Alex drove and we sat in silence watching the trees pass with little ceremony. The sun flickered through them and the world was at peace. At least on the outside. Inside my mind was rolling over and over why that dream – that fear. And I kept landing on one thing. “It had to start with Garrett.”

“What?” Alex asked looking over at me.

“The dreams, the nightmares – they had to start with Garrett.”

“I know I should know that name but I don’t.”

I laughed, “And you aren’t reading me so… ” I smiled at him as I continued, “Garrett Spencer, he was my mentor before Dae’lin. He taught me control.”

“That fucker!” Alex growled. “What about him?”

“The dreams are the same as what he did to me. The things he made me see in my dreams so I would spark and learn to control it. You saw him. That’s what every nightmare looks like for me, down to the details all of them.”

“So you think he has something to do with your nightmares – and that thing.”

I nodded, “It’s the only explanation I have.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Alex asked as he pulled up into what looked like an old house. He smirked. “Trust me – best pizza this side of the Rockies.”

I trusted him. Alex pulled up to the front door and we got out. His chivalry never surprised me as he reached for the door. “You know one day I’m going to beat you to that door.”

Alex laughed. “And then I hope you’d wait for me to open it. It’s a gentleman’s job to treat his significant other with respect and kindness.”

“And I can open a fucking door.” I grinned at Alex and stepped inside to a warm ambience and even warmer temperature. And it smelled like an authentic bakery.

There were a few tables, most of them were occupied, but one in the corner was free. We took the seat and Alex let me sit in the corner so I could see, he didn’t much care. He heard every thought before it came at him in most cases I said to myself.

A kid with pimples all over his face came over to us. “What can I get you?”

“A pot of coffee, and lets start with your Margherita pizza with spinach added.”

“Sure. Can I get you some garlic knots, or some bread or something while you wait?”

Alex looked at me and I smiled. “Garlic knots sound good. I’m starving still.”

Alex shook his head. “You heard the man. And can I get a root beer?”

The boy nodded and left without writing anything down. There a few moments where we just stared at each other sitting opposite one another. “If you sat over here I could touch you.”

“If you touch me you’ll make me regret letting you come out.”

I shook my head. “No. I promise. It’s a thing.”

“A thing?” Alex smirked.

“I’m a needy bastard you know that. I get… I don’t know… It’s hard…”

Alex stood up and laughed. “Pretty boy, I know. Shhhh….” he said as he walked around the table, put his fingers under my chin and lifted my head back to press a kiss to my lips.

How did I ever get to be so lucky. I hummed against his lips and I felt better with him close. Alex sat down and I took his hand under the table and leaned against his shoulder and closed my eyes. Alex broke the comfortable silence when the garlic knots arrived toasty warm and garlicy. I picked one up and Alex followed suit but after the boy left he looked at me and waited.

I took a large bite and had to blow and huff around it, it was so hot.

Alex laughed. “That will teach you.”

When I finally managed to chew the hot piece of nearly liquid fire I shook my head, “Highly doubtful.”

Alex asked, “So what are you going to do about this Garrett problem?”

“I think after I get back I’ll confront him.”

“He’s in the AU building?” Alex asked.

“Yeah.”

“Dorian said you can’t go in there until after the Fourth.” Alex reminded me.

“It’s not work. It’s personal. And I’m fairly certain there are two children in there I’m not waiting to meet until then, so Dorian can just shove it.”

Alex laughed. “I want to hear you say that to Dorian’s face.”

“You think I won’t?”

Alex looked at me again as I finished my garlic knot and picked up another. “Honestly, I think you ripped Dorian a new one a time or two.”

“No. Not even when I found out he’d been lying to me my whole life.” I sighed. “Have you ever tried to yell at someone who can give you this completely disappointed look and you haven’t even said anything yet. It wouldn’t do any good. Dorian would keep his composure. If I flustered him he sent me to Marco or Angelina or back to Dae’lin.”

“I don’t want you to go near that asshole without me,” Alex said.

“I don’t want you near him Alex. He will not find out about you.” I spoke harshly and I saw Alex wince even. “I’m sorry.”

Alex chuckled, “Don’t apologize pretty boy. You’re standing up for yourself. Though I wish it wasn’t to defend me. I can take care of myself.”

“How many times can I tell you that? You want me to listen to you though?”

“Call me a hypocrite, but yes. I want you to listen.”

“And if I don’t?” I asked.

“Nothing. I would just be happier if you did.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “I still don’t want you to come with me. What if Ant comes with me?”

Alex squeezed my hand. “We can talk about this later. Pizza is here. And I don’t want to fight about it now. Is that good?”

I nodded and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “That’s good.” The boy set the pizza down and I barely waited to pick one up before it was on the table. I did cool the pizza first this time so I didn’t burn the roof of my mouth. “So, about me shaving…” I teased as I took the first of many bites.

Alex brought me a heaping plate full of fish and vegetables. It looked sorta like a whole fish with saute vegetables. “What’s wrong pretty boy?” I looked up to see my blue eyed beau staring down at me with a smirk.

I shook my head. “Nothing. Did you eat this?”

“No. I’m not a fan of fish.”

I smirked as I took the plate from him. “It’s fried isn’t it?”

Alex laughed. “I told Kish you wouldn’t eat it. But she didn’t believe me.”

“I won’t be rude, I’ll eat some of it. But I’m not a fan of fried anything and fried whole fish is bottom of that list.” I grinned at him. But I was starving, my stomach rumbled. “I don’t think I can afford to be too picky.”

“Yes you can, pretty boy.” He sat down next to me and bumped his shoulder against mine. “After you get some energy back we’ll get you something more tolerable.”

I really didn’t hesitate to start eating. The vegetables were well flavored. I really liked them, and I picked at the fish trying to avoid looking at the crust covered head and the skin. The fish was tender otherwise. And not too fishy. I enjoyed what I could manage to eat. Which was a lot more than I thought as I shovelled the last bit of white flesh into my mouth. My stomach rumbled again, and I frowned.

Alex laughed, “Damn, boy. There are more vegetables. Kish was planning them for lunch tomorrow.”

“How long was I asleep?” I hadn’t thought about it.

“It’s close to three pm. You slept for about twelve hours after you passed out.” Alex said wrapping his hands around my closest one, his fingers entwined in mine. “You okay?”

“Physically I’m fine. Energy levels are better. Mentally I’m drained still, and there are so many thoughts,” I confided.

I got up and found the rest of the vegetables in a bowl and I just grabbed it. I was that hungry still. I probably needed to eat carbs to offset this. I sighed and set the bowl down, “Is there any place we can get a pizza or pizzas? Something high carb. Or I’m going to eat your friends out of house and home.”

Alex gasped, “Nox wants pizza?”

“Don’t get used to it,” I said.

“Let’s go.” Alex nodded towards the door.

“Uh, you want me to go out looking like a bum?” I asked.

“You’re fully covered,” he said with a smirk. “I could go get some pizza, and you could stay here and rest?”

“You’d leave me here alone, with your family.”

Alex smirked. “Kish and Kay are at work still. They’re working a late shift at the hospital.” I raised an eyebrow in question and Alex added, “Nurses work lots of hours I’m told.”

“Well, I’ll leave it up to you.” I grinned at Alex. “If you want me going out like this I’d be happy to join you.”

Alex grabbed my hand. “Just keep your libido in check; I don’t need the girls thinking they got a chance with you.”

“What about the flirting?” I teased.

Alex rolled his eyes but he didn’t say not to tease.

I sighed. “Does my flirting bug you?” I asked.

Alex shook his head. “Maybe.” He opened the passenger side door and I walked around the other side. “I know it’s you.The whole attention seeking so no one looks too deep. I get it, but you are mine Nox.”

I leaned over the door and pressed a kiss to Alex’s soft lips. “Always, Z.” I purred out the nick name and Alex pulled away looking at me. “Too much?”

Alex shook his head and stepped around the door and pulled me against him. He was hard in his jeans and I was having a hard time doing as I was asked with his body pressed against me. “I think not.”

One blue eye winked at me as he pulled away and nodded for me to get in. I obeyed straightening myself out as I did so. Alex was smirking at me as he walked around the other side of the car. “I was afraid that the nick name would remind me of bad things, my childhood, things my mother did. But when you say it like that, holy fuck Nox.”

I bit my bottom lip and flopped over on to Alex’s shoulder and looked up at him from across the console. “You liked the way I said Z?” The Z, soft and breathless, just a little rumble under my breath.

Alex pushed me off his arm. “Yes, now stop flirting with me.”

“That is one thing I will never do,” I said triumphantly but I did sit up and put my seat belt on. Alex’s hand grabbed mine and brought it to his lips pressing a kiss to it.

Serenity started and we started out of the gravel driveway. We rode for about a mile before I let my thoughts wander back to what was bugging me. Alex asked, “What’s wrong?”

I looked at him and he smiled. “I’m learning to read your lost in thought face. And it’s troubling you,” Alex confirmed.

“The demon represents the things that were done to me as a child. Garrett was reinforcing my fears of my mother, of him, of violence in general. So why is this creature that feeds on fears using only that fear? I have so many other fears that could be used that could terrify me. Falling out of a plane, falling in general, needles, clowns, why that dream?” I asked rhetorically, I didn’t expect Alex to have an answer.

As I waited in the darkness things were different. I could feel the blows land across my back. Could hear the cackle of my demon. I could feel it’s struggle. And then out of no where it dug into me. I felt the claws dig into my back and rake across my skin. It fought to hold on. It was no longer hitting me, distracted. It was a dream – my dream.

It was an fleeting thought one I was surprised had never come to me in all the years. It was my dream.

The sun rose and the nightmare screamed and lashed out one final time. “Mine!” it yelled and blows landed simultaneously over my skin all over and my eyes popped open with a sudden gasp of air. I felt more the saw the thing on top of me launch off my chest towards someone. Alex. I sat up straight. I watched in horror as this black blur of fur and teeth and claws tried to hurt Alex. There was chanting somewhere in the room but my eyes were only drawn to the creature.

There was no moment of hesitation as I reached out and surrounded the thing with air and lit it on fire with another quick weave. It screamed. I made the bubble smaller. No one hurt Alex. I squeezed and burned it. The power inside me burned, it fought and I knew I should stop. Cold blooded killing always took a toll on my body. But I didn’t stop. It had tried to hurt Alex It had hurt me for years. This was revenge.

The bubble grew smaller and smaller until there was a pop, and the screaming silence. I felt weak. I was drained of what little energy I had from my nap. The anxiety and arguments weakened the balance, and then this. Before I knew it, there was nothing but blackness…

The blackness quickly lightened I lay on the ground in a dusty field. The rains looked like they hadn’t fallen in years but the soil was freshly tilled and it was waiting. I stood up and dusted off. I spun slowly in a circle and tried to get my bearings. There was a lone tree in the middle of the field, and beyond that were more trees and pond and a sky that looked like something out of a scifi movie. The sun was setting on the horizon but the sky was full of stars. I could almost swear I recognized something in the stars. Like a message or something, but I was standing atop the lone tree in the middle of the field. I hadn’t even realized I had walked the distance while I stared into the night sky.

The tree was strange, it felt more real than anything in the whole dream. It looked familiar. I placed my hand on the rough trunk and a pair of eyes blinked back at me. I jerked my hand away and stumbled backwards, but when I woke up I wasn’t lying on the dry dusty dirt of my dream. The bed was comfortable, and not at all the one I had fallen asleep in. I didn’t smell Alex on any of it. My clothes had been changed and I was in a strange room. I felt my heart race and my breathing quickened.

The panic attack started to set in and my mind was reeling. Where was I? What happened? Where was Alex? Was he okay? Though the last thought sent my mind in another direction. What had happened? Alex? But when I tried to say something my throat was dry.

In the onset of my panic I looked around, scanning for something familiar and there sitting next to the bed was a note. In Alex’s handwriting. It was almost a comfort except I knew deep down Alex was gone. I snatched the folded paper and opened it quickly.

No need to panic. Come out when you are ready. ~ Love, Alex

It was a simple note. His hand was steady. Not forced. But it didn’t help my heart racing. My chest loosened a little as I climbed out of the warm bedding. This wasn’t Alex’s bed. Hell I didn’t even know where I was. The first door I opened was a closet door. It was filled with women’s clothes and I knew I should know where I was. But the thoughts kept sliding away.

I found the door into the hall and was greeted with a series of pictures. Mostly kids, and in there amongst all the strangers was a little boy I once knew. I ran my fingers over the picture, and those blue eyes were unmistakable. Alex had been here. Memory started to return, this was a place he’d grown up. Or at least stayed part of the time. I closed my eyes and I could feel Alex around me. Smell him nearby.

“Hey Pretty boy.” His voice called out from down the hall. I opened my eyes to see his gorgeous blue eyes staring back at me. I couldn’t help but smile. I wanted to run and hug him and never let go. But I made myself walk. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. “You’re alright.”

