It wasn’t our usual room.  It smelled wrong, but I followed Alex to the bathroom attached.  He pulled me inside and turned on the water to the shower overhead in the bath tub.  I felt the steam pressing against my skin.  “That’s gonna be too hot.”  

I looked at Alex and he blinked at me then reached into the water and didn’t jerk his hand out like it was hot.  He took my hand and lifted it into the drizzle from the shower head, “That’s gonna be too hot?”

It looked hotter than it was.  Alex looked at me, “You okay?”

I shook my head.  “No.  Something’s wrong.”

“You sure?”  Alex smirked.  He sensed it too.  “I don’t think you did that to those two.”

“I didn’t.”  I looked at Alex.  Those had been his thoughts I’d felt, that much I knew.  I was barely holding it together then, now I was having a hard time even doing the basics.

“I think it was me. I was wishing I had your power so I could do what you do. So I could protect you. And then they just sort of crumbled at your feet.”

I felt better knowing Alex had done it, but also more worry about what else Alex could do with my magic.  He was using the book, and now my magic.  Was I just a puppet?  My heart beat faster and breathing increased.  The panic was cresting and I was surprised I wasn’t on the ground.

“I’m not …” Alex started to say but he was in front of me pressing me against the wall.  The length of his body against mine and his hands placed above my head against the wall.  The comfort of his body against mine brought me back a little.  But the look in Alex’s eyes was more comforting, his concern, his love.  Alex smiled at me, that smile he had just for me.  _You are not a puppet.  We’ll figure it out.  I’ll talk to Poet._

I shook my head and and muttered “No.”  I didn’t want to talk to him again.  I didn’t want to see him.  Something about him made me angry and it was shifting the emotions and the patterns around me.  

Alex pressed a kiss to my lips.  _You don’t have to see him.  I’ll ask him.  I’ll talk to him._

_Don’t waste your favor on me._ I thought quickly.  

“If I can save you pretty boy, it’s not a waste.”  Alex chuckled, “I know you don’t need saving right now, but talking to him isn’t a favor.  Never was.  Never will be.”

Alex pressed a kiss to my lips, “Take a shower pretty boy.  I’m going to go get some food and you will then eat and then sleep.  We don’t want your ability to think you are a bad bad boy for killing at the wrong time.”

I nodded.  I started to tell him we needed to talk, but he kissed me harder this time and I couldn’t help my physical reaction, nor the moan that escaped my lips even though I was flying on auto-pilot.  My reaction to Alex was also automatic.

Alex smirked.  “I know.  Shower, eat, then sleep.” _We’ll figure this all out.  Be back in a bit._ I knew Alex needed time to process it all.  Fuck I needed time to process it all.

I got in the shower, and the water wasn’t too hot.  Even though I saw the steam, saw the patterns exaggerated.  I wasn’t sure what that was about but things were getting better.  I needed to figure this all out.  It was not something I wanted to have happen, Alex and Ant using me as their means for revenge could be bad.  Not that I thought they’d do that, but my paranoia was running strong and I didn’t know how what was going on.  It was starting a panic and Alex wasn’t here.  He was taking care of me – in other ways. But more importantly taking care of himself.

My shower was fraught with confusion.  I really wasn’t with the waking world.  My mind felt numb, my body right along with it.  I felt vampire energy and then the door opened.  The domination master stood against the door as far from the shower as he could get.  Alex wouldn’t like him in here – he was probably the worst vampire to swear allegiance to me.  A fear for Alex actualized.  I wanted to say something but Alec spoke first, “Alex and I had a talk, he knows I’m here. Vin is too rigid to stand inside the bathroom with you.  And Jae and Seraph are too much into protocol for your state of mind.  But I also have an advantage.”

I knew his advantage all too well.  A flair of his power and I closed my eyes as the feeling of just giving over slide over my skin, but I held on to myself, my control.  Alex wouldn’t like me giving someone control.  And I didn’t much care for it myself.

Alec sighed, “Nox, it’s okay.  I’m just going to take care of you.  It’s not sex.”

I pushed the curtain to the side and Alec blushed, the red reached his ears of his pale pale skin.  “Out.  Now.”  Was all I managed to say and there was no hesitation to it, he left.  No words, no comments and I sank to the floor of the shower and let the warm water rain down on me, but I felt cold and broken and I really needed Alex.

