I spent the night with Sage and for the first time since I’ve slept here with him I’m up at 4:30 in the morning. Chalk it up to anxiety, more so than nightmares. I woke up, well I got up so I wouldn’t keep Sage up. I have to be on a plane at 11:29am. I’m so not looking forward to that. I’m not looking forward to being away from Sage for 30 days. This is such a weird experience. I don’t think Sage and I have been apart for more than a few days. I have lunch with him most days, and breakfast some mornings. And every Friday night I cook for him in his wonderful kitchen.
Last night we ate as a proper family, the three of us. I even let Drake have ice cream before he had his dinner. Sage wasn’t happy. But the little smile on the dragon’s face was more than worth it. And Sage was happy with dinner itself so it was all good in the end.
And after Drake went to bed I played with my hair. I couldn’t decide what to do. I could be normal and leave it brown or just the blonde tips. But then I don’t think I’d feel comfortable in my own skin. It’s bad enough to camp out in the dirt and grime, but I like being me. But I’m not afraid to get dirty. I like camping as long as I can be me. So I decided I would do variations of green and go with a camo look. It looks pretty cool for the whole hiking thing. It might be cool on a club night, but I don’t think I want to do it often, it’s not really me. I like the bright colors and since I met Sage I liked to keep it blue.
My nail polish is black, and I have a few bottles I’m taking with me – in case the bottles break. Why don’t I magic that like my hair? Because it turns my nails that color, and that’s not healthy and not quite so easy to change then.
I have a few change of clothes – not enough for 30 days, but hey I’m a guy. And I can wash in a stream. Or if I get really pressed for grime, I can hike back to the Boulder compound and do laundry in a real washing machine and dryer. Though as a student that’s considered cheating. I could clean it with my ability. And I’ll probably do that a few times too. But there is only so much my ability can do.
I’m sure I’m up for other reasons than this damned trip, but at least I’m not up because of my nightmares. I have nightmares every night I don’t spend with Sage. He is my link to a good nights sleep and I treasure each night I get with him. And I will miss him, but this is good for me – good for us. I wonder if I’m too much to for Sage sometimes. If I’m a burden. I take more than I give. I try to give back. I try, but I’m not good at this. I love him. I never thought I could love someone so much. I will do better. I will.
I’m going to go for my last run before the trip. Then I’m going to make my love his favorite breakfast and take my little dragon to school and then head to the airport. I’m not looking forward to this – I hate flying. I HATE flying.