“Me, pretty boy, you’re the one who passed out. You had me worried.”

I shook my head, “I was fine.”

“You didn’t look fine,” Alex said as he navigated me around into the living room to sit on the couch. It was warm, he’d been here a while. “What happened?”

“You tell me?”

“You killed the thing. Kish and Kay said that it was nothing but ash by the time the fire burnt out. It sort of just fluttered to the floor. I was too busy trying not to panic because I couldn’t wake you up.”

“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “It should never have tried to hurt you.”

“I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.”

My eyes immediately darted to the bandage on Alex’s hand. My heart started to pound again. It had hurt him.

“Nox, I’m fine. Are you okay? What happened?”

“I killed with my power. Being Cesari is different than being Magnus. But since I’m the only known Cesari to use his gift in the taking of lives it’s not a well known thing, other Magnus might face the same problem. But taking a life extracts energy from the person who does it. Theoretically, if someone were to kill a lot of people at the same time, you’d kill yourself in the process – or at the very least tap out your power and becoming tacet – or quiet. And not yourself.”

Alex interrupted, “It was hurting you, it had hurt you your whole life.”

“The magic doesn’t care that it was justified. It doesn’t care, it only seeks balance In taking a life not in the defence of my own life, it saps the energy required to remove life from me. So saving you was not in defence of my own life. When I killed the Dragon it was in defence of my own life. When I killed the bomber it was in defence of my own life. I don’t kill with the power I was given unless I have to. It’s easier to pull a gun.”

I smiled at Alex. “I just need to recharge. And I’m starving. There wouldn’t be any food around would there?”

Alex nodded. “Kish left some food just in case you woke up. You sit, let me get it for you.”

Sex took us into the wee hours of the morning, with a shower to close out the night or was it morning. Alex in all his wisdom and his obsession with not sharing me he was grumping around even though this was his idea. And in all his grumping had a thing about me being in boxers and tank top while he hunted for this nightmare. The fact that the last time he saw me naked when it sat on my chest really bothered him. So I was borrowing a pair of his sweats and wearing one of my own t-shirts. I was way too warm but Alex was happier.

“I can’t fall asleep with you watching me,” I said.

Alex smirked, “If I lay down with you then I’ll fall asleep.”

I sighed, “So what are we going to do?”

“I can go outside and let you sleep I won’t go far. I’ll open up just enough to feel you fall asleep then I’ll come inside,” Alex offered.

“Can you watch TV and just sit here with me?” I countered.

“This isn’t going to work if I fall asleep Pretty boy.”

“I don’t like going to sleep without you. This isn’t going to be easy with you right here.”

Alex smirked, “You are so needy.” He pressed a kiss to my temple. “How about I go to the main house and grab a cup of coffee while you try to sleep.”

I sat down on the bed and pressed my face into the pillows. They smelled like nothing really. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Anything, of course.” Alex chimed.

“Can I wear the shirt you wore today?”

“It’s dirty and gross.” Alex protested.

“Yes, lover, but it smells like you, and the demon comes easier if I’m thinking about you. The more you I have around me the more I’ll think about you and the faster it’ll happen.”

“Really? How long has that been happening?”

I shrugged, I wasn’t really thrilled with the idea of him finding out when it started. He saw the hesitation and frowned, “Tell me Pretty Boy.”

“Since shortly after I met Ant. We had a few nights together, and then suddenly whenever I thought about you trying to get to the dream the demon came with blue eyes. It was always worse. And then it was all I had of you I used it sometimes when I was feeling particularly down. I’d rummage through your box, which is at your apartment by the way, and think of you and I’d let it hurt me.”

“Why would you do that?”

I frowned, “Alex… I’m not worth anything. Some days are worse than others.”

“You hurt yourself on purpose?”

I dropped my gaze. “Usually Ant stops me, but he can’t be in my dreams – no one can.”

“I am,” Alex growled.

“You are only in my dreams now because I won’t let you go.” I sounded as sad as I felt. “If you stop touching me at night, the darkness comes. It hurts me more because I kept it waiting. I expect tonight will be exceptionally bad.”

“Then you aren’t going,” Alex said.

“What happened to one more night Alex? What happened to freedom from the nightmare?”

Alex growled. He pulled off the shirt he’d just put on and tossed it at me. “Here, wear this. I’m going to get a cup of coffee.”

“I’m sorry.” Alex looked at me and his eyes were wide.

“I’m not mad at you pretty boy.” He sat down and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry. I don’t like the thought of you hurting yourself, or anyone else hurting you, but especially not yourself. Promise me you won’t do it ever again.”

I bit my bottom lip and nodded but I agreed, “I promise to try.”

Alex kissed me softly, tenderly. It was almost so light I wondered if he was really there or not. “I fucking love you Nox, please don’t hurt yourself again.”

“I love you too Alex. I won’t.”

Alex got up quickly and rushed to the door. “Sleep pretty boy. I’ll be back soon.”

I nodded and hunkered down in bed pulling Alex’s t-shirt on and wrapping myself up in his blankets. It wasn’t quite home, but it was as close as I was going to get.

My heart was racing. Even though I looked brave on the outside I knew better, I was fucking scared. It was going to know and it was going to hurt me. But I closed my eyes and I pulled Alex’s shirt up over my nose. I was stretching out the neck but I’d buy Alex a new one if I needed to. But I needed him around me. I was already missing him.

Sleep came. And I went with it. And I hadn’t been wrong. The fog rolled in quickly, there was no pretence. Alex was everything in my head and the nightmare came like I was calling it instead of him.

It was no different than the other times. The blue eyes floated towards me. I screwed my eyes shut and waited for the blows to land…

Alex rolled over on to his back and now I was looking down into those beautiful blue eyes of his. He looked better, there was a smirk on his face. “I don’t know. I might forever.” He paused to gauge my reaction. “Would that be so terrible?”

I shook my head. “No. Not terrible. But I liked you knowing what was going on in my head. Not so that you can see all the crazy, but so you can help stop it from becoming too much.”

Alex sat up and I fell backwards to allow him the room. I got to stare up at him now. One of my favorite places to be. I licked my lips and Alex was shaking his head. “Is that why you are having a hard time the past few days, because I’m making it worse.”

“It’s not about you Alex. I know I’m a handful. And really all this will get better as time moves on, but when you can hear me going ape shit in my head you help me find a new path. And it might have stopped a few fights the last few days, if you could hear my thoughts, and how much I’m spiralling.” I dropped my gaze. “But it’s okay, Alex, you do what you need to do I can cope. I was just wondering is all.”

Alex shimmied down so he was lying on his side and he pressed a kiss to my lips, more of a brush of his against mine, and I looked across at him and gave him a weak smile. “I know it’s been hard. But this is working for now. You manage to know me without reading my mind. I should know you the same way.” Alex smirked. “Been many times I wanted to just reach in and listen so I could fix you, or this, or that, or whatever was going on. It’s hard for me. But you’re talking to me – really talking, and I’m talking to you. We both have to try.”

I sighed and laughed. “Fine. Fair game then.”

Alex rolled over on top of me, pressing me into the bed with his weight and looking down at me with those sparkling blue eyes his elbows around my ears propping his head up. “I’m glad we came here. I needed to talk to Kish.”

“About what?” I asked.

“About you actually.” Alex smirked.

“What about me? I could have told you anything you wanted to know.”

“It’s not like that.” Alex laughed, “It wasn’t dating advice. That black blur, the creature thing I saw.”

“You think you saw?”

Alex shook his head. “No Nox, I saw it. Real and truly, I saw it. And I told Kish about it. We flipped through some of her dads old books, and we think we might know what it is.”

I leaned up and brushed my lips against his. He captured them in a kiss and I felt like I was drowning in him. I wanted to drown in him. He broke the kiss, his face still close to mine as we breathed the same air. “Stop trying to distract me,” Alex breathed against my lips.

“What is it Alex?” I asked curious. Though I was enjoying the man on top of me more than the curiosity.

Alex chuckled, “You’d rather be making out.”

I smiled up at him and brushed my lips against his. “I’m just happy to be here with you. I’m good, you talk, I’ll listen and I promise I won’t try to seduce you.”

Alex licked my lips, “Baby…” He pressed his lips harder to mine and I groaned against him. My fingers grabbing his hips and holding him tight against me. We kissed and ground against each other until Alex pulled away and pressed a quick peck to my lips again. “It’s something called a nightmare. You heard of it?”

I nodded. “There’s a class on folk lore, all the myths and legends all over the world so we know what’s what and who’s who sorta thing. Nightmares go by a few different names, they are supposedly a creature that feasts on fear and nightmares.”

“Any idea what they look like?” Alex asked.

I shook my head. “There were drawings and such, but no one’s really seen on in a long time, and the Venatori don’t really care.”

“That’s all that were in Kish’s books. I think there was a way to kill it. But I’d need to see it again. I don’t even know if it’ll work.” Alex sat up on my thighs and looked down on me with a frown. “You’d have to have that nightmare again. I hate seeing you like that.”

“So what’s one more nightmare, if you kill it and they are gone?” I grinned at Alex. “Lover, one more nightmare and we can dream whatever we want.”

Alex was laughing at me, “You keep surprising me baby. Always so positive.”

I grinned. “What more can I be. One more nightmare for a lifetime with you?”

“So cheesy.” Alex leaned down and kissed me. “I think I might be able to reward you for your bravery.”

I laughed, “I haven’t been brave yet.”

“You are always brave.” Alex said as he pressed a kiss to my lips hard and fast. His teeth worried my bottom lip and I let him in. Kissing went into more of a frenzied make out session until we were naked and calling out each other’s names.

Alex lead me through a patch of trees and down a pine straw covered path deeper into the woods. I remembered the path. I remembered the building. Alex opened the door and flipped on the light. A small lamp in the corner of the room lit up. “It’s not much.”

I laughed. “Can they hear us at the main house?”

“Why?”

I put my hands on Alex’s hips and tugged him towards me. “Maybe I want to make you scream.”

“I don’t scream,” Alex said with a bright smirk that hid the fear in his eyes. “How about I make you scream? Who the fuck cares if they hear us at the main house?”

Alex pressed me up against the door, my hands were still on his hips, his were pressed against the door above my shoulders. “So are you game?”

I smirked and spun us around pressing Alex’s hips against the door. His arms fell around my neck. “I can make you scream.”

“On another day I would so let you try.” He tried to walk away, but I pressed him against the door with my body flush against his.

“We aren’t really going to have a better time to try. It’s just us in the middle of no where, I can make it so no one can hear us. No one’s going to walk in.”

“Everything’s just sex with you isn’t it?” Alex joked, but he wasn’t into it. Nothing I was saying was turning him on, except my body pressed against him. His normal reaction to me being near.

I let him go. “No.” But I didn’t move. If Alex was uncomfortable I’d let it go. I didn’t need anything but him happy.

“You aren’t even going to ask me why?” Alex asked as he walked towards to queen sized bed on the other side of the room.

“Ask you why you don’t want me to make you scream?” I grinned at him. “Nah, I know all about my little mushu’s control issues. Screaming would mean letting go.” I bit my bottom lip and turned to look at him sitting there taking off his shoes. “One day, you’ll beg me to make you scream.”

“You don’t care do you?” he asked never looking up.

“I care that you don’t want to do something.”

“But you don’t care why?” Alex growled, “You never ask…”

I interrupted fast and furiously. “Every time I ask you a hard question, a personal question. Every time I ask you to tell me something deeply personal you shut me down. So no Alex, I don’t care why you don’t want me to make you scream. I do care that you don’t want it, and if you never trust me that much I’m okay with it because something in your past made you this way. Something you don’t want to talk about something, if you really wanted me to know you’d tell me.” I backed up to the door and pressed my back into the wood to feel something solid behind me. My anger was in control. And just like every other emotion I felt it consumed me. I slid to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest but I didn’t curl up into the ball to hide from Alex. I just pressed my head and back against the wood of the door and felt solid. Felt supported. This wasn’t about me.

The silence strained my ears. The only sound was us and our vital functions. Alex cleared his throat. I looked across the room at him. His hands hung limply from his arms, his elbows resting on his knees. He looked like he was about to puke hanging his head over the bed the way he was. I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t think he wanted me to. He spoke softly, “I was young. My mother wanted something from this women, and the only play we had was sex. She was a business woman with connections and she had the names of some big money in a ledger she kept in a safe. I needed the combination. Sex was always the easiest way to get that kinda information. Mother expected she was a vanilla power slut and I could do it easily enough I was young, hot and with the right grooming I could look older – old enough for her anyway.”

