (10/18/2018)
• The Second Most Perfect Time (10/19/2018)
• Nothing But the Truth (10/20/2018)
• Fucked Up Situation (10/21/2018)