Waiting

We were both sitting in our chairs watching the computer and Alec’s device work. He still had to power the thing, but neither of us were actively doing anything. We were seeing demon not spots. And we were tracking Dean, Magnus and Cass through Magnus’ cell phone which oddly enough worked in our world. I had almost forgotten it was a dream until that coincidence.

I was surprised again that I just hadn’t woken from it. Maybe it wasn’t as long or coherent as I was thinking it was, but I was pretty sure Devin had a hand in keeping me asleep and making me dream I had Nox’s powers.

And I think I was getting some understanding of why he was doing it. Why he trust me into a world where I had super powers and a problem to solve. He was proving a point. Nox didn’t want to do this. But if he didn’t who else would, right? He got thrown into it. He didn’t ask for it.

But I was learning more than that. One of the most annoying t hings about Nox was his tight control on everything. He got up at the same fucking time. Everyday. He didn’t sleep in, he didn’t stay up late. It was the same everyday. He did the same work out routine, he ate the same thing for breakfast lunch and dinner. Even his clothes were all the same. Yeah he had different t-shirts and dress shirts and things, but he always wore jeans and t-shirt and a long sleeves. Always. Everything was about control, even my house was perfectly organized.

But if you thought Nox was a clean freak then you’d be wrong. He didn’t dust or vacuum unless it was chore day. But everything had a place. Control, control, control…

That control was necessary. He controlled his vision, his power. He didn’t know any other way.

I sighed. Alec was shaking his head. “It can’t be that bad.”

I laughed. “No it’s worse. I told Nox I was done with this. It was over. That if he walked out the door to hunt vampires I didn’t want to see him again.”

Alec nodded. “Did you mean it?”

I sighed. “At the time, yeah I did.”

“Now?” Alec asked.

“I regretted it the moment I said it but I was so angry at him for so many things that I didn’t take it back. He turned around and I could have stopped him. Made him explain it to me. But instead I ran down stairs, to my safe place.”

“I’m not exactly the person you should be telling all this stuff to. I can’t give you any advice. Izzy could, but I’m no good at relationships.”

“I’m not looking for advice, so don’t worry about it.” I smiled at him. “Nox is kinda rubbing off on all of us. He talks about everything. If you ask it, even rhetorically, be prepared for an answer you didn’t want to hear. Right now he’s talking all the time. He’s not happy here with me. So I figured saying those things he’d leave me and then I wouldn’t need to worry about him.” I sighed. “Funny thing about it all, I’m more worried now that I’ll never see him again and the last thing he’ll have heard from me, is ‘I’m done’. “

“Nox talks or he takes action, he doesn’t sit around waiting for things to happen.” I sighed. “He walked out my door and if he’s pissed off enough at me, he’ll never walk through it again. He doesn’t deal well with change.”

“Who does?” Alec said.

“You’d think it was just that when someone says it to you. Drake’s bedroom is set up with shelves and toy bins and everything has a home. But Drake is three. Drake plays with his toys and then gets another one out leaving the last one where it was when he was playing. Normal kid things. Nox can’t walk into Drake’s room anymore. The mess hikes his anxiety and he winds up in our closet where it’s safe and orderly and just sits there calming himself and hiding from the kids. Not that the boys don’t know he has panic attacks, everyone steps wide when things change. We all know, we’ve all seen the mess our big strong leader type becomes when he’s stressed out. It’s not pretty to see him like that. It’s scary to think that someone made him like that.”

Alec sighed. “He sees a therapist?”

“He used to. Religiously. He needs to, he knows that. But he can’t forgive her.”

Alec asked, “Why not?”

I shrugged. “He hates liars. And she’s been lying to him his whole life. And she did some other things that are hard to forgive.”

I didn’t get to finish what I was saying because a bunch of dots appeared on the screen. Not just little blips either, big ones. Alec smiled. “I think that’s their hub.” It was a ware house out by the docks. Always the docks… Did bad guys have this thing about docks written in a handbook or something?