Alex took a deep breath, it sounded ragged in his chest. I crawled across the floor while he continued, I was careful not to spook him. “She was into power just not the power my mother thought. I let her tie me up. She…” Alex was rubbing his wrists at the memory. I stopped in front of him and sat down. I reached up with the tips of my fingers and touched the pads of his. He took another deep breath and grabbed my hands and squeezed tightly, almost too tight, but I didn’t say anything, didn’t wince or let on I just let him hold my hands. “She gave me a safe word and brought me to the edge. And there she kept me with vibrators, totally hands free while she masturbated in front of me. I begged her to stop Only remembering my safe word at the very end, she knew I was close to breaking, she said, ‘Scream for me.’” Alex shuddered and I stood up on my knees and wrapped my arms around him. “I screamed my safe word over and over but she was lost in her orgasm and I was lost on the edge.” Alex wasn’t crying but his body shook. His heart was racing. “I can’t be what you want Nox. Not even a little.”

“You think I want that?” I asked, taking his hands in mine and sitting on my heels looking up at him. “The only thing I want is you. I won’t bring it up again.” I bit my bottom lip and tilted my head to the side. “But Alex, I like the being on the edge. I like giving you all the power. I like being tied up. But I don’t need any of it. What I need is you. I just need you.”

Alex just stared at me, I don’t think he was really there, still trapped in the memory. “Alex?” His eyes focused on me and I smiled. “How can I help?”

Alex laughed, “You can’t fix everything Pretty Boy.”

My smile widened. “I wasn’t asking to fix this, I was asking how I could help you right now, in this moment. Do you want me to hold you? Do you want me to go away? I don’t want to fix it Alex, I want to make you happy. And if right now making you happy is letting you be sad alone, then I’ll go away.”

Alex was shaking his head as he laid down and pulled me with him. “Just get up here.” I kicked off my shoes and climbed up behind Alex, my arms still around him and I was at his back pressing against him, it was such a novelty.

We laid there for a little while and I could hear Alex’s breathing getting slower, he was falling asleep and as much as I’d love to hold him I had a question, “Alex?” He hummmed. “How long are you going to stay out of my head?”

My eyes were dry when the door opened and Alex came out. He was carrying a plate of food and a glass. “Figured you might be hungry.”

He sat down next me and I offered him the opened letter and took the plate. It smelled good, and looked alright. Better than lunch for certain. But looks aren’t always the right reaction, it was a wonderful flavor, mostly citrus which in the dim light of my ball it looked bland. But it wasn’t.

Alex read the letter and was quiet. The only sounds were our breathing and the clink of my fork against the plate. I finished the chicken and vegetables while Alex stared out into space. “Are you upset at me?” I asked.

“Why the fuck would I be mad at you Nox?”

“Be cause it’s a reminder of the sex I was having while I was with you.”

Alex shook his head. “We were just planning on being an item. We were a dream Nox. I was still using sex to get my marks right up until I was in New York to meet you. So don’t think I’m mad you had a life before me.”

“You okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I should be happy, or sad, or angry. This is too much Alex. I just want to curl up and die. I won’t, but I just want to stop the roller coaster and get off.”

Alex took the plate from me and pulled me against him. He wrapped his whole body around me and asked, “What do you need from me?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, just this.”

We sat there, me in Alex’s lap, sorta. We were both still on the hard wooden steps, his back was to the pole holding up the porch and I leaned my back against his chest. His arms wrapped around me and his legs pressed tightly against my body, I was wrapped up in my very own Alex blanket. “Thank you,” I muttered.

Alex pressed a kiss to my neck. “Always,” he said.

I leaned my head back against his shoulder, “Do you like being called Z?”

Alex rolled his eyes and I smirked. “My mother called me that.”

“That didn’t answer the question.” I tilted my head against his chin and he pressed closer to me.

“I don’t hate it If I did Kish and Kay wouldn’t call me it.”

“No one likes being on a telepath’s bad side?” I smirked.

“Something like that.” He raised his eye brow. “Why?”

“No reason. I told you I’d find a nick name.”

He laughed, “You plan on calling me Z? Just to confuse the world?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe. Kay said my beard was millennial.”

“It is the in thing to do,” Alex agreed. “The well maintained scruff is what all the hipsters are wearing these days.”

I growled under my breath. “Should I shave?” The thought made me shiver. “I’ll look twelve.”

“Doubtful.” Alex ran his teeth along the side of my jaw. “I can see the merits of soft skin.” He rubbed his cheek against mine, “I don’t mind the scruff, though.” Alex’s hands snaked their way under my shirt and he pressed his lips to my ear and sucked on my ear lobe. He whispered, “I don’t mine hair anywhere.” His fingers ran over the smooth skin of my chest. I didn’t shave there, though hair removal was something I was fond of. His fingers trailed down towards my waist, his fingers tracing the line from my belly button down into my pants, “Don’t ever shave here, this is my favorite.”

“Mine too,” I admitted. The quiet night set on us and Alex held me. I was safe, but more importantly I was at home in his arms. It didn’t matter where I was really, just that I was with him. “Thank you for earlier. Telling me how you feel. I’m not going to be able to do any of this without you. I know that’s a lot of pressure, but it’s the truth.”

“No pressure pretty boy. I promise, I’m right where I want to be. No more talking, well one more thing.” He pressed a kiss to my lips and when he pulled back he winked, “So when do I get to meet these kids of yours?”

“Same time I do?” I asked.

Alex chuckled,”You sure you want that?”

“Are you planning on leaving me?”

“You know I’m not.”

I nodded, “Then I’m sure. I’m not hiding the fact I love a man. Anymore than I’m hiding the fact that I’m Magnus or Cesari. It’s part of me, and they will have to deal with it. And if they hate me for it, tough shit.” I grinned.

“You know it would hurt you.” Alex laughed.

The door behind us opened and Jesse spoke loudly still inside, “Thank you for dinner ladies, and thank you for taking care of my place while I’m away. I appreciate it.” Jesse turned and saw us and smiled a little surprised too. “I expected you’d be off in the spare house by now.”

Alex shook his head. “He wasn’t ready to move yet, and I’m not in a rush.”

Jesse smiled. “I’m going to fly up to New York tomorrow, tell the boys, and give them the choice. It’s okay if they stay. I already checked with Dorian, and your father and they’ve agreed to make sure they aren’t living the bachelor’s life with you.” Jesse laughed softly at his own private joke, “Dorian said he’d arrange for them school this next school year. I told him not the Academy.”

“I won’t let them join until they are eighteen.”

The look Jesse gave me said he wasn’t happy. “I suppose I can’t stop them then.”

I smiled, “Which is why I won’t let them until then. But I’m not going to say I won’t teach them about my world. Laker’s dating a teenage Magnus. And they hang out with werewolves. So I’ve got to teach them how to be safe in my world.”

Jesse nodded. “I know. Just no hunting.”

“If I can keep them from hunting I will,” I said honestly.

Jesse clapped Alex on the shoulder, “Take care of my boys. All three of them.”

Alex smiled, “I’ll do my best. Have fun, send us pictures.”

Jesse laughed, “I’ll try, those things seem to hate me.”

We watched Jesse drive off. “You said something about a room away from here?”

Alex pushed me so I’d stand and he joined me. “Come on, I’ll show you to my place out here.”

Karma was making what looked like chicken and vegetables. I wasn’t really needed from the looks of things. “Z tells us that you just got your own place.”

I shrugged. “I’ve had my own place since I was 19ish, but I’m out of HQ now, if that’s what he means. Still doesn’t mean I know how to live a human life though.”

She smiled at me. Karma pushed a lock of raven hair over her ear and laughed. “Do any of us know how to adult? Look at you with your cute little millennial manicured beard, same look as everyone else Just trying to fit in,” she said. “Z will always find a way to fit in.”

I didn’t like her assessment of my lifestyle. I sure as fuck wasn’t trying to fit in. “Alex fits in because he doesn’t want to stand out,” I scoffed, “I want to stand out. I want to be different. I don’t dress to blend in.”

“Don’t take offence little monster.”

“Please stop calling me that,” I interrupted. “I really hate that. Like verge of panic attack every time you say it. I get it’s loving and endearing and what Alex called me most of his life, but please it cuts deep.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly, but if you want the details I’m more than happy to keep talking. I’ve been over it with my therapist a billion times,” I said.

“Not to be noisy, but how often do you see your therapist?”

“Every Monday at 9:30 in the morning since I was six,” I said.

Her eyes went wide and she frowned at me, “So we don’t need to make you talk.”

“No ma’am. I’m more than happy to give Alex an earful if he wants me too.”

She nodded. “Z said you’d be open to talking with us.”

“I am. But I don’t need therapy. Unless you plan on couples therapy. And right now I think Alex and I just need to get to know one another a little better. Trust our instincts and believe in the other.”

Karma smiled. “Well then. What shall we talk about?”

“Did you know my mother?” I asked.

“I did.” She chuckled. “Not exactly what I expected to have you ask. Most people would have asked about their significant other.”

“I’m not most people Ms. Kay. Alex will tell me what he wants me to know in his own time.” I added, “Do you need help?”

She looked down at her food prep and shook her head. “Are you tiring of our conversation?”

I shrugged. “I can be helpful and talk at the same time.”

“I’m almost done here.”

“I’m going to go sit outside then, if you don’t mind?”

“By all means, little mon…. Nox,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said as I left and I meant it for both things, my names and the peace and quiet.

I went outside and sat down on the front steps. The air was cooling as the sun set. The sun was behind the trees filtering through in fine rays. The air smelled like damp dirt and just being here reminded me my mother and Michaela. Mich and I had been lovers but I hadn’t cared for her in any capacity other than a friend. But now my heart ached because she was gone. She had accepted me, fuck she had requested me It hadn’t mattered to her than I was half human.

Michaela Donovan only wanted strong powerful children. And I couldn’t even give her that. But that hadn’t been for a lack of trying. At least it wasn’t near Alex’s birthday and the anniversary of so many horrible things. October couldn’t handle another tragedy.

The food from inside was making outdoors smell amazing as the smoke drifted through the trees from the fireplace Kay was using to cook on. The sound of a car made me look down the driveway. Jesse’s Jeep – my mother’s Jeep, pulled in and I felt more despair pile in on top of what I was feeling I wasn’t really in the head space for all this.

My step father got out of his vehicle and walked towards me. He sat down and pulled out a letter. “After you left a kid from the Rangers came up to visit me. He was bearing a letter and ironically a dis-invitation. Turns out they don’t want your kind around tomorrow. So our celebration here is about all you get for the dearly departed.”

I shrugged, “Doesn’t matter.” Jesse handed me the letter. “Thanks,” I said as i turned the letter over in my hands. Michaela’s hand writing sloppily wrote out my name.

I tapped it against my knees thinking about opening it. I wasn’t sure I could do it. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted anyone to see me as i read it either. Jesse must have picked up on the latter, “I’m going to head inside. See what the ladies are cooking.”

I nodded and stared at my name for countless minutes. The shadows stretched out and the sun was past the horizon and fading quickly. I could hear everyone else inside, even Alex hadn’t come out to check on me, though I’d heard him open the door before Kish had called him back inside. He had hesitated but he went back inside.

I created a glowing orb of light above my head as I tore open the paper envelope. Inside was a flash drive, and a simple letter.

If you are reading this, it means I’m dead. Something bigger and badder finally got me. It saddens me that I won’t get to see Cassidy and Hunter grow old, but it lightens my heart to know that you will.

I know I should have told you a long time ago. The day you left for New York my tests came back positive. But I knew you. I knew you’d hate it here, after your mother died this place was like hell for you. Even your little brother’s saw it but you would have stayed here for them, and for your babies. I know you said you’d be fine leaving them with me. But I knew better, Nox. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.

When the twins turned five I sent them to the Academy to learn. Even if they never showed promise to become a fire starter. I didn’t want them to hate me like you hated your mother. I love them with all my heart. When they came of age, and their powers manifested, Dorian Vega was under strict instruction to tell you about them. To allow you the chance to teach your own children. To love them, like your father and mother never loved you.

I don’t regret keeping them to myself for those first five years. I believed it then, and I believe it in my death. Nox, you needed to find yourself and I hope that however long it’s been that you have. They are going to need their father. Need you. They may hate you at first. I can’t keep everything away from them. But you will have to love them through that.

The flash drive holds pictures of the kids, and kid things I scanned or took pictures of for you. I’m sorry I kept them from you. And I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Tell them I love them and will always be there to watch over them, even in death.

With love, Mich

I could barely finish reading the letter with the tears in my eyes. I didn’t know whether to be happy, sad, or furious. So I just let the tears fall.

Alex followed me to the bathroom. He glanced in the open door, “The boys room?”

“And my old one.” I shivered as I pushed open the bathroom door and left it. “I don’t think we should stay long.”

“We can go now. I can tell Jesse we can’t do it, that he’s welcome down at Kish’s,” Alex said standing in the doorway. “You don’t need me for this,” he said as I turned on the tap and started cleaning up the tear streaks.

“I do need you for this Alex. This house smells like my worse nightmare. Everything in it has the potential to send me down memory lane. And those memories aren’t always good.”