The door opened and I didn’t care who it was.  “Fuck Nox.”  Ant said.  “Alec …. ”  He sighed and reached into the shower and turned off the water.  He wrapped me roughly in a towel and lifted me off the floor.  I shook, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t because I was cold.  Ant laid me down in the bed.  Clothes had been left at the foot and he handed them to me.  As if I were going to be able to do it myself.  I didn’t really care or know or want to do anything.  I just curled up against the strange pillow in the strange bed and shook.  Fear and panic and uncertainty were all I could feel as I closed my eyes and tried to will it all away.

It was still several hours before the sun went down and Vin found me in my room as I hung up the phone with Adrian.  “You wanted to talk boss?”

“Your security checks you are doing on everyone?”

Vin gave me a long slow nod.  “Yeeeeaaahh.”

“Where are you at with it?”

Vin sighed, “Honestly.”

“Always honestly Vin.”

“No where. Turns out I can’t check on Sage Morgan without The Wicked Truth, Chevalier or Trix and I can’t be sure any of them are true to their word.  So I either trust them, ultimately trusting you know what you are doing?  Or I hire some third party hacker who I can’t trust to look into them.  Either way I’m fucked.”

I smiled, “I’m glad you understand my situation.  I trust Sage.  And Cari trusts Jack.  Trix is loyal to me otherwise she’d be dead.  So I think I have their faith.  But I do need you to do something for me.  Jin.”

“You want me to look into Ant’s kin.”

“She’s not kin, she swore an oath just like you.  And she’s old.  But she’s not telling me things.  Things that could mean I lose New York Cities support.  And without my connections what I’m doing here means very little.”

Vin nodded, “I’ll get on it, and talk with Ant.”

“Me too.  But tell me whatever you find out, use whatever you need to to get down to the bone.  I need to know where her loyalties lie because it’s not to me.”

Vin nodded and left my room with little more to say.  I had a traitor in my ranks, was it Jin.  I needed time to think.  And where better to do it than in the dojo.

I walked down the hall to the dojo Ryan and Ant were transferring upstairs so we could use it easier.  I etched contain fire on the walls floor and ceiling ironically with fire.  I was making my very own room behind an orange door.  I needed to vent – almost literally.  The magic was always there, but the betrayal of my family was stinging again and by a trusted friend.  Was it really Jin who told my secrets?  Who allowed the book to slip into the enemies hands?  Why?

I kicked my shoes off and tucked them under a chair by the wall and started what basically began as a kata for some martial arts or another.  Tai Chi was probably the closest thing to it with the slow fixated movements but there was no real pattern to it.  I just moved.  Slow and precise.  Fire forming at my finger tips.  Air and water floating around me and earth just there, in the lights if you could see the pattern.  Dust and Sand weren’t something I enjoyed.  But all four elements danced around me as I moved through the motions.

I pushed all thought from my mind.  Focused on the movement of my body on the elements around me.  I pushed myself through ritual and routine to bring myself back to center.  The powers around me flared and flooded the room only to find balance inside of me.  

With each passing movement, and each breath I inhaled and slowly exhaled I found myself.  Found that place I needed to do my job to be me.  What had taken me years to learn was coming easier and easier with the magic, and the love around me.  It wasn’t about the magic.  It was the love.  Everyone here loved me in their own way.

A thump on the window behind me made me aware of something else.  I turned just in time to see the glass shatter and two bodies careen through the windows with laser scopes aimed at me.  Glass flew in all directions and the sound of guns firing overrode the door crashing in from behind me.  I heard Vin burst into the room and  the distinct scent of burning vampire carried on the currents from the broken window.

Only a second passed before the bullets hit me.  One in the chest blowing me backwards with a howl of pain.  The second was off target as I stumbled backwards from the first blow.  I was not extraordinarily strong and the Venatori forgot that one simple fact and over compensated.  I imagined though that the bullets used were dragon killers.  We’d find out soon enough.  There was a second round from each fired but the room was filled with magic already.  

It was like watching a cloud engulf them.  They didn’t even have a chance to scream as the elements flooded their body.  I hadn’t even made it a command or thought it really.  But the thought was widely present.  I looked back at the door and saw Alex standing in the door, Vin looming behind him nursing burnt skin.  Ant was inside pushing past Alex before I collapsed to my knees.

Ryan stood next too me and then knelt next to me in the same moment.  

