• Inside the AU Building

    Inside the AU Building

    The Apex Unlimited building was a spectacle but I think that was why the Venatori built it, it’s curves making it stand out against the sharp lines of Manhattan. Inside was just as grand. I headed us towards the back to the service elevators. “You remembered.” He joked.

    I smirked at him. “I mean I like having you curled up against me and all but I can do without the panic attacks.”

    “I can still curl up against you if you want.” He offered with a smile and it went straight to my cock.

    I chuckled “Nah, that’s alright. You’re still mad at me.” It was a joke, but I knew it was the truth too. But his thoughts spiraled down and I tugged him into the elevator and against me as I backed up towards the wall, “Stop. I don’t need to hear all your down talking and neither do you.”

    “Oh so it’s for my own good.” He said so close that I couldn’t help but look at his lips. Those soft precious lips.

    I smirked. “Of course. I’d never be selfish.”

    Nox did exactly what I wanted and pressed his lips to mine then whispered against them, “I want you to be selfish.”

    I pulled him closer and our bodies pressed together. Lips, tongues, and teeth all mashed together. It was slow yet frenzied. I wanted nothing more than to go back to his room and continue what we started but Nox was on a path set ahead of him. When the doors dinged open we were heading down a corridor that was filled with chaotic kid noises. Their minds underdeveloped and lacking shields. “Off to see a kid, I guess.” He said as he took my hand and we walked down the hall.

    We turned a corner and there was a class following single file down the hall. All of them were loud in their heads. One girl turned and looked at us, she giggled and turned to her friend and she giggled. Their thoughts were focusing on the color of Nox’s hair. It was blue. It looked good in with the brown. But kids would be kids. Nox was thinking they were making fun of our holding hands. I squeezed his hand and leaned into him to whisper,, “It’s not us holding hands, it’s your hair. They find the color funny.”

    Nox lifted his free hand to his head and his hair magically changed colors. I’d seen him do it in the dream just as magically. It brought back memories of him doing that in the dream. Of our first kiss. Fuck.

    One little girl claimed, “I can do that.” Her chilled voice pulled me from my memory as she took the brown lock of her hair and twirled it in around her finger and the end magically turned purple. “See. It’s not so special.”

    Nox laughed, but her teacher didn’t find it so funny as she scolded.”Cassidy, stop fooling around, you aren’t supposed to touch the elements without your teacher. You know this.” The little girl sighed and when her teacher turned around the little girl stuck her tongue out at Nox. You got me in trouble, meanie, came flying at the both of us. I wondered who else had heard, But I had definitely heard her.

    “She’s loud.” I told Nox as we rounded a corner away from them.

    “What do you mean?”

    “I heard what she sent you.” I clarified.

    “Do you think she meant for you to hear?”

    I shook his head, “No it had the flavor of being a targeted send, like it was meant for you and only you. But she hit me too. She needs some lessons.”

    Nox nodded, “She’s here, she’ll get it. Though to have such strong telepathy at her age is rare. Having such fine control of her other gifts at that age even rarer.”

    “I bet you had it.” I complimented him, but he shook his head.

    “No. I caught things on fire at her age.” I could hear the negative thoughts.

    “So where is this kid?” I changed the topic so he’d think of happier things or at the very least better things.

    We stopped at the front desk and Nox asked, “Hi. Yesterday, last night actually, I brought in a dragon and her son. I was wondering if you could tell me where her son was. I’d like to check on him before I go up and see where things are with his mother.”

    The woman looked up at him with a frowned. “You have to stop bring in strays?” Her frown deepened when she looked at me. I glared back at her. I wasn’t some fucking stray.

    “He’s not a stray. Though I could keep him.” He almost hadn’t kept me… He was still mad but I felt he meant it. There was no lie in his thoughts – there never was.

    The woman’s cheeks grew a little rosy and she looked away from me to her computer. “The boy is in a detainment room.”

    She pointed the direction but Nox cut her off quickly, “I know where it is. Spent enough time there.”

    I definitely didn’t like the sound of the type of room the boy was in. I didn’t like the fact that Nox had spent time in them either. This trip was causing more questions than answers. I made my comment vocal, “Detainment, they make him sound dangerous.”

    “He is in a way.” Nox clarified his statement. “He’s half dragon, he could be in a detention room for that alone. I spent the first three days of my life in the Venatori in one of those rooms, then spend three months when I was six in one. The orange door indicates he’s a fire starter.” I was surprised that color of the door was Nox’s favorite color as well as one of his greatest fears. But he opened it without a care and his heart immediately went out to the boy sitting in the corner. He was crying and when he looked up with orange eyes he saw Nox and ran to him. Nox picked him up “Hey little man.”

    I was surprised by the little boy’s reaction. Not exactly the one I’d expect for the man who brought him into this hell hole. I asked, “Why’s he locked up alone?” I knew I sounded angry but Nox didn’t seem to mind nor did he react to it.

    “They don’t know what to do with him. Do they Drake?” He curled around Nox, and Nox introduced us. “Drake, this is Alex. Alex, Drake.”

    Drake blinked at me. Almost as strange as his orange eyes was the color of his hair. Like it was made of spun gold. I reached out and ran my fingers through his short cut hair, “I thought it’d feel different.”

    “It’s just hair” Drake giggled.

    “I wish my hair was that color.” I lied.

    “I can fix that.” Nox reached up and ran his fingers through my hair. It took me a moment to realize what he was doing and I jerked away from him. He was grinning like a fool but he added, “I didn’t do it.”

    Did I trust him? “Did he? I trust you.” I asked the little dragon while I glared at Nox, though it was not a real one. I heard his singular thought of wanting to kiss me.

    But Drake broke us both from the staring contest we had going on. “Still bwack.” He reached up and touched Nox’s hair. “Not this.”

    “You don’t like it?” Nox asked and Drake shook his head. Nox turned his gaze on me questioning whether I liked it or not.

    “You heard him.” I answered him with a smirk.

    Nox turned and walked the way we came and looked at me specifically as he asked. “So what color would you like it?”

    “I don’t know, can you make it look flames?” I knew the answer to that was yes, but I wanted to see what he did with my request.

    Nox let go of my hand and it felt cool to the air around it. I missed the feel of his fingers in mine. Drake laughed at the spectacle and I tried not to stare. It looked exactly as I remembered it. Though the hair had been darker then, but this was better, I liked it on him. Almost as much as the blue he’d been sporting before.

    “I can change it.” Nox said quickly.

    I must have looked off, I responded quickly, “Fuck no, it looks great.” I slid my arm around his waist. I liked feeling him next to me – for real. We’d been close once. Even if he’d forgotten me so many times. We reached the front desk and I called out, “Barbara, we are taking him to see his mom.”

    There was a warm fuzzy feeling coming from Nox’s thoughts. It made me smile. But I had questions, I seemed to always have questions. “What are we going to do once he gets to his mom?”

    “I expect we’ll have to bring him back down, but it’ll show her he’s still alive, let him spend some time with his mom. I’ll figure out what is going on with his mom maybe even who she’s working for and what is going on.”

    “What do you think is going on?” I didn’t care but Poet might. This case was causing Poet grief and it was the reason I was here now. Making up with him, when I should run.

    “Well dragons around the world bearing the Last Phoenix mark are revealing themselves, testing us I bet. And the bank job wasn’t a typical one, dragon’s don’t go for money – she did something to the computer. But there has to be more to it.”

    “Why?” I asked as Nox pushed the button to the elevator. I knew he hated the elevator, “You going to be alright?”

    “Yeah. It’s only a few floors.” he nodded, and kept right on talking, “But because dragons don’t just do things for nothing. They collect things, they don’t want money.”

    “Any leads?” I asked as I wrapped my arm around him again to tickle the little dragon in his arms. He giggled and it made me smile. It made Nox smile too. I liked seeing that smile on his lips.

    “Just the dragon sitting in that room.” He nodded towards a glass walled room with a single person sitting inside. “Let me take him in, do you want to go with or stay out here?” he looked at me curiously.

    “I should go.” I said. He wasn’t focused on me. He was going to get sucked into work and that was the last thing I was interested in – though that was what Poet wanted.

    Nox shook his head and pulled me closer “It won’t take long, please stay.”

    I should stick around, see what they do to this dragon, Poet said she was a friend of a friend so he’s want to know. And I suddenly realised I was starving, that chocolate cake had barely touched the sides, I wondered what else my pretty boy could cook “Only if you make me food afterwards.” And he was a great cook.

    But he started panicking. He was thinking about trust and I wanted to get angry, i wanted to growl but it just made me feel sad and I sighed. “I’m gonna go, pretty boy.”

    “It’s not that I don’t want to Alex.” Nox whispered.

    “I got it. You don’t trust me. No problem. I’m gonna go.” I pulled away and headed for the elevator. I knew when I wasn’t wanted.

    “Please Alex let me explain.” He begged. “I want to trust you. I need to trust you. But I can’t…. ” He paused in his words, his thoughts searching for the right thing to say,. “I trust you not to hurt me. Please stay, let me show you.”

    I growled to myself as I turned around “Show me what?”

    “I’ll tell you everything. Please, stay. Let me do this real quick and then I’m all yours. For the rest of the day let me show you what’s wrong with me. And then if you want to go I’ll understand.” He was ready to end this, or maybe he thought I would. Maybe I should just walk away now. Tell Poet I’d failed. I could give him the information I had and then I could be out.

    But something kept me here as I sighed, “I’ll stay. I still want food.”

    He grinned and waved. “Of course.” I loved that smile. He was smiling at the boy, not at me, and I felt a tiny stab of jealousy. Fuck!

    He said to the boy, “Drake say bye to Alex. We’re gonna see your mom now alright?”

    Drake giggled and waved. “Bye, Awex. See you soon.” I hoped I would see him again. And he better be alive.

    I watched as Nox walked into the glass room and he set the little boy on the table and he crawled across it to his mother. I could listen to the conversation, but I didn’t need to. I looked around the hall I was standing in, and found some chairs facing the conference room and sat down to watch things unfold.

  • That’s … Wrong

    That’s … Wrong

    “The usual, Nox?” She smiled at Nox. Everywhere he went he had a usual. Made me wonder how stuck in his patterns he really was. Everyone everywhere catered to him.

    “Yeah. Thanks. Alex?” He asked me. I was surprised he didn’t order for me.

    I smirked at her in that he’s mine sort of way. I wasn’t exactly sure why I felt so possessive of him, “Coffee with two sugars and cream. And whatever pastry, cupcake that’s freshest. I don’t want something that’s been sitting out all day.”

    The server, Chrissy, her tag said Christina, but her mind and Nox had called her otherwise, smiled at me, “We’ll have some chocolate cake out in few minutes, if you’d like that.” I didn’t really like chocolate cake but Nox started speaking before I could ask if there was anything else.

    “Jay didn’t.” He interrupted..

    “You know he did. You come in here every day, order the same thing, you leave a huge tip for everyone. Of course Jay made you your favorite. Besides, Mia told him too.”

    He sighed “Fine.”

    Then he looked at me expectantly. I grinned at him, “Oh I can talk now?” Sarcasm dripping from my voice, “That’s fine.” I told the girl and she left with a smile to get our order. I asked Nox, “What was that about?”

    “Jay, their pastry chef made chocolate cake. Mia usually orders some for my birthday and brings it to me the day of, but she apparently can’t make it to the City then so she made Jay do it today.”

    “Mia is?”

    “Come on.” He grinned, “You’ve been stalking me and you don’t know who Mia is? You can see it in my head.”

    I really didn’t know the name. It wasn’t in Poet’s file and I hadn’t paid much attention to his conversations with other people so I had no choice but to dig around in his head to find the information. I didn’t have to dig far. “Childhood best friend.” I nodded, “She’s the brunette with the dip boy… husband, right?” I recognized the other face he associated with Mia the dipshit who he sent to tell me off.

    He nodded clueless to what had gone down. “Yes, that’s Mia and her husband is Jason, or more commonly referred to as Jace.”

    The door jingled and and a bum walked in and headed straight for us. His suit didn’t fit, his shoes had holes in them and he looked rough.

    A few of the patrons sneered as he sat down across from us and put the plastic card on the edge of the table. “Nox, who’s your friend?” He asked in a slow slurred voice.

    “Alex, this is Liam. I don’t know his last name. He’s the left hand of the the Manhattan Werewolf Pack.”

    “I’m not his hand.” The werewolf said flatly.

    “He sends you to me often enough.”

    “Dicky is his hand.” I smirked at the name.

    “His right hand. I don’t like dealing with Richard. He’s a bully.” There were images in Nox’s head I didn’t like when he thought about this other man.

    I didn’t really pay attention to their conversation about the prick in his head. Not until the werewolf called me Nox’s boyfriend. “Nox. Stop, your boyfriend will get mad.”

    “I never said he was my boyfriend.” He looked at me to make sure I hadn’t taken offense to his words. He wasn’t my boyfriend, he was a fucking mark. This was a game, but I nodded as he spoke about the whole label thing. “I didn’t think we were putting labels on it.”

    Though I pulled him closer against me and whispered against his neck, “We weren’t, but I don’t like him.”

    He sent me a private thought. I’m sorry. Liam is harmless. I’ll get down to business. It made me happy that he wasn’t going to keep flirting with this werewolf. My jealous streak was a mile wide when it came to him. And there was no reason, but he was mine. Always, mine.

    I only half listened to their conversation. I was surprised that Nox had threatened to kill a man for not locking a cage? I was confused until I realized she was a werewolf who he’d saved. One who apparently can’t shift during the full moon. It made a little more sense then, but still Nox really did use whatever tools available to him, even the possible threat of violence. He was a hypocrite still. Using the kid, now using violence when he claimed to not kill supernaturals. But I kept quiet. I didn’t say anything.

    But Nox mentioned the Last Phoenix, I knew enough about them to know that Poet was thick with their leader. My attention turned to their conversation as Nox asked the wolves to look out for anything weird. “The Last Phoenix is stirring up trouble. I don’t know if its a faction inside, or the whole crew but I need to know if they make trouble in your territory.”

    “Dragon’s don’t like wolves. They don’t hang here. There are a few pockets in Adrian’s territory but they won’t come down here. We smell bad to them.”

    I snorted and muttered, “Wet Dog.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

    But the werewolf grinned, “I resemble that remark.”

    Nox finished his coffee and the other man across from us looked down at Nox’s chocolate cake “You are going to eat that right?”

    “I am, just not with you watching me.”

    There was a sigh of relief “I hate when you eat chocolate here. It’s almost as bad as when you flirt with Dicky and his comments about gay men.”

    Nox laughed. “You are comparing the sounds I make to the bull shit he spews.”

    Liam, that was his name, I had to pluck it from nox’s head because I hadn’t been paying attention when Nox introduced us. He chuckled, “Nah, man, Dicky didn’t get his nickname cause it’s a shorthand for Richard.”

    “Really, they know what he does?”

    Liam frowned, “Back in the day, he came crawling back at the ass crack of dawn while Adrian was making peace with the big boss and Adrian smelled you all over him.”

    “He didn’t fuck me.” Nox blurted out. He was looking at me to reassure me with a slight smile.

    “That’s what he said. But he tried and that was all that mattered to the pack. He don’t hate guys that like guys, he hates you.” I got the feeling that the pack didn’t like this guy anymore than Nox did. Made me wonder why they let him stay.

    Nox grinned at him. “He hates guys who like guys. That night, he tried to beat the shit out of me. None of the guys were having any of his action. Jaxen called me in hoping the wanna be Venatori would be enough to get him to back down in his bar.” Nox was picturing the moment in his head and while I wasn’t happy that some idiot was hitting on him, and then tried to beat the shit out of him I saw a familiar face and the name matched the much younger face.

    “Wait a minute, you know Jaxen Oliver?” I asked. “And he knows you are Venatori and what werewolves are?”

    “He knows I’m friends with Adrian. And Adrian trusts me to keep the peace with his pack. All of Adrian’s, um, play friends know he’s a werewolf. It’s part of an NDA they all sign and under the sexually transmitted diseases.”

    “You can become a werewolf through sex?” Holy fuck!

    “It’s rare, but it’s no different than aids. It’s transmitted through bodily fluid transfer. Which is why scratches rarely turn a human. But bites almost always.”

    Liam frowned, “I gotta go Nox. Dom doesn’t like when I’m late. I’ll tell him what you asked us to do. He says thanks for Kyle.”

    “Tell Abby I said hi.” Nox nodded and bid the man farewell “Next week.” he finished as the man left us and Nox looked over at me, “Sorry about that.”

    “No worries, Pretty Boy. I got to find out all sorts of things listening to you and your werewolf friend. He’s got a poor shield.” I laughed. I was more than happy to sit here and listen to things unfold between him and one of his contacts. Poet would be happy with the information.

    “Liam isn’t very powerful. He’s a rare wolf, he’s an addict. Usually doesn’t stick but Liam couldn’t cope with the change so kept using and they have to keep him locked up like Abby.”

    “Why don’t they keep them together?” I asked as I poked my fork at his plain cake. It had been good for being chocolate.

    “Two uncontrollable werewolves together is not a good idea.”

    I changed the subject, we did come here after all to talk too, “Do you want to talk here? Or someplace else?”

    “Can we talk and walk?” He asked almost shly.

    “After you eat your cake. I want to hear these sounds that make Liam uncomfortable.”

    “All right” He wanted to protest but he agreed easily, never complained.

    “I don’t make any noises. That was Liam’s way of saying it was my favorite.” Nox said, but I wasn’t going to listen to him, I just nodded at him and told him to eat which he did as he was told.

    He shoved his fork through the corner and I watched as he put the morsel in his mouth. He closed his eyes and groaned. I laughed, “I see the entertainment value in watching you eat.” The noise had gone straight to my cock and I had to readjust so things weren’t uncomfortable.

    He rolled his eyes at me. “At least I’m not drooling.”

    I had drooled, yeah, I got that, but I understood why he had watched me eat that steak. I asked, “So chocolate is your favorite?” More to distract myself then to learn more secrets about him.

    “Chocolate is the only sweet I indulge even a little in.” I made a mental note.

    “So if I wanted to butter you up, bring you a Hershey’s bar would make your day.”

    “No. I’m not big into candy. Ice-cream is my go to. I eat chocolate cake around my birthday. You’d do better bringing me a milkshake from Bonnie’s. But if you are trying to butter me up, a cup of fresh hot coffee is going to win more points.”

    That was good to know. “What about chocolate coffee?”

    “That usually is filled with sugar and I don’t like the empty carbs. But as long as it’s more coffee than sweet you’d be pretty good I think.”

    I knew a great place thanks to Poet that had gourmet coffee. I’d have to take him one day. “I know this really great joint that roasts the cocoa and coffee beans together and fresh ground. I don’t even have to give you any sugar, but it’ll be mighty bitter without it.”

    “I trust your judgement.” Nox said with down turned eyes staring at his plate again.

    “Do you now?” I asked playfully.

    “Yes. Look…”

    I reached under his chin with two of my fingers and lifted his eyes, “Let’s go for that walk.”

    Nox pulled out his wallet and dropped fifty bucks on the table. “Holy fuck!” I exclaimed, “Why do you do that?”

    “What else do I have to spend the money on. It’s an expense for doing my job. Paying off informants.”

    “But he paid for the coffee.” I was still confused.

    “He always pays for the coffee. It’s an expense for him, and he uses Dom’s card anyway.”

    “So this was nothing more than a business transaction?” I asked.

    Nox shrugged “Yeah. Liam’s not my friend. Dom’s not my friend, we exchange favors. He pays for the drinks because Dom tells him to. Just like I cook for Ant and crew and don’t expect anything in return. Just a bunch of incremental favors and exchanges.”

    “You don’t make a cent off of any of this do you?” Such a shame, all these connections and he didn’t profit from them. He needed a few business lessons I thought to myself.

    “The Venatori pay me and I use that money to pay for the information I need. What am I going to do with the excess money? It’s not a lot. But I don’t need it.”

    “Take a fucking vacation Nox.” He was overworked and stressed out because of what he did and the Venatori didn’t appreciate him. I almost told him to come away with me I’d take care of him. But I reminded myself that boat had sailed. He’d left me alone with his dick friend.

    He grinned. “I don’t need to save up for it. I can tell Dae’lin I want to go to Paris and she’ll find me an assignment there and I get a free vacation.”

    “But you’d have to work.” He never even took a break for himself. How sad.

    “I can’t sit on a beach and do nothing. I just can’t.” I smiled and pushed him out the seat. “I thought we were going for a walk.”

    I took his hand my hand in his when we got out of the coffee shop. His fingers entwined with mine and Nox let out a long slow breath. I sent him a teasing thought, If you’d called me we wouldn’t be having this problem, so this is all your fault.

    “You know that’s not fair right?”

    I knew that, of course I did. That’s why I did it, but I played coy anyway. “You mean me looking inside your head?”

