The door opened and a man in a brown tweed suit and gray wisps of hair on his head stood in the doorway looking down through glasses perched on his hawk like nose. “Mr. Sétanta?”
“Yes, but it’s Nox.” I said. I really hated being called that it reminded me I was still my mother’s son.
“How are you today?”
“I’m fine.” The man sat down and in the uncomfortable chair across from me and settled down with his notepad and pen in hand as he flipped through a file which I presumed to be my record – Margo’s notes. “Where is Dr. Silverman?”
He looked up at met my eyes. “We are both seeing you. Dr. Eriksen wanted me to evaluate you.”
“Why did my medical doctor want you a shrink to evaluate me? The two aren’t related are they?” My mental and physical well being was not inquestion here I was here on suicide watch.
“Dr. Eriksen is concerned about your physical health pertaining to potential brain damage from the fall. Asked me to evaluate you.”
“How are you qualified to evaluate my mental state before and after if this is our first meeting?”
“I’ve read your files, Mr. Sétanta.”
“It’s Nox. And my files are just words. You can’t evaluate someone based purely on words.”
“Your notes clearly state you have an issue with change. My being here is causing you anxiety and you are reacting just as I’d expect of you.” He sat up straight and looked at me through those spectacles with his dull gray eyes. “I have been doing this longer than you’ve been a live boy. Who are you to question my methods?”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”
“Tell me what happened before you saw Mr. Spencer.”
“I spent the night with my lovers. I came in with Dorian to see Garrett, then the plan was to take all the boys home.” I said. I left the part about my shields and maras out. I was sure I’d be admitted for that type of talk.
“Yes, my lovers. As in I have more than one, and we all spent the night in the same bed.” I grinned at him, “And the fucking was amazing.” It was a complete lie since we hadn’t had sex. We had curled up together and slept, it was a means to an end. And the man’s reaction was priceless. He paled and blushed at the same time. “I could go into details if you’d like. What posistions worked for us. Who did what to who.”
He interreupted me. “No.” He cleared his throat. “That’s alright. Why was Mr. Vega at your home?”
“I didn’t wake up on time and they were worried about me. Dorian’s like my father.”
“Why were they worried, you’re leaving something out.”
I sighed. “Alright, the truth. Dev and Dee came over so Dev could help me rebuild my shields.”
“Why would you need to do that, once they are built they should be easy enough to erect and take down.”
“My shields was filled with black veins preventing it from closing completely.”
“And how do you know this?”
I smiled. “Because I saw it in a dream.” Which wasn’t exacly a lie, just out of order. “Sometimes my dreams reflect reality. Dev is a telepath and he was able to help be tear down my wall. Sage was there to protect me from the nightmares I usually have. Dee was there to add the strength of her own shields to all of us to keep us safe from whatever had infected my shields.”
“You think something infected you?”
“I know it. Since I rebuilt my shields I’ve not had any nightmares. My demon hasn’t come to haunt me. But it physically attacked my family. It went after the boys who were downstairs sleeping. Faelen changed in his fear and his protectiveness of his little brother. It was only a partial change, but he did it none-the-less.”
“You willingly live with a werewolf and a dragon.”
I sighed. “I willingly live with a werewolf, a dragon and a technopath. I am half human, half Venatori. Why should this even be a question? Who I spend my time with is not a concern of yours.” I wanted to get up and leave I was tired of this questioning. “My nightmares are spawned from the things Garrett Spencer did to me as a child. He’d get inside my head. He made me beleive he was hurting me. And then after I left his care the dreams started. Everynight for the past 17 years the same dream happens. A darkness so thick you can’t breath. A fog rolls in. A red light moves towards me. When I was a boy I used to fight the demon. Talk back. Now I give in to what it wants. It hurts less. I submit willingly, remove my shirt. Stand in position and wait for the first whip made of air or earth. Fire or water. Waiting for the whip to rain down on my back. Screaming does no good. Begging for mercy or asking it to stop only makes it worse. I let it hit me. And in the real world my body feels the same beating. I wake up blood covered, my skin flayed on my back. Every night for seventeen years.”
The man stared back at me in disbeleif. I stood up and turned around pulling the t-shirt over my head. “This is what he did to me.” The wispy hair man gasped at the sight of my back. “Garrett may not have done it personally, but he’s the reason it happens.” I turned around and stared down at the man who was suppose to be unbiased. “The man that tormented me night and day for most of my life was killed by a demon. It walked off the ledge of the AU building and fled Garrett’s body as he started the fall down. I could have let him die without trying. No one would have faulted me for letting him die. I couldn’t save him. But the thing is. I knew I could save him. I knew there was a slight probability I could save him. So I did. I tried. I ran over the edge and jumped without thinking. I used my gift to slow us down. I used it to soften the earth below us. But the velocity was still too great. I felt my bones shatter on impact and then there was nothing. I tried to save him. I needed to save him. I don’t care if he hurt me. He was the victim in this act. I couldn’t catch his killer, there was no point in trying. But I could try to save the man I hated.”
I tugged my shirt on as the door buzzed open. “We are done here.” I said as I opened the door and walked out while the shrink still stared at me openly.