I didn’t feel any pain, short of the moment when the bullets ripped through my chest.  But Ryan’s tender fingers ran across the skin, blood slicked his fingers as he looked at it.  “That’s new.”  He said as plucked the slug from the surface of my skin.  I felt the skin meld together and I shivered.  

Alex was by my side ripping the t-shirt over my head and use it to wipe the blood from my skin.  “No marks.”  He declared.  He took the second slug from my shoulder and held it up so I could see.

“Doc will do an x-ray make sure there is nothing left in his chest.”  Ryan said to Alex to reassure him.

“He’s being awfully quiet.”  Vin said from the doorway.

“He’s in shock.”  Alex said.  “He’s here, but he’s numb.  No thoughts, no anything.”  

Ant looked at me and frowned, “Take him to a more secure room, and Vin, get the whole family to interior rooms.  We don’t want any more surprises like this.”

Vin nodded and hurried down the hall.  “He’ll be okay?”  Alex asked.

Ant laughed, “Nox will be fine.”

Alex grinned, “I know that, he just needs to get out of here I think.  I was talking about Vin.”

Ryan helped me stand up.  “He’ll be fine.  He’ll need to feed soon but he’ll be fine.  I’m sure he’ll be grateful to know you care so much.”  Ryan chuckled.  “Let’s get him to Doc.  He probably needs some food, sleep and a shower.”

Ant tossed me a t-shirt from a cupboard.  “I’ll get this cleaned up.  I’m sure Nox wants to know what happened and I’ll be honest so do I.  And he’ll want to send a message I’m sure.  If he doesn’t I will.”  Ant declared.

I pulled the clean shirt over my head and we all left the make shift dojo. Alex’s hand was cool against my skin.  I felt like I was on fire.  “Is anyone else hot?”

Alex looked at me and pressed his hand flat against the small of my back.  “Not me, but you feel warm.”

Ant sighed, “Don’t tell Isabelle this happened.  She won’t like it.”

Alex laughed.  “Haywire magic. I don’t think Nox likes it.”  He tugged me off into another room, “Come on, pretty boy, let’s get a shower and food in you.”

Ryan chuckled, “I’m sure that’s all you want to put in him.”

If I felt less like nothing I might have said something in return, but really I was on auto pilot.  I was seeing everything, hearing it all.  But I wasn’t there.  And I wasn’t sure why.

My laptop had sat unused for a few days on the table in our room. It wasn’t a desk, and Alex had very few personal belongings here himself. Not that he had much at his apartment but even though we were mystically married I had a feeling we’d always have two separate homes. No matter how much room I made for him in my life – Alex was a drifter. I knew that going in.

And as he said Forever is a long time. I could deal with my personal life later, right now I had work to do and thankfully my love understood. The information Jin sent me was extensive. Three hundred people and then some had called and there was files for it all.

There was a ping on my laptop and I looked at the message.  

> Cross referencing as we speak.

I laughed. “We aren’t speaking.”

> Ha! ha!

I opened up Sage’s program and started looking at his reports and not Jin’s. Not that Jin’s information was invalid, I just trusted Sage to put it together in a better way. And he enjoyed working with me so I never really stopped him.

There was a lot of harassment but no real harm to anyone. It seemed that businesses were being threatened. Schools being notified. And the Venatori weren’t hiding the fact that they were interfering.

“I can’t do anything about human affairs.”  

> I can help.

“Get Trix to do what you can to fix their problems. The Venatori are attacking my people in a way I can’t do anything about.”

> You could make friends in the city. *grin* You could run for mayor.

“Yeah no,” I said. But it was a thought. I’d have to talk to people, could we get the City in on this?  It would make life a lot easier if we had human contacts to things the right way.  “Are there anything in that business that needs my specific attention.”

> No. All appears to be disputes that require no fighting or supernatural intervention. I’ll ping you if it does. Chev is helping too – he’s bored.

“Good man. Thanks.”

> Our pleasure. Dee is doing better, she wants to apologize.

I sighed. “Soon.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to see her soon, but Sage was my friend I would have to sooner or later and we promised to help.

I still had the whole Jin problem, why had she not told me about all this.  Several days and several calls and I was just not hear about it.  I didn’t like it.  I sent a text message to Vin to see me when he got up.  The sun was almost down, but it was a few hours yet.