    “Yeah.” He nodded.

    I smirked proudly, “Life ain’t fair, didn’t your mother ever tell you that?”

    Nox shook his head sadly, “Probably, but not that I can remember anyway.”

    “You’ve a crap memory eh?” I joked. His memory in the dream had sucked. But he didn’t know that. And I realized my folley when he went the serious route with my joke.

    “Not really. I was five when my mother gave me to the Venatori. And I don’t remember a whole lot from then. And when I saw her as an adult we didn’t speak much before she died.”

    “My mom died when I was seventeen.” This was not a topic I enjoyed talking about and my voice reflected that.

    “Eighteen for me.” Nox said and got a lost in the thoughts of his own mother before he added after several seconds, “What happened? to your mother.”

    “Car accident. One I was supposed to be in too but I’d told mom I’d meet her there I had something to wrap up before we left. It was a last minute thing.”

    “I’m sorry. I understand survivor’s guilt. I felt the same way when my mother died.” Nox squeezed my fingers reassuringly. He’d read me without anything more than the sound of my voice. Was I that transparent?

    Central Park came into view and Nox pulled me in that direction, “So bossy sometimes.” I smirked at him and he gave me that smile – my favorite smile. The one just for me.

    We walked a little ways into the greenness inside the City before I started this stupid talk but i was tired of waiting for him to bring it up so i did. “So I followed you last night.” He acknowledged me with a nod but his thoughts were railing against the thought I thought he was lying. “There was a kid, what happened to him?”

    “He was with his mother when I left them. I don’t know yet. I’ve been filing reports all morning, and was going to go see how far they got on getting information from his mother after I talked with Liam. And gave you your phone.”

    He so easily changed the subject, “You were expecting me to be sitting there?”

    “You have been for the past several weeks, don’t know why you’d change that now.” He said.

    “Good point. I’m sorry I didn’t call you.” I was sorry I had caused him distress that could have been remedied with a simple phone call. But that was the past.

    Nox shook his head. I wasn’t sure why, I think it was I didn’t need to apologize, but I did. “I know. You explained it already. I just don’t like lies. I have to tell so many of them out in the real world, keep things from people, but I don’t do that in my personal life, and I hate when someone lies to me.”

    “Some lies are good.” I joked.

    “No lies are good. Even the little white ones can come back to bite you in the ass. I don’t lie to the girls on the dance floor. I tell them straight out the gate I don’t want more. I don’t play that I’ll call or that I even take their numbers. Some girls don’t listen.”

    “So what about me? Where you going to say hey it’s only a one time thing? I don’t want more.” I knew he had been thinking it. Had been thinking all about going down on me and afterwards. It was one reason I’d left.

    “I don’t know. I don’t think I wanted it to be a one time thing.”

    “But you were thinking about that night, what we could be doing instead of dancing. I wasn’t just some one night stand was I?” I asked.

    “Maybe you were, but you aren’t now. We’ve seen each other everyday for the past three days since we met. That doesn’t seem like a one night stand.”he tried to reassure me then his face lit up in that grin as he added, “Unless this is all just a game to you to get into my pants.”

    I laughed and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I grabbed his hips and pulled him tight against me. He had no choice but to wrap his arms around me and I leaned in and kissed him. A small moan left his lips and vibrated against mine. “Oh Pretty boy, I don’t have to play games to get into your pants.”

    “Are you saying I’m easy?” he teased.

    “Very.” I laughed even as he bit his bottom lip, fuck! “You have to stop that.”

    “Stop what?” he asked as if he were clueless

    “Biting your bottom lip.”

    “Why? Maybe he was clueless…

    I leaned in and took his lip in mine and bit it. I whispered against his lips, “Because all I want to do is bite it when you do that.”

    He laughed and pulled away with a playful look, “That sounds like a line.”

    I smirked at him as I slid my arm around his waist and started walking with him, “It may be a line, but it’s the fucking truth. You have no idea what that cute shy act does to me.”

    Nox gave me my smile again as he changed the subject, “So, back to Drake. If you want, you can come with me back to the AU building and we’ll go check on him. He should be in the daycare rooms until they know what to do with him.” That was a surprise. Most of it was. He knew the kids name.

    “You know the kids name? Even though you were willing to use him as leverage.” I hadn’t expected him to ask me to come along either. I wasn’t part of his world.

    “It’s not what you think.”He defended, “She’s dead anyway. I don’t know what will happen to his father, he’ll go to jail or they’ll kill him too. I don’t know. It’s rare a human gets mixed up in Venatori business like this. And I certainly have never brought one in before. I can use his future as leverage. Promise to take care of him for information.”

    “You mean the Venatori would take care of him?” I asked.

    “No, I mean me. I’d take care of him. Promise to keep him safe – personally.”

    What? “Why would you do that?”

    “So I can get the answers I want.” That was a more reassuring answer he gave me.

    “It’s a false promise.”

    I got it now. But Nox shook his head, “Nothing false about it. I don’t lie, Alex. Not even to get what I want. Tell me why I’d let a kid grow up in the Venatori like I did and become like me? An outcast, a nobody, feeling unloved, unwanted. Kids need someone to love them unconditionally. No strings attached. If it were in my power I’d never let any kid ever grow up like that.”

    “So you’d take on some strange kid just because you don’t want them growing up like you did?” he was still such an enigma.

    “I want a family. I have for some time. I may not get the wife and kids and the white picket fence, and honestly, I don’t want any of that. I want someone to love me like I love them, I want kids, blood, not blood doesn’t really matter to me. I want a home we can live in and be safe. I just want some semblance of normal.”

    “You do realize you are very far from normal. You’re what, 25? And single, and have the chance to get whatever you want and you want to settle down?” He could have everything with his gift and his ability to charm nearly anyone he met.

    He laughed. “I don’t have that chance Alex. I’m Venatori, eventually, the Procreation committee is gonna be breathing down my neck making me have kids. And if I don’t choose someone, they’ll choose for me. And they don’t believe in science for procreation, but yet the AU building houses the finest genetics research labs and abilities – the best from all the world is right there under their fingertips and they insist on the old fashioned way.” I hate the fucking Venatori!

    I pulled away from him and sped up. Why was it when things started going better they all turned to shit. I was just some fucking game to him, “So this,” I waved my hands between us, “is what? A diversion. You’re going to marry some woman, get her pregnant and she’ll have your kids and this is nothing?”

    “No. I would never marry a woman. And definitely not because the Venatori said so. Alex, I don’t like women.” He sounded sad that I didn’t understand.

    “You could have fooled me with the way you fucked them on the dance floor.” I growled unable to let myself feel anything. I should know better than to think this was more.

    “I enjoy sex with them. But I’d never fall in love with one. I have too many trust issues when it comes to women. I can’t trust them to take care of me. And I already told you what I needed there. Alex, I’m not looking for Ms. Right, or Mr. Right…”

    “Just Mr. Right Now.” I interrupted.

    I didn’t want to sit here and listen. I was about to leave when Nox groaned and grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer. “Alex stop. I’m here. Third day in a fucking row with a guy who keeps running away from me. With a guy who …” He paused and I heard the thought, a thought I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t fucking care if he loved me and he seemed to get that as his words didn’t match his thought completely, “A guy who I could love, who I want to at least give a shot, even though all we ever seem to do is fight.”

    He sighed then continued with an open mind. “I will tell you the one truth that very few people know. I was in love once, you remind me of him. I don’t want to make a mistake with this like back then. I don’t know what I did, or what happened. But something did and he never showed up. I’m never going to ignore you even if I’m angry. But I need to know I can trust you. Because Alex, you can break me easier than you can snap a dried twig.”

    It was so fucking open I just stared at him looking for that final truth. He’d had one boyfriend, he wasn’t in love with him. He didn’t fucking love me, he sent his dick head friend to come tell me off. That was what you did you ashole. But here he was opening himself up to me completely and I couldn’t help but go as far as I could. I saw memories of us buried deep inside his head. It was startling at the least, but in the same vein there was darkness. So deep, so dark.

    It was everything I could do not to drown in the suffocating darkness. A single image played on loop in the darkness. A pair of glowing eyes floating in the darkness with glowing tentacles of red, green, brown and blue falling on an ever changing body of a boy, a teenager, a young man, until I saw the man standing in front of me. What the fuck was that. I rested my forehead against his head and pulled the image into his mind. “Is this what happens every night?”

    It was almost instantaneous. As soon as I asked and the image was in his mind the panic started. His heart raced and his breathing grew ragged. He was crying. I put my hands on his face, the finely manicured beard under my hands was rough against my palms as I wiped the tears away. This had to be why he was scared, but why, how? “How does that translate to the scars on your back, Nox?” I asked quietly

    The panic was too overwhelming. I pulled him aside, and sat down on the ground and pulled him into my arms. I held him tight against me and whispered, “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

    I held him while he calmed down. I took in his scent, the warmth of his body against mine. He was so assured and now he was broken. So broken, how the fuck was I going to get through this. Poet really had no idea how fucked up this kid was, how easy it would be to manipulate him. Which is exactly why Poet had sent me. He knew I could do it. And I could keep my distance.

    Nox spoke quietly breaking me from my own thoughts,”I’ve had nightmares of what Garrett did to me since I was six years old. When I’m stressed out or when the dream is really strong on particular nights, my own power leaves gashes in my back.”

    “What do you mean, your power? You do this to yourself?” He hurt his fucking self? It was one thing for someone to hurt him but why did he hurt himself. I had seen the self depreciation in his mind, and heard him talk bad about himself but hurting himself?

    He pressed against me and I held him closer, he whispered, “I don’t do it on purpose.”

    “Jesus, Nox.” I said. What the fuck was I going to do with this information. We sat there for a good long time. My ass was starting to get sore from sitting on the ground with the added weight of my pretty boy in my lap, and we were getting looks from people walking by even though we weren’t doing anything.

    “Come on, let’s walk.” I said pushing Nox up out of my lap. He turned and helped me stand up.

    I didn’t know where we should go but he’d said he’d take me to see the boy so I headed back the way we came. Nox whispered, “I’m sorry.”

    I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it Pretty boy. I’ll catch you when you fall.” And it was the truth. No matter how much he fucking hurt me I couldn’t see him like this – it killed me and I hated it. I had to get this job done and over with. But that might end up with Poet trying to kill him, could I live with that? I didn’t know. Hopefully there was some other way around it. Maybe if I knew what Poet needed him for, I could work on pushing Nox in that direction. But how does one con another con man?

  • Anger and Lies

    Anger and Lies

    Nox still hadn’t called. Not even a text. I knew he was still at the AU building, still in his room which was atypical. Every other time he’d gone to work. Elevation was tricky but I had a good tracking program and it depended a little on the phone. But fuck, he wasn’t moving. I wondered if he’d go for his run. It was almost time. I had meant to stop at the posh apartment and grab my other phone, but Poet’s meeting had interrupted my plans.

    Janice and crew were just going to have to wait I guessed. Poet was a big score, they were measly little nothings in comparison.

    I ordered another coffee, not that I needed one, but it was habit. Funny how much I relied on that cup of joe in the afternoons now. I would know when I didn’t come see him off for his run in about an hour if I didn’t.

    While I was here to pick up his schedule, he knew mine as well. He approached me, but he wasn’t wearing running clothes, I glanced at the day on my phone and realized he was actually off to see someone, it was never the same someone. But it was a regular meeting, every Tuesday at 3pm. I smirked at him as he drew close. “You have time for a run, but you don’t have time to call me?”

    Nox let out a rude laugh, he didn’t sound happy, his thoughts were chaotic as usual as he dropped a phone on the table in front of me. “Kinda hard when I have your phone.”

    I picked up the phone and saw it was my phone, the fucking phone I was looking for. There were several missed calls and waiting text messages, I muttered to myself “Fuck!” Janice and Jared and Lindsay were going to be pissed.

    “Who’s Brent?” Nox asked pulling me from my thoughts.

    I looked up at him confused but I didn’t have a chance to say anything before he started speaking again. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You lied about not having your phone so why tell me who Brent is. See you around.” Nox said flatly and turned his back to me and started walking away. He was thinking about lies and being done with me.

    I growled, “Fuck!” as I pushed the chair back and tried not to sound pathetic, “Fuck Nox, let me explain.”

    “Explain why you didn’t call when you were late, or why you told me you forgot your phone, or explain who Brent is?” Nox growled but didn’t stop walking. He added as an afterthought, “I have a meeting to go to.”

    Jesus fucking Christ, I had to fix this. “Look can’t we talk.” This had to happen just as Poet wanted me to step up my game.

    “You have until I get where I’m going.” He said as he kept walking.

    I didn’t want to talk to him like this. I knew he was feeling late, knew that he wanted to get where he was going but I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side. I didn’t want to do this here but he wasn’t giving me much choice. “I didn’t remember I had this phone on me. I thought I left it at my apartment, with my phone. This is just a business phone.”

    “Do all your business clients call you honey?” He asked the accusation in his voice stung.

    “You read my texts?” I couldn’t believe he read my texts. What a prick!

    “I read two, that were sitting on the front screen when I picked it up. The first one read, ‘Call me honey’, the second one said, ‘I got home safe, Brent, thanks for’ dot dot dot. I set the phone in my bowl where I keep those type things and I listened to it chirp and ring every hour.”

    Fuck, he read my texts. What the hell. I didn’t get a chance to respond before he pulled out of my grasp and started walking again. “I have a meeting to go to.” Fuck.

    I caught up to him and tried to explain without going into details. “Look Nox, Janice is a friend. But she’s annoying so I didn’t give her my personal phone number. I left that phone at home. I swear.”

    “So why didn’t you call from that phone.” He was hurt by that. I’d left him hanging. I got that. I wouldn’t do it again but for crying the fuck out loud, why did this have to happen now.. Fuck!

    “That phone doesn’t have your number in it and I don’t have it fucking memorized. Shit I have have hard enough time remembering my own goddamn number and I’m supposed to remember yours?” I groaned as I spoke, “And look before you ask again. I have a lot of alias. I do questionable work for people and I don’t use my real name for obvious reasons.” He was hating the lies but that’s all I could give him. He’d never see me again if I told him the truth any of it and Poet and this job were too important to fuck it up because of a Pretty Boy’s emotional hang ups.

    “You mean you do illegal work for people and you don’t want to taint your precious name. So which is it? Alex or Brent, which one means so much to you?”

    “Like what you do is legal.” I spat back at him.

    “I never said it was, but I’m not hiding behind another name either.”

    He was beginning to piss me off,”No you just hide behind the fucking Venatori lawyers. And their paid officials.”

    Nox stopped and turned on me with his finger pointed at me. “I have never committed a crime that I didn’t own up to.”

    “So last night, you went into someone’s apartment legally.”

    “You followed me?” He said taking a step back. That had pissed him off.

    “I wanted to see if you were really who you said you were. Your goon friends were going to go kill a dragon. I wanted to see if you were all talk just to make me feel comfortable.” It was the first full truth I’d told him all afternoon.

    “You think I’m lying to you?” His voice was white hot with anger and I responded in kind.

    “You’re fucking Feras.”

    Nox turned around and shouted back at me as he walked away, “Fuck you Alex.” He was pissed, his mind was rolling in so many directions, but I couldn’t leave it this way, not now. And I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty for making him feel this bad. So I followed him, not close behind him.

    He never turned around, but his thoughts gave away that he knew I hadn’t let him storm off. Which made him happy and angry at the same time. I got a lingering thought that Dan had never done that, he’d let him storm off and that had been the end of their relationship. This Dan was an idiot, you didn’t need to be a mind reader to know Nox needed to talk it through even if he was fuming.

    But there was that happy thought. I could work with that.

    I pressed a thought into his mind, he was so pliable it was like he was thinking it himself, no resistance, just a simple thought, You are cute when you are angry

    I wished I could see his reaction but I got the gist of it from the thought in his head. So I snapped a picture of him, well of his ass and sent it to him.
    A: Your ass looks great in those jeans

    And that was a truth. But then I knew he would look good in anything or nothing. I sent him an image of him in a tailored suit with me drooling over him. It was a bit dramatic but I heard the laugh in his head. I sent a second image of him wearing nothing but a speedo.

    He thought back at me for the first time since we started this conversation, I’d never wear that. He corrected the image in his head and I sighed as I sent a response We need to talk about that.

    Nox stopped in front of me and I almost walked into him. He wasn’t smiling at me but he wasn’t brooding anymore either. “We’ll talk, but I have to go to this meeting. You want another cup of coffee? They’re buying.”

    I nodded, “Sure.” He grabbed my hand and I followed close behind him. And I sent him a stray thought, Have I told you how hot you look today?

    Nox looked at me with that smile – my smile as he lead me to an empty booth, his guy wasn’t here yet. He slid in first and he tugged me down in beside him. The waitress came and smiled at Nox with bright eyes. I let go of his hand and dropped my arm over the back of the seat and hung my hand on his opposite shoulder. Mine, god, dammit!

  • Poet’s Designs

    Poet’s Designs

    I crashed when I got home. It had been a walk and a half to get back to my own apartment. My dreams were plagued with images of the pretty boy using kids to get what he wanted. I started awake several times before I sought the serenity of the beach landscape so i could at least relax in peace.

    I woke with the sun streaming in through my window and was surprised it was nearly 10 am when my body finally woke me. I had expected an early morning call from Nox – being the fucking early bird that he was. But there were no missed calls or texts on my phone. I hadn’t heard from Janice or Jared either and I expected to hear something about Lindsay at the very least already. I hunted for my phone but it wasn’t anywhere I typically left it. I must have left it at the other apartment. They were going to think I was ignoring them on purpose – served them right though.

    But I really did need to check up on Lindsay.

    I didn’t get a chance as a text appeared on my phone with time and place that meant Poet wanted to meet. Which also meant I wasn’t going to be able to do much of anything I wanted.

    Poet wanted to meet in yet another random cafe across town. This one ritzier than the last. My coffee with 2 sugars and cream was sitting in a large ceramic cup on a platter next to a brownie. Poet didn’t even look up as I sat down. “I didn’t know what you’d like so I got that. Feel free to take it to one of your marks if you don’t like it.”

    I sipped at my coffee and nodded as I broke a piece of the brownie off. Not my favorite, but it would do. It was rich and decadent and went well with my dark roasted coffee. “What did you need so early in the morning, Poet?”

    “Tell me about the boy? I hear rumors he’s hunting a dragon in the Last Phoenix.”

    “I don’t know about the latter, but a dragon yes. He caught her last night.”

    Poet shook his head. “What else did you learn about this dragon he caught?”

    I shrugged. “She was robbing banks.”

    “She is a friend of an ally, do you know if she’s dead?”

    I shook my head. “She wasn’t when I last saw him. I don’t think he planned on killing her.”

    Poet sighed. “Thank you, Alex. Anything else on him?”

    “Nothing you can use. Well other than that he’s a royal mess. Though he told me he’s looking for a partner. Not someone to work with, someone to live with – his one.” I smirked at the idea that I’d thought he was my one at one point in my life. How wrong was I?

    “He’s got a soft spot for kids too.” I added. “Though he’s willing to use whatever he needs to get what he wants.” I thought about what had happened with the boy and wondered what happened to him now that his parents were both prisoners of the Venatori.

    Poet chuckled, “He’s making you question things isn’t he?”

    I shrugged. “He’s a hypocrite.”

    Poet laughed and I knew it was at my expense, fuck him. I stood up to leave but Poet put his hand on my elbow and I sat back down. “What do you need me to do?”

    Poet smiled that devious smile I knew I was going to hate whatever he asked of me. “I need you to get closer, help me understand what exactly I can use to control him. He’s getting in my way, and if I can’t control him. I will have to eliminate him otherwise.” Poet smirked, “Unless you are up to that task?”

    “I can control him just fine, you want someone else to do it, fine with me.”

    Poet’s smile grew wider, “It’s not so much as I want someone else. I want you to do it. But I know your other deal is wrapping up and I can let you go…”

    I sighed, “But you’d rather I do it for you because I can keep feeding you information while I manipulate him to doing what you want.”

    “Exactly.”

    “You know he’s royally messed up in the head right? Fucking anxiety and panic attacks.”

    Poet chuckled, “No. But you seem to handle him well. Or am I wrong?”

    “How close do you need him to be?”

    “I need him eating out of your hands. Ready to do what you ask at the drop of a hat. Are you up for that task Alex? If not I might get Reaper to see what he can do now that he’s got unfettered access to their mainframe. He’s a rigid electronic schedule yes?”

    Fuck that. He wasn’t giving my job to fucking Reaper. “I got it Poet. No need to get nasty.”

    He gave me a quick smile and stood up with his newspaper in hand. “As always a pleasure doing business Alex.”

    I growled, “Like wise.” only to be polite. But Poet was pushing me deeper into the fucking depths of my memories but that favor was worth it.

  • What Am I Doing?

    What Am I Doing?