Alex watched as I reapplied the eyeliner. “That is so cool. You don’t need to buy anything do you?”

I shrugged. “I do buy my make up at home. Same with pencils and paper and things, but I’m not helpless if I don’t have them either.”

We walked back out of the kitchen to find a smoke filled kitchen and Jesse standing over a burnt pot of something in the sink. He laughed, “The boys are better at this. Risha usually cooks for me or I’ll eat at the hospital, now that they are away.”

“I think we could talk Kish into cooking. And it’ll be better for Nox too I think.”

Jesse laughed, “I think you are right. He looks a little pale still. I’ll be down in a little bit if that’s alright?”

“I’ll let Kish know.” Alex took my hand and was pulling me out to the car. He pressed a kiss to my cheek as he opened the door and I got inside. Just that little bit helped. I was away from the memories, and in the car of the man I loved. I could smell him all over the leather and it was comforting.

The drive back to Alex’s place wasn’t very long. Running in the mountains was a lot harder than it was at home. I didn’t really get that far. “I forgot how long it took to get used to the air here I didn’t run very far.”

“You ran all the way there?” Alex asked.

“Most of it. I walked a few miles before I realized where I was.”

“Better than I could ever have done pretty boy.”

We pulled up into the same driveway. This time there was a woman sitting in a rocking chair waiting. Soon as she saw the car she stood up. Her hair was pulled back loosely and a few feathers hung from the sides. She was wrapped in fur. I imagined she hunted it, ate the meat and then used the fur, it looked real. And not like anything I’d ever seen in a store.

“You seen many fur coats in New York, little monster?”

Alex groaned. “Kish…”

“It’s alright Alex, I know she’s not intending to set me off. Just like when you called me the same, except it was your little monster.”

Her eyes went wide. “I thought you said he didn’t remember you?”

Alex sighed “Apparently he’s been remembering.”

The surprise didn’t leave her face.

I grabbed my bag from the back and headed in her direction. “My name is Nox.”

“Kishna Raven.” She took my hand and shook softly.

“It’s a pleasure meeting you.” I lifted her hand to my lips and pressed a kiss to her third knuckle.

Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door, “Don’t mind him, he’s like that with everyone.” I was about to apologize for flirting, but Alex was smirking, “Such a flirt, can’t take you anywhere. She likes girls.”

I laughed, “Really?”

“Really. Why do you think I never hit that?”

“Because she’s like your sister?”

“Please. I was a teenage boy.” Alex practically dragged me into the house “Drop your bag.” I did as instructed. Alex wrapped his arms around me from behind and entwined my fingers with his. “This is Kay.” He nodded to the woman on the floor doing yoga, “Karma, this is Nox.”

She was chuckling. “Are you keeping him from touching someone else?”

Alex shook his head, “No.”

The other woman came up behind us giggling, “Yes, he is, Kay. Little Z’s boyfriend is more charming than he is.”

I felt Alex glowering at the women who were picking on him, but he didn’t let me go either. “A pleasure to meet you Karma, I’d kiss your hand but obviously I can’t.”

She smiled, “Z, let him go. I need help in the kitchen, and Kish is not being helpful since you stole her away.”

Alex let me go. There was a minute hesitation before he pressed a kiss to my check I turned to him and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, “I had the urge to smack your ass possessively stating you were mine, and I thought better of it.”

I pressed a kiss to his lips. “Much appreciated. All this. Is yours, no need to be possessive.”

“Oh baby, there is all sorts of reason to be possessive over all this,” he mocked. “Mine. All fucking mine.” And he licked my neck from shoulder to ear with a satisfied grin on his face as he looked at the two women staring at him. “I licked it, it’s mine,” he declared proudly.

I bit my bottom lip and headed into the kitchen to help however I could. It did smell great. “You don’t mind?”

“Mind what?” I asked as I watched Alex and Kish slip off into another room to talk.

“Alex being so possessive.”

“Fu…. No, I love it.”

“I’m used to Z’s way with words you can swear. It’s not against the wiccan code or anything.”

I grinned, “I try not to around ladies,” I said calmly. “Why Z?”

“His middle name. While starting with an X makes that lovely Z sound and he hates it. Plus he’s a dream walker so he has a perpetuity to take a nap whenever he felt you calling him. Thus, Little Zzzzz. He’ll all ways be Z to Kish, and now me.”

“I think he’ll be upset you told me that.”

Alex called out, “I will not.”

I sighed, “I’ll be right back.” I excused myself and stopped in the door where Alex had gone. “I thought you weren’t reading me?”

Alex smirked. “I’m not. But that doesn’t stop Kish from seeing things.”

“Seeing?”

Kishna laughed melodically. “We’ll talk about that later, little monster. Go help Kay, and let Z and I talk.”

I frowned but gave them a nod. I didn’t like being dismissed like that. Kay wrapped her arms around my shoulder. “Somethings bothering him, he needs to talk. I ‘m sure he’ll be with you soon.” There was a lot to be bothered by. I couldn’t fault Alex for needing someone to talk to – god only knew I needed it. But that didn’t stop me from spiralling down hill into the darkness.

Jesse was smiling happily at us. “Do you boys have a place to stay?”

Before Alex could answer I said, “Yeah, Alex has family here too.”

Alex smirked, “Not family, but close enough, and yeah we have a room down the road at Solomon’s old stead. His daughter runs the place now.”

“You are one of Sol’s boys? Lea always liked working with his kids. Kish is amazing, her corn pudding is heavenly.”

Alex ran his fingers over my chest almost possessively, “He was like my father, but I wasn’t around much. My mom liked to travel.”

Jesse nodded, “Stay for dinner then. I’ll call Kish and we can have our own remembrance day for the fallen hunter. That’s why you are here isn’t it?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah Dorian called and we weren’t far from Ward. Ms. Donovan, he said, had something for Nox.”

“I hope that those kids she’s got don’t end up like our Nox here. Sweet things, though she’d already sent them off to school,” Jesse said. “You two game?”

I nodded against Alex’s chest. “He says yes. We’ll be in in a few minutes. I need to talk to him.”

Jesse nodded. “Of course.”

I listened to Jesse walked away “I’m sorry Alex. I’m sorry…”

Alex kissed me and laughed, “No. I’m talking. You be quiet.” I clamped my mouth shut.

“I have a hard time with this. Dealing with you is not easy. I don’t know how anyone deals with you.” I started to feel the tightening of my chest and my breath catch in my throat. “Stop over reacting, I’m not going to leave. I want you to know how I feel because you keep telling me how you feel. Don’t think I don’t get that I’m fucking in love with you, or I was in love with the boy from my dreams, and all the things that you’ve said without really making those three little words stand out. And the ring.” Alex smiled, “You knew exactly what finger it would fit on. I knew the moment I slipped it on my ring finger that it was on the wrong one. That you’d made it to fit where I’d put a wedding band.”

“So before you start yapping at me again. I’m going to say it clearly, I love you I have for as long as I can remember. I was an idiot for running away I was afraid, Nox. You are so much work. But so fucking worth it. I hold you and I feel home. Like in my dreams but I’m so fucking awake. I’m not going anywhere. I might be angry and frustrated and I might walk away again, but I won’t leave you. I’m here for as long as you’ll have me.”

Alex pressed a kiss to my lips and held me tight against him. “I love you too,” was all I managed to get out before Alex was pulling me off the rock and towards the house. “We have a family to get to. And you need a shower I think, or at least to wash up.”

I laughed. “What the eyeliner streaks aren’t in?”

Alex laughed as we walked into Jesse’s house. It felt empty without my brothers and as I looked at the island in the kitchen my heart started to race again. Memories flooding my head and I didn’t make it past the stool before I was gasping for air “Now I know I didn’t do anything.”

Jesse frowned. “No. He did this the last time he was here. His mother threw a fire extinguisher at his head over there.” Jesse pointed over the bar into the living room. “The house hasn’t changed much since he was a boy. Lea was not here often enough and even the boys had no desire to change things. Probably had something to do with their mother’s OCD. That’s what set her off that day. Nox tell you the story?”

Alex shook his head as he wrapped his arms around me and I buried myself against his chest, breathing deeply and listened to his heartbeat even as Jesse continued, “Nox tells it a little differently, he was five I’ll tell you his version first. Lala was sick that day so she was in bed. Lala was Lana she was his nanny, a dragon of all things. Nox made cereal and made a mess. And when his mother came home she saw it and shook him and it scared him, and the curtains caught fire. She called him monster, threw the fire extinguisher and dragged him to his room.”

“Leanne’s memory of it were similar. She came home, the house was a mess. But a mess for Lea was a simple cereal box on the counter, and an empty milk carton on top of the trash can. He was five, he was still learning to put things away. Lea knew but she’d had a bad day on the hunt, and just wanted to come home and relax. She didn’t know Lana was sick, and she was home early. Nox was watching TV and she did grab him. And shook him scaring him. The fire scared her, she used it to put the fire out and threw it where Nox was standing in her haste, she yelled at him. Called him a little monster and spit because she was afraid of him. He wouldn’t leave her alone, he was afraid. He was trying so hard to say he was sorry but Leanne was so afraid she locked him in his room. But I’ll be 100% honest with you, it was the best thing for him. The boys heard nothing but great things about Nox. But the moment she saw him again, his hair, the eye liner, just the sight of him made Leanne change. The boys were in love, but Lea hated him. It was good he left. I don’t think either of them would have survived each other. But a month after she was gone, the boys found all the old records she’d kept of her boy. Dorian, the hopeless fool, sent her updates every month, since he was five. She was proud of you boy. She just couldn’t love you.”

“She couldn’t love me because of magic,” I interrupted. “Just like the rest of my life. My mother had twins, because I’m a netherdragon a dragon was sent to kill me and my sister, but she couldn’t do it. She struck a deal and her ally left me, took my sister and removed all memory of her and the side effect was her lack of feelings for me.”

“Really? How …”

Jesse frowned, “Dorian called me, told me about the bombshell, asked if the boys could come early. He didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, that was it.”

Alex held me tighter. “I forgave her a long time ago. But knowing someone did that on purpose kills me.”

“While… ” Jesse laughed, “on the topic of the boys. I have news. You saw Risha leaving? She’s a doctor I work with, she’s talked me into going to Central and South American for Doctors across the borders. The boys can come with me, but I have a feeling they are happy right where they are. I don’t think Lake’s gonna wanna leave that boy.”

“They are welcome to stay for however long they want,” I said. “As long as Alex agrees.”

“Me?”

I pressed a kiss to his chest. “Yes, they are going to intrude on your new life.”

“They are your brothers, I’m not going to say no.” Alex pushed me away, “I can’t say no to you what makes you think i can say no to your family?”

I smirked at him. “You tell me no a lot.”

He chuckled, “You need a shower now. You can manage?”

“I’ll just wash up. I’d like your company please.”

“Bathrooms’ around the corner.” Jesse told Alex as he turned towards the stove and started doing whatever he had been doing when we barged in with my panic attack

We started into less trafficked roads and I knew we were almost to Ward.

Thirty minutes later, Alex pulled into a drive way of an old log cabin sitting in the forest in the middle of no where. There were several out buildings scattered in the trees. I wondered if this was a farm of sorts.

Alex turned the car off and I immediately got out and stretched. Alex sat for a while. I dropped my sunglasses in the seat. “I’m going for a run.”

“Wait…” Alex called at me but I hadn’t moved yet. “You don’t want to come in first?”

“I can’t Alex. I’m on edge. Answering any question from a stranger is gonna push me over the edge. I need my head around me again.” I gave him a weak smile, “I have my phone so if I get lost I can find my way back. And you have me all chipped up so you know where I’m at.” I lifted the watch to tell him I’d not forgotten. “I’m barely holding it together with you Alex. Please, let me run.”

Alex nodded and smiled, though the smile wasn’t for me, as he climbed out of the car and headed for the front door.

I’d been dismissed. I sighed and started back up the gravel driveway to the road. I remembered being here once. I found Alex’s box under the floor boards in one of the outbuildings. Rooms rented to others. We weren’t far from HQ nor my mom’s.

I just ran. The air was thin, the scenery was beautiful, and the slopes were steep. I had run for forty five minutes before I was having a hard time breathing. I was in better shape than this, but these were the mountains, not flat city streets. I walked for longer. I was in the process of putting Alex’s cars GPS point in my map to head home, but as I rounded the bend I recognized the house on the hill. It was still a mile away, but there was no mistaken the home my mother threw me out of. It sat up high on the mountain with few trees around it, a large crop of boulders sat off to the side overlooking the view. I’d fallen from there once and thus started my fear of falling and heights. But it never stopped me from sitting atop the rocks and looking out when I was little. I had loved the mountains. I had loved my mother.

Now, it was my brothers who I loved. I had family in New York but they weren’t even half as close as Rider and Laker were to me. Funny how that happened, my human brothers accepted me and my Venatori family didn’t.