And that also meant that the twins and Fae needed a place to change at for the night.  Tomorrow would be the full moon and they would likely transition again tonight even though this morning saw their first.  I wasn’t sure how it would all work out now the should still be in the throws of pain and agony of their first shift.

I picked up the phone and called Adrian.  

“About time you called.”  Adrian growled at me.

I sighed, “I think I’m having problems with the help.  I need to talk to Vin and Ant about it.  But I have two things I have to talk to you about.”

Adrian chuckled, “And I have things to talk to you about.”

“You go first.”  I said.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Adrian.  Let me hear what’s going on.”

“It seems our past isn’t quite so unknown, I have police questioning me about past behaviors and they are investigating my practices.”

“Fuck!”  I said.

“Adrian, I’m sorry.”

“There is nothing wrong Nox, nothing you can do.  But if you could file a statement, get Margo to write a letter that would go a long way in helping this.  My practice is shut down for the inforseeable future and likely I’ll be ruined as a therapist.  Thankfully the side business is easy enough.  I’ll get with Jaxen and see if he can and his lawyers can help too.  He’s likely in the same situation.”

“Maybe, but he’s just human.  He doesn’t need to pick a side.  Let me know how else I can help.”

“Nox, don’t worry about me.”

I laughed, “If you didn’t want me to worry then why did you tell me?”

“You know why.”  Adrian sighed, “So what do you need from me?”

“I called to see if there was anything I could do to help with you and your pack?”

“The pack is your’s Nox.  They don’t come to me even if you say I lead.”

“How do I make you Beta?”

Adrian laughed, “There hasn’t been a beta in the Lone Wolf Pack in history.”

“Well the Lone Wolf Pack hasn’t been tied to a non-shifter in history either.”

“Good point.  I’ll get with Dom figure that all out.  Since you want it official.”

“And the second thing, The twins shifted this morning.”

“What?  They aren’t too young.”

I laughed, “Hello?  Do you know me?  My magic fucks everything up.  I helped them transition, they are boys right now, I think they need to join the pack tonight, and for the next three nights when you guys go out.”

“Absolutely.  I’ll come pick them up myself.”

“Adrian, Rider’s an Alpha.  My alpha.”

“You know this already?”

I laughed, “I think I’ve always know it.  Whenever he’s around he’s got this thing about him.  He’s sixteen and he’s going to need help.”

“Nox if that’s the case, then he’s your beta not me.  You have never ever submitted to my wolf.”

“But he’s not part of the Lone Wolf Pack.”

Adrian laughed, “No and the Lone Wolf Pack will be dissolved into whatever you call your pack Nox.  You are the Lone Wolf Pack.  You embody what it means to accept everyone no matter what. The Lone Wolf Pack is no more if you submit to Rider.”

I let out a long deep breath, “It’s not so much submit as yield, and obey.  He is my alpha.”

“And you are his omega.  Your pack is lucky, two close omegas.  You will be a strong pack if you can protect two.  I will guide the youngling.  He will need that help in the beginning.  I will be over as soon as the nice officers let me leave my living room.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do.  See you soon.”  Adrian said hanging up.  What a fucking mess!

Home was easy once everyone was packed and the house closed up for the summer. At least that’s how it’d look to the rest of the people out in the Hamptons. We’d probably be back but you never knew. And with my new so-called position I didn’t really know much of anything anymore.

Ant shadow walked us all home and the kids fell into routine. They all went to their own rooms and they unpacked then went straight for the kitchen even though we had eaten only a few hours before – habits, or whatever. Didn’t really matter.

Jin was sitting in the living room working on her laptop when we walked in. She looked up and I saw surprise slip past her face for a moment before she was up and moving. “It’s good that you came home,” she said. “I’ve become your answering service it seems.” She wasn’t happy nor displeased with it but she was annoyed a little. “When you get back into savior mode let me know. We have a lot to talk about.”

“We absolutely do have a lot to talk about.”  I said calmly.  Alex squeezed my hand and made his way into the kitchen as I stepped into the room that had been regulated my office.  Jin followed me and shut the door behind me.  She didn’t look concerned and she should.

I sat down in my chair and she decided to stand like she always did.  “How come you didn’t call me the minute people started trying to contact me about these issues?”

Her jaw dropped in sudden realization that I knew all about what was happening.  “Darwynn called me, told me there were multiple issues with in the pack, and that the word on the street was other races were getting harassed to.  And I can confirm that there is meddling going on since my children have no where to go to school.”