    “Open the fuck up Nox.” One of them yelled through the door, but that was from Nox’s thoughts, that I knew that. I couldn’t read anything on the other side of the door. Fucking Venatori!

    “Go away!” He growled at them.

    The second one yelled through the door, “Come on, man it’ll take five minutes. Just open the fucking door.”

    Nox turned his gaze on me while I glared at the door, he was trying to be reassuring, “Just work.” Like I was jealous or something. “Let me get rid of them,” he added. Maybe I was. But I sure as fuck wasn’t going to tell him that.

    Nox slide off my lap and I caught his roaming thought, of all the things we could be doing right now. All the things my body ached to be doing. He turned around and grabbed his shirt from the floor magically and pulled it over his head with his back to me. My eyes went wide and I couldn’t hide the gasp that escaped from my mouth when the only thing I could see on his back was a mass of scars. He said it had all been in is head. That they had beat him. My anger at the Venatori was raw again. They’d never done anything to me, but they had to him. He was so fucking broken because of them.

    I barely noticed the men barge in behind Ophelia. I found my shirt and tugged it on. I barely heard their conversation. I didn’t care. I didn’t know why I was here, what I was doing I had to go. “I should go.” I said out loud as I pulled my shoes on and grabbed my clothes. “I’ll see you around.” I said as i stopped next to Nox by the door. His mind was racing again. These two idiots had ruined his calm and I was leaving. I knew it wasn’t helping any but I pressed a kiss to his lips. I stole a glance at them to make sure they’d been watching before I whispered to Nox, “Call me tomorrow, when you won’t get interrupted.” I caught several thoughts in his head, the first was disturbing that my mark on his neck would be gone in an hour. How had he not healed his back that way? And the second was he didn’t know when he’d have uninterrupted time to call. I added to answer his unspoken comment, “Call me anyway.”

    I left quickly and behind me I heard Nox yelling at them in cold quiet voice. I don’t think I wanted to hear that voice directed at me. But if he was going hunting this was an opportune time to follow him, except I didn’t have the right phone on me and I was carrying a bundle of clothes. My apartment wasn’t too far away. Neither was the posh one – it would be my first stop.

    I made it home and grabbed a change of my own clothes and my phone that had Nox’s phone already tapped in for tracking. He was on the train. I started walking that direction and hoped he stopped soon enough I could actually catch up but it was a nice night for a walk. It let me think. Not that I wanted to, so I pulled my earbuds out of coat pocket and chose my favorite Lana del Rey album and walked. I didn’t need to follow him but I wanted to see if he really did what he said or if he was a killer like the rest of the Feras.

    I walked and waited until he appeared to stop. It was still a bit of a walk but I should make it if he stayed still long enough. But I picked up my pace.

    Five minutes later I was standing outside a hole in the wall bar called the Ugly Dog Saloon. The goons who interrupted us had mentioned it. His phone was still inside. I didn’t want to stand here and wait all night but here I was looking for a place in the shadows deep enough he couldn’t see me.

    A woman darted out of the back of the bar and scaled the wall and was climbing the fire escape. One of the goons ran past me and the other I saw coming down the alley and Nox came out the back.

    “Where did she go?” One of them asked. I hated not hearing their thoughts.

    I felt Nox go somewhere, he let a shield down and he was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. His body felt a fire I had to pull away as he spoke a few short words, “I assume she went up.”

    “You mean she flew?” The other one asked.

    “She’s a dragon. Dragon’s do that.” Nox pressed his hands to his ears and the world seemed to calm down a little for him. His body wasn’t quite so on fire.

    The other two were inconsequential as I listened to his mind. I wasn’t sure if I should be scared or in awe of what I could decipher. The thoughts weren’t thoughts, more, it was hard to describe “She went up that way.” He pointed.

    Nox’s thoughts were racing and I knew he wasn’t thrilled about climbing to the top. And I had my own problem. I couldn’t exactly follow up wherever he was going. I was going to have to stay in the shadows. It was one thing to have a conversation with a man who always said what was on his mind. I had never found another person who didn’t speak in lies or omissions. To rely on Nox’s thoughts to see a conversation unfold was dubious at best, but I trusted that Nox would say what he thought and not do other things.

    He entered a window and he was looking around. A man and a boy came out of nowhere startling him. His mind flipping through things I couldn’t even understand. Calculating angles and patterns and god knows what else. His mind was a mass of confusion, I wasn’t even sure how he functioned on a day to day basis if this was how it was for him everyday.

    I could barely follow the conversation with all the other noise in his mind. I saw the thought that wrapped the man up in air and sent the gun flying from his hands. It was quick and short lived and then it was quiet again, calm as he spoke to the boy. He loved kids. It made me smile.

    Shortly thereafter Nox was climbing up the fire escape again. His mind carefully focused on what he was going to find at the top. He didn’t think about climbing – his fear of heights. Yet it didn’t stop him. Watching the scene unfold in his head was much like having to read the captions in a movie with only sound and no picture.

    Where there could have been a fight, Nox talked her down. And then through all of his thoughts I felt that fear. Fear of death, of dying, of burning alive. Images of the last dragon that threw flames at him leapt to his head and I could watch in almost vivid detail the pain and horror of having fire eating at your body and the pain so bad you pass out from it. But there was no pain, no fire as Nox’s thoughts were about saving himself from that fiery death with his gift. The dragon’s thoughts weren’t readable but from Nox’s I saw her gasping for air and Nox’s words tumbling form his mouth. He didn’t want to hurt her but he would.

    A shot went off and I panicked pulled my mind from his and I heard the conversation above on the light wind.

    The big black man growled at the other one, “You idiot, you didn’t even bring dragon killing bullets.”

    “I grabbed the wrong gun.” I smirked at the response. Or fate had said nope, no killing today.

    I reached out again to find Nox’s mind. He was still an open book. I could find him in the mass of emptiness on the roof but there were people below him, their quieter minds were much simpler to understand and yet I was sucked back to his to finish this rollercoaster of a ride.

    Nox diffused the situation. They didn’t kill the dragon, and the boy and the man were going with them. It didn’t make sense to take the boy, but from Nox’s thoughts he couldn’t leave the child either. And that’s when the biggest disappointment of his thoughts hit me, he would use the child as leverage even as he carried and cuddled the boy, he was thinking of how he could use it to his advantage. I growled under my breath. There were still very Venatoir thoughts in Pretty Boy’s head. After they were well out of listening range I stalked back to my apartment. I couldn’t believe he’d use a kid.

  • In Control

    In Control

    The shower was standing room only, though there was more than enough room for the both of us had Nox chosen to join me. But in his state of mind, I’m sure the fact that I was naked in his bathroom didn’t even cross his mind. I actually knew it didn’t, despite being a room apart I never stopped listening to him.

    I listened while he was consoled by his cat. A cat? I wasn’t sure about that, but the cat seemed to get him a lot more than I fucking did. But eventually, his mind became laser-focused again while he worked on the meal he was preparing. He slipped a few times and he fell down that rabbit hole. I had listened to a lot of messed up people, and I had a few nightmares about thoughts and people jumping. Thank fucking god that I didn’t listen while they actually did the deed.

    Here in the city, those thoughts were widespread considering the number of people here. It felt like it was more than elsewhere but it probably wasn’t.

    Nox had cooled down enough that I turned the water off. I’d been clean for a while now. I just stood there letting the warm water stream down my body. The door opened a hair and Nox dropped the neatly rolled clothes to the floor, “Figured you might want these now.” He closed the door behind him. He didn’t even try to steal a look or even openly stare. I should have been offended but his mind was on trying to stay sane. I guess I couldn’t blame him for not taking advantage of the chance he had. He was also worried about his food. Food that smelled amazing from the bathroom.

    I pulled on his clothes and my boxer briefs. Going commando in someone else’s clothes didn’t really appeal to me. I hadn’t really thought about how I was going to get dressed if he hadn’t brought me clothes. I could have walked out naked, or wrapped in a towel. That might have lightened the mood. But Nox was courteous at the least.

    I opened the bathroom door and stood in the doorway watching him cook. He really was in his element just standing behind the stove watching the pancakes. He was deft when he flipped the first one and the then second that was on the cast iron griddle. I always made a mess flipping the pancake over but his remained perfect. I wanted to ask him how if he never made them before, but his mind went to things I’d just washed away. “You have to stop Nox.”

    He looked up at me in confusion. “Stop thinking like that.” He dropped his gaze and the last thought I heard was he was going to make me mad doing it. It wasn’t in vengeance or some sort of payback, it was sad and pathetic and then he was gone. Completely and utterly gone from my mind. It was like that link was severed and it hurt. It hurt so much to feel nothing when he was feeling so much.

    I started walking towards the kitchen, “That’s not much better.” I reached the coffee pot and asked, “Can I have a cup of coffee?”

    He looked at me still dazed and nodded slowly as he spoke. “Make yourself at home.”

    “It really hurts you to shield so tightly?” I wished I could take the pain away. Fuck I needed to hear him so I could get the information Poet wanted.

    He shrugged. “Dorian told me it’s because I have too many kinds fighting each other. But even he is only speculating.”

    “Why do you think it happens?” I asked more to distract myself as I looked around for coffee mugs.

    He didn’t answer me, and since I wasn’t looking at him I hadn’t seen any non-verbal communication he’d done, “It would be easier if you would just let me read you.”

    He shook his head and flipped a pancake into the air. He was so elegant. The lean tone to his muscles as they did such a simple task. He was gorgeous if nothing else I was going to enjoy his body if we ever got past all the shit. “No, that’s not a good idea.” He said. The defeat was great in his voice.

    I opened the cabinet above the coffee pot, “I should have looked above the coffee pot first.” I hadn’t been thinking about coffee cups, just helping him.

    I made him a cup of black coffee and set it down next to him then fixed my own. Everything smelled so good but the man doing the cooking was so broken. I set my cup down next to his and stood behind him, trapping him in front of me. I kissed the back of his neck where the elegant dragon tattoo was. He shivered as I spoke, “Nox, let the shield go.”

    I knew how to manipulate him. I had always known the simplest way to get him to do what I wanted was to speak in a firm voice. He’d been that way as a child too, even before we had become involved. If I didn’t want to do something I just had to tell him to do something else. I’d gotten tired of building block towers. I wanted to do something else. And even in the dreams, he obeyed without question. But this time when he listened he rushed into my head so fast I gasped. “Fuck!” His knees buckled and I held him while trying to stay away from him, “You okay?” I asked.

    He nodded, barely moving his head, “I let go of everything and I didn’t mean too.”

    “Okay,” I said as he started plating the food. “Everything smells great.”

    “Thanks. I need to get the bacon out of the oven.”

    I took a step back and away from him so he could open the oven door and grab the bacon. He reached inside without an oven mitt and was grabbing the hot oily pan, I reached out and yelled his name, “Nox..”

    He was relatively unphased but looked a little guilty as he set the pan down. “I forget that normal people can’t suck the heat out of things. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

    I grabbed his hands and turned them palms up so I could see they weren’t burnt for myself, and I pushed the door closed to the oven with my foot. “Don’t do that again please?” He had about given me a heart attack.

    “I’ll try to remember.”

    He pulled his hands from mine and asked me “Can you get three plates?”

    I grabbed three plates effortlessly from the cabinet I knew they were in. I started plating my food on to a plate, I didn’t see a fork and I didn’t want to get it, they weren’t that hot anyway. I grabbed myself three pancakes, and a few very hot slices of bacon. And licked my fingers, “Alex?” Nox asked and I heard the apology in his head.

    “Don’t say it, Nox.”

    “But I am.”

    I went to the fridge and grabbed the ice cream before I answered him, “Me too.” I stepped into his personal space and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. It was more effort than it should have been to pull away and make my last statement on the subject, “We’ll both try harder.” I scooped out some vanilla ice cream and dropped it on top of my pancakes. I was going to enjoy this meal. I took it around to go sit down and I heard Nox’s thought, he wasn’t annoyed I’d only made my plate, but I explained, “I would have made your’s but I don’t know what you’ll eat.” I said as I sat down.

    I heard him make his plate and make his way to the couch where he sat down next to me. He was comforted by touch so I shifted closer pressing my leg to his. I lifted my fork of pancakes and ice cream to my lips and let out a small sound. I could die eating this every day but fuck it was good. His steak had been excellent but this was better in my opinion.

    I noticed Nox wasn’t eating but he didn’t seem distressed in his head, a little chaos, but nothing outside the norm, I asked “Not hungry?”

    “I’m just enjoying watching you eat.”

    His response surprised me., “It’s not that interesting.”

    “It is if you are me.” Nox grabbed my hand and placed it in his lap where I could feel his cock hard against my fingers. He continued. “Trust me. It’s very interesting watching your mouth move and listening to all the little sounds you make.”

    Fuck, my fingers were limp against him but I was fighting every ounce of my being to not squeeze him and make him groan and squirm. I wanted to which is why I pulled my hand away with a smirk. “I think I’m keeping my hands to myself for a little while longer.” Besides my food would get soggy and it would be wasted, and there was no way I was wasting any of it. “The ice cream will melt and the pancakes will get soggy,” I told him though I was sure he hadn’t been offended by my hand moving away.

    Nox held out his hand over my plate, “I can fix that for you.”

    I had no clue what he was doing but I went in for another bite and there was a distinct difference between where I sat and my plate. I looked at him and realized he was using magic, “That’s cheating.” I said.

    He laughed and then the room got colder. Ophelia made a disgruntled sound and the door opened for her as she left. I stared after her as Nox yelled at her through the closed door. “I didn’t want you here anyway.”

    “Are you trying to freeze me now?” I asked rubbing my arms. I didn’t particularly like the cold.

    “Too cold?”

    I could think of a few things to keep warm, “I might need some warming up.”

    He smirked. “I thought you were interested in your pancakes.”

    “You were interested in my pancakes.”

    “I was interested in your mouth and the little sounds you were making.”

    His comment went straight to my cock. Which spurred my eating. Though I really would have liked to enjoy the pancakes more. If I played this right though I could easily have them every day. But I was getting colder, “Can you put the room back to normal temperature please?” I said. I really didn’t like being cold.

    “I’m sorry.” He nodded as the room got decidedly warmer.

    Even as he smiled at me his thoughts were racing towards my lips, to kissing me. “You have a one-track mind.”

    “Sex, sex and more sex?” He joked and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

    .”Are you going to eat?” I asked concerned he wasn’t going to partake of his own cooking, “I’ll eat later.” He said. I doubted that.

    I still felt a chill on my arms and legs, the room was taking longer to warm back up then it did to cool down. I shifted to the side of the couch and crooked a finger at Nox, “Come here.”

    His breath caught and he moved slowly over me. He held himself above me and I couldn’t help but make use of the view, his long body working to not touch mine, “How long can you stay like that?” I asked. I wondered if he could stay like that while I made use of the space between us.

    He shrugged, “I’m usually on the bottom, I don’t know.”

    “Oh really?” I teased. It was a challenge now. Though after I had cupped his face and pulled him closer to kiss deeply his body sagged to mine. I broke the kiss and teased up at him, “Not so strong after all.”

    He pressed his face to my neck and hid from me. His thoughts were spiraling again. He tried to speak “I…” But had to stop and take a deep breathe while he collected himself. “I can hold for as long as you demand it, Alex.”

    I sat up a little more pulling myself out from underneath him. “Did someone make you do that?” I didn’t like knowing things. I read the things that went through his mind.

    He shrugged. “I did a lot of things for Adrian because he told me to.” And those thoughts of what he’d done with this older man had me rolling.

    “Your therapist?” I asked trying not to growl, this wasn’t a therapy I’d ever heard about, more like child abuse.

    He nodded still resting against my body distracting me as he spoke, “Sorta. I told you I was taught to be submissive.”

    I growled, “Something about power and how men treated you.” His so-called therapist was his Dom. What the fuck, but in those moments he also wanted to leave, wanted to go back and curl up and beat himself down until he was lower than low and I wouldn’t let him. I held him against me, a grip on his shirt.

    Which apparently was the wrong fucking thing to do as Nox’s mind started to panic and he was feeling trapped. I let out a huff of air in frustration and threw my arms off him angrily, yet he stayed. “I thought you felt trapped.” Poet better appreciate how fucked up this kid was and the things I had to do.

    “You aren’t pinning me to you. I can stay here. I won’t move.”

    He went into submission again. I couldn’t deal with it so I shoved him off me. “I don’t want a fucking submissive.”

    He sighed. “I don’t want a dom.” He picked up his plate and scraped it off into the garbage. What the fuck? That was still good food, I’d have eaten it. This man was going to drive me up a fucking wall.

    “Then what the fuck do you want Nox?” I asked in a growl. I was trying to keep it together. I was trying not to run away. Running away didn’t do any good and it didn’t get me any more information. I could keep Nox broken forever if I wanted to. I think that was what Poet was counting on.

    Nox shrugged. “I don’t want a dom. I want someone who understands that’s all.”

    He took up a submissive stance against the counter and I waited for him to drop his head but he huffed and threw himself to the floor. He didn’t want to be submissive, he didn’t want to anger me. “I don’t need a dominate. I need a partner. I need someone who’s willing to help carry the burden of what it means to be me.” He started and the rolling in his head churned more but the words I understood.

    “Everyday” I heard his head hit the cabinets, I could get up and look at him but I didn’t need to see him to know he was defeated. He kept going. “Everyday, it’s a fight to control what I am. When I was 5 the very first person who was supposed to help me forged in me the absolute compulsion to obey.”

    This sounded very much like the child abuse I had been fearing before. And he kept going, describing it in more detail, “If I didn’t come into the classroom and put my hands on the wall, spread my legs and submit, once I did, and I always did, he would lay into me. Except to everyone watching, I stood against the way like that for hours. He slipped inside my head, made me dream. Beat me until I sparked.”

    I wanted to know what he meant by sparked but as he spoke saw images of curtains catching fire, of his bedroom catching fire of tears and lost friends but he kept going as he did I didn’t have the heart to interrupt his tirade, “I learned to control every aspect of my being to please him. I still have nightmares every night of him, hurting me, of the beatings I took at his hands. The fear of misbehaving, or stepping wrong.” He was beaten into submission. I shoved my hands into my hair and leaned back against the couch. What the fuck?

    He sighed, it sounded so desperate and broken. “I need someone who is going to take some of that burden, to release some of that control, just so I don’t overwhelm myself.” His reasons were sound, why was it hard to accept?

    “I learned at a very early age that I was weak. I couldn’t be what everyone else was. So I worked harder, controlled more and more. And after the first time I hooked up with a random guy in a bar, I found a release. I could let them abuse me, leave myself raw and broken and they wouldn’t care. Adrian showed me I didn’t need to be broken and raw and weak even if I gave up power. I could be whole and still give up control, channel it in a positive way. So if my submissive nature bothers you, you know where the door is. I can’t change it and honestly, Alex. I don’t want to.” The realization that he had used the abusive nature of people to feel better about himself made my skin crawl. He was so much more. So much pain I could feel inside and most of it was self-inflicted. I could feel that never-ending font of pain inside him.

    I didn’t know what to say, much less what to do. He wanted someone to understand. But understanding meant caring and I wasn’t going to care. He’d betrayed me once I wasn’t going to fall prey to his games again. I hated that I wanted to make it better. But I couldn’t run, I had to stay for Poet, had to play this game a little longer.

    I got up and walked into the kitchen and looked down at him as he was close to tears on the floor. He felt smaller than before with me like this, but I didn’t get down to his level. “I don’t know what to say to all that.” He shook his head trying to clean the cobwebs of his mind from me, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it.”

    I knelt down and his eyes followed mine and I kept talking. “I don’t know why someone would hurt a beautiful boy like you. I don’t know why you’d let someone hurt you. You have all this power and you let people run over you like a semi-truck. All I want to do is take you home, bury you under a pile of blankets and tell the world to fuck off. They can’t have you. Why do you let people do that to you Nox?” I didn’t know what the fuck I was saying, it felt like I was talking from my heart and I couldn’t stop. All of the anger and heartbreak for what he’d been put through coalesced into one thought and I couldn’t deny it, he was mine.

    The tirade in his head ran so fast I barely caught any of it, but the gist of it was I’d never understand I was just human. “Explain it to me Nox.” I tried hard not to growl my frustration at him. For all his progressive thinking he still thought of me as only human – different from him. He was beginning to piss me off.

    “What do you want me to explain?” He growled at me. “The Venatori are a fucked up people. They beat kids because it teaches them control. They send us into camps where they don’t care about anything other than our survival. They don’t care if the weaker kids are abused and raped and that they have a hard time adapting. They force men and women to have children that they don’t want with people who don’t love them. They raise their children to see inside this tiny little box because it’s fucking how it’s always done.”

    He broke the eye contact we’d been holding and stood up. There was no space between us but he hardly noticed as he went on. “This is my life, Alex. I’m fucked up. How I was raised was fucked up. Everything about this is fucked up.”

