I took a shower – a long hot shower alone. The problem was I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted something but I didn’t know what it was. I felt it, but I couldn’t explain it. I needed it like I needed air. But the more I thought about Sage with another person I found myself drowning in the unexplainable. It hurt to be jealous.
I could hear the three of them out in the bedroom. I couldn’t make out what they said without straining. Even after turning the water off I couldn’t hear them talking. I could hear Dee laugh, and Dev’s deep voice. I knew Sage was there, I could almost hear the softness in his voice when there was quiet between the other two. My soft spoken boy enjoying his friends. But I couldn’t hide any longer I was tired. My body ached in so many ways that I just wanted to lie down, curl up and die. I could feel the anxiety pressing in on me. Tonight was not going to be a good night.
When I opened the door Sage stood up and walked to me. “You feel better?”
But I didn’t answer Dev did, “No Sage, he’s worse. Bring him here.”
Dee’s lips were pointed down in a frown burrowing lines in her forehead. “He’s had too much time to think.”
Sage laughed. “That’s all he does is think.” He took me by he hand and pulled me towards his side of the bed. It was a King sized bed, there was more than enough room for the four of us if we didn’t mind touching. Dev was holding the blankets up in the middled, Dee was on the other side of him. They intended to put me between Dev and Sage.
Dev smiled. “I need Dee’s help, and you need Sage’s to ground you. Trust me.”
I laid down next to him and nodded. “I trust you because Sage trusts you.”
“You trust him that much?” Dee asked her voice silk over my skin. Dev chuckled as he laid down beside me.
“I trust him that much.” I said. I trusted Sage with my life.
We all got comfortable in bed. There wasn’t a lot of shifting before I could hear the soft sound of Sage’s breath in my ear as he slept. His head was on my shoulder, where I usually laid on his. It felt oddly comforting to have him there. His hand drapped across my stomach. Dev was laying on his side, he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. I could feel his breath against my neck, his hand on my chest. Dee was behind him wrapped around him, her arm over his hip and her fingers touching my stomach. Sage and Dee’s fingers were touching as they both slumbered around us.
Dev whispered. “You need to sleep so we can do this.”
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“If I close my eyes…”
“You’ll dream?” Dev asked.
“Yes and no. I’m always afraid to go to sleep.”
Dev started humming again and sang softly in my ear. “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream / I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam / And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem / But if I know you, I know what you’ll do / You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.”
I drifted into the darkness listening to Dev’s soft whisper in my ear.