She didn’t stammer.  “I didn’t think it was important enough to tell you.”

“How many calls?”  I asked.

“There are over three hundred as of this moment.”

“So what number would constitute an emergency to you?  Five hundred innocents being harassed?”

She just stared at me.  “Next time you get more than a handful of calls all of similar nature I need to know immediately.  Or I’ll find someone who isn’t afraid to interrupt me even more than you do. Now tell me what’s going on. Did you catalog them? What’s most important?”

Jin nodded. “I don’t know what you’ve considered more important but yes I’ve broken them down by race, and by problem. Both to help you understand things.”

“In the computer?” I asked.

Jin nodded. “Yes.”

“Send me the files,” I said getting up. “Keep answering as if I’m not here, until I can figure out what to do.”

Jin nodded. “Nox. That’s not all.”

I sat back down. “What else can go wrong?” I growled to myself.

“Reginald’s people called, as has Dom’s and they both have had point blank been asked to kill you for complete territorial rule over all of New York.”

“The Venatori can’t offer that. Not even for killing me.”

“I’m fairly certain they haven’t tried contacting any of the vampires yet. But they will.”

“I knew about the assassination attempts already, but the Venatori are trying to get the whole community to rally against me.”

“It seems that way.”

“And you keeping this from me is not helping that matter.” I growled. “Did they say what they were going to do?”

She shook her head.  “No.  But they told you, so that has to be good news.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. That’s a tempting offer. I might try to do it.” I grinned at her. “Let me deal with the people first, then I’ll worry about all the death threats.”

I sighed as I left the office to go to our room and grab my laptop, Alex fell in step beside me in the hall. “I should check on Benji.”

I nodded. “You should. And any other New Yorker you have a good working relationship with.”

“No one I care about,” Alex said. “Everyone I care about is already your friend.”

“Well if you want to help I could use a person who’s good at talking to people.”

Alex grinned wrapping his arm around my waist. “Are you asking for my help?”

I smiled. “Alex, can you help me deal with people?”

“Sure, what are we dealing with?” Alex said proudly, his chest puffed out a little bit.

“I have over three hundred people who the Venatori are harassing. I need to get through the list and see what I can do anything about, and what I can’t. I would like you to get in touch with all those close to us to see what’s going on with them, and if we can help them any.”

Alex stopped and looked at me with confusion. “You want me to ask more people if they need your help?”

I stopped with him and nodded slowly at his question. “If I can help the leaders help their people then yes, the more hands working to get the Venatori’s fingers out of the pie the better.”

“So what if that isn’t what happens, and you just get more work?” Alex asked.

“A price I’m willing to pay?” I shrugged. “I’ve always helped the people, but I’m one person. I can’t do this many at the same time I need help.”

“I’m not saying I won’t help.”

I laughed. “I never thought you were Alex. Dom, and Adrian will help their people. The vampires too, we need to stop the Venatori for harassing our friends. And they can help us stop them from the rest.”

Alex shook his head and sighed. “You know the world doesn’t work that way right?”

I shrugged. “Nope.” I grinned at Alex. “Will you do what I asked?”

He nodded. “I think you are just making more work for yourself but yeah. I’ll get Ryan and Ant to help me too – since they know the people better.”

“Okay. I might steal Ry from you though, talk about some things.”

Alex laughed. “Not about us I hope,” he teased.

I grinned and leaned into my love and whispered, “I have this boy, who I’m all sorts of dying over. So cute, so hot, I just want him to fuck me all the time.”

Alex kissed me and pushed me away,.”You’re a fucking tease. Now go away before I do all those things.”

I laughed. “Maybe I don’t want to go away.”

Alex growled, “Pretty boy, if you don’t…..”

I kissed Alex hard and he groaned against my mouth and we broke apart breathless. My hands were clenched at my sides and I could see the strain in Alex as well. The vacation had reinforced one thing – we couldn’t get enough of each other.

But by sheer iron will we walked the opposite direction of each other and went about our mutual tasks.

We had dinner and Rider took all the kids, and wolves too with him.  Seraph went with them though she looked back and me pleading not to have to spend time with them.  But she went.  And Rider had proven that he was an Alpha to everyone.  He commanded, the little ones follow.  He was sixteen and he was going to need help.  I hoped both Adrian and Dom would assist.  But Dom might not.