    He said it like I didn’t understand. But then he didn’t know my life was fucked up too. My mother used me from a young age to get what she wanted. Me and her against the world. We could do anything, and she would use anything to get what she wanted. But he didn’t know that. He’d never know that. He continued on, “We deal with the hand we’ve been dealt and we do with it what we can. I submit because I need to. Or I’ll go fucking insane. The battles to be fought aren’t ones that need to save me. But there are people out there who can’t stand up for themselves. Who don’t get that right. So I’ll do it. I’ll be the Venatori’s punching bag while I do what I can for Abby, and Liam and for every other fucking supernatural creature I get to save because I can take anything the Venatori give to me. And I’ll submit to their rules and their beatings and I’ll do what it takes because I can. I’m that strong, but I need help. I need someone to free me from myself.” He walked away from me still kneeling on the floor. Fuck!
    He was on the verge of hitting something and I wondered if there was a breaking point. And then his thoughts came around again to his dream guy – the one who never showed up and cemented in him the fact he wasn’t worth loving. It hit like a blow to the gut and I was surprised I didn’t gasp from the mental blow. He might as well have hit me. I hurt him, he hurt me, was it fair play to try to make this personal when it was just a job? Probably not, but when it came to Nox Sétanta I didn’t think in terms of fair. Besides, Poet wanted this. Poet would get it and I’d get that fucking favor.

    Nox was staring out the window, I wondered if it was a magically created window or something else entirely – maybe a fucking portal to another world for all I knew. I collected myself and set myself on the right path. Poet wanted information I needed to be close. So that was where I went. I got up from the floor and headed to his bed to sit down. The pain and the tears started again with his thoughts narrowing on me leaving. He really thought so little of himself. He was a mess. I called out his name, “Nox.” When he looked at me I beckoned him to come with my finger.

    He shook his head and I had no choice to but to say it, “Come here Nox.” I dropped my hand to my thighs, but he didn’t move. All I wanted to do was growl and leave but I stalked to him and stopped inches from his body. “I thought you listened better than this.” As I spoke he shivered at the sound of my voice caressing his skin.

    He was dazed. I grabbed his wrists and pulled them behind him, pulling our bodies closer together. I could smell his clean yet smoky scent and the soft skin at his neck was well within kissing and biting range. He relaxed into the hold. I whispered against his skin, “Show me how well you can listen, Pretty Boy.”

    He nodded, his mind quieted and he listened. “Touch me,” I commanded remembering how the club owner of Ooh had done the same exact thing. The chaos and the confusion here one moment and then gone another. It was almost as hard to read him now as it was when it was tumbling in that chaos.

    “Where?” he gasped quietly, gasping for air to his lungs that wasn’t coming.

    “Where ever you want.” I said as I let go of his hands. It’d be hard to touch without them. Though I wouldn’t be opposed to his mouth all over my body.

    Nox dropped his eyes as he touched my cheek with the back of his hand. It was so gentle and tender, almost like he thought he was going to break me. I reached under his chin and lifted his eyes. “Look at me.” I didn’t want a submissive, and he wanted an equal. He didn’t want someone who was only going to play the game. He wanted understanding and hope. I could give him that in the moments now. He would understand how it felt when it was ripped away when this was all over.

    He smiled and licked his lips as his fingers trailed down the top side of my arms. His hands found their way under my shirt and his fingers were cool against my skin and his eyes closed in ecstasy, but they popped open seconds later. He would obey even if he felt the desire to do otherwise. I smirked at him, “That’s fine, I don’t want you to look down unless you are watching what you do to me.”

    He gave a slight nod to acknowledge the instruction. There was no yes, sir or master. And I was grateful for that particular omission, though I didn’t think he wanted those kinda nicknames anymore than I did. “Can I undress you?” He asked.

    “I think that would be a good idea,” I remembered a time when he hadn’t asked. In the darkness of the dream, his birthday nearly five years ago, he undressed me and touched me everywhere. He tugged the shirt over my head and his fingers fell down caressing my skin.

    His fingers followed the outline of the mechanical arm cutout on my shoulder. He’d never actually seen it, I hadn’t had it when he was in the dream, not that he’d know any way in the darkness. “What’s that from?” He asked as his fingers ran over the underlying scar.

    It wasn’t a fond memory but I smiled. “Some guy tried to shoot me and missed.” Well not exactly missed since he actually hit me but he’d been trying to kill me. I played dangerous games sometimes, and sometimes the men and women involved got mad they got played. It was nothing different from Nox’s stories I’m sure. The scar on his cheek being the most obvious one I knew nothing about.

    But he was going to start asking questions so I leaned forward and kissed him. His breath caught and when I pulled away I whispered against the soft wet lips, “Don’t worry about it, Pretty boy, it was a long time ago and I’m fine.”

    Nox’s fingers trailed down my side and the feather-light touch ticked and I squirmed underneath. He had found the same spot before and carefully avoided it, but this time he ran his fingers over it again to elicit the reaction and I jerked away as he wanted but not out of reach, and the feeling went straight to my cock. I couldn’t hold still, I knew he could though if I asked him to. “I’m not as practiced as you.” I grabbed his hand and pressed it to my stomach, I had enough teasing.

    He ran his fingers over my abs and he groaned at the touch. If he could get off just touching me fuck, wouldn’t that be something to leave him with. I took a step back and crooked my finger at him and he followed. His mind clear. His wants and desires clean on his mind. There was peace. And quiet I hadn’t really heard. He’d used other people like this, to calm his nerves, to embrace the peace and quiet.

    I worked on autopilot as my body ached for him, but my mind was falling down its own hateful path. He was just using me like he had before. He was on top of me and his fingers were light against my chest. I didn’t want to be used, but what else good was this if I didn’t follow through. Pillow talk was always the best way to get information, even from a man who wore his thoughts on his sleeve. I whispered, “Kiss me.” And Nox leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine.

    My fingers found the hem his shirt and I pulled it over his head and while his hands were above his head trapped by the t-shirt I pressed my lips to his neck. He groaned as I sucked and bit a small bruise in my favorite spot. Nox gave me as much room as was possible to do whatever I wanted. I moved up towards his ear, my tongue and lips leaving a trail and before I could find another tender spot there was a fucking knock at the door. Nox growled and I felt it against my lips. If it hadn’t been in frustration I’d have let him know how much I had liked it. But he didn’t answer the door. He tried to ignore the fact that someone was outside.

  • Down Hill

    I opened the door and he stepped through. I had to admit he was definitely a good notch to have on my belt. I wondered how many different ways I could fuck him before I got tired of his neediness.

    He saluted the statue which I found odd, but he was happy so I said nothing. But I knew the moment he stepped foot in the elevator things were going to go down hill., “How many floors is it to your room?” I asked. Fuck I didn’t want to walk them all but it might be better than the alternative.

    “Too many to walk with groceries.” He said it, and I took offense to it immediately

    “I doubt that. I bet you take the stairs two or three times a day. How many floors?” I asked again. If he could do it I could do it!

    I sighed and relented, “47 flights of stairs.”

    I blinked at the thought of doing stairs that many times a day. I took his hand and checked out his ass again. “No wonder you have such a hot ass.”

    “Holy fuck, he blushes.” His face lit up even more than before and he was checking his bottom lip. Fuck that was hot. “Is that going to be a thing now?”

    He shook his head, “No, you just called attention to it, which makes it worse.”

    I wrapped my arms around him then said, “We can take the stairs until I get tired, then I’ll have to ask for the elevator.”

    He denied me, “We can take the service elevator, I don’t freak out quite so bad there.”

    “Why’s that?” I asked a little confused.

    “Cause I can’t see the ground getting farther or closer.”

    Ah! I grinned. “To the service elevator then.”

    If we were dating, I’d probably have done more than press my body against his in the elevator, but I wasn’t sure how he’d react to the sudden change in our relationship much less how he felt about public displays of affection. “Just in case.” But I knew he didn’t mind too much, he did fuck girls on the dance floor after all. But there had never been any cases of him with other men in public.

    Nox was leaning against me and he tensed. “Fuck!” He wanted more but I smelled like fucking Janice. Well more like Lindsay and Jared, but I showered… Fuck, was right.

    “I can take another shower if you think it’ll help.” I said, but the doors opened and we were outside and he hadn’t answered. I tried to get my bearings. “How the fuck do you find your way around this place?”

    “You get used to it. Just think about my room and the door will glow, and if you get lost the doors will point the way.” He pointed at the doors to our right and I noticed the slight shift in colors leading me in one direction. Fuck, that was convenient.

    “Still, I don’t know how you do it. What about your human friends?” But what did everyone else see? I could see things others couldn’t.

    “Mia and Jace see what they expect to see. The human eyes are trained to see what they expect. They don’t see what they don’t believe in.”

    “You mean magic?”

    He shrugged. “I guess, but there are people who are attuned to the occult, and see the magic of your world.”

    “Why do I?”

    “Because you’re a path. Your brain is wired differently and you can see the truth of thing.”

    “I’m nothing special.” I intoned.

    Nox gave me that award winning smile again. He loved to flash it. “You are special, even if you don’t feel that much different from anyone else. I mean you can hear someone else’s thoughts. You don’t think that’s special?”

    So says the kettle! “Looks who’s talking?”

    “I’m not special in my world. I’m just like everyone else except not as good as they are. I’m special in your world because I can do unfathomable things, but here, I’m just another grunt doing the work.” There was that self deprecating attitude.

    “So I’m special you aren’t?” He was an idiot sometimes. I only wished I could tell him that without worrying about setting him on the road to a break down again. So I made light of the whole thing. “I can live with that.”

    “Me too.” He said. The door to our right started blinking furiously. “Touch the door.” He commanded.

    I liked the tone in his voice, went straight to my cock, “Sounds kinda kinky.”

    He laughed. “Please?” And it was gone, begging and asking permission again.

    “Ah, fuck! Don’t say it like that.” I didn’t want a sub but I did as he pleaded and the door swung wide at my touch. “What the fuck?”

    “It’s attuned to you.”

    How? More importantly why? “Why? You barely know me I could walk in now, steal your stuff and walk out and you’d never know.”

    “I’d know when the things were missing and I’d know who did it. The runes can be read and understood and keep records of things.”

    “But there are no cameras?” I said looking around. Well there were none outside his room, there was

    “It’s dna encoded, or magic or something, but it uses something very specific to you to open for you.” I walked inside and the door closed behind us.

    I looked around and saw the distinct lack of the ugly cat he dotted on. “Where’s your cat?”

    He shrugged. “Dunno, she’ll show up around dinner time. The door is attuned to Fee too. She can come and go as she pleases. She just has to walk by it and it’ll open for her then close behind her.”

    “Handy. Where do you want me to put this?” I lifted the bags so he knew what I was talking about.

    “Find a place. I usually keep the wine in the fridge.”

    “I could leave it here on the counter so it looked like you were a lush.” I teased.

    “And then my father might drink it all and you’d not have anything to drink when you came over.” he taunted back.

    “Just blame it on your Dad.” I said. His thoughts got skittish again and while he was thinking about me running, I hadn’t been thinking it until it started in again. I could easily just bolt. But I really wanted those pancakes.

    I shook my head trying to clear his thoughts from my mind. “I’m going to grab a shower, see if I can’t make you feel a little more comfortable.” I needed something that didn’t smell like everyone else, his clothes were the only thing I had. But I stopped short and looked at him to ask, “I’m going to borrow a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.”

    “Borrow whatever you want.” He was grinning so I opened the first drawer. I did it slowly so he’d think about where things were and I got exactly what I needed from him.

    But I played it off like I was afraid of what I might find. “You think I have some red lingerie in there or something?”

    I laughed. He said it not me. I got the distinct feeling that the idea was very far fetched – no women’s lingerie for him. I grabbed a shirt from the front of the row of t-shirts. Everything was rolled in a nice neat bundle ordered with a gap at the back. He was anal about a lot of things that was clear. “Reading my mind are you?” He asked.

    “You are an open book. I’m truly amazed at what just sits on top. I don’t even have to dig for those deep dark secrets.” But he had one, I looked up to make my point, “Making your own porns?”

    He shook his head “No. But…”, he paused to sigh before he continued, “I’m sure Sage has kept some of the things he’s seen on it.”

    “What?” His fucking friend watched him. Watched him do what?

    “The camera was installed to see if we could catch anything on video while I went through my nightmares. Sage hacked it the first time he was here after i installed it. We had an arrangement.”

    My anger at the thought that his friend abused their relationship clouded the reason. I didn’t fucking care. “You let him what, watch you get fucked?”

    “I’ve never brought anyone home until you. You are the first person other than my friends to walk in this door.” He confessed.

    “What about your fucking vampire prince? He’s been here.” I was furious, more at myself for feeling this way at all, but he had a fucking camera pointed at his bed for his fucking friend to watch. Him and his fucking vampire friend.

    “I’ve never had sex with Ant. Not once, not ever. There was a time, a very short time in which it might have happened, but I didn’t go through with it.”

    “Why not?” I growled.

    He did it again. His eyes dropped, and I stalked towards him as he spoke but didn’t look at me. “Because I was in love with someone else.” Just fucking great! I wondered what fucking person he was in love with. Obviously I meant shit to hime. He continued oblivious to my fury. “It’s not Ant’s fault his bite is intoxicating. And it’s not my fault the power is like bacon to vampires.”

    I was confused… bacon? What the fuck?

    He continued almost pleading with me, “But I never had sex with him. We are close but it’s not romantic, or sexual even if it looks that way on the outside. I already told you I have a desire, a need to touch and Ant isn’t shy and… ” And he shut up. But his mind rolled into a chaos I couldn’t decypher. He started putting away all the groceries.

    I hadn’t made it far before his words had stopped me. A step or two was all I had managed. Now he was looking at me again. “If the camera is a big deal.”

    He reached out his hand and then the camera was smashed to tiny bits floating in the air above my head. “We never see anything on it anyway.” He said it like a confession. Like it was something he had been meaning to do for a while now. Someone saw something on it. He’d just told me his fucking friend watched him with their fucking arrangement.

    He discarded the broken camera in the garbage bin and then looked at me with tears shining in his eyes, “Are you staying for pancakes?”

    “I think I should go.” I set the shirt and shorts on the top of the dresser and looked at him. “I’ve lost my appetite and I just keep setting you off.”

    “No. Don’t go.” He whined. His mouth clicked close quickly and he took a deep breath while his mind churned at a million miles an hour.. “Whatever you need to do Alex.” he said with no hope in it.

    “If I stay I’m only going to make you worse. And I know you have an important case and I’m just a distraction.”

    He sighed and turned around, I couldn’t read him as he spoke. “If you leave I’m just going to curl up in bed and do nothing anyway.” I caught glimpses of his friend in his mind. And my anger grew but he was putting everything away. He expected me to leave. He didn’t want me to go. He was such a mess I should go, leave him to his thoughts and his fucking vampire prince.

    The door opened and a small feline waltzed in past my feet and jumped up on to the counter. The door closed behind her with a small slick and Nox lost it. That fine shred of control he’d had, that last shred of sanity splintered and fell away and he cried. I felt a mental nudge on my shield and looked at the cat. She jumped down and walked into the bathroom. I followed her inside and she curled up on top of the sink on a fresh towel. He needed to cool down and I needed a shower. I closed the door behind me and ran my fingers over the cat’s stiff fur on her head and she purred. “Thanks Ophelia. Maybe you should go make sure he’s alright.”

    She stood up and stretched her body like it was an imposition. She jumped up on the door handle and the door opened enough for her to get out. I closed it behind her and pressed my head against the cool door. What the fuck was I doing?

  • A Regular Thing

    A Regular Thing

    He was tired of talking to me. But he wasn’t tired of communicating. Nox leaned back against the seat we’d taken on the train and for 30 minutes we sat in silence. To the outside world we just sat there. But we were having an interesting conversation.

    It had started out not so innocent. I whispered in his mind some of the things we’d done in the past. But I didn’t say we’d done them, just thoughts of those things – possibilities for the future to see if any of them registered. Nox surprised me when he thought about us doing nothing together. Lounging in our comfort zones, me watching tv and him reading a book, curled up together but in our own little worlds. We’d never done it in the dream, but we’d spoken of our fun things to do, things that we wanted when we met for real.

    I pressed a question that Poet probably didn’t care about, but it could reveal many things if phrased correctly, What do you want the most of all? It had nothing at all to do with me wanting to know.

    The question caught Nox off guard. The images came suddenly and were fast and furious. . Images of a family, of a kids playing in the background, barbeques on the roof, a fleeting image of me with a baby were the last thing I saw before Nox announced, “Our stop.” He tried to pull back the thoughts. He thought I’d run. I might have if I had any intentions of staying. But this was just a job. He was just a mark – nothing more.

    I knew we hadn’t gotten of near his house, I supposed this was closer to the grocery store he wanted to go to. Pancakes were still on the table. He was making a mental list of things to by and I smirked, “Don’t forget the ice-cream. I’m sure I can find another use for it later.”

    He shuddered. His thoughts were flying in two separate directions one of lust and one of disgust. It was kinda funny listening to the dichotomy in his head. “You really are too easy.”

    “You have no fucking idea.”

    “Actually I think I do.” I tapped his head and smiled at him. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

    “Yeah yeah.” He stuck his tongue out at me and opened the door to the store.

    His thoughts drifted to his vampire prince and his friend and I felt the jealousy rising. I was not fucking jealous of a fucking vampire! I growled, “We need to go to a liquor store too.”

    Nox raised his eyebrow and I gave him a playful smirk as I told him the truth. “I’m not drinking another one of those god-awful beers.”

    “You didn’t need to drink it!” He frowned. “I asked you what you wanted.”

    “Well this time I can say I want a whiskey.”

    “I could make you an Irish coffee. Or a White Russian. Though I don’t have either vodka or Bailey’s on hand. My dad would thank you though.” Nox added. He was very impressive with his knowledge of things in the food area. Again I wondered what else he knew how to make. I had a mental image of him learning how to make body shots that had me smirking.

    “You drink with your dad? I thought you didn’t know him.” I asked. His thoughts raced to wonder when he’d told me that. Fuck! I slipped

    But Nox shook his head in reply. “I don’t drink much anymore, but he tends to have something in his coffee when we have brunch on Saturday.”

    “You two close?” I asked. I wished I’d had a relationship with my father – but that was never going to happen. He was dead – long before I was born. Though I had a dream about him once. It was a great dream. I learned a lot after that. I also got my heart broken. Fucking journal…
    “Not really. We are trying. Kai’s trying to make up for lost time, trying to be a better parent to me than he was to any of his other kids. Mostly because he knows how much I hated my father as a child. He feels like he should have been there.” Nox spoke even though I was distracted. I caught most of what he said.

    “Did you have any close relationships growing up?” I asked. I pretty much knew the answer but it never hurt to verify it.

    “Not really. I had Sage’s family, and Mia’s mom. There was Dae’lin and Dorian who sent me off to other instructors who I consider almost family. Margo my therapist.” He said as we headed for the checkout line. He stopped short, but his thoughts kept on coming. It surprised me to hear about myself inside his head. What he had thought of his dream guy. He added, “But no one really I called family.”

    I paid for the groceries and I would expense it to Poet. Poet was really going to hate that arrangement. The liquor store around the corner had everything I wanted and more. I picked up whiskey, vodka both top shelf brands and I bought a bottle of Bailey’s. Not my favorite, but it worked best with the Irish Coffee. And two bottles of excellent wine – one white and the other red. Nox asked, “Why do we need all that?”

    I smirked, “Maybe I plan on getting you drunk and having my way with you.”

    His voice was low and he was biting his bottom lip as he confessed, “You don’t need me drunk to have your way with me.”

    He was so tempting. My body remembered all the ways he could make me shudder. But even he was leery about going there again with all the mental breakdown he’s had with me I didn’t blame him.

    I bumped his shoulder trying to lighten the tense mood and gave him the real reason for the excessive drink. “It’s so you have it for when I come over, so you don’t have to go out and buy anything. This way you have what I like on hand.”

    “So all for you?” He grinned.

    “All for me.” I said as I snaked my arm around his waist. His mind went to the touch of my fingers against his skin as I tried to reassure him. “I’ll do my best not to make things worse, alright?”

    He nodded. “You didn’t do anything wrong – you haven’t.” But I knew I had caused a lot of his issues the past few days. And I was likely going to cause more. I only felt slightly ashamed of myself. He deserved every ounce of angst he got from this encounter.

    “I did enough. I’m not very good at this.” I paused making it look like I was searching for the right word. This was just a job, nothing more. I continued,. “.. this dating thing.”

    “We dating?” He asked playfully.

    His banter struck a chord as I tried to play it off. “If you want to put a label on it.”

  • For the Win

    For the Win

    The objective of the game was to kill all the other players or to capture their flag. The three boys on my team all looked at me, “What do you want to do mister? Those boys all like to just shoot, we could win by taking their flag.”

