My Son

I took a shower. I got dressed and went down stairs. It all seemed so surreal after what had happened. I felt numb but I needed to see the boys. All three of them. I found Dorian sitting on the couch flipping channels on Sage’s television. “What you stil doing here?”

He smiled at me, “I figured you could use someone to talk to since you aren’t seeing Margo anymore.” Dorian turned the idiot box off and turned towards me and patted the chair next to him. “Talk to me Nox.”

“I don’t even know where to start, Dorian.” I said as I sat down next to him. I leaned against him like I had many times over the years and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I don’t know what to make of all this.”

“All of what?” he asked to coax more words to flow.

“Sage. And Dev. And Dee. Me, us. Any of it. The boys. Garrett. Margo. Hell my father. I just don’t know Dorian.”

He pressed his lips to my temple. “Start where it makes sense.”

“Nothing makes sense. I want my boys. I want to hold them right now. Keep them safe. I failed last night.”

Dorian chuckled. “I don’t think you failed. You can’t keep them from danger no matter how hard you try.”

“But it’s my fault.” My eyes burned with unshed tears.

“It maybe, but that thing is responsible for hurting the boys. You didn’t tell it to. From what Devin says you were working on saving yourself. Which I think was a necessary step, don’t you?”

“Not if it means my boys get hurt.”

Dorian laughed. “You’ve been a father for a few months and the children aren’t even your blood and you would do anything for them. You are a much better man than I am.”

I shook my head. “No I’m not.”

“I wasn’t much younger than you when you came into my life, Nox. You were a scared little boy and I never loved you. Not the way you do Drake. Not when you needed it most.” Dorian’s voice was filled with regret and sorry. It made my heart ache.

“You were what I needed, when I needed it, Dorian.”

“No my boy, I wasn’t. You needed to be loved after your mother threw you away. I didn’t.”

I shrugged. “But you cared for me. You were what I needed to get through. Always a strong shoulder to cry on. I might have needed love, Dorian. But you were what I needed when I needed it. I don’t care that you didn’t love me then. I’m okay with who I am because of you.”

Dorian shook his head. “Always amaze me. I do love you, as much as my own son.”

I grinned up at him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I know. Let me say good-bye to Sage and you can walk me back to the AU building.”