I walked the mile to the house and hoped Jesse was home. I didn’t really want to intrude, but I was here, and maybe Jesse could give me a ride back to Alex’s.

I walked up the long drive just as a woman was leaving. She kissed Jesse good-bye and waved at him as she got in her car. She waved at me as she passed. Jesse stood in the doorway. “Well holy hell, look who it is.” I tromped up the steps and Jesse wrapped me in a hug and I lost the shred of control I had. Tears fell and I slumped against the man who’d married my mother. “What’s wrong?” Jesse asked.

I couldn’t answer I just let the tears run down my cheeks. His arms were strong as he guided me to the swing and sat down I had no choice but to join him. My heart was crushed. My body was aching. I was lost and I’d lost it in front of my step-father who was never a father to me.

By the time the tears stopped Jesse had already gone back into the house. He’d brought me a glass of water, and then later a glass of lemonade – made fresh he said. There was a rumble of a car in the drive way and I frowned as Serenity pulled up around the corner and parked. Jesse was coming out of the house before Alex even got out. The older man met my boyfriend out by the car and they had a whispered conversation. It was too far away and the wind blew in the wrong direction I couldn’t hear a thing. But I knew they were talking about me. So I got up from the porch and headed down the back way to the rock out cropping and found my favorite spot and stared out into the vast expanse that was the Rocky Mountains.

I blanked out – thought of nothing just stared off into space.

Gravel crunched behind me and I flinched but I didn’t move. But I was aware someone was coming, and I was upwind so I couldn’t tell who it was. “You okay?” Alex asked.

“I’m cried out.”

Alex snorted “That’s not an answer.”

“I’m never okay. My mind is a mess, everything sets me off. I’m out of work, off schedule, learning the ropes with someone new in my life. I’m trying not to piss him off but that’s all I seem to do. I’m fucking stressing out and the only thing I want is to be in your arms and forget the world. But even that will set me off so no, Alex, I’m not okay.” I didn’t turn to look at him. Instead pulled in on myself, my knees to my chest and my chin on my knees staring out into the depths below.

“Does this help?”

“Not really. But it’s peaceful despite all the fear raging through my body. But fear I can control it’s about all I can control right now. I know I’m safe here. I won’t fall. The rock hasn’t shifted in thousands of years. I’m good right here.”

“Do you need me to go?” Alex asked softly.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” I said and moved over to make room for Alex. “What did Jesse have to say about me?”

“He asked me a bunch a questions about how well you were eating, how much sleep you were getting, what your schedule was like, if you were getting in yoga, and runs and things.”

“What did you tell him?” I asked as he sat down next to me. The warmth of his leg sending a shiver through my body.

“I told him you were all sorts of fucked up today.” Alex grinned at me.

“It’s not a lie.” I smiled at him and pressed my shoulder against his. “I’m sorry. Jesse didn’t need to call you. I just needed a break down. It doesn’t fix anything, everything’s still bothering me, but I’m numb to it.”

“I’ll be honest, Nox. I can’t do this.” I stopped hearing what Alex said after those four little words. My chest started shaking and I was sweating again. There were no tears, I was all teared out, but the rest of me shook with fear and rejection.

“Fuck Nox, you gotta stop this. I’m not going anywhere. What did I say?”

The gravel crunched behind us and Jesse’s voice was soft so not to spook me, “You said you can’t do this…”

I was still not really comprehending anything, but I felt Alex turn to face Jesse but his hands was pressed to my shoulder and he flung a leg over my lap pulling me closer to him. He wasn’t thinking about it as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against him, his attention was all on Jesse. “How long have you been listening?”

“Just long enough to know what triggered him. The boys have been training with various behavioural therapists. It’s their new thing other than soccer. Something about their big brother makes them want to help.”

Alex laughed, “I think they just want to help him. He says they are pretty helpful.”

While they continued to talk about me like I wasn’t there I was calming down. The smell of Alex filled my nose. His warmth warmed my body. He was my rock, and I was his – forever and always. And he really didn’t understand.

I interrupted with a hushed whisper, “I’m sorry.” I looked up at Alex from under his chin and pressed a kiss to the bottom of his jaw. “Next time just hold me first and I should be able to focus on what you actually say and not what my mind thinks you are saying.”

We drove in the silence of the music again until I was finished with the shake. I was putting it in the console when Alex asked, “You feel better now?”

“I’m not hungry, if that’s what you are asking,” I said.

“And the rest?”

I shrugged. “Still annoyed.”

Alex nodded. “So I wanted to clear a few things up. I wasn’t angry with you because those girls were thinking about you. I just thought it was funny, thought you might too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t find it humorous. I was feeling rejected,” I said.

“Why?” Alex questioned me with a glance but turned his eyes back to the road.

“Because you left me alone to do my thing.”

Alex sighed, “I heard a phone ringing. And then another rang.”

I just nodded. Alex asked, “So you really aren’t going to ask who was on your phone?”

I shrugged. “If it was important you’d tell me.”

“It actually was important,” Alex said. “I just didn’t know how to tell you so I guess I’ll just say it. Your former handler was found dead last night.”

That got my attention. I sat up straight and looked at him. “Mich’s dead?” No fucking way.

“You really liked her?” Alex said and I heard that tinge of green in his words.

“She taught me. That’s all.”

“Except it’s not all, you fucked her.”

I sighed, “Yeah, I did. I’m sorry that it was during our time. I was a childish fool. I have an obligation…”

Alex interrupted, “I wont say I don’t care because obviously I did or do, whatever. But Dorian called, said that there are special instructions for you. He wanted to know where to send them. I told him we were driving back to New York, and were passing through Colorado shortly. I asked him when the funeral was, and he said tomorrow. I figured we could do that, and I can introduce you to Kish, which is who I was on the phone with when you walked in. I was going to tell you then, but you looked sorta put out.”

“You don’t have to do this for me. I didn’t know her that well, and celebrating her life really doesn’t matter to me. Whatever instructions she left I can get at home.”

Alex shook his head. “No.”

That was all he said And we were left again in the silence of it all.

Thirty minutes. An hour. Two hours pass before Alex turns off the highway on to another highway.

“You don’t want to talk?” Alex asked.

“About what?” I asked.

“Today?”

I shrugged. “Not really. If you want to talk, tell me what’s going on I’ll listen.” I knew I kept shutting him down. But I didn’t want him to say anything he regretted. “I just don’t want you to get angry with me because I’m asking questions about your life that you don’t want to share. I want you to see it’s about you, not me. I’m not being selfish.”

Alex sighed, “Back to that.”

“Back to that. Alex. I try to give you the attention you crave and you tell me to stop asking questions. So now, I’m not going to ask you anything. I’m back to the point that you’ll tell me what you want me to know. But obviously you don’t want me to know anything.”

“That’s not true,” Alex interrupted.

“So what happened this morning, what were you dreaming about?” I asked.

Alex went white, and he screwed his mouth shut. His fingers turned white on the steering wheel. “If it’s that hard to talk about don’t worry about it.” I said and shifted so I was facing the door instead of the middle. I stared out the window and watched the trees and signs pass us. We were going deeper into the mountains – we were heading back to where we were both born. Where my mother and Michaela both died My heart started to race and it was everything I could do to not settle into the panic that was trying to overwhelm me. I was going to fall – and it was going to be hard.

We drove for another mile or two before Alex grabbed his bottle of water, took a swig and after he put his bottle back in the cubby he put his hand on my knee. “I had a nightmare.” His voice was distant. “Saw this black fur thing sitting on your chest. It was hurting you. I didn’t know what it was. But your back was bleeding, its eyes were glowing red and you just took it. Just laid there and let it hurt you biting back the screams and the tears.”

It sounded a lot like my nightmares. “Funny thing was, I know it’s real. This thing sitting on your chest. I saw it last night. it hissed at me, said ‘mine’ and when I went to attack it, it was gone in a puff of smoke. I’ve seen this black form/shape/thing in the dream before Always around you. Something black always takes you away from me in the dreams. Now it’s here trying to take you.”

I turned to face Alex and was listening. I was still on the edge of panic, of losing my control. But one thing about faking it till you make it – being able to power through had become second nature. I could survive for Alex, if for no other reason. “You sure you were awake? I had a nightmare last night. Everything you describe except it sitting on my chest is my nightmare.”

Alex nodded, “I was awake. I know what fucking awake feels like. I’m a fucking dreamwalker.”

He was angry. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and just nodded. I wouldn’t say anything else. I couldn’t do this right now. I leaned back in the seat and stared up. We’d stop soon. That was my only hope.

The silence in the car was deafening even though the playlist never let up. Whatever was on Alex’s mind kept him from even the small talk. And I was being an ass by not talking. I was hurt and upset and I was taking it out on Alex.

I had so little for breakfast that my stomach rumbled and Alex didn’t even ask me if I was hungry or wanted to stop he just pulled over at the first little diner he saw and went inside. I guess that was my cue to follow him inside.

The place was nice and clean. The decor was retro with all that 70s appeal from back in the day. It was cute. The waitresses looked up from their counter with smiles, “Seat your self.” Alex was already sitting down and I sat across from him.

“So we aren’t even going to talk to each other?”

Alex looked up at me with fire in his cold blue eyes. “So now you want me to talk.”

“If you want to talk I won’t stop you.”

One of the girls from the counter came over with her little scratch pad and smiled, “What can I get you boys?”

“We’ll take some coffee first.” It was more of a get lost type comment and the girl took the order with a smile.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes for your order.”

I waited for Alex to say something but he shook his head and picked up the menu. “I hope you can eat something here.”

I sighed and picked up the menu and looked at everything. It wasn’t great, but it was no different than at Bonnie’s really.

When our waitress came back with our coffee she asked, “Did you boys decide?”

Alex ordered first, “I’ll take your big boy bacon cheese burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake.” Alex looked over at me like he was daring me to condemn his choices. As if I fucking cared what he ate.

“I’m gonna have the tuna salad sandwich, two of them. Just the sandwich, and if you can just put one of them on a bed of lettuce I’d love you forever,” I said with a sweet smile.

Her smile lit her eyes and she blushed slightly. “Sure thing, hun. Anything else?”

I shook my head, “That’s all. Thanks Duckling.”

Alex was glaring at me. “Flirt with everyone?”

“Yeah, actually I do,” I said pulling my sun glasses down from the top of my head and ignoring Alex. If he was going to be an asshat so could I. But I mostly pulled the sunglasses down to hide my emotions from him. I sat with my hands in front of my mouth steepled there with my eyes closed and taking small slow breathes as I tried to keep my sanity around me. I felt like I was falling apart.

Our food arrived after what felt like forever and I just let it sit. Alex touched my elbow and I looked at him through the dark tint of the sunglasses. “I’m not good at this.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, but my voice cracked and I was everything but fine.

Alex laughed, “I may not be in your head, but I can tell you are going to fall apart any second. Earlier today I was wondering how you hid it from me for so long. How I didn’t know. Turns out.” Alex smirked, “I’m a blind idiot because for all the times we spent together in your dreams, you were never okay. This fake smile, the barely keeping it together, it was always there. I just didn’t know what to look for. If last night didn’t reaffirm that you were right, I know you better than I thought, today sure the fuck did.”

“Look, Nox. I suck at sharing. And you won’t even let me. I go to say something and you interrupt. Telling me it’s okay, I don’t have to tell you. Really, you need to make me talk to you if it’s going to make you spiral.”

“I’d rather spiral then hurt you Alex.” It was that simple. I picked up my fork and stabbed into my tuna salad and lifted a forkful to my lips. “All I want is for you to be happy.” I stuffed the food into my mouth and dropped my gaze to the food. It was as tasteless as it looked.

Alex sighed and ate his burger. I ate what I could of the food before I felt like I might get sick. I’m sure it was only partially the food. “I need some air, I don’t feel so good,” I said and put some money on the table. Alex wasn’t going to pay for everything.

I went outside and sat down on the curb in front of Alex’s car. It was pretty. She… I corrected myself. Alex loved his car. Her lines were pretty and I could tell that she was well taken care of. Everything on her was pristine, even her pattern was perfect. Alex might not be a neat freak but his car was perfect.

I looked around and when I saw no one I quickly formed a pencil and paper out of nothing. Simple task, but such a bad thing to do with people looking. I started sketching Alex’s favorite thing. I knew nothing about cars. I couldn’t talk to him about their stats or even knew where to begin about it all. But I appreciated the beauty in it. Much like I appreciated the beauty of the female form. I knew I enjoyed men better, but there was plenty to appreciate in everything else.

I sketched until Alex came out with a disposable cup and a straw and stood behind me, he was blocking the sun I was using. “You ready to go?” I asked.

“If you are,” he said softly. “You drawing Serenity?”

I looked up at him, “Serenity?”

