He was tired of talking to me. But he wasn’t tired of communicating. Nox leaned back against the seat we’d taken on the train and for 30 minutes we sat in silence. To the outside world we just sat there. But we were having an interesting conversation.
It had started out not so innocent. I whispered in his mind some of the things we’d done in the past. But I didn’t say we’d done them, just thoughts of those things – possibilities for the future to see if any of them registered. Nox surprised me when he thought about us doing nothing together. Lounging in our comfort zones, me watching tv and him reading a book, curled up together but in our own little worlds. We’d never done it in the dream, but we’d spoken of our fun things to do, things that we wanted when we met for real.
I pressed a question that Poet probably didn’t care about, but it could reveal many things if phrased correctly, What do you want the most of all? It had nothing at all to do with me wanting to know.
The question caught Nox off guard. The images came suddenly and were fast and furious. . Images of a family, of a kids playing in the background, barbeques on the roof, a fleeting image of me with a baby were the last thing I saw before Nox announced, “Our stop.” He tried to pull back the thoughts. He thought I’d run. I might have if I had any intentions of staying. But this was just a job. He was just a mark – nothing more.
I knew we hadn’t gotten of near his house, I supposed this was closer to the grocery store he wanted to go to. Pancakes were still on the table. He was making a mental list of things to by and I smirked, “Don’t forget the ice-cream. I’m sure I can find another use for it later.”
He shuddered. His thoughts were flying in two separate directions one of lust and one of disgust. It was kinda funny listening to the dichotomy in his head. “You really are too easy.”
“You have no fucking idea.”
“Actually I think I do.” I tapped his head and smiled at him. I knew exactly what he was thinking.
“Yeah yeah.” He stuck his tongue out at me and opened the door to the store.
His thoughts drifted to his vampire prince and his friend and I felt the jealousy rising. I was not fucking jealous of a fucking vampire! I growled, “We need to go to a liquor store too.”
Nox raised his eyebrow and I gave him a playful smirk as I told him the truth. “I’m not drinking another one of those god-awful beers.”
“You didn’t need to drink it!” He frowned. “I asked you what you wanted.”
“Well this time I can say I want a whiskey.”
“I could make you an Irish coffee. Or a White Russian. Though I don’t have either vodka or Bailey’s on hand. My dad would thank you though.” Nox added. He was very impressive with his knowledge of things in the food area. Again I wondered what else he knew how to make. I had a mental image of him learning how to make body shots that had me smirking.
“You drink with your dad? I thought you didn’t know him.” I asked. His thoughts raced to wonder when he’d told me that. Fuck! I slipped
But Nox shook his head in reply. “I don’t drink much anymore, but he tends to have something in his coffee when we have brunch on Saturday.”
“You two close?” I asked. I wished I’d had a relationship with my father – but that was never going to happen. He was dead – long before I was born. Though I had a dream about him once. It was a great dream. I learned a lot after that. I also got my heart broken. Fucking journal…
“Not really. We are trying. Kai’s trying to make up for lost time, trying to be a better parent to me than he was to any of his other kids. Mostly because he knows how much I hated my father as a child. He feels like he should have been there.” Nox spoke even though I was distracted. I caught most of what he said.
“Did you have any close relationships growing up?” I asked. I pretty much knew the answer but it never hurt to verify it.
“Not really. I had Sage’s family, and Mia’s mom. There was Dae’lin and Dorian who sent me off to other instructors who I consider almost family. Margo my therapist.” He said as we headed for the checkout line. He stopped short, but his thoughts kept on coming. It surprised me to hear about myself inside his head. What he had thought of his dream guy. He added, “But no one really I called family.”
I paid for the groceries and I would expense it to Poet. Poet was really going to hate that arrangement. The liquor store around the corner had everything I wanted and more. I picked up whiskey, vodka both top shelf brands and I bought a bottle of Bailey’s. Not my favorite, but it worked best with the Irish Coffee. And two bottles of excellent wine – one white and the other red. Nox asked, “Why do we need all that?”
I smirked, “Maybe I plan on getting you drunk and having my way with you.”
His voice was low and he was biting his bottom lip as he confessed, “You don’t need me drunk to have your way with me.”
He was so tempting. My body remembered all the ways he could make me shudder. But even he was leery about going there again with all the mental breakdown he’s had with me I didn’t blame him.
I bumped his shoulder trying to lighten the tense mood and gave him the real reason for the excessive drink. “It’s so you have it for when I come over, so you don’t have to go out and buy anything. This way you have what I like on hand.”
“So all for you?” He grinned.
“All for me.” I said as I snaked my arm around his waist. His mind went to the touch of my fingers against his skin as I tried to reassure him. “I’ll do my best not to make things worse, alright?”
He nodded. “You didn’t do anything wrong – you haven’t.” But I knew I had caused a lot of his issues the past few days. And I was likely going to cause more. I only felt slightly ashamed of myself. He deserved every ounce of angst he got from this encounter.
“I did enough. I’m not very good at this.” I paused making it look like I was searching for the right word. This was just a job, nothing more. I continued,. “.. this dating thing.”
“We dating?” He asked playfully.
His banter struck a chord as I tried to play it off. “If you want to put a label on it.”
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