    I shrugged, “I’m just here to shoot people.” I thought maybe I should have been on the other side and Nox on this lets plan team.

    They worked as a team but I was on the lookout for only one person. The boy in the lead went down fast. His lights flickering a kill shot. But no one knew where it came from. I listened to my pretty boy snickering in his head as he relocated someplace else. The next boy went down with a blur of motion. I stood behind one of the pillars and listened to Nox’s thoughts. I got conflicting information. He was better at distracting me than I thought he was. I had to make a decision and I chose wrong. Next thing I knew Nox was face to face with me my lights were already flickering. He grinned at me even as I covered my heart with my hands in mock defeat. I was dying after all. “I thought this was your first time.” I commented.

    He gave me that bright shining smile that could melt anyone’s heart, “It is. But I do this for a living, remember?” I tried not to give up my teammate behind Nox by not looking at him, but Nox pointed the gun and pulled the trigger. The lights brightened and the game was over. Nox’s teammates cried out, “Not even ten minutes,. No fair.”

    “Another game?” I asked over the music blaring. I hoped the other boys would hear me. They were all vying for a rematch.

    “He’s too good, it’ll just end.” one boy complained.

    I snickered, “Maybe we should all go against him.” He wanted to play hunter I could best him anyway he wanted. He liked to work alone I knew that much, see how he did against a bunch of boys and someone who could read his thoughts.

    He shrugged,”If you think you can beat me that way.” His wink told me that he thought he could beat me. We’d see.

    “Oh I can beat you all sorts of ways.” I taunted.

    Nox bit his bottom lip at my comment, though he didn’t get to respond as the other boys pushed him towards the red and we were blue. Nox was feeling a little anxious so I called out after him, “Hey pretty boy!”

    He turned around and looked at me, “Yeah?”

    “See ya on the playing field.” I smirked. And the comment had the desired effect, he beamed at me and he was happier. I made him smile – my smile.

    Nox was hiding in the shadows when we all entered the playing field. He was waiting for me. He knew I was his biggest threat, get me out and the boys would be easy pickings. But he was so loud, I knew exactly where he was. I didn’t need to sneak up on him, but I came out of the shadows nonetheless and pressed him up against the corner he was in. It was a risky move, he could have shot me, but I was hoping that the look on my face made him forget what he was supposed to be doing. I pressed my body against his and whispered against his neck, “You just never shut up, do you?”

    His mind was churning with the way I smelled. Distraction was the only way to keep him with me. Keep him readable so I kissed him. He moaned against my lips and I pulled the trigger. “I win.” I smirked. “You are so easy pretty boy.”

    He stood there staring at me biting his bottom lip, his mind running through what he wanted and questions about where I had been. His mind tumbled. I took his hand and led him out of the room. We discarded our equipment and I took him down a hall – someplace quiet.

    I knew he needed reassurance. Needed me to tell him things were okay. He was so fucking needy it wasn’t even funny anymore. If Poet’s offer wasn’t so fucking worth it I’d be gone. I pressed him against the wall with one hand on his chest. The ramifications of the action could be detrimental, but it was also something to calm him. Control was a thing for him, the power in submitting. I didn’t want a fucking sub, but here I was pandering to one. I reassured him, “For the record I didn’t have sex.”

    “What you do in your free time is none of my business, Alex. I just wish you’d listen when I say don’t come around smelling like someone else.”

    “When did you tell me that?” I dropped my hand from his chest and took a step back to stare at him. He’d never told me that. Not once, not in the real world. It had been something his dreamself told me when I’d come to the dream directly after a mark and I had been together. No shower in between. But he shouldn’t remember that.

    He shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought you knew Venatori have a strong sense of smell.” He seemed lost about the conversation too. His mind was empty of whatever comment he’d held on to and confusion reigned.

    “Nox. I took a shower, I changed my clothes and you still smell it on me, what more do you want?” I told him. There was nothing more. I could have taken three showers and he’d probably still smell them on me.

    “I don’t know.” He shrugged and dropped his eyes.

    This was getting fucking annoying. “Jesus fucking Christ, Nox. Why do you do that?”

    “Do what?” He asked without looking up.

    “Go all submissive and complaint when I’m angry with you.” I growled out. I hated this trend.

    He took a deep breathe and looked up to meet my eyes. The only thing I saw was that little boy who I’d seen so many times in my dream. Those big brown eyes so afraid, lost and unfocused.

    “Years and years of ….” His mind danced around all the things that had happened to make him this way. Memories of a man beating him, a chorus of hateful words from peers and snickering words behind teachers and peers. All leading to his own thoughts about himself. He hated himself.

    “What the fuck did they do to you?” I grabbed his hand and just started walking. I didn’t care where. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I needed to get him away from this – but this was in his head. I didn’t know how to pull him from his own self destruction.

    We walked several blocks in angered silence. I knew I was holding on to his hand too tight, but he didn’t complain. I was angry. I couldn’t do anything about it. Fuck! “I’m fucking hungry.” I growled, ” I want pancakes. Know a good place around here?” The question came out softer than the previous statements. Pancakes always made me feel better.

    Nox shook my head. “No. I don’t ever come out here unless someone makes me. Mia and Jace live in Brooklyn but I couldn’t tell you what was there either. I can make you pancakes. I’d have to buy the ingredients, I don’t have them on hand.”

    I smiled. I hadn’t thought he’d make me pancakes. Carbs and all that, and I was surprised when he offered. “Ever made pancakes before?” I asked.

    “No, but I’ve made crepes, the concept is the same.” Of course, he could make fancy French pancakes. I wondered what other fancy things he could make.

    I stopped and looked around. Fuck. I sighed. “I don’t know how to get home from here.” I knew my way around my neighborhood. Knew the best coffee shops, and diners and restaurants around but this wasn’t my neighborhood.

    Nox grinned at my ignorance and asked, “do you want to walk farther or back the way we came is closer?” He apparently knew where he was. Made me wonder how much of the tri-state area he knew.

    Closer was better I turned us around and started walking back the way we’d come. “I should think before I storm away.” I said sheepishly.

    He grinned and squeezed my hand reassuringly, “It’s okay. I don’t mind storming away with you.” He was too cute.

  • Information for Poet

    Information for Poet

    There was one thought in his head as we descended into the subway tunnels. He was clinging to my warmth, to me. Like I was his breathe, his heart beat, his everything. But his hand was just holding mind. I smirked at him watching his expression but it was that neutral smile that I’d seen in every picture of him Poet had. The same one I watched him give everyone else. But inside he was laser focused on one thing – me. “I don’t think you’ve ever been so quiet.” I said, my own voice seeming so loud against the backdrop of his singular thought.

    HeI laughed. “I just had another telepath tell me I don’t shut up.”

    The thought that had others were rummaging around in his head irked me. What gives them the right. Nox bumped his shoulder against me bringing from my own brooding with a fun fact. “You do know that there all sorts of magic in the Venatori right? I can’t keep my shields up all the time. It physically hurts.” I wanted to know why it hurt, but I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to hear the answer. But I could find it in his head. It was a strange feeling knowing someone knew I was looking in their head. Usually people got angry, but not Nox, he plainly asked, “What do you want to know?”

    I looked at him and shrugged, “Just the truth.” That’s all anyone ever wants.

    “I don’t lie to you.” Nox said and it was the truth, never once had the words out of his mouth been a lie. Hiding something yes, but it hadn’t been a lie.

    But I knew he was hiding something, he told me so himself. “But you keep secrets from me.”

    “Do you really want to know?”

    “I promise I won’t walk.” And I knew that promise was going to be hard to keep but I would do my best, Poet wanted information and I had to take the good and the bad – even if I didn’t want to hear it.

    Nox laughed like it was part of a joke, “It’s not the walking I’m afraid of. I can keep up with you walking. It’s running I’m afraid I can’t.”

    “You’re fucking Venatori.” And it was really. He could probably catch me if I tried to run away, but I knew that wasn’t what he meant.

    Nox stuck his tongue out at me. It was a childish gesture but it elicited something low inside me and I leaned acrossed and sucked his tongue into my mouth. He groaned and I felt the vibration all the way down to my cock. It was difficult to pull away, my lips lingered on his before I pulled away enough so I could say, “Show me.”

    He didn’t waste any time as he tore down the wall that he’d so effortlessly put up. It was a rush of emotions. Things I don’t know if I wanted to know. But he felt he needed me. Why he was so delusional was beyond me. There were thoughts of his dream guy mixed with me, Did he know? He was playing me and I was falling into his trap.

    “I don’t…” I didn’t know what to say. I denied what he was to me, what he had been. This was just a job.

    “Maybe we should go back.” His mind descended into chaos again and I sighed.

    “Come on. Don’t … I’m here. I don’t know what to say, Nox. I don’t feel like that. Not yet.” It was the biggest lie I’d told him yet. I had an inbox full of letters that called me a liar. I could do this for Poet, pretend there might be more when there wouldn’t be. I wasn’t going to fall for his charms again. I was just waiting for that other shoe to drop.

    “I never asked you to.” Nox sighed and I read his fustrated words that didn’t come through, “But this is why I didn’t want you to know. I fall fast. Always have. It’s not about being in love. I don’t let people in, and here you are in my head, reading everything.” His head was full of words, but he wanted to not think, not talk.. “Let’s just do this. We don’t have to talk.” Which was a lie – he did have to talk, he needed it like he could breathe.

    I leaned against his shoulder and tried to coax him out of his shell, “What if I like listening to you ramble?”

    But Nox shook his head. He was going to stay quiet. Yet his mind rolled with a thousand different things. “Fine then, I’ll talk.” I said quickly without really anything to say. We sat in strained silence and Nox looked at me expectantly. I gave up with a sigh, “I don’t know what to say. I don’t have a plethora of words spewing around my mind like you.”

    He rolled his eyes, “So you are saying that you don’t have a thought in your head.”

    “I’m just that kinda guy.” I smirked and shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t a thinker, I was more a doer.

    Nox quickly turned the tides in our conversation, “I doubt that. You said you were late because you were tied up with a client? What do you do?”

    He asked about me, I knew from past experiences that Nox rarely asked questions. He was trying so I could try. I put my arm around his shoulder as I told him a half truth about what I did. “I’m a business consultant of sorts. I do all sorts of things – efficiency training, gathering intel, I get paid a lot of the times to find information on opposing sides for good or ill. Depends on their needs.” He leaned against me while I spoke and he fit just right under my arm and I felt the pure bliss radiating through his mind.

    “I’m sure your ability helps with the intel.” He added to prompt more conversation.

    “It does.” But I needed him to talk about him, I knew all about me, “Why is it you don’t mind that I’m in your head?”

    “I have nothing to hide. The only time I shield my entire existence is if I’m hunting a telepath or something.”

    “Do you do that often?”

    “Hunt telepaths?” The question was rhetorical as he answered without my response. “I’ve never hunted one personally. Human paths don’t fall under the same sorts of laws as the rest of the supernatural world.”

    “You mean because they’re human. But you have orders to kill some kinds on sight don’t you?” I knew what I’d been told.

    “Dreamwalkers and clairvoyants typically yes. But honestly I don’t know why. I get they are dangerous and could really do some damage. But it’s no real difference than say telepaths who get insider secrets and become rich and famous because they know exactly what you want. My best friend is a technopath. He’s a hacker, he uses his gift for his betterment. A dreamwalker isn’t going to go bad just because he can walk into your dreams. No more so than any other human. Everything should be a case by case basis.” But hearing it from the horse’s mouth was something entirely different. Poet wanted information but nothing here seemed liked a bad thing.

    “How many have you killed?” I asked. I had his records but those could be falsified just as easily as he could lie to me.

    “I’ve taken a handful of lives in the past 5 years. Can count them and still have fingers left over. I only kill in self defense. But unless I made arrangements with their own people, the Venatori kill them after a sort of trial. We can’t contain them, so they die anyway. But I hope one day it’ll change.” But his numbers and the reports matched up. Either everyone lied well or Nox was a just a bad of a hunter as the numbers said. Everyone else had higher rates, but he worked more cases than anyone else.

    He gave them to their own kind, “What do their people do with them?” I wondered what he’d do with me if he ever found out I could walk dreams, or that I used my ability to make the money I had. Give me to the police for insider trading? I could easily get out of that, there was no proof I was ever around any of those people.

    “Most of the time rehabilitate them. 80% of the cases in New York are fledglings – either abandoned or neglected. Sometimes it’s an unknown, rare case. I had one girl who couldn’t shift at all during the moons. Once she shifted into wolf while the moon was full she couldn’t shift out. Her tie to the moon so strong, and her human form so weak she couldn’t do it. So her family has to lock her up for three days. She gets out on occasion and I have to find her before anyone else.” I was grateful for the years of practice while Nox talked about things. I listened well, he talked a lot. It had been a good skill to learn back then, and even more so today.

    “Aren’t you afraid of getting bitten?” The whole bite being deadly thing would definitely make me shy away from things that could kill me.

    “No. Not really. I’m a hunter. It’s what I was trained to do. I’ll die young as most hunters do. But I’m going to live my way – not the way the Venatori say I have to.”

    “Big talk for such a little man.” I smirked. He always thought so little of himself it was a gamble to remind him of such with playful banter.

    “Little huh? I’ll show you little.” But the gamble had paid off as I watched Nox bite his bottom lip. “But I don’t think that’ll happen anytime soon.” There was no denying he was hot for me, and I could definitely do with him underneath me.

    “So now you aren’t trying to get in my pants? I’m offended.” The playful banter had always been a fun part of our talks back then too. Fuck I hated those memories – I was so happy then, and he killed it all…

    “My motives are still the same. But we have a date to get through. And I’m looking forward to beating you at laser tag.” He said with a press of his lips to my cheek and he dragged me out of the train. We’d finally come to our destination.

    He challenged and I had only one response, “We’ll see about that pretty boy.”

    I bought the tickets at the window. The girl looked bored as I declared, “Two.”

    “Would you like a single game, or an all day pass?” she asked without ever looking up to meet my eyes. Bitch! Didn’t they teach teenagers manners these days.

    I looked over at Nox and he shrugged. I didn’t care either, but an hour might not be enough time. “All day pass.” We’d probably get in a few games. We walked through the large double doors into the center proper and the din was loud and there was chaos everywhere. I hadn’t been to one since my mother took me on my 13th birthday. “I haven’t been to one of these in years.” I said over the raucous.

    Nox mumbled, “My first time.”

    “A virgin eh?” I smirked at his response “I’ll be gentle. I promise.”

    “I hope not. I like it a little rough.” Nox said before he walked away from me. I didn’t have anything to say to such a comment. Which was rare. Nox went to the railing of the lower floor where the laser tag arena was. He looked over but not for long and then turned his back to the rail and leaned against it.

    “You alright?” I asked as I approached him, “You look a little pale.”

    “Heights. Though I think this game is almost over.” He really didn’t let his little quirky fears get in the way of his actual life. He took elevators, looked over edges, fought off monsters that could kill him with a simple bite. Fear wasn’t an obstacle for him. Poet was going to have his work cut out for him.

    I offered Nox my hand even as I goaded him a little bit more. “Opposite sides if we are going to see who’s better.”

    Nox nodded and took my hand and he thought about all the ways this would be good for us. The ramifications of playing against each other. His mind never quieted.

    I chuckled. All I wanted to do was play a game, and that’s what I told him. “So in depth pretty boy. I just want to shoot you.”

    He grinned at me and we were off to our own respective sides, he was blue, I got red.

  • Mental Caphony

    Mental Caphony

    I was already late by the time I got to my place to shower and change. Not the posh apartment where I’d gotten ready so of course had left my personal phone, fuck it! But this was closer to Nox’s place and, nothing in that posh apartment was going to be anything Nox was interested in anyway. He definitely wasn’t a money angle. But he was playing some thing I just hadn’t figured it out. He’s too charming and too broken not to be.

    I knew I had to take a shower and change clothes. The last time I smelled like someone else in a dream he was highly unhappy. I couldn’t smell anything different but he could. I’d never seen him jealous before, it had been eye opening and I probably should have seen something wrong then, but we were kids and we were blind to a lot of things.

    I hastily pulled on a pair of ripped jeans and a faded t-shirt. I don’t remember if it even said anything fun that Nox would appreciate. I was late. Way too fucking late for my own sanity I couldn’t imagine what anxiety attack looked like when I’d been keeping him almost an hour. I was grateful my place wasn’t far from his home – only a few blocks away.

    I walked as quickly as the crowd would let me. I was used to tuning out the drone of everyday life. It was one of the first things I had learned how to do as a kid. And with Kish’s help I had quickly mastered everything else that came with being a telepath as well as a dream walker. But the closer I walked to the Apex Unlimited building the louder it got.

    It was like a wailing siren at first off in the distance. Gnashing teeth of something fighting its way through the din of all the voices I heard. And then I realized what it was. The chaos and the turmoil that was pretty boy’s mind was loud. His anxiety was switch on to high and while I knew it was him. I couldn’t make out even the simplest of phrases.

    I swore at myself, I should have gone to get my phone.

    The closer I got the louder it grew, the more chaotic it was. I saw him and one thought burrowed through all the rest. Is my watch broken? I pushed back. It’s not broken. And as soon as he was in front of him I squatted down next to him and asked softly, “How long have you been out here?”

    He didn’t open his eyes as he choked out the words. “I didn’t know how long to wait?” He was having a hard time breathing.

    I spoke quickly, “I’m sorry, I’m late. I got tied up with a client, and I forgot my phone.” I lied even as I smirked inside at the comment. I hadn’t meant to play to the truth, but there it was. A gust of wind barreled down the street sending an empty coffee cup that had been sitting at his feet careening down the street, a few dollars fell out and landed in the grating for the sewer below.

    Nox started to say something but stopped short. “I thought I asked…” I tried to pluck it from his head but the thought was lost in the crazy so I had to ask.

    “You thought what Nox?”

    “Can’t you read my thoughts?” He sighed and opened his eyes and looked at me with annoyance “Are we going?”

    “Do you still want to?” Hell he looked like shit.

    “I…” he said as he tried to stand. He toppled over into my arms and I helped him to his feet. He looked like he was struggling and his thoughts were becoming clear and the moment I thought I had him, that thought disappeared in an instant. The chaos flowed around where it had been and I knew he was hiding something as he clung to me.

    “You know I can hear your thoughts right?” He was hiding it but even with the reminder the thought never resurfaced.

    “I know.” Nox nodded and a bit of his blue dyed hair fell in front of his face and he absently pushed it out.

    “Are you hiding something from me?” I asked with my arm still around him keeping him steady. My touch seemed to help and I needed him to calm down. I couldn’t read him when he was like this.

    “Maybe. A guy’s gotta have a few secrets.” He grinned at me and I felt that little bit better about him. He’d be alright.

    “Is it major secret?” I returned with the playful banter.

    He pressed a kiss to my cheek and smiled. “Just my feelings for you.”

    “And you don’t want me to know?” He was hiding his feelings? He was probably hiding more than that – his plans and his reasons for being so nice. For all I knew this was all just his act.

    He shook his head. “You’ll walk out like you did last night so no I don’t want you to know.”

    “I…” I started to protest but he laid a single finger against my lips. The touch was electric and soothing and he was so gentle.

    His smile, my smile, lit his face, “No. I’m okay. For once, I can say that. But I need you to not feel bad about anything that happens. Let’s go play laser tag, pretend I didn’t have a panic attack. Pretend yesterday’s attacks didn’t happen. Just know that I don’t have control over my reactions sometimes.”

    I sighed at the reminder, “You are high maintenance aren’t you.”

    Nox nodded in agreement, “Yeah. I don’t think that even begins to cover it.”

    “So, you sure you want to do this?” I asked to make sure.

    “I’m sure. I didn’t get all dolled up for nothing.” And there was the accompanying grin that made the comment all that more pointed.

    “All of this for me?” I smirked and leaned back. I looked at him, actually looked at him. His jeans and t-shirt under the button up shirt was all the same as usual. But the hair was different than yesterday. “I like the hair, the color suits you. We don’t have…” I started to say but Nox interrupted me with his lips against mine. His were soft and he tasted slightly salty and I wondered if he’d been crying. I couldn’t breathe and Nox apparently couldn’t stand as he stumbled against me. “Easy pretty boy.” I said. The warmth of his body against mine was exhilarating.

    Nox made a suggestion that I was very tempted to take him up on “We could go upstairs.” But he was still anxious. I needed him to calm down, get his mind off of things.

    “Let’s go play some games and we’ll see where it goes?” I said. Hoping he’d be alright with it.

    “I’m good with that too.” I pulled away from him and took his hand in mine, his fingers were cold and he clung to me as we walked.