He scoffed and walked over to the car and put the cup in the console and dried his hands on his jeans before he ran his fingers over the car door, “He didn’t mean it baby.”

“Serenity is your car?”

He nodded, “That’s her name.”

I gave him a weak smile. “You really love her.” I took a deep breath and stood up. I handed Alex the mostly finished sketch, “You can have this then.”

Alex took the drawing from me and looked at it. He pretended to show it to the car as I opened my door and climbed inside. “That’s a pretty good likeness,” he said. “That’s for you.” He nodded to the cup in the middle.

“What is it?”

Alex chuckled, “It’s a chocolate protein shake from the guy in the back. Dianah was unhappy you didn’t eat, and she asked me what you’d like. I had no clue, but the cook back there was standing behind her said he could whip you up something.”

I popped the top and it looked like a protein shake. “Thanks,” I said and took long sip and nodded. It wasn’t great, but at least I could stomach it.

There was darkness in my dreams last night. But there were other dreams. I didn’t think they were influenced by Alex. But he didn’t come to my dreams. I wondered if that was how it was for normal people. I was awake before Alex. He had tossed and turned once he’d actually come back to bed. I only vaguely remembered him shaking me awake, it was after the darkness had come. The blue eyed demon had his claws in me. It had wanted me to scream but I didn’t.

I lay there watching Alex as he tossed and turned. I wished I could step into his dreams and make it go away. But I was stuck outside here in the real world. I pressed my naked body to his and my lips to his neck for a kiss – so soft and gentle and I whispered against his sweat soaked skin. “I love you, Alex. Please don’t leave me again,” I begged. I really couldn’t take it.

Alex’s eyes shot open moments later and his heart was racing. It was violent as he pushed me off him and got out of bed and started pacing. His fingers ran through his hair tightly gripping and pulling at his frustration. “Alex?” I asked as I knelt on the edge of the bed waiting, watching as he paced. I saw the glint of the ring I’d made on the opposite hand.

But I didn’t get a chance to say anything before he looked at me and smiled. “Hey pretty boy.” Alex smirked. “Nothing wrong here. Pretend it didn’t happen,” he said sitting down next to me and pressed a kiss to my lips.

I wasn’t sure I could ignore it but his lips against mine insured I wasn’t going to think about it then. His hand snaked around my waist and I was lying on my back with Alex kneeling above me kissing me. He smirked down at me. “You need your workout?”

I nodded. “I can think of a workout.”

Alex chuckled as he sat up and slipped off the bed. “There’s a pool out there.” He licked his lips.

“You want me to swim?”

“I didn’t say that.” He was grinning madly though.

I got up and found a pair of shorts to wear in the water in the pile of clothes Alex had bought for me. “I won’t kill them will I?” I asked.

Alex shrugged, “I can buy you a new pair.”

I sighed, that wasn’t the point but I slipped them on, and he was rather bouncy considering the nightmare he had. “You sure you are okay?” I asked as I headed for the door with a motel towel in my hand. I wondered where all the towels Alex had taken were at. They’d have been great for showers today.

“I’m fine pretty boy. Soon to be dripping wet.”

I think Alex was going to enjoy my swim more than I was.

Forty-five minutes later I was tired and Alex had gone inside bored of watching me I guessed. I found him sitting on the phone hanging up with someone. “He’s back, gotta go.”

I raised my eyebrow hoping he’d answer the unspoken question. Alex gave me half laugh, “I think those girls from yesterday are dead set on turning you straight. All they can think about is how fucking hot you are and how they’d like to show you the right way to do things.”

I shrugged, “I can’t help other peoples thoughts about me. You’re the one who wanted to watch me swim,” I said as I stepped inside the bathroom to shower. “You joining me?”

Alex looked down, sniffed his arm pit and smirked, “I’m good pretty boy. I didn’t mean anything by it you know,” he added afterwards like I was angry. I guess my words came out harsher than I had intended. His fingers were dragging through his hair again. All I did was frustrate him. I noticed the ring was back on the other hand. Now I wondered why he’d moved it. Maybe we were done and he was just waiting to get rid of me.

I pulled the door closed behind me and let the sound of the water wash out my despair. The shower did little for my mood but after I applied the eye liner I threw on the happy smile and made my way out to the bedroom. Alex had a few fruits and coffee and several breakfast sandwiches waiting, everything else was in the car. I pressed a kiss to his lips and took my coffee he was already sipping on his.

We loaded up in the car and we started driving. Despite the smile plastered on my face I was living in hell. Alex drove for about an hour in the fucking awkward silence, he had to feel it. I finally sighed, “So you gonna tell me who was on the phone when I walked in?”

Alex looked at me and sighed, “That’s why I’m getting silent treatment?”

“No. Well only part of it.” I looked out the passenger side window and sighed before I took a deep breath and started. “You woke up with a nightmare which you obviously didn’t want to talk about. You asked me to go swimming so you could watch, but it bored you so you left me alone to do my thing. When I came back you were on the phone, you hung up because I was there obviously not wanting to talk about it around me. You got annoyed at other people looking at me, and then sent me off alone to take a shower. So there, that’s what’s bothering me.” I didn’t turn to look at him. “I’m sorry if I’m trying to pretend like you asked that it’s alright, because it’s not. Oh, and you moved the ring from your right to your left, and then back to your right. I’m sure you didn’t think I’d notice.”

Alex started to say something, but I interrupted, “Don’t worry about it Alex. I’ll get over it. You don’t like talking, I get it.”

Dream Recreation

Alex paused our make out session long enough to move the pizza to a safe location before we knocked it off ruining it. It wasn’t about the price, but about how much I really loved it. And he got that I didn’t eat pizza often.

Alex knew what he liked, but he kept hesitating when his fingers ran across my body and I’d twitch or jerk in an odd way. He wasn’t in my head. I loved that he wanted to do this without knowing for certain, but I could tell Alex was struggling inside his head. He was blind. Which gave me an idea.

I used my strength to topple Alex over and push his hands above his head beneath me. His eyes were wide in amusement and excitement. I felt his hard cock through his jeans, I knew it excited him when I took what I wanted. And I did for a little while. Pressed my body flat on top of his and kissed him hard and passionately. But when Alex tried to turn the tables again I didn’t let him. I held him down easily and sat up. I pulled my shirt off over my head. My hoodie had fled early as had shoes and socks. “Do you remember the dream in the dark?” I asked Alex.

He nodded, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

I shook my head, “So you remember it?” He just stared up at me dumbfounded, like I really had to ask. “Let’s do that again, but in real life, here. now.” I said.

“Why? Is it that bad?”

I shook my head, “No, you can’t be bad at sex Alex. But it might take the pressure off. You’re fumbling around like you are blind. You know me. You know my body. But you are doubting yourself. So let’s take a sense away.”

“It’s not that dark in here.”

I chuckled and I pulled a veil around us, blocking out all external lights and sounds, the only thing left was us.

“Fuck now it’s too dark.”

I grinned, “That’s the point.”

“It’s not fair.” Alex said as he moved quickly pinning me to the bed beneath him. “I have two of my senses gone, you’ve one.”

I laughed, “You want to even the odds, I can take do that. Make it so I can’t hear you. Only smell and feel you and taste you.” I licked my lips but Alex couldn’t see it in the utter darkness.

The idea thrilled Alex, I could tell from his breathing. He nodded, I heard the air move. It wasn’t as equal as removing Alex’s telepathic ability but I was deaf as well as blind. I wouldn’t know where Alex was. It was fair. “Okay.” he said.

I blocked all sound from me and I wasn’t sure if Alex was ready but when he poked me in the chest I laughed, “I can’t hear you.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips and licked them in response. I was at his mercy. I was in fucking heaven.

And we probably could have done this with the lights on, but it was intoxicating feeling Alex’s fingers over my body. He could hear me, but I couldn’t hear myself. Which I hoped didn’t mean I did the classic too loud everyone does when they where headphones.

My back arched when Alex found a certain ticklish spot and I groaned out. Alex laid his finger across my lips quieting me. Fuck I was too loud. But Alex liked listening to me. Keeping quiet was almost as hard as not moving. And from the grip on my hips Alex was insisting I hold still while he explored my cock with his tongue.

Alex rolled my over on to my stomach and I whimpered. His fingers played with the cheeks of my ass as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my neck. I felt his breath on my neck, I think he was talking but I couldn’t hear anything. Did he forget?

I froze the moment his fingers trailed up my back. I whined and whimpered at the gentle feather like touch. He was going to make me come just by touching my back. I was at my limit, the pressure building so far if he didn’t stop in the next few moments I’d come all over the clean sheets. “Alex….” I barely croaked out, “If you keep that up. I’m going to come.”

His fingers danced up my back and I arched it as he reached the top and took a fist full of my hair and I was at an awkward angle, but it felt fucking amazing. Alex traced something on my shoulder. It took a second for me to realize he was writing two letters over and over… N – O. “I can’t come? That’s no?”

He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I understand.” And just to clarify, “I won’t come till you let me.” His kiss turned into a bite along my jaw and then my neck.

Alex knew me. Knew what I liked he just needed less distractions. And he was going to torture me through it all. I’d done the same to him in the car, he had to watch, though in all honesty he was the one who started it. But I was more than happy for Alex to finish it too.

My lover, my boyfriend, my Alex knew me better than he thought. He brought me to the edge and he held me there. I don’t know how long, fuck I didn’t care. A light breeze at this point kept me hard. And when Alex entered me I moaned in unfettered esctacy. He was hard and long and so fucking big I almost wanted to scream out his name in orgasm. It wasn’t almost but I didn’t come. I fought with every inch of my will power to hold out longer. I was sweating buckets just from the strain, not to mention the pleasure. Alex pushed into me hard and fast. I felt him going erratic and he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. His fingers tracing my ears and pulling. “I can hear you now.” I whispered figuring that’s what he wanted.

He didn’t say anything to acknowledge those words, but he pounded into me and I moaned, “Ah fuck Alex.”

Alex thrust two more times and “Come with me baby.” He said and in the next moment I was spurting over my stomach and Alex was filling me up inside. His cock pulsing as my body shook around him. “Fuck!” I don’t know who said it, it didn’t matter as Alex collapsed on top of me. All that build up ended in one rapturous moment – me and Alex together.

This Is Love

Alex was groaning at the bathroom, so I followed him inside and it was a little gross. I pulled Alex back out of the bathroom and wrapped my arms around him. “Go get some food. Something that will still be decent cold if we get distracted.”

He looked at me with a frown. “I will make this better.”

“I’m not worried about me.” Alex confessed.

I laughed, “I’ll make it better.”

Alex looked at me long and hard trying to figure things out without reading me, “Go. I’m okay. I promise. I want to be naked for you so hurry back.”

Which made Alex grunt before he turned around and left me alone with the subpar motel room. At least it was roach free. Hopefully bedbug free too. But I’d fix that too. At least temporarily.

Cleaning was easy. The drapes, the carpets, the floors and bedding were easy to clean off anything that might be soiled. I figured it was better than making all new ones. And it was faster. The bathroom was a little gross but it was amazing what a little hot water and sand can do for things like a tub and grout. Though I was careful not to let the sand out of my control. Last thing we needed was my freak outs.

Everything was as clean as it was going to get by the time Alex came in with two boxes of pizza. He looked around and grinned at me, “It smells better, it feels better.”

“It’s amazing what dusting can do.”

“You are such a neat freak.” He said after setting the pizza on the table then came over to me. Alex wrapped his arms around my waist, “Thank you. I didn’t want to lose you…”

I pressed a kiss to his lip to keep him quiet. “I would have been fine as long as you were with me. I can do anything with you.” And it was the truth.

“You are so cheezy.” Alex smirked.

“Oh am I?” I said pulling away, but Alex didn’t let go of my hips and pulled me back against him. “You said I’m cheezy.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips. “Yep.” His lips trailed down my jawline and his teeth sank into my neck pulling a groan from my throat. I tilted my head to the side and Alex sucked an worried at his favorite spot and I was melting in his arms.

I laughed though it came out more a groan and croak than laugh, “Now all melty cheesy.”

Alex pushed me away and laughed. “Are you hungry?”

“A little.” I said. “Probably should get some energy. I have some very specific plans tonight.”

“Oh really?” Alex asked, but he was already reaching for the pizza box. He tossed it on the bed, “Tell me about these specific plans.”

I sat down on the bed and opened the box to find my favorite pizza staring back at me. I didn’t much like the carbs of pizza, the crust was harsh usually, but I liked a few slices, but sitting in front of me was a New York style pizza crispy enough on the bottom that the toppings didn’t break it covered in tomatoes, basil and mozzarella. Very little sauce if any and covered in spinach that was lightly saute in garlic from the smell of it. I reached across the box and grabbed Alex’s t-shirt. With a simple little tug Alex was leaning over the box and I was kissing him.

Alex laughed when he broke away, “I’m glad you like it pretty boy. It was annoying to get them to make it at all.”