The rest of us went our separate ways.  Ryan was doing the kitchen clean up.  Ant and Izzy went off to be alone.  Me and Alex sat out by the pool in the same lounge chair.  Kissing and cuddling under the sun.  Alex’s hands wandered lower and even though he didn’t like to share, he still got a thrill out of public sessions.  His hands were cool against my hot skin.  “Full moon?” Alex asked.

I nodded, “Yeah.  I think Rider pulled from me more than the boys.”

Alex chuckled, “You do have power to spare.”

“I wish I didn’t.”  I groaned out as Alex’s hand grabbed my cock.  

“So easy pretty boy.”  Alex whispered as he bit at his favorite spot on my exposed neck while he brought me closer and closer to the top.

My phone rang, and we let it ring.  Both of us ignoring it until it went to voicemail.  But it wasn’t long before the phone stated ringing again.  It happened two more times in immediate succession before Alex stopped and grabbed my phone, “What the fuck is so important you can’t leave a message?”

“Well hello to you too.”  The voice said.  “I need to speak to my King.”

“He’s busy right now.”

“You are free to keep playing with him while I talk to him but it’s important.  Like life or death important, Alex.  His life.  And others too.”

I took the phone from Alex and he growled.  But he hunkered back down and his hand went back into my shorts he was going to take Darwynn up on his offer.  I groaned as I answered the phone.

“He’s really going to do it?”

“Seems that way.”  I said through the pleasure.  Darwynn was going to get a show.  “What’s up?”

“Jin hasn’t told you?”

“Told me what?”

Darwynn sighed, “There is shit going down here.  We have some wolves who’ve sworn loyalty to you winding up in jail under false charges.  Dom’s at his wits end and I can’t keep the ones from your new pack in check either.  They all want to run.  Nox something is happening down here.  The Venatori are rounding up all your supporters or making their lives hell.”

Alex’s hand stopped and he growled.  “Fuck.  I need to go call Benji.  He keeps calling me but won’t leave a message.”

I nodded.  He leaned over and kissed me softly, “Sorry for teasing you pretty boy.”

I chuckled, “I’m not.”

Alex just rolled his eyes and shook his head as he went to go find a quiet spot to talk to his friend.  Griffin came out of whatever bush he was hiding in and sat down next to me.

“Your game done?”

I nodded.  “Darwynn, see what you can do.  I’ll get with Jin later to figure out why she’s been keeping this from me.  We’ll be home as soon as the kids get back with the wolves who transitioned early.”

“What?”  He asked surprise filling his voice.

“Lake and Rider transitioned this afternoon.”

“They aren’t still working through it?  First turns are all day affairs, and hey are what?  sixteen?”

“I helped them through the process and yeah, they are sixteen.  Riders a clear alpha he’s going to need help to learn the pack ways.  I don’t know who’s going to challenge him.”

“No one’s gonna challenge the King’s brother.  But I got him.  I’ll teach him.  Swear to him, but I’m yours.”

“I appreciate both, but if Rider needs your full support to do this, do it.  Rider will always have mine, so we’d be good.”

“Alright.  I’ll see what I can do around here until you get back.  But Nox, that’s not the only reason I called.”

I waited for Darwynn to continue and we sat in silence for a while before he sighed, “I don’t really know how to say this.  But your head is worth a pretty penny.  The Venatori are personally hiring assassins to kill you.”

“I know there has been three rather poor attempts on my life already.”

Darwynn growled, “Do you know who?”

I shook my head, “No man, Griffin saw a sniper outside my house, but we’ve not seen anyone since.”

“A new guard?”

“Yeah.  An old friend of Alex’s.”

“An old friend huh?  That’s gotta be fun.”

“It’s better now that I put him on the ground.”  Griffin growled at the memory but he was smiling as he did so.

“Alright.  Darwynn, the boys need to run with the pack tomorrow, you can arrange that with Dom and/or Adrian?”

“I can.  I’ll do that while I do the rest of this holding the fort down.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem, man.”  He said then hung up the phone.

I tucked my phone back in my pocket and looked at Griffin, “Do you enjoy watching?”

He chuckled, “Not my thing.  I didn’t see anything once I realized what was going on.”

