Larry and I found John in worse condition than Chris. It took a few hours to get there, and an hour or so to fully cremate the body. I don’t think I’ve had a more stressful day in my life. I was ragged. I sat on the ground for the hour just staring off into space. Larry walked around the perimeter checking on me every so often. I wanted to curl up and forget life for a few hours. And I wanted to call Sage, but if I talked to him I would break. I would collapse. So when he called I sent a text instead. “I’m sorry love. If I talk to you right now I’ll break. And I can’t break right now.”
Sage’s response was quick. “I understand. Call me the first moment you can, love. I’m here.”
I knew he was. I knew he’d be there when I broke. But I had 13 other boys to watch after. I had 13 other responsibilities.
We were going to stay here for a few hours and grab some shut eye. I erected a wall of air and didn’t even bother layout out my bedroll as I laid back to pass out.