“Thank you for going through that extra effort.”

His smile was bright and his blue eyes were sparkling. “Anything for you.”

I bit my bottom lip and stared at him. My heart was racing I wanted to say more. Alex was picking up a slice and I followed suit. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but he might bolt if I did that. I didn’t want that. I just wanted him with me – forever, but he didn’t need to know that.

Alex asked, “What’s going through your head?”

“Just thinking about you.”

“You got afraid for a moment.” Alex said.

“Was thinking if I said something you might run away. And that I didn’t want that.”

Alex sighed, “Nothing you can say will make me run away?”

I laughed, “Uh huh. So if I told you I wanted to murder you in your sleep you wouldn’t run away?”

Alex smirked. “I’d love to see you try. Really, tell me. No secrets.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I was just thinking how much I loved you, and how much I wanted to tell you.” I ate my pizza without looking up to see what Alex thought of the thought.

“And you don’t want to tell me?” Alex asked.

I looked up, “Of course I do. I don’t want you to get scared. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to make you stay or that I’m desperate. Or anything like that.” I sat closer though there was no reason to do so he wasn’t that far away, “I fucking love you, so totally and epicly in love with you that I don’t want you to leave me again. I don’t think I can handle it and I don’t want to be the reason you leave.”

Alex was opening his mouth but I took his pizza from his hand and set them both down in the box and I pressed a kissed to his mouth before he could say anything. I didn’t want to hear his rejection of the notion. I just wanted him. There was little left for him to say as he pushed me back on the bed and our hands were everywhere. His mouth, my mouth, our fingers exploring bodies we knew inside out. Sex always came easy.

Subpar Hotel

We drove for about three exits before a hotel sign showed up. But Alex groaned at the name on the sign – The Motel. Like it was the only one in the town. And it likely was. Alex growled as he drove past it. But an hour past and I could see how aggravating it was for him. “You can stop anywhere, Alex. It’ll be fine, I kinda just want to see you naked.”

Alex growled. “No, it can’t be subpar. I have plans.”

I smiled, “Alex, I can make it whatever you want.”

He looked at me like I was an alien. I grinned at him, “I can make it clean and make new sheets if you don’t like me. They won’t be Egyptian cotton or silk or anything, but they’ll function.”

Alex didn’t say anything but at the next stop he didn’t think he just pulled off the highway into the one horse down and stopped at the first motel. It had a small pool outside and looked clean. Alex parked the car under the yellow awning and opened the car door, “I’ll be back you wait here.” I did as he said leaned back in the seat and relaxed as I waited for Alex to get back.

The pool was actually busy. The sun was still up and a pair of bikini clad girls walked up to my side of the car wearing a pair of sunglasses and lowered them at me and the car. I gave them a pretty smile but they came closer and loomed in the fading light. “Hey there.” The blonde said.

I looked up, “Hi.”

“Nice car.” The other one said, her hair was an ugly dull brown like she’d been spending too much time in the pool without much hair care to fight the chlorine and sun.

“She is.” I said. “My boyfriend takes real good care of her.”

They both lowered their sun glasses and took a look at me and I knew in their heads they were trying to figure out if I was serious or not. “You’re in my sun.” I said flatly and stretched out a little more tempting and teasing them. Sorta willing them to go away too. I didn’t want Alex angry because I was flirting, but I can’t help put myself on display either. I worked hard for the body I had but it was all Alex’s now.

I sighed and sat up and pretended to look for something under my seat. I really wasn’t looking for anything. They didn’t seem to get the hint. The brunette leaned down, “Are you sure you are gay?” Her ear was too close to my ear i felt her breath on my neck.

I turned to look at her knowing it put me in kissing distance. I bit my bottom lip, “Duckling, I’m pretty sure I like sucking cock and being fucked in the ass yes.”

She pouted but I knew that my words hadn’t registered, she was trying hard, “I could change your mind.”

I shook my head and laughed. “Duckling, unless you got a cock hiding in the cute little bikini then I’m pretty satisfied with my boyfriend.” Alex opened the door from the hotel registry room and was walking this way and I grinned at the girl who was now standing above me, “Oh, look here comes my favorite dick to suck.”

Alex was chuckling. I’d said it loud enough for him to hear. He came over to my side of the car and pulled the door handle up and opened up the door. He handed me the key to the room. “It’s around the corner, lover. Why don’t you get us some ice?”

He leaned over the door as I stood up and kissed me. His fingers wrapping around the back of my neck and pulling at the hair at the nape of my neck making me groan. We broke apart breathless and I winked at him and headed for the ice machine. Alex smiled at the girls, “Can I give you ladies a ride to the other side of the hotel to your momma, I can hear her looking for you.”

Just them a woman hollered, “Cindy, Rayanne, where are you two at.”

I nodded at the pretty woman as she walked past me in her scowl. Alex got in the car and drove to the other side. I got ice, though I could have made it with ease, but I think Alex was using it as an excuse to extract me from the girls. Though he had to know their mother was looking for them before that. Mind reader and all.

There were no buckets, but I managed to get some ice for the room. A simple bucket of air, with a little earth to make it opaque. No one would know the difference.

Alex was leaning on the door frame as I rounded the corner of the building looking for him. He was smirking at me. “Are you reading me?” I asked.

He shook his head, “No. I think it’s funny they didn’t believe you.”

“So that’s why you kissed me the way you did?” I was grinning as I asked the stupid question. I knew his answer before he said it.

“No that was all me, been wanting to do that all day.”

“What else you been wanting to do all day?” I asked playfully.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He opened the door and I went in first. Alex groaned.

“Go take a shower. I’ll fix it up a little bit.”

First Stop

“Was that what you needed to talk to me about?” Alex asked as we drove down the highway.

I shook my head, “Nah, when I left the message I was desperate to tell you about what I was doing with Margo the dreams. Honestly I’ve still not processed what happened with The Dragon or with Margo.”

“You got my messages?” I asked. I didn’t want to start a fight I was just making conversation.

“Yeah. I did. I listened to your voice mail a few too many times.” Alex admitted. “I missed you, but I was having a problem admitting it. Then the fucking prince of darkness came to Vegas on his own little mission. Told me all about how you were doing, and how me leaving was going to affect you…” Alex sighed.

“And he took you to a vampire rave and showed you the power of the vampire bite.” I smirked.

“If he bit me I’d hate him even more.” Alex growled.

“Ant doesn’t drink from men on a general basis, because he can’t turn it off and the bite very often turns into sex for him.”

“I can see that, but it didn’t stop him from feeding on you.”. But before i could say anything Alex was adding,” i know it’s just the magic.”

I just started talking then. Rambling about the whole thing. I told Alex all about walker and his weird undefined in wanting to work with me. I told him about finding the bombs. And then about how we used the wicked truth to hung down the hacker.

I told him about healing walker and emphasizing that it was the second time I’d saved a venatori bitten by a vampire. Though I didn’t go into details again about the reason being i never showed up. I told Alex all about the Dragon. “It was nothing like I’ve ever felt before. I was me but i head no control. ” I shuddered. I held up my right wrist the show Alex the leather bands with the infinity symbol nearly tired in their great. “I had Ant get a wiccan make this charm for me. It supposed to block out any form of otherworldly control.”

“But I can nudge you.”. Alex added. He didn’t go on, i knew he did and i didn’t mind.

“I think it plays on my magics too. I want you to so it knows that.”

“You want me to control you?” Alex sounded confused.

“Not a want like i want you to make me do things i don’t want to but more i give you control in out relationship and it translates partially.”

“So could i get to the say drive.”

“Say it. Or actually drive.” I joked. Alex have me that looked that said my joke was bad. I laughed. “I don’t think so. It’s not something i would enjoy.”

“So i could get you to do something you’d enjoy against your will.”

“If i enjoyed it it would hardly be against my will. ”

“So i can’t force you to do something you would normally say no to.”

I nodded. “That’s my take on it. But we could try to see how it works.” I saw the look in Alex’s eye and smirked, “But it’s probably best if we wait until tonight and we are safely somewhere just in case.”

There was a slight friend in Alex’s face. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun.”

Alex smirked but i knew he was going to drive safely if only do he didn’t set me off. We drive for a while. It was nice sitting in Alex’s car listening to music and just talking. I did most of the talking. I usually did. I even went into a dream trance and found a new memory. One of which Alex and i explored a few different aspects of being with another man. It was sex but so much more intimate leaving the lights on. And experimenting with your body and your partner.

When i came out of it,”really is no wonder you can make me come so fucking easy.”

Alex shifted in his seat adjusting his sick in his pants. My memory head but him in a mood. A mood i had been in since i first saw him. Though i was pretty sure Alex wanted more than the night before too. I hoped he did anyway.

“So if i am that good. Come for me now.”

“Are you going to talk dirty to me?” I asked.

His eye brow rose and he glanced at me with those fucking blue eyes and i was very ready to please him.

“You can touch yourself.” He said. It wasn’t a command but my hand was already rubbing my cock through my jeans. I probably could have listened to him but i knew in that moment Alex wanted to watch me.

I never stopped rubbing my self as i unbuttoned my jeans and pulled down my zipper with the other hand. I pressed my back into the car seat and spread my legs so i could get a better grip as i pulled my hard dick out of my boxers to stroke harder and faster. It was the awkward to do more with jeans still on and buckled in the car.

Alex could hardly keep his eyes of me. He sensed my anxiety in that growing even as i jerked off to the thought of Alex watching me do that very thing. He pulled over on the side of the road and turned the music down so he could hear me. I didn’t hold back and i closed my eyes and thought about the dream, the real thing. Fuck it didn’t take long before i was letting it all go. I felt the warmth of my come on my hands and heard Alex groan. “Fuck pretty boy.”

I lifted my sperm covered hand to my lips and licked cleaned my own cum from my hand while i looked Alex in the eyes. His mouth moved but no sound came out as Alex pulled back out on to the highway. “We need to find a place to spend the night.”

I chuckled as i straightened my self back out. And i used my power to finish the clean up now that Alex was busy again. I had the urge to help Alex with his growing hard on. But the thought of an accident kept me in my own seat. I wished Alex was reading me, but it was probably a good thing he wasn’t.

Road Trip

We had breakfast, bacon, eggs and I ate carbs. It was not because Alex asked me too. The waitress, Kallie she went on and on about the pastry. And I decided that I would try it because she raved about it. I wasn’t disappointed either. It was a buttery pastry filled with a mixed berry compote that was excellent. It wasn’t too sweet. It was awesome. Alex couldn’t keep the smile off his face while I ate the thing. He enjoyed watching me eat it but i want putting in a show thought i could watch Alex do anything so i got it too.

Back at the hotel Alex walked up to a black sports car i couldn’t tell you the name of. The lines were beautiful but beyond that fact i knew nothing else. I watched as Alex ran his fingers over the glossy black paint checking her over like a lover. I grinned and couldn’t help but bite my bottom lip, Alex loved his car.

At the driver’s side door the valet handed Alex the keys. Alex have the boy a top and then he looked across the way at me. “What?” Alex asked.

I shook my head and walked to the partner side door. “Nothing. I enjoyed seeing you so happy.”

“I’m always happy.” He said as he walked around to my side of the car and opened the door like the valet had his. I smirked. He was always so chivalrous.

Alex waited for he to get in. But i stood just inside, leaned over the door and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thank you.”. I said then say down letting Alex close the door. I watched him walk around the car and then he was sitting next to me. My seat belt was already secured and i waited. I want much of a tracker but this should be fun. A few days alone with Alex on the road. I really trip. Though however relaxing it should be i was nervous as fuc sitting there waiting for Alex to start driving.

Alex reached across the console and put his hand on my knee. “Relax pretty boy.” I tried but cars were never easy and one with the top down and moved fast want exactly an easy fit. But by the time we were out of Vegas i felt better. And when i visibly relaxed Alex asked. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

I was used to him in my head knowing what was going on that the question caught me by surprise. I shrugged, “just another thing.” I said.

“Another thing?” Alex said as he looked at me. It was just a quick glance not very long but enough to trigger the problem more. He was nothing. “Ah… a thing. Do you want to drive?”

“Fuck no.” I blurted out. Alex looked a little stunned and hurt and I quickly explained. “I’m not a big driver. Cars make me nervous. And a convertible with no top on at high speeds doesn’t help.” I knew from the look on his face he was trying very hard to make a consession. “If you slowed down, it would take longer, and we could spend more time together.” I gave Alex a reason that he might enjoy. But I knew driving fast was something he loved to do. I might have to find one of those NASCAR drive packages and let him have fun with it.

Alex smirked, “I could do that. You sure you will be alright with the top down.”

I nodded, “I trust you Alex. With my body and my life.” I smirked at him.

We went the speed limit. Alex put the car on cruise control and he turned the radio up. I didn’t much care about the music, but I enjoyed sitting listening with Alex, while we got our bearings, our feet underneath us in this new dynamic. I was still fighting a little with my panic attacks.