“Alex isn’t going anywhere Griffin.  He married me in the strictest sense of the word.  Tied by soul and magic now, and a byproduct of that are the twins inside Isabelle’s belly.  This isn’t some con he’s going to leave eventually on.  He’s here for the long haul.  You need to either get on board, or go. I’m not threatening you.  I’m just stating a fact.  The Alex you knew, he’s not there anymore.  At least he’s trying not to be.  He changed his whole world for me.  And I’d change my whole world for him.  But it’s not so easy when prophecy dictates my life.”

“Prophecy huh?”  Griffin laughed, “The chosen one.  King, and whatever else the fuck you are.  I’m involved now, and you prove to be at least competent enough.  I don’t see what Alex sees in you.  Sure the pretty face and fucking hot bod but the rest was never Alex’s thing.”

“You mean the selflessness?”

Griffin nodded, “The good Samaritan.”

“Yeah, that’s all me.”  I said standing up, “He’s always claiming I’m a bad influence on him.”

Griffin nodded, “Bad, yeah right.  But he’s happy.  I see that.  Don’t think I’ve ever seen him that happy, not even when it was him and his mom.”

I smiled.  I didn’t want to say what I thought about his mom.  Alex felt the same way deep down, but he loved her too.  Just like I loved my shitty mom too.

Griffin and I were getting along so much better after I put him on the ground.  I wasn’t the pansy he thought I was.  Though his thoughts betrayed him, he was waiting for the con to be up.  And while I was well aware of how this all started with Alex, we were past it.  I was happy, he was happy and this wasn’t a con.   But Alex was a con man.  May be reformed but still a con man – my con man.

We walked up to the house, the boys in wolf form were already stalking around Ryan at the grill.  He’d become the hunted.  I watched as Rider rallied his brothers to calm down.  They’d become more aggressive around the food.  They had to be starving.

Griffin ushered me into the house and Alex was smirking at me, “Your con man eh?”

I grinned at him, “Always mine.  No matter what you do.”

Griffin looked at me and then back at Alex.  “That has got to get old real fast.  I hated when he’d respond to my thoughts like that as a kid.”

Cass was flinging herself around my legs and climbing up my body, “Daddy likes it.  If Alex wasn’t in his head, he’d be sad.  And I don’t like Daddy sad.”

“I don’t like being sad either.”  I agreed with my daughter as I flung her up to my hip so she could sit carelessly in my arms.  I pressed a kiss to her cheek and she giggled.  “Were you good for Alex?”

“Daddy!  When am I ever not good.”

Both Alex and I guffawed at her proclaimed innocence.  She was the worst out of all eight of the kids… it was eight right?  Fae, Quinn, Matt, the twins made five and three little ones… fuck with two on the way.  Ten fucking kids.

Alex groaned and Cass was giggling.  “We have a big family Daddy!  You aren’t even counting you and Alex.  Uncle Ant and Uncle Ryan.  And Alec and Vin, even Jae and Seraph and I guess new guy over there too.  But I don’t know if he’s staying.”

“Stay out of his head.”  Alex and I said at the same time.

Cass pouted.  “I’m good.  He’s the one projecting.”

Alex chuckled, “You are a little, Griff.”

He looked at me and then back at Alex.  “So when’s the con over?  What are you getting out of this.” Griffin asked.

I sighed, “It’s not a con.”

I walked outside to help Ryan with the boys and finish up our dinners.  It smelled great.  I could still hear them talking.

“It’s not a con.”  Alex said.  “It’s not.”  Alex sounded incredulous, like Griffin didn’t believe him.

“I’m supposed to believe Alex Kennedy has forsaken everything he’s ever known for what a good fuck.”

“He’s more than a good fuck.”  Alex said.

Rider head butted me and was growling.  “Fine.”  I said to him.  “But Alex hasn’t even told him we are married, or living together or anything permanent.”

Rider continued to growl.  “Feed him before he bites me.”  I said to Ryan who was laughing.

“He’s right though, don’t listen in.”

I rolled my eyes, “They listen in all the time.”

Ryan shrugged, “You’re better than those pesky telepaths.”  He ruffled Cass’s hair who slid down at the onslaught of abuse.

“Hey! I ain’t a wolf.”

“No just a cutie pie.”  Ryan said chasing after her.

I sighed as I took the spatula from Ryan as he scooted past me.  I guess I’d feed the wolves then.  There was a cooler beside the grill where Ryan was cooking.  Inside I found several more steaks, most of them unseasoned for the boys.  I pulled them out and tossed one to each of the large wolves.  They’d need more, but for now one would do.  They devoured them while I gauged the meat on the grill