  • Shit! I’m Late

    Shit! I’m Late

    Lindsay wasn’t the perfect sub. She was innocent and kind but she knew what she wanted. Which had surprised me. Maybe that innocent act out front had been just that an act. She sat down in the office chair that was easily at eye level with Jared’s backside, but she hardly noticed. She was too busy tapping away at her phone and soon the printer behind Janice’s desk spewed out paper. I counted three before Lindsay was up and gathering the document and tapping it on the desk while she waited for the rest.

    The three of us had been mildly interested as we watched her. Jared was checking out the woman’s backside and Janice was fondling Jared’s reaction to staring at her in that very businesslike suit skirt.

    I just watched as she handed Janice the papers. “I have a standard dos and don’t list.” She said as Janice handed the two of us a piece of paper for our own. I glanced at the list to find her hard, soft and maybes.

    Lindsay looked at me with a sly smile and I smirked at her, “Are you looking for a professional type relationship or something more personal?” I asked Lindsay.

    “Are you their negotiator?”

    “Something like that,” I said.”I’m looking for their submissive third since I was so good at bringing them together.”

    Her smile brightened as I sat down on the corner of the desk. “Oh, well then.” Lindsay walked over and trailed her fingers up my leg and smiled, “I’m looking for something more personal, but I think a professional relation will get us all started off on the right foot.”

    I laughed. “Nothing like a pre-nup.”

    Lindsay smiled. “I am going to law school.”

    This was absolutely fucking perfect. “Draw up a three month agreement. It won’t be legally binding of course, but I think with well established rules the three of you can learn to be more personable.”

    “But…” Lindsay said before she looked at the pair of them. “I’ve heard rumors, and I want a trial offer – one day only. And Mr. Smith, stays with me the whole time. He leaves I leave.”

    I growled inside. I had a fucking date. Not that I was looking forward to it, but I would do what I had to do. They were paying me for this. Their fucking gay best friend. I was seething inside but I smiled on the outside.

    Janice took them both by the hand and let them into her little dungeon and Jared immediately started removing his clothes. Janice drifted behind the dressing screen. I stopped just inside the door.

    Jared laughed, “Shut the door Brent, stay awhile. Get comfortable. You are in for a show.”

    “I doubt it.”

    Jared laughed, “That’s right not enough men for your liking.”

    I rolled my eyes at him. “There are plenty of men here. And I can enjoy a woman’s body.”

    “Can you?” Janice said giggling as she sashayed across the floor with her leather outfit on. She had to have had it on under her clothes before, there was no way she was getting into that this quickly.

    Janice handed Lindsay a skimpy outfit. “On, darling.” Lindsay dipped a little bow and murmured ‘yes ma’am’ and was stripping right there. I started to watch her but saw Jared watching me so I turned my attention to him. He expected me to leer and so I did. He was a good looking man, but not my type.

    For several hours the four of us stayed in the playroom. I don’t think anyone had any sort of release in that time. I had to get going. I needed to take a shower. Remove the stench of sex and leather from my nose, and on my skin. The clothes I could burn later.

    I mentioned it two or three times as I watched Lindsay suck on Jared’s cock. Janice was licking Lindsay in all the fucking right places. Jared was watching me. “What?” I asked.

    “You’re still here?” He smirked, “I thought you had to go?” He waggled his finger at me and I gave him a dirty look.

    Jared grabbed Lindsay by the blond ponytail she was sporting now and pointed at me. “He has to go. I wanted to watch you make him lose his shit for a girl.”

    “That’s…” I was about to say more when I felt Janice’s hands on my arms and she was holding them behind me. “Fuck, Janny, you know I don’t want to be tied up.”

    She giggled, “You always say that.” She kissed my neck then bit hard and I groaned. And then the little not so innocent blonde was on my cock, her wet mouth was hot and her lips were already swollen from sucking Jared. He wasn’t hiding how he found it erotic, he stroked his own cock over her body.

    It didn’t take long before I was releasing all that built up tension. Her mouth was talented but I had a fucking date with fucking Nox Sétanta. With a nose like a fucking hound dog. I was going to have to shower three times just to get the scent of them off me.

    Janice let my arms go and I shrugged out of her grip and removed myself from their grasp. “Fuck!” I said. “I have to go. I’m going to be late.” I was going to be so fucking late. I couldn’t go to him dressed like this much less smelling like them. And even I could smell the sex that was going to linger on my skin.

    Jared was laughing. “I knew you were faking it.”

    “Faking what?”

    “The whole gay schtick. You like women.”

    I smirked at him. “You caught me. But right now I’m into tall well built men.” I pulled up my pants and grabbed my jacket, but I didn’t bother putting it on. I stopped in the doorway to deliver one final warning. “Lindsay I’m leaving you in their care. You may have to get out of character if they don’t take care of you.”

    I held my finger out to Janice, “She gets the attention of both of you when you are done. She gets a proper bath and clean clothes to wear home. Nothing trashy.”

    Janice pouted, “He’s so mean sometimes.”

    Jared laughed but Lindsay nodded., “Yes master.”

    I rolled my eyes. “I’m already late. So behave.” I said parting ways.

  • The Morning After

    The Morning After

    I went home – to my apartment as planned. The space wasn’t quite as nice as the one I had been staying in for appearances. But it was the closest thing I had to home. Everything in it was mine, not some pre-furnished shit that came with the place. Needless to say it was sparse, but it had all the things I needed.

    I went past my couch and through the kitchen. Stopped to put the leftovers in the fridge. Then I went into the hall that led to the bedrooms and I pushed open my door. I collapsed on the bed and fell into a light sleep. I hadn’t meant to hit the dream plane. I wanted to sleep – a good deep dreamless sleep but that wasn’t happening.

    Without the little monster to dream of I spun on into the dream plane. The vast empty void that wasn’t a void. Everyone saw it a little different, mine was a bunch of bubbles floating in the air with connections running every which direction. You could get lost in the tangled mess if you didn’t know how to navigate them. Kish told me hers looked like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Each piece fitting into a pattern to make a larger picture. She told me Solomon’s was like windows into their dreams.

    No one had a reason why, only that I saw the connections of people. I could easily see everyone else’s connections but not my own. But I knew how to find them. I hunted for one in particular. He’d been eluding me since I got this job. How could someone not dream – not be on the plane. The bubbles were vaguely place in geographical location. So if I walked the same way I’d come technically I could get back to Pretty Boy’s dreams. But I’d tried that so many times. The whole Apex Unlimited building was like a pillar of bubbles and all of it was shielded tight. As soon as I got close I had the overwhelming desire to puke my guts out. It was off limits.

    The only other places I couldn’t enter were vampire dens. And I truly didn’t want to know what vampires dreamt of so I stayed away. Not that I could enter even if I wanted to. Their warding was not an overwhelming desire, their shield hurt, it was painful and Kish said eventually that pain would kill you.

    I didn’t know how to get into that building much less to pretty boy, but there had been a time when I didn’t need to. When he’d call and I’d be there.

    The painful memories were enough to pull me from my light sleep. And I was more than grateful for a chance to close my eyes and truly just sleep.

    Sleep came and my alarm went off at 9am. Why the fuck had I set an alarm? I glanced at my phone and growled to myself. “Fuck!” I had an appointment with Janice.

    I crawled out of bed and grabbed a quick shower. I don’t remember what I dreamt about but it left me feeling groggy. The shower was hot and losend up all the tight muscles from a restless sleep. I wished I could remember that dream.

    I pulled on a set of Brent’s clothes and sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. What the fuck was I still doing in this get up? I was regretting the job. But Janice… I sighed. She was going to be a weak spot. Kate was the soft spot and Janice was filling that hole. Fuck!

    The kitchen was dark and I opened the fridge and saw the pancakes and fries I’d ordered from last night. Visages of the phone call stung my memory. Poet wanted to know everything so I’d told him everything. No holds barred.

    I stared at the boxed goodness and grabbed it from the fridge and tossed it in the garbage. I didn’t deserve to have comfort in the midst of the turmoil I was causing. Much less how I felt. I grabbed a breakfast sandwich from the truck down the street and walked to Janice’s place. We were meeting to go over financials. Not mine – hers. She wanted to put some more funds towards the Children’s hospital as well as other cancer foundations but she wanted to know what I thought. Since I was more than willing to spend my own cash on the charity.

    Outside of the dungeon in her apartment it was a nice apartment. She even had her own office space which was her charity foundation home base. Janice even had an assistant. She was a little thing and this was the first time I’d met her. I was never at Janice’s in the morning.

    “Mr. Smith. Ms. Pritchard will see you in a few moments, she’s in with Mr. Calendar.” She blushed. I pulled a memory of who Mr. Calendar was and I sighed. Jared was visiting early and apparently wearing next to nothing when he came into the office. Now you could hear their efforts at being discreet but they were failing miserably through the thin door.

    I sat down and listened. Not to the faux quiet that the two on the other side of the door, but to the little girl who was sitting at her desk. Her thoughts were innocent and yet she was intrigued by the idea of Janice’s playtime friends. Was Janice missing everything right in front of her?

    “Lindsay, right?” I said looking at the small blonde with big green eyes. She smiled at me.

    “Yes, Mr. Smith.”

    “You can call me Brent, no need to be so formal.” I got up from my chair and sat on the corner of her desk. “You know what they are doing in there?”

    She blushed brighter, “I’m not daft, Mr. Smith.”

    “Brent.” I smiled and touched her face with the tips of my fingers. “No, I mean what they do in there?” I pointed down the hall.

    Her blush grew deeper and she nodded. I grinned and put my fingers under her chin, “Does it turn you on thinking about it. About being tied up and spanked.” I knew she did. I had read it on her mind. “Could you do what you are told without question?”

    There was no response from her mouth, but the whole idea appealed to this young girl. “Janice and Jared are not always very attentive to their subs.”

    She met my eyes and frowned. “We could teach them what you need.”

    “We?” She asked.

    “I wouldn’t leave you with them without proper care.” I said with a friendly smile. “I’d make sure they took care of you before I ever let them have a sweet innocent girl like you.”

    “I’m not that innocent.” She blushed. I could have asked her what exactly she meant, but I saw it playing out in her head. Lindsay had been to Ooh with her girlfriends. She had taken her last boyfriend there and he fell in love with one of the girls he fucked there.

    I smiled at her. “Come with me.” I took her hand and opened the door to Janice’s office.

    “Mr. Smith she said….”

    We walked into a very unnatural scene. “Janice, can we postpone our meeting, we’ve another detail to discuss.” I said. “We’ll meet you in the playroom.” I didn’t wait for an answer and I pulled along their perfect sub if I could only get them to take care of her. Their track record sucked so far.

  • Not So Poetic

    Not So Poetic

    I didn’t pay very good attention when I came up to Nox’s room, or everything just looked the same. It was probably the latter. The walls were straight white with glowing runes on them. Each one was slightly different but they were all this light electric blue, if I didn’t think I’d get caught I would have touched one of the other doors. But I kept my hands to myself. I wasn’t here to get in trouble. I was walking around the hornet’s nest and I was escaping free and clear.

    I found the elevator eventually, it had taken me longer to find it than it had to have Nox lead me to his room. I think I went in circles a few times.

    I didn’t think about anything as I rode the elevator down. I wanted to push him from my head. His words, his friends – his fucking vampire friends. What I didn’t get is how he gave in so easily. He had started to protest but then he caved. I was liking this less and less. I knew he had certain preferences, but I was beginning to think there was more to it than that.

    The elevator hit ground level and I walked out of the building without a second glance at the statue the brown eyed boy made. My little monster – and he had been mine then but I didn’t know who the fuck he was now. I walked out the front doors and when I saw the diner across the street I made a decision. I wasn’t hungry but I hated this feeling. And I wanted to feel happy.

    He’d pretty much thrown me out. Twice. He chose his friends over me. His words didn’t say so, he’d told me I could stay. But he was relieved when I told him I was leaving. Fucking relieved. After I had calmed him down. I had information for Poet.

    So after I sat down and order a large pile of pancakes topped with ice cream, a strawberry milkshake with fries I dialed Poet’s number. It wasn’t late not even nine yet.

    Poet picked up the phone in a chipper mood, “Alex, my favorite telepath. What can I do for you?”

    “You can listen while I tell you all about your fucking Venatori pet project.”

    “Already?” He sounded surprised.

    “He’s an open fucking book. Anyone can do this job. He says what he thinks and hardly ever lies. I think there is an obsessive compulsion with the truth along with 80 billion other things he’s OCD about.”

    My food arrived and I took a sip of the milkshake and groaned. I really didn’t think that was a good idea. My stomach was still quite full from dinner and the milkshake was heavy.

    “So what can you tell me about Mr. Sétanta. Something I don’t already know.”

    Where should I start. “He’s afraid of heights, flying, needles and clowns. And I don’t mean normal people afraid. He’s a complete nut job, Poet. You know he’s friends with a lot of people, but he’s not like any other Venatori. None I know about, anyway, and he thinks very outside the box. I got the vibe from the people in the elevator that he’s an outcast. Someone they want to get rid of.”

    “Interesting.” Poet said in response to my rambling.

    “I did one up Reaper though. I got access to their network. You’ll get that bill soon as the cash clears into my hackers account. I’ll send the bill with the access.” I hadn’t had time to delve into the information, but I had the Wicked Truth copying everything to a secure file system so I can look at later.

    “Alex, my boy. You’ve done great. Tell me though, what are his weaknesses? What can I do to exploit these flaws? How could I use his strengths to benefit me, and others like you. Is he malleable?”

    “I just told you everything I learned.”

    “So learn more Alex. I want everything.”

    I growled. “Do you have any fucking clue what you are asking me to do Poet? He’s a fucking nut job. He’s been seeing a therapist for god knows how long. He had two fucking breakdowns in the time I was with him. You need to pay me more.”

    “Alex. I’m already paying you five times, expenses and a favor. That is more than enough compensation for a little hand holding. Don’t you think?”

    I growled. “Fine.” Then hung up the phone. I was looking at the plate and I was glad that I hadn’t gotten ice cream on the pancakes. I waited for my waitress to come back. I gave her a smile and she returned it in kind. “Sorry to do this but can I get this all to go.”

    “Of course honey. Anything else?”

    “No, that’s it.”

    She took my plates away and left me alone to my thoughts. Poet wanted more. What the fuck was I going to do?

  • He’s So Broken

    He’s So Broken

    He talked. I asked questions. Words and thoughts were never the same, but for him I felt I didn’t need to read his mind to know the truth. I ate. Oh god, did I eat. I ate like there was no tomorrow. He kept asking if I wanted more and I kept saying yes. I didn’t need more, but I wanted it. “I’m going to have to careful around you.” He was going to make me fat. I sat on his couch lounging with an overly full stomach. I knew from his reaction that rubbing my stomach, was making him hot and bothered.

    I hadn’t done it at first to tempt him, I really was full. But he kept staring and I knew where his mind went.

    He asked, “Why’s that?” His eyes never leaving my hand rubbing my stomach.

    “I keep eating like this I’m gonna get fat.” My shirt slid up my a little and his mind was distracted from the chaos inside. I don’t know how he lived like that. I could make out his thoughts but it was always tumbling. So busy. So much processing. There were small commands running through his head. I had no idea what they meant, didn’t understand them at all.

    “I’ll make sure you don’t get fat.” He said looking up at me. I heard his breath catch before he could speak again. “I can help you work those extra calories off.” He slid off the couch and moved between my legs. His mind was iron sharp focused on one thing – me. It was peaceful in his mind. And it made me wonder if that was why he fucked those girls on the dancefloor – for the quiet in his mind.

    He bit his bottom look as he looked at me. “May I?” He asked. He had one desire in his mind and that was to touch me.

    But I played dumb, “May you what?”

    “Touch you.” He was almost begging. His hands were at his side and his fingers were clenching and unclenching with his desire – no his need to touch me.

    I wanted to know why he felt he needed permission. Why he could be bold and then shy all in the same moment. “Are you always going to ask for permission?”

    He shrugged. “Probably. I have a tendency to touch too much. Margo says it’s my undeveloped need for comfort and safety by someone I trust and I’ve gotten this shit kicked out of me for innocent touching more than I have for gropping the wrong guy’s girl.”

    “Margo your girlfriend?” He spoke in so many first names like he was close to so many people, yet I knew he didn’t have a girlfriend.

    “My therapist.” He said. It was a sigh of relief. I don’t know why knowing he wasn’t doing this alone made me relax a little, but it did. Maybe he wasn’t as broken as he could be.

    “So you are just fucked up not dating someone.” I joked.

    He laughed. God I loved that sound. I had missed it all these years. “Yeah. I’m fucked up.” He agreed.

    His hair was falling in his face and I had the urge to move it for him but he did it himself but I wanted to touch him. I sat forward and touched my finger to his temple. “So why do all of you wear this tattoo. Says hey look there is a cult of psycho killers living here.”

    “Only people attuned to the occult can see the tattoo. Normal humans just see a human. It’s the only defining feature between a Venatori and a Human. At a visible level. Genetically there is a big difference. Blood type, cells that sort of thing. But it’s part of our ceremony at graduation. A test of sorts. You’ll see kids running around without the mark, we don’t get them till we are 18.”

    “Has anyone ever told you you talk too much?” I asked. I knew someone had to have said something. But maybe he didn’t speak so much around others he kept it to himself. His thoughts had returned to the chaos of before, the moment of clarity gone.

    “All the time.” He grinned at me with a playful smirk on his face. “But there is an easy way to shut me up.”

    “What’s that?” I asked. And the chaos turned into another direction. One moment after another of what I could do to shut him up. And every single scene in his head was making me hard. “Take your pick.” he said. All I heard was the desire in his voice.

    “None of those ways actually help me work off those calories we were talking about.” I quipped back at him. I had to divert my own libido for the moment. He was a one night stand type guy – a player – I couldn’t fall into his bed and hope to return not if I wanted to do what Poet needed. I needed to make sure he wanted me back over and over again. I knew I was good but I didn’t think sex was going to get me asked back for another steak dinner.

    He laughed and my efforts to derail myself vanished with his words. “I have a name now I can scream out if you wanna go with what I suggested at Aspect.”

    I shifted closer to him and his thoughts were focused on me, on kissing me but he wasn’t touching, he wasn’t doing anything but kneeling there – waiting.

    “Why don’t you just touch me?” I asked so close to him that I felt the shiver run through his body.

    His “I can’t.” came out weak and breathless.

    “I know you want to, it’s the only thing on your mind.”

    He met my eyes, I wanted him to touch me. His hands stayed in place He wanted to but he stayed himself. “You didn’t say I could.” He needed permission. His mind was chaos again. I felt his need for permission and his confusion as to why I didn’t give it to him.

    “Why do you need permission?” I asked as I slid off the couch forcing him backwards. The only place I had to go was onto his lap. I rested my thighs around his and I felt his hardon. I wanted to twist and grind against him but I trapped him against the table completely immobile and asked again, “Why?”

    He dropped his eyes to my chest and the words were just a whisper, I only heard him because it was in his head too. “Because it was what I was taught.”

    “You were taught to have sex?” I laughed. It wasn’t funny. It was tragic. It made me angry and I needed to move. My anger was enough to derail me. I moved suddenly from him, he felt lost and cold and hurt in his head.

    He gasped. “Not to have sex. I was taught I had power even though I was a bottom.” The last part of his statement came out a growl that i wasn’t sure was more anger or frustration – probably both.

    It took me a while to register what he’d said. How much he was like Janice and Jared. Did this whole fucking town have a kink in that vein. “You don’t look or act like a bottom.” I paced at first then stopped when I noticed the cat lying on his pillow. He’d been angry at her for doing that before. She lay there doing nothing, listening to us. Did she really have all his secrets? I would need to find out.

    “Looks can be deceiving.” He said as he got up from the floor with the dishes in hand and headed into the kitchen I assumed to wash them. Another piece of his compulsions – he can’t let shit be dirty? But I was distracting myself from the problem.

    “”Why did you need to have power?” I asked him. I needed to know. I needed to know how fucking deep this went. Was he another fucking sub?

    He shrugged., “Why do you think?”

    “I don’t know.” I said. I didn’t have to look far inside his head, he gave the the answers I was looking for. I got the play by play of the first time he had sex. How old he was. With a man who could break him in half.

    I saw the images playout in his head, bent over the crates getting fucked until the man came. The things the man said to him echoed in my mind. But I knew something he didn’t. I knew that wasn’t his first time, it may be when his body felt the physical touch of a man, but I had been inside him first and he didn’t fucking know. He didn’t remember and I couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t remember me. I was done with him. And now he was back in my mind, in my heart and for what? I growled, “I gotta go.” I was already on my way to the door as I spoke those words.

    “We still on for tomorrow?” His voice shook as he asked and I stopped.

    What? I blinked at him “I…. ” Were we?

    “It’s not a problem. I’m used to people treating me like shit. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” He raised his hand and the door opened. He had dismissed me.