“Did you learn how to drive?” Alex asked.

I nodded, “Yeah I can drive. Drove around for about a year after graduation with Michaela and I taking turns. Mostly mountain driving, very little city or big highway miles.”

“So it’s not that your a city kid and just don’t like driving.”

I shrugged, “It’s that and the fact that the other cars are something not exactly in my control. And if I can’t control it, it has the potential to hurt me.”

“That’s a metaphore of your life isn’t it?”

I smirked, “Yeah. I control as much as I can. My schedule, my meals, my patterns. But I can’t control the people in my life and why I pushed people away. But that’s not really much different than you except my form of control is a sanity check.”

“Are you saying I’m crazy?” Alex asked with a smirk on his face.

“Crazy, maybe. You like me. That’s pretty crazy.”

Alex shook his head. “We have a long ways to go and at this rate it’ll take a few days. So relax pretty boy. Kick off your shoes, lean back, listen to the music. And talk to me.”

“What do you want me to talk to you about?” I asked.

“I don’t care. You are good at talking. I’m sure you can think of something.” He glanced at me with a grin.

“After you left my life kinda flipped all sorts of directions.” I looked at Alex’s reaction. He didn’t flinch at my words but I saw a deadening in his eyes but I continued because it wasn’t about him. “Don’t worry it’s not about you. I drowned myself in work – a usual thing when I’m hurting or lost. Or confused, and I was highly confused about you. But you didn’t do anything, I wasn’t worrying about you not contancting me cause I was too busy tracking down The Dragon.”

Alex looked at me then back to the road, I made sure to share a small happy smile with him. “The hacker I found thanks to Sage, helped me again with Sage’s help to locate The Dragon. I went in pretty much alone, and he controlled me.”

“What?” Alex exclaimed looking at me.

“Apparently it’s something dragons can do with their own kind. Control them and their magic. He made me attack the party that came in to help. I killed a woman with a fireball The Dragon made me throw at them. But I broke the control and killed the Dragon before he could hurt anyone else. While that hurt it wasn’t really what shook my world.”

“Clean up with the dragons meant a meeting with their big wigs and it’s a first in Venatori history at least in my knowledge. The golden dragon clan’s eldest dragon has never set foot in the AU building upon order of the Imperedo, our leadership. Mostly the strongest Magnus says I don’t want any competition, but because of me they let the guy in. Turned out he was aware of my biirth. Sent a dragon to kill me and my twin sister.” I looked at Alex to see how he was digesting the story. “Turned out that she made a deal with someone and let us live against the wishes of her clan. But my sister, everyone didn’t know she existed – not even my mother. Some magic happened and my mother didn’t know.”

Alex was frowing, “So you have a sister?”

“I guess. Biological I guess. But I no idea if she’s alive or if it’s true.”

“You don’t beleive the dragons then?”

“I don’t know. I have no reason to think they lied. Drake’s alive because of their rules, and all other nether dragons born after us.”

“Netherdragons?”

“Half human, half dragon, or in Venatori terms – Cesari. ” To clairify I adde, ” What I am.”

“Why would that have saved Drake and the others?”

“Dragon’s beleive in sequence and order of things. Since one nether dragon lives, the rest must live until I die.”

“So they are trying to kill you?”

I shook my head, “No. But they’ve been watching me since I was little. First as my Nanny, and because Dragon’s human form is changable, as my therapist. Margo is a dragon and she’s been spying on me for the dragons since I was six.”

“So most of my life ends up being one big lie. Which is typical I guess. First my father then this. I really don’t know what other secrets Dorian’s keeping from me.”

We managed to get through the impromptu fashion show with only a few issues. And by issues I mean before we had to break apart because we might ruin the new clothes I was trying on. Neither of us minded but Alex wanted to go slow. Getting to know each other without the easy things – which sex was easy. I was turned on, Alex was turned on, we had to take a break. “Go take a shower.” Alex told me, “while I finish up here and we’ll go get some breakfast and then hit the road.”

I nodded and took another shower. Before I walked into the bathroom Alex wrapped his arms around me. I looked over my shoulder at him and he pressed a kiss to my lips, “No touching,” he whispered before biting my neck.

I chuckled. “I have to touch to wash myself.”

Alex grinned, “You know what I mean.”

I smirked. “Spell it out for me, Alex.”

“Fine,” Alex said as he bit my neck again. I tilted my head to the side to allow him better access to his favorite spot. Which he worried with his teeth and sucked hard leaving a mark before soothing it with his tongue and lips, “You may not touch your dick, it’s mine. No other forms of pleasure, fingers, squeezing, whatever yanks your chain. All mine.”

“So you are just torturing me with this slow thing?” I asked, but I nodded my agreement and whispered, “I won’t do anything.”

“I never said we were taking the bedroom slow, but getting to know you slow. I’m not goiong to read you, and it makes me nervous.”

I laughed, “You know my body, you don’t have be nervous. I doubt you could make sex a bad thing.”

“You know me.” Alex grinned, “I’ve never…”

I turned around and wrapped my arms around Alex and pressed my body to his. “Just holding me turns me on Alex. You can’t crew this up. I promise.”

“We’ll see.” Alex said as he turned me back towards the bathroom door. “Go shower, get into some comfortable clothes and we’ll go home.”

Going home. That sounded good. If that meant Alex was coming with me back to new York. Even better if he was going to stay with me. But Alex had two apartments, at least one still. He owned one the other he’d rented, so I don’t know. But I took a second shower. it gave us some alone time. And I knew Alex had to talk to Ant, and Benji and he was likely making reservations for breakfast. James Hutton was all about the prestige. But I couldn’t wait to be away from Vegas. The blond hair was really bugging me. I wanted my Alex back.

Showering was difficult without thinking about Alex in the next room, I could hear him talking but I wasn’t listening to his words just the tone of his voice. I was having a hard time believing I was here in Vegas with him. That he was coming back to New York with me. I missed him.

I finished my shower and I behaved as Alex asked. I was pulling on my t-shirt as I walked out of the bathroom. Alex was still on the phone and he was appreciating what he saw as he was talking. So I gave him a little more of a show though it wasn’t very sexy as I stood in front in his mirror and changed the tips of my hair. They were still green from earlier. I changed then from green to yellow then to blue. But it was the wrong shade so I made it orange and then went with flames. I saw Alex watching me through the mirror. But he was still talking on the phone. He shook his head when I asked if he liked it. I turned it the color of his eyes and his smirk grew into a smile.

He was still on the phone so I waved my hand and a dark eye liner pencil formed in my hand. His eyes went wide in surprise. I leaned forward and applied the dark blue line to my eyes. I normally did black but I was feeling adventurous with Alex watching.

That was about all I had for the show. Alex hung up his phone. “That’s is a handy trick.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and looked at me in the mirror in front of him. “What else can you make like that?”

I closed my hand and wove earth and fire into a small ring. It was nothing fancy a simple blue rock fashioned into a ring. I opened my hand and it lay flat on my palm. “Are things always that easy?”

“It’s all simple if I’ve seen it before. Plants and other living things that’s not possible. Complicated things like guns and moving parts is really hard I can do it but I then have to assemble the parts. ”

“So a ring is easy. But like a chain is not.”

I nodded. Alex plucked the ring from my finger. “Will it disappear?”

I shook my head. “I can destroy it but until then it’ll stay.”

Alex closed his fingers around the ring then slipped it on his right hand starting at his pinky until he found the perfect fit. “If you want to wear it I can size it for any finger you want.”

Alex held it up with a smile it fits just fine. But then I made it so it would fit the right ring finger. Though I wouldn’t tell him I made it for the other hand. I was just happy he wanted to wear it.

Alex walked over to the table and pulled the watch out of the box and held it out for me. I held out my wrist and Alex smirked. “I got to do all the work.” But Alex slid my old one off and the new one on. “Now we both have something from the other.” He was beaming. I couldn’t help it but I had to kiss him.

Alex dragged me out the door. We stopped at the front desk to check out and they told Alex our car would be waiting for us when we got back from breakfast with all our things in it. Must be nice to have money I thought as Alex took my hand and we walked the strip to go get breakfast.

Strange Fashion Show

Alex called Fernando and I listened as I grabbed one of the plastic bags that were on the bed. It appeared to have everything I needed for an outfit. Alex had wanted me to go into the bathroom but I didn’t go. I tugged my shirt off over my head and shifted my jeans to the floor and when Alex was done with his conversation he was staring at me like what I was doing was foreign to him. He’d seen me naked, what the fuck did it matter if I changed in front of him.

He sat back in the chair and smirked. He had gotten over the initial shock as I pulled on the pair of pants in the bag. They were black slacks and cut to fit tightly, not exactly something I would buy, and the green shirt was green, another I wouldn’t buy for myself. But I stood staring at the outfit in the mirror the opposite side of the bed. It looked like something you’d wear to a club and or flamenco dancing. Which I did cause its what made me think of it. I pretended to clap some castinetes together and danced around the small square footage I had on my side of the bed.

Alex was sitting on the edge of his seat when I looked over at him. He was smiling and I was happy to see that smile. It was better than his fustration and annoyance. “I like the shirt. Not the pants so much.” I ran my fingers through my hair and the tips changed to the same green. It made the look better. “Maybe the pants too.”

Alex just smirked as he sat back. “Next one.”

I took off the clothes I’d tried on and hung them up on the hangers before I grabbed the next one. There was a knock at the door and Alex looked at me. I sighed. I grabbed a bag of clothes and went into the bathroom to put them on. He was so protective of my body. It’s not like I was shy – I was anything but. But then maybe that’s why he wanted me to hide. Though I didn’t mind being all his and only his. It actually made me hard thinking he didn’t want to share me. It wasn’t that it was a turn off to be shared, but I only wanted to be Alex’s always and forever. Those two words kept ringing in my ears as I pulled on the next set of clothes. I’d have rather teased Alex with a slow show, but I would oblige him. Anything to make Alex happy.

I walked out of the bathroom wearing an outfit like the last. The pants were tight in the croch and very louse around the legs. I didn’t like them at all. I looked at Alex as he was dealing with the watch guy, and it looked like Sasha and Angela were back.

The boss lady saw me and ooh’d. I groaned. “I don’t like these pants.”

She walked behind me and grabbed my ass with both hands.

I stepped out of her grasp, “Fuck, lady, touch me again like that and you aren’t going to enjoy the outcome.”

Alex was smirking but he stepped between us and pressed a hand on my chest. “Sasha, babe, he’s mine. Hands off.” He turned to look at me and waved hand. “Next. Sasha I hope that’s not all that’s in the stack of things you brought?”

She looked flustered and took a step towards the bed and started flipping through the clothes, “No Jimmy, just a few pairs. To accentuate the assets.”

“Can we have some privacy. Jimmy”. I added for clarity that she was annoying me.

“Sasha, thank you darling, but I will call you to retreive what we don’t want.”

She pouted, but it was Angela who caught my attention. She smiled but quickly hide it behind her clip board. No one stood up to her boss.

Alex stood up and walked Sasha and Angela out and Fernado walked out with his watch box and left Alex with a gift box. Bought and paid for I guess. He looked at me, “Sorry, Sasha is very proud of her work and likes a good body to show it off in.”

“If I didn’t know that it would annoy you that someone grabbed I wouldn’t have cared, Alex. I’m used…”

Alex cut me off as he walked past me, “I know.” He whispered and pressed a kiss to my lips. “No one will abuse you while you are with me. Not ever. And that includes me, Nox. If you let me run rail over you I will…”

I laughed because Alex didn’t know how to threaten himself without making it about me. But I nodded, “I’m sorry my past bothers you so much.”

“I don’t like that it doesn’t bother you.”

“The best part of my life was all in my head Alex. Until Colorado I did the best I could to survive. Sage helped me. I know that his thing bugs you. But it helped us both. Adrian helped me. Those guys helped me. It’s not pretty. But it had to happen for me to get here. So I could be as healthy as I am with you. What would you do if I wanted you to hurt me Alex? I mean really hurt me. And I’m not talking rough sex. Or if I was higher than a kite right now. Or drunk when I got off the plane. You are the reason I lived through it all, but they helped me get over it all in the real world so I could get back to you.”

“I don’t like it is all. You’re mine.”

I smiled. “All yours. And I’m not going to let anyone else have me, but my past isn’t going to go away. Just like your’s isn’t.”

“I don’t have…” I pressed a finger to his lips.

“Alex, You aren’t ready to have this conversation.” I pressed a kiss to his lips. I started taking off the clothes I was wearing to try on the next outfit picked out specifically for me. Alex stayed on this side of the bed and he even started to help me out of the clothes. And into them. It was rather sexy. He made me feel loved, and I hope he knew how much he meant to me. I was tired of fighting with him. Tired of the past getting in our way.