    His thoughts were narrow, it wasn’t clear like before, but they all said the same thing. Monster, Not worth it. He hated himself. He expected everyone to treat him the same, and here I was doing the same thing. It jabbed at my heart. I should have gone, but that small voice in my head said I’d hate myself in the morning. I growled at myself as I turned back towards the kitchen instead of the door. Poet better thank me for this later. I put my hands on the counter trapping him beneath me. He couldn’t escape me anymore than he could his spiralling thoughts of self loathing.

    “Why are you still here?” he asked.

    I didn’t know what to say. It took me a while to find the words. “I wasn’t angry with you. But I couldn’t listen to how you let people hurt you.” And to my surprise they rang true.

    “You were the one who pushed.” He sighed. And I knew. I knew I had pushed to find the answers. I broke him. “Please back up. I don’t like feeling trapped.” he said catching me off guard.

    My entire body froze. “That wasn’t the vibe I got earlier.” but I backed up anyway. It wasn’t far but he breathed a sigh of relief.

    “That was different.” He said. The chaos was building in his head.

    “How?” I asked.

    “Before it was about sex. Now it’s not.”

    “Who says it’s not?” I needed to make sure he was still on board, sex seemed to clear his mind. Make him think straight.

    “I’m about to have a fucking meltdown, and it is hardly sexy to watch me break.” His voice cracked on the edge of crying. What the fuck? A minute ago he’d been trying to seduce me and now this? This was going down hill faster than I could swim.

    “This why you see a therapist?” I whispered into his ear as I wrapped my arms around him pulling him against me. He thrived with touch. He’d said so himself. I pressed my face against his neck and just pulled him against me. Safe is what he needed. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do this. He was broken into so many little pieces I didn’t see a way to keep it all together. Poet was not paying me enough.

    He lost what little control he had over his emotions and tears dripped from his chin to my arm. “Among other things.” He said, and I felt him trying to keep from listing all the things that were wrong with him. And from the thoughts I could manage to make out there was a lot.

    I turned the water off and pulled him away from the sink. I didn’t know how to fix it. I hoped he’d fix himself with enough warmth and care so I took him to his bed. The cat looked up at me and after stretching she jumped down and the door closed after her. That was handy I thought as I sat down on the bed and kicked off my shoes before shuffling into the middle of the bed pulling him along with me.

    “Jesus Fucking Christ, Nox. You need to calm down.” I jammed my fingers into my hair and grabbed. I pulled in frustration. He didn’t curl towards me choosing to wrap himself around his pillow, that wasn’t going to work, if he was going to do that why the fuck was I lying in bed with him. “No. Turn around, come here.” I pulled at his arm and his shifted willingly and curled against my side pressing his face against my neck. Inside he tried to calm down by counting backwards. The litany of numbers was the only thing in his head. Well that and how much my scent felt safe and calming and like home.

    His thoughts drifted in and out. I don’t know how long we laid in bed. I tried not to think about it. And he didn’t seem bothered by lying in bed with a virtual stranger. I remembered doing this so many times before. So many times of just holding him while he talked to me. So many…
    There was a loud blaring sound and Nox bolted upright. “Fuck. That’s Ant, trying to get in.”

    “What?” I asked.

    “I told you my friends were coming over, He’s a vampire he’s trying to shadow walk into the apartment.” He waved his hand and his phone floated to him. I watched awed and a little freaked out. He tapped away on his phone, and then looked at me. “You can stay. I can tell them next week.”

    I sat up and looked at him and didn’t even have to try to read him. If I stayed he was going to worry about the change in his routine and upsetting his friends. If they came he’d settle down, all the anxiety I’d somehow caused would go away and maybe he’d be easier to read the next time I saw him. It really was a no brainer. “You need some fun in your life right now I think.” I said. I scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up. “We’ll see each other tomorrow. I’ll pick you up here at 3 and we’ll take the train together.”

    Nox sighed with visible relief, thoughts of routine and free time spinning through his head. I wasn’t sure if he was glad I was going or that we were still on for the next day, but he was grateful

    He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and I knew he’d do anything for me in that moment. Another time he’d looked at me like that flashed into my mind, when he’d told me about wanting more with Ant, when he’d had that fucking bite mark on his neck. Just like that time jealousy roared through me and before I could stop myself I was asking him for a favor. “Just… can you not let the vampire bite you? Please?”

    “But..” He said looking into my eyes and I could hear him thinking Ant will be hungry. Thank fuck his need to obey me was stronger than his need to help his friend and he nodded quickly. “Okay.”

    “Just like that?” I asked, hiding my relief with a satisfied smirk.

    He nodded and strands of his blue tipped hair fell into his face and I pushed them back. His head leaned into my touch and he said, “Just like that.”

    I dropped my hand and found my shoes to slip back on. “Tomorrow.” I said.

    He gave me wry smile and nodded. That was all I needed I really needed to be away. I needed space, my space – not that posh apartment I stayed in for Janice – my space.

  • Doubts

    Doubts

    We made some small talk. I asked about the magic room we were in. I pried again into his friends and boyfriends. And we ended up talking about his differences between him and other Venatori.

    Nox said, “I don’t kill monsters.” very adamantly. His thoughts were clear.

    “You’re a hunter aren’t you?” I was tired of standing and sat down in the closest barstool. Nox was watching his cat and his thoughts clearly said this was her seat.

    “I am. But I don’t kill unless I absolutely have to.”

    “This some new trial the Venatori are doing? Like, let’s see how well this goes over.” I found it strange that he was so different from every other Venatori I’d ever met. But he had always been.

    Nox shook his head. “No. Just me being me. You’ve obviously been following me, so you have to know I have friends who aren’t exactly human or Venatori.” He was friends with the Prince of the Vampires. Their golden boy. I knew he had werewolf Alpha friends and vampire friends and other friend throughout the city. I’d seen pictures of him with them. Among others.

    “You don’t seemed bothered by this knowledge?” I asked then finished of the last of the beer he preferred. I’d seen him drinking it whenever he went out. I think I was going to need to dispose of all the beer in that fridge and replace it with something decent. He drank wine, I’d prefer that to a beer. Whiskey was better. But the last time I saw him drunk his mother had died. I wasn’t sure I could handle him in a drunken state. He was a mess sober.

    “Maybe I like hot guys following me around?” Nox wasn’t lying as he took the empty bottle to the sink and asked, “Another?”

    “I’m good.” I said leaning on the counter to play to the words I was about to say to him, “Or are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me.”

    He grinned at me, “I don’t need you drunk to do that.”

    “So you just gonna take me here, now?” I teased.

    “I might.” He shot back at me.

    “I’d like to see you try.” In that moment it was the ruth. I wanted to see him try, my heart was beating in my chest and he was all in too. Or not. Maybe I was I projecting what I wanted him to feel because he didn’t take up my dare at all.

    Instead, after a few jokes he said, “After we eat.” He set down a steak and set it aside to rest. It looked and smelled amazing, rekindling my appetite despite my disappointment.. The bread was perfectly crusty as he cut it. The vegetables even looked good and I wasn’t big on the green things, not that there was anything green on the plate.

    “You might want to move to the couch while we eat, or Fee might steal your steak. You are in her seat.” Nox really loved his cat. I asked about her a little more in depth as I took our plates to the table, he grabbed wine glasses and a smaller plate and brought them over.

    She was toilet trained, and possessed. I really couldn’t believe it but I was dwelling on the idea that he didn’t like the beach. But he tried to convince me that he could handle it. Yet everything I’d seen today said he couldn’t. My one place to be free and he would freak the fuck out.

    I cut a piece of my steak and stuck it in my mouth and it melted in my mouth. I drooled, actually drooled. “Holy fuck. You always cook like this?” He reached up and wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth. I wanted to kiss him. “Do all Venatori cook like you?” I asked instead

    “Hardly. I learned from a top rated chef when I was a kid.” He said it like it was nothing. Like it was nothing so matter of fact. But he was a trained killer. Everything about him was learned to kill. But he danced like a ballerina. He cooked like a chef. He thought outside the fucking box. Why did Poet want to destroy him?

    “Is there anything you can’t do? Hunt monsters, make statues, cook?” I asked before feeding myself more of everything on my plate.

    “Don’t forget the running from clowns, crying in elevators and cleaning hordes of sand and being pussy whipped by a cat.” He joked.

    Ophelia meowed behind us in agreement. “You can be quiet, Fee. Or I’ll eat all the leftovers.” Nox called at her without looking

    “Do you always have conversations with your cat?”

    He nodded, “Fee knows all my secrets.”

    “Oh really?” I looked back at the cat who sat on the counter lapping at a bowl of milk. “Ophelia, you and I need to have a little chat.” I wondered if she was telepathic and that was why she was trying to beat down my shields earlier, was that how she and Nox had a conversation. Or was it merely just banter they had learned.

    Nox was in good humor with his response. “Good luck with that. She’s a brat.”

  • Fear and Anxiety

    Fear and Anxiety

    I arrived early and started to walk up to the elevator and decided that I’d better wait downstairs. I sent him a text. It might be better if we’d agreed to meet at my place.

    A: Funny thing? I don’t know exactly where you live.

    N: I’ll be down. It’s easier to show you than tell you.

    He had responded faster than I expected. I wandered around the lobby and found myself staring at the plaque on the statue that took up residence in the middle of the whole place. It was different. But it was the plaque I kept staring at. ‘Atlas made by Nox Sétanta circa 2002’. He was ten when he made this… how? I didn’t understand their magic. But who did.

    I heard Nox coming before I felt his presence next to me. He was waiting for me to ask him if he made the statue. The plaque was pretty definitive. I doubt someone would lie about it. I looked up at him with a knowing smirk and then he clamped down his shields and I was thrown out of his head. I flinched involuntarily as I mentally recoiled back into myself. It was like a life line being cut. I slapped my arm like one of the ants in the globe had bitten me and looked up to see if I could spy a hole. “Can they get out?” I didn’t really care, it was just a cover to hide the fact that he’d cut me off.

    He was grinning at me and shrugged. He was amused that I didn’t ask the one question he expected me to. “I don’t know. I don’t really know how they got in there, so I guess they can get out.” And his response hadn’t surprised me, I wished I could hear inside his head.

    “Why did you make this and why so big?” I asked out of curiosity.

    Nox went on to explain ad nauseum. “Dae’lin, my instructor, told me I had to do an art project instead of an artifact of war as I usually did every year for the art of war fair we have in the Academy. I didn’t want to to do it and up until the last day I stalled. It was a quick assembly and it wasn’t even original. I used an art history book and copied it throwing in the glass globe that could sustain life without any assistance. I only had seeds. It rains inside on really sunny days when the sun from outside warms the glass. It’s kinda cool to watch really.”

    I listened. I remember doing the same thing when we were younger. He liked to talk. And he talked a lot. Nothing really had changed. And really nothing had changed with me as I asked another question, “So you used science and magic?”

    He lit up with my questions but didn’t elaborate just said ‘Yeah’, like it was no big deal. Then he asked, “You ready to go up?”

    I was more than ready to go up. But the play on words went straight to my cock. “You have no idea.” But I knew that he was thinking the same thing even if I wasn’t in his head.

    Nox made his way to the back of the elevator when we got in. I stood next to him. I could feel the anxiety wafting off of him. I wasn’t an empath and he was shielded so tight I couldn’t hear anything from him. I wondered if everyone could feel it. His hands clamped to the rail and he shut his eyes tight. “I’m guessing you don’t like elevators.” I whispered in his ear. I could smell that familiar scent again and I stared at the spot on his neck I loved to kiss.

    His voice was distant as he spoke. “Fear of heights. Among other things.”

    I couldn’t delved into his head but I knew I had to distract him from the rising elevator. “Like what?”

    He turned his head and opened his eyes “Heights, flying, needles, clowns,” he said and I started into those big fucking brown eyes and so many memories rushed into my head. I could kiss him right now and be back in those moments.

    I tried to remember what he said… Clowns? “Clowns?” I asked. “Some tragic circus death? High flying trapeze fall to his death.” I joked.

    His smile lit up his face again, “No nothing like that.” Why did he have to smile like that at me. At some stranger?

    “So tell me why are you afraid of clowns, Nox?” My voice was low and husky and I saw him respond to it just as I had myself. He was undoing me without blinking. And I seemed to be having a similar effect on him as he looked away from me.

    It happened so suddenly I didn’t really know what was happening when he leaned against me and buried his head against my shoulder. I was about to wrap my arms around him but he jerked away. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

    I grabbed his waist and pulled him close to me and whispered, “It’s okay.” I pulled him closer holding him tighter against me. “Stop shielding so hard.”

    He opened to me, it was just a tiny little opening, I doubt anyone else could have found the hole even if they had been looking. He kept saying the same thing over and over in his head, need to be safe. I had found something important. He never felt safe. His whole body was tense until he buried himself against me. It was him against the world. I could understand that. I sent him my own thought. You are safe. And oddly enough in that moment he was safe. I wanted nothing more than to make it all stop. I don’t know how he disarmed me so easily.

    The elevator dinged and a small brunette tapped on Nox’s shoulder and when he looked down at her he gave her wry smile, “Thanks.” He removed himself from my embrace taking my hand and I followed him out the door, “My floor.” He said reassuringly.

    The woman clearly knew Nox, and knew him well enough to interrupt a cuddle session. I was a little jealous, “Who was she?” I asked trying to hide that fact, maybe I was a lot jealous. Fuck!

    We started down the hall and that was when I noticed all the doors so fucking close together. Not even a step apart. You could open one door from in front of the other. Nox answered me but I barely heard that she was his boss. “Another question.” More important question in my head at the moment, “What’s with all these doors? You live in a fucking closet?” What kinda life was this. Torture! No wonder he hated it here.

    He wasn’t shielding from me anymore but he wasn’t revealing anything with the doors and his words only made me more confused, “You’ll see.” He said.

    One of the marks on the door started to glow and I looked back down the hall. There was no fucking way I was going to find this room again. He touched it and it opened. I wanted to touch one of the doors see if opened too at my touch, but Nox was ushering me into a studio apartment. I took a step back and looked at the space between doors and then looked through the doorway. “A fucking TARDIS?”

    “If by that you mean it’s bigger on the inside – yeah. TARDIS fits.” He grinned at me. I shook my head in disbelief as I entered the apartment. This was beyond sci-fiction.

    The toilet flushed and I had a flash of anger. He didn’t tell me he lived with anyone. My head swung to the direction of the sound and the ugliest cat I had ever seen walked out of the bathroom. It looked up at me with yellow eyes and I could feel the thing trying to get inside my shields. Burrowing and digging at my shield, but she got bored and turned away and jumped on to the bed and curled up on a pillow completely ignoring us.

    Nox growled, “Fee…”
    She stood up showed us her ass and snubbed us with her back. I bit back my laughter. “Your cat alright?” I asked.

    “Ophelia is fine, other than being onery why?”

    I shook my head and my hair fell across my eyes. His thoughts were louder here. He wanted to push them away. But he didn’t come near me choosing to walk into the kitchen and look in his oven. His apartment smelled amazing. I answered his question, “No reason. She just looks a little mangy.” I said loud enough for the cat to hear and I felt a swat at my shield.

    Nox was full of information as always. “That’s just the way her coat is. She’s a Lykoi – a werewolf cat, she doesn’t have an under coat, so it’s all coarse hair and thin.”

    How ironic. “A Venatori with a werewolf cat as a pet. I bet that gets all sorts of laughs by your peers.”

    Nox shrugged. “My peers don’t come into my apartment very often.” such a lonely life he lived. Did he have any friends? He continued, “Or at all. Drink? I have water, wine, I think I have a beer or two in there from last week and coffee.”

    “You’re the one cooking you tell me.”

    “Beer?” I wasn’t much of a beer drinker but it would do. And I knew from watching him, that was all he drank.

    He used some sort of magic to pop the top of our bottles and then handed one to me. I had so many questions. But I was more fascinated by his preparation of dinner. We were having steak, and whatever was already in the oven.

    I leaned against the bar and asked one pressing question. “So aren’t you afraid some Venatori is going to kill you ’cause you are breaking some sort of law talking to me about magic?”

    He laughed. A real laugh, nothing hidden about it. “Obviously you know about magic at least enough to know what I am, and that we have magic. So no, not really. Besides you’re a path. From what I can tell you are a telepath.” He said as he applied salt and pepper to both sides of the steak he was about cook.

    “So why am I not dead if you know what I am?” That was my biggest question. If he knew I was a path, why was he even flirting with me. And why didn’t he try to kill me before – Venatori kill dreamwalkers and there was no denying I was one to him.

    “Why would I kill you? Have you done something wrong?” He asked.

    “No.” I said curtly.

    “Are you planning on doing something wrong?” He winked at me playfully. And I knew exactly what he was thinking.

    “You think highly of yourself and your skills don’t you.” I quipped back.

    “I got you to my apartment didn’t I?” Touche.

  • High Maintenance

    High Maintenance

    He’d called me asking about the card. I didn’t have to try any harder to get his attention I had it now. Now it was only a matter of time before I was coaxing the questions Poet wanted answers to. He deserved every ounce of whatever Poet wanted to dish out. I didn’t feel guilty when I didn’t sit down at the table like I usually did to watch the pretty boy walk past me to get his groceries. I waited across the street at the diner. It was a really good diner considering it was mostly greasy food that went to your waist.

    But the milkshake and fries were excellent. I hadn’t tried the pancakes yet, but I had it on my list of things to do on this case. I knew where he was going so I didn’t need to follow him. He’d be in the butchers a few moments and then he’d be off to the market. Timing the situation so he ran into me was not original since I’d already done it once but he just looked at me and stammered an apology. But the only thing on his mind then had been my eyes – not how hot I looked or how he wanted to fuck me. Just my eyes. There was a small amount of fearful thoughts lingering around how much he loved my eyes. I wondered what that had been about.

    But he was inside too long. I checked my watch and noted he was running late. I might have to change tactics. Did he go out the back? I took out my phone and hoped I could pick up his cell phone to track him. He’d called and now I had the number and it wasn’t hard to do. I’d had the Wicked Truth show me how so I didn’t have to keep bothering him for trivial things. It had cost me extra but it was well worth it.

    He was still inside. I made a bold move and decided to go inside. I opened the door. I could run into him anywhere and it would work. He was coming out as I was going in. I ran into him phone first. I quickly turned my phone off so he didn’t see the tracking software up.

    “Funny running into you here.” His face lit up with that grin. Part of me wanted to punch him but the rest of me couldn’t help but smile. And then he bit his bottom lip as he stared into my eyes. “Boris, right? No it was Bob wasn’t it?”

    “Haha,” I said, he thought he was funny. But the joke hurt more than it should have.

    He grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me off to the side so we weren’t in the way. He was thinking about the butcher and his wife’s business. He seemed to have a big heart – that was going to be easy to manipulate. His thoughts drifted to me and I knew I had him hook, line and sinker. He was mine.

    “I need to go get the rest of my groceries.” He said with a smile that I’d seen so many times before, one I had hoped he had reserved only for me, and here he was shining at a stranger. I felt so much more used now than before. He was such a fucking player.

    But I put on a well practiced grin and let the act go on. I wanted this favor. “I know.” I said. I felt very much like Han in that moment. Maybe I should shoot first?

    “So you have been following me. Why?” Nox asked but there was no hint of anger in his voice or his thoughts. He really didn’t care that I was.

    “Why do you think?” I laughed. I wanted to hear this.

    “Honestly, no clue. But I do need to get walking, you going to follow me there?” He asked like he didn’t know the answer already.

    “Why would I want to do that?” I said sarcastically.

    His shoulders went up in a shrug and said “I don’t know that either.”

    I knew a lot about him, but I didn’t know what he actually bought so I peeked inside and sitting on top was steak. Not cheap steak either, it was a beautiful piece of meat. “I might follow you home if you’re cooking any of that.”

    And there was that grin again. Fuck if he couldn’t kill me with it. “You can walk with me and I’ll cook dinner for you.”

    I faked surprise and happiness. Though if he was cooking steak then as long as he didn’t ruin it I was game. “I suppose I could endure that. But isn’t lunch next?”

    He didn’t answer my question. Fucker. He opened the door and I had no choice but to follow. Or… I rushed ahead, not that it was that far, and opened the door for him. He grinned at me again, “How gentlemanly. I’ll drop my groceries off, go for a run then grab lunch on the way back. I could skip my run and cook but..” the sentence trailed off but his thoughts did not. He didn’t want me to find out about his neurosis about structure. Not that I didn’t know that already from his timely departures and arrivals. Everything was perfectly timed.

    And I also knew he was fitness nut. He ran everyday at the same time, twice a day. I thought I liked running. “Don’t tell me you need to run off extra calories.” I gave him a good once over before looking at my watch to check the time, he was almost back on schedule. “I could think of other ways you could work off extra calories.”

    He blushed. What the fuck? Did I just make the player uncomfortable or was he playing shy to get in my pants. From the sound of his thoughts he was acting out of character. I threw him, and I liked that fact very much. I could use it to my advantage.

    He stared at me while we walked, but he forced himself to look away. He was doubting himself and wondering if I was a telepath. I could read his thoughts. Now was the time to make the move. “All this food for your boyfriend?” I was pretty sure that there were no girls in his life, but there were plenty of guys he was cozy with.

    I mean I watched him on the dance floor with girls plenty of times, Poet had more videos of that than I could count, and I’d see it for myself. But those were nothing – he never kept their numbers and he never saw them again. Never slept with the same girl.

    He blurted out, “I don’t date.”

    “So what was the other night, you were just looking for a quick fuck?” I shouldn’t be so hurt by the fact that he had wanted sex. But it wasn’t that it was sex he wanted at the club but he had just wanted sex. He wasn’t looking for Mr. Right. I don’t know why it bothered me so much.

    “I…” he stammered and after a moment he shrugged, “I’m sorry, but yeah.” He apologized…

    “So dinner is just a means to get in my pants?” I surprised myself with the bite in my words despite the smirk I knew I wore.

    “No!” he shouted gaining a few disgusted looks as people walked the other way from us overheard. He continued in a lower voice, “No, I… It’s just me cooking for you.” And there was nothing but truth in his voice, his thoughts were a mess, he was racing in so many directions.

    “So now you don’t want to fuck me?” I asked confused. He was such a mess. I don’t think the dreams even hit close when he was with me there. He didn’t answer me instead turned back around and went down the alley and leaned against the wall. I watched as he slid down the wall and dropped his head against the wall. His thoughts grew more tangled as the seconds passed.

    “You drive me fucking nuts, Alex.”

    Now he remembers my name. “You remember my name?” I joked. I knew he remembered it. But it still stung after all these years.

    “Of course I remember your name. How could I forget it?” And he kept making the past hurt even more.

    I growled out. “I don’t know, I’ve known people to forget a lot of things in a short period of time.” He’d forgotten me too many times to count.

    “Who ever wants to forget you is an idiot.” He sighed. I wasn’t sure if it was in frustration or something else. But his thoughts were a mess as he breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. Classic calming techniques. I was going to have to raise my price if Poet wanted me to deal with this shit. But I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He looked in pain, like his body hurt. I tried to make out something in his head something to help or hurt or just something. And then I heard the voice telling him. This isn’t him. He’ll be so jealous. There was venom in his reply to himself. He’s the one who didn’t show up.

    Was he talking about me? Dream me. I showed up goddammit. His anxiety was making me crazy. “You okay pretty boy?” I asked.

    He nodded and then stood up. “Yeah.” He didn’t look okay, but he continued. “Sorry. This is me. Anxiety is my very own personal demon.” And then he walked away from me – again. What the fuck, that was my move. I was getting tired of chasing him. But Poet was making this worth my while. I guess that favor meant more than the dealing with this shit.

    But he looked broken, dejected as he walked ahead. I caught up, “I was only joking about the getting in my pants thing.” We walked a few more steps and I tried to change the subject, “But why don’t you date?” I mean he was a hot guy, he could have any one he wanted – and I mean anyone.

    His response surprised me. “I tried once. Guy used me. But he’s not the reason, had a guy stand me up.”

    “I know that feeling.” I growled. He stood me up not the other way around. Fucking emergencies – yeah right. “No girlfriends?” I asked to make sure I covered all my bases. Poet would want to know.

    “Never. I’m not that into girls.” he said plainly.

    “Really? So the dancing and sex on the dancefloor was just, what? Accidental? You were dancing and accidentally fucked them too? Oops, sorry about that, my dick just slipped in there,” I mocked him. Really he had to be into girls, he sure as hell fucked a lot of them. I wasn’t sure why that made me anymore jealous than before.

    He smirked, “Yeah? You think I could get away with that? Oops sorry, slipped!” He rolled his eyes and continued with a grin though his words were serious, “I admire women. I enjoy their body, their curves, their softness. But I could never give my heart to a woman. No point in dating her when I know for a fact I’d be miserable.” He winked at me, “And they are missing my favorite part of the body.” And the truth of the whole conversation was that he was gay. He didn’t identify that way in his head but he knew that sleeping with women was only about sex. There was nothing but sex with a woman. I saw thoughts of abandonment but nothing concrete to go on. He’d had mommy issues when we were younger, he was still harboring those same feelings even after her death. Probably more so now than before.

    He was just as easy to read here as he was in the dream. I thought Venatori had good shields. But I was getting distracted in his head. Wasn’t exactly sure how he functioned at all with that tangled mess. He liked men… I was a man. I looked down and then back up with a smirk on my face.

    He laughed. “Yeah you got it.” And he smiled that fucking smile… Why the fuck did he have to do that.

    He nodded down the street where the open market was. “Got a few things here to pick up.”

    I knew that. I pulled my lips in mild amusement. I had to bit my tongue not to repeat myself again. I knew his schedule almost as well as he did.

    “Am I amusing you?” He asked.

    “You are.” Nox stopped in front of stall and I stood behind him until the crowd pushed me closer to him. I could smell him – the real him a soft smokey scent but mostly it was just clean no real fragrance what-so-ever. I remembered being this close to him before, I wanted to put my hand on his hip to pull him against me. I wanted to fuck him, I knew it was just lingering memories. He had me digging in my head too far.

    I reached out and put my hand on his hip, the hem of his t-shirt was under my fingers and I thought about shoving my hand underneath. I felt him shudder beneath my fingers and he gasped, “Please don’t.”

    I stopped moving. Had he heard my thought. I hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation just the feeling of the man in front of me. He leaned back against my chest and whispered, “Wasn’t talking to you.”

    I pushed him away from me, he stumbled a few feet as I walked away while he finalized his business. I walked ahead and waited looking at the items at the next booth. It wasn’t anything interesting more of the same as the booth Nox shopped at. It made me wonder why he shopped at specific booths, and why he never actually did the shopping himself. “Do you always have an order ahead of time?”

    “I get the same thing every week with little variation.”

    I wondered why, I didn’t think I asked it outloud but he answered anyway.
    “It’s easier that way.” He didn’t want to elaborate and I didn’t think it was important. Poet wasn’t going to manipulate his eating habits. He broke me from my thought with a laugh then asked, “Where to now?”

    What? I must have looked as confused as I really was because he continued “You’ve been following me for weeks. So what do I do next?”

    He knew I’d been following him. He’d pretty much said he knew that before why was it bothering me now. I had to rack my brain for the answer. If he hadn’t said anything I would have know the answer. “The grocery store for things you can’t get here I guess. You have everything else.”

    We walked in silence. His mind started to churn again which was making me feel anxious so I took his hand in mine and tried to pull him out of his thoughts. “Why didn’t you talk to me before?”

    He shrugged. “I’d probably not be talking to you now if you didn’t run into me.” I felt the truth in his words. I was inconsequential on his radar and it hurt.

    “Why not? Too good for me?”

    He sighed, “Because you didn’t look like you wanted company, ” and pulled his hand from mine. I hoped it was just to open the door but then he kept walking ahead of me. He was losing his cool.

    I didn’t mean to say it so bitterly, “You mean kinda like you look right now?” but that was how it came out.

    “I…” He sighed. “I like your company, but you seem to get annoyed at everything so…”

    So what? But he felt so pitiful and lost in his head. He hated himself, and I wasn’t helping matters any.

    “I’m sorry.” I apologized, “You just remind me of someone. A bad memory.”

    A wry smile splayed across his lips as he spoke, “I know the feeling.” But his thoughts were off in the distance remembering. Or trying not to remember. We were both trying to forget the same thing. And being here with each other was making all those feelings and memories come to the forefront. We both stayed in our own thoughts as he grabbed his groceries.

    As we stood in the checkout line he asked, “You mind a late lunch, early dinner. I have friends coming over after the sun goes down, they’ll play poker and try to get me to play with them, which you are more than welcome to join, but I kinda want to cook for you just me and you.”

    “A date?” I asked sceptically.

    “I wouldn’t call it that.” Nox shrugged. His mind was line a sieve, leaking out all the anxiety and hatred and chaos.

    He was so fucking high maintenance! I pasted on a smirk and teased him, “Sounds like a date to me.” Poet definitely wasn’t paying me enough.

    There was hope and exasperation in his voice. “Fine, call it a date. You wanna stop by at 3?”

    I looked at my phone, opened the calendar and pretended that I had something else going on. But my schedule was wide open, I only had to worry about Janice calling in for some sub care because she utterly sucked at it, but I was free. “Yeah, I’ll have to rearrange a client but I can make three.”

    “Great.” He said then bit his bottom lip. I wanted to do that for him. Old memories were hard to shake. And I’d truly wanted to do more back at that last stall. He continued, never noticing how my train of thought had gone straight to my cock. “I’m sure you have better things to do than follow me around shopping. I mean you were walking into the butchers when you ran into me.”

    “Ah fuck!” I growled. I didn’t have any business but it was part of the show “See what you do to me?” I winked at him to add to the allure. “I’ll see you at 3 pretty boy.” I leaned in and kissed his cheek then winked again before I headed off the way we’d come. I felt like a school boy leaving his boyfriend for the first time. I was happy in a way that I shouldn’t be but his fading thoughts as i walked away made it all that much better. I listened to the voice in his head that said fuck he was hot! Until I could no longer hear him through the din of other peoples voices.

    I had a few hours to kill before I headed his direction. There was only one slight problem. I didn’t know which apartment was his. But I’d worry about that later. I needed to clear my own head – distract my mind. Get him out of my head. He was such a mess.

  • Dreams and Letters

    Dreams and Letters

    I had been so tired I hadn’t paid attention when I hit the pillow. I hadn’t anchored myself and I found myself on the sandy beaches I’d once fled to for comfort. Comfort after a certain man with big brown eyes never fucking showed up.

    I growled at my scenery but it was much more peaceful. But those brown eyes still haunted me. Why the fuck was he haunting me. Now of all times, in this place. Why did I have to see him in this mark? The eyes, the schedule. I could time my little monsters dreams almost to the minute. I knew exactly when he’d come in and when he’d be whisked away by the darkness.

    He’d used this face a number of times, and always when he felt vulnerable. After his mother died in particular came to mind. Clutching my box of things to his chest believing in me. That smile. That fucking smile!

    I jolted upright in my bed and I threw the pillow across the room. “Fuck!”

    And I had to stay. Poet wanted information. And Poet owing me a favor was worth a lot more than the money. No questions asked he said. But I had to do this job. I had to get close to the fucking kid that broke my heart.

    I had to get all of this pent up anger out. I needed a long hard run, but first, I pulled out my laptop and fired up an email program that I hadn’t used in over five years and I wrote my pretty boy – fuck! I’d called him that without thinking… Did he put things together? I don’t know… I didn’t care.

    I wrote hurriedly my fingers tapping across the keyboard as my thoughts spewed into the short letter. And I hit send. I didn’t even reread it. I didn’t care. I deleted all trace of it being sent and then then I shut it down. I wanted to hit the delete button. But I still couldn’t make myself do it. I hadn’t for five years, what made me think I could do it now.

    Fuck!

    I changed quickly into running clothes, it was 4am, the streets of New York City would still have some amount of business too them, but I was going to run until these thoughts were cold and dying and I could function again. I had a job to do nothing more.

    June 17, 2017 3:49 AM
    To: mylittlemonster@email.net
    From: mylittlemonster@email.net
    Subject: Fuck you!

    Fuck you, Pretty Boy,

    I haven’t written you in well over five years. And for good fucking reason. You sent your fucking friend to tell me off. And now of all things, of all the fucking times. I had to meet some of your faces. Why the fuck couldn’t you have used actors or something – people who I’d never in a million years run into or could even think were you. You and your big fucking gorgeous brown eyes.

    Anytime I think about them I want to melt and whither away from the pain, but here they are fucking staring at me. Why the fuck did you use your real face? Why did you use your friends?

    Now I have to push aside all these feelings. Feelings I’ve held on to and pushed away for so long just so I can do a fucking job. One that is worth more than my feelings towards you.

    Why the fuck pretty boy. Why the fuck to do I have to know your name now? I hate you. You know that. I fucking hate you.

    Alex Kennedy 27 years old

  • The Emergency

    The Emergency

    I don’t think I have ever had an easier job. The moment he got close, the the only thing I could hear was him. His thoughts went all over the place but when it came to the things coming out of his mouth, they were never any different than his thoughts. He was mildly entertaining – for a Venatori.

    And he was so full of himself. He rivaled me on that note. I knew the shirt had been a great start. He was eating out of the palm of my hand and I didn’t even have to try. The bartender had placed that bet based on the fact that Nox flirted with him every single time, and I got a top shelf whiskey out of it for free. So maybe this no nothing Venatori who had no money to his name might pay off big. He did have friends in high places.

    But there was something nagging at me. Those big brown eyes. I’d seen this face in a dream. Fuck I’d seen his blue eyed friends face in a dream. I was so fucking close to my little dream monster that I was on the verge of telling Poet to fuck off. Two people, best friends who he’d worn their faces. His birthday brought the darkened sex that I fantasized about more times than I can count. He was never far from my thoughts. The fucking shit… these memories sucked, but as we danced – or he danced around me, I could get lost in him.

    The way he moved. The way he smelled. I didn’t want to think about the boy from my dreams so until he said my name – my actual fucking name like he’d done several times at the end. I really couldn’t take it anymore. I had to go. I faked a text. Looking at my phone. He was still lost in the euphoria of the mood we’d created when I left.

    I hadn’t gotten more than three steps before my phone actually buzzed with a text from Jared.
    JD: come to Janice’s need help

    I didn’t bother texting him back. I just hailed a cab and headed for her apartment. When I got there Jared was pacing in the foray waiting for me. He took a look at what I was wearing and frowned, “This is a new look.”

    “I was out.”

    Jared smirked. “You don’t have to explain. Your boy get a big rough ripped your pretty shirt so you had to borrow one of his. Been there.”

    I shrugged. “Something like that. What’s the emergency?”

    Jared waved his hand to follow him so I did. The girl from last night was sitting in the corner crying. “She’s been like that all night. We can’t make her stop.”

    “She’s not a fucking submissive you idiot.” I rolled my eyes. How the fuck did these two ever get into the game. They needed to be slammed hard into submission and learn the fucking hard way how to take care of their toys. Jared should have learned playing sub all those years instead he’s just as much a dick as Janice was when it came to after care.

    I knelt down in front of the girl and stroked her cheek. “Hey sweetie, can you tell me why you are crying?”

    “It hurts.”

    “What does?”

    “Everything.”

    “What did they do?” I asked taking a moment to glare at Jared behind me.

    “We asked before we did anything.”

    “Did you give them your safe word?”

    “What’s that.”

    “Jesus fucking Christ.” I scooped the girl up and took her down the hall to Janice’s bedroom where she was busy putting on a fresh coat of makeup.

    “Brent…” She said as I passed through.

    I set her down on the edge of the large jacuzzi tub and waited for the water to fill. It would take a while. “I’ll be right back darling.” She gave me a little nod and then I stomped into Janice’s bedroom and grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her against the wall.

    “You never fucking take a girl or boy off the fucking street and tie them up in your dungeon without ever fucking telling them what it is. The two of you hurt that girl. She doesn’t even know what the fuck a safe word is.” I growled and then stomped back into the bathroom.

    My blood was boiling. There was no fucking way I was going to give them some innocent to play with. Idiots!

    I cared for the girl. I calmed her nerves, soothed away all the fears she’d had with ease cleansing stroke of the loufa over her skin. I washed away the dirt and grim and I took from her what they did. Rewrote the memories, removed the pain. But added the extra bonus of not going home with a bunch of strangers who promise a good time.

    By the time I was done making sure Janice and Jared didn’t get their asses sued by the girls parents she was smiling and giggling at my jokes. I took her home personally and gave one last reassuring nudge that she would be fine and that she needed to find someone good to be with not a bunch of pervs. She gave me kiss on the cheek and I waved good-bye.

    It was well after 2 am by the time I collapsed in my bed in my own apartment – fuck what if Janice and Jared caught me. I passed out the moment my head hit the pillow.

  • The Kissing Game

    The Kissing Game

    Janice and Jared conned me into going to some sex circle party down in Brooklyn. Or at least that’s what I made them think. I knew that it would kill two birds with one stone, so I’d put the thought in Janice’s head and she suggested it to Jared and it grew from there.

    They didn’t traditionally go to orgie parties Janice said. She thought it was too low class, but this one was being hosted by some big name. I hadn’t even known that much I just knew I needed an excuse to go.

    Janice and Jared were going to wear all leather until I told them it wasn’t that kind of part. Was more about the sex and the drugs but mostly about the sex. I chose their outfits for them. Brent was more than happy to pick out clothes. Janice was overjoyed by my pick, it was just a spring dress that was see through in all the right places while being completely appropriate for wear outside the bedroom.

    Jared was dressed like me in a pair of jeans and tight t-shirt.

    I drove. I missed driving my girl and this was a longer trip even if traffic on a Thursday night was gonna suck. Traffic here always sucked. But Serenity got to get a bit of action too.

    We pulled up to the house in Brooklyn, the party was already booming and we were followed in by a line of other cars. I dropped Janice and Jared off at the door and drove myself around until I found a parking spot to keep my girl safe.

    That was probably the hardest part of the whole ploy.

    Janice and Jared were already chatting up a girl on the dance floor. She seemed into them, and I wondered if they’d be taking a cab home with their new pet. We’d see. I hadn’t found anyone that matched their criteria yet. They weren’t disappointed. They liked trying out all the wrong people.

    I gave them a nod and walked past them. Grabbed a drink from the cooler and looked around. I was looking for a few specific people.

    It really wasn’t hard to find them. The big dumb blonde made my skin crawl. I knew him. I hated him and I didn’t want to touch him, but I needed that little bit of contact. He was dancing with his wife, she was cute little thing. It really amazed me that Nox hadn’t tapped that girl or settled down with her instead of letting this ape fuck her. But whatever.

    I slid up to them on the dance floor just dancing. Minding my own business. It didn’t take much to find myself up against her backside with my hand against her hip. Her man growled at me and I gave him a playful wink and reached across his wife and ran my fingers over his cheek. The light touch was tinged with thoughts of how fucking hot I was. They both fell into the grips of my manipulation and when I was sure they wouldn’t bolt from me, I fed them a lie. A lie they’d tell tomorrow. The lie wouldn’t feel a lie. They’d feel the nausea and if I was lucky the psychosomatic reactions would kick in and they’d actually get sick. But it was all in their heads.

    It wasn’t long before their friends joined them. The brunette wrapped her arms protectively around the man with dark blue eyes. He was going to be harder to manipulate. His head was full of things I didn’t understand but touching him was going to be difficult. He had haphephobia, the fear of being touched. So touching him would make him freak out. Maybe I didn’t need to touch him. He wasn’t going anywhere tomorrow without his ball and chain. Or at least that’s what I hoped. But I could plant that suggestion in her head, to keep him home.

    So I played the same game with them, she was a lot easier to manipulate. Though there was this strange vibe from her. I didn’t really feel her thoughts, but she was more than amenable to my suggestions. I tried it out before I implanted the lies and the impulse to keep her man at home with her.

    I was satisfied with the work so I returned to Janice and Jared for the remainder of the night. They went home in a town car with their new pet. She was a bit too drunk, and probably going to freak out once they brought out the whips and chains, but they had to learn what made a good sub and what didn’t.

    I got to drive home alone in Serenity. Just me and my baby. It was bliss. And too short. I was grateful Janice and Jared went home early meant I could be up at the butt crack of dawn so that I could watch the Feras before he left. It may be a day for parties tomorrow but he never deviated from his schedule and I had to put myself in his path as much as possible before that night.

    I scoured through the footage Poet gave me for weeks pulling out all kinds of little notes on Nox Sétanta. Things like his schedule, what he ate where, but it wasn’t just his food and his schedule that was the same. He wore the same things. LIke they were rotated or something. This guy was a fucking nut job. He didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. Which meant he would go to Aspect tomorrow night, kiss his friends to get into the club after capacity. I had to be at the front of that line when he got there. Which you’d think would have been easy, but he was fucking late. He was never fucking late. I almost went looking for him. But I saw his long lean body walk up to the bouncer and I had to maneuver my way through the line to get where I needed to be. I wanted to be that guy he kissed to get in. I didn’t want to go into that fucking club, but Poet was paying me well. And all I had to do was get close enough to get information.

    I had to talk a few guys into letting me past but it was no big deal with a little mental nudge here and there. Soon I was watching him bite his bottom lip. How fucking cute? And then he grabbed my shirt and pressed his lips to mine. I felt that spark and it sent a sudden jolt of fear through me. I didn’t like when weird shit happened. Specially when a fucking Venatori was involved.

The Mind of Nox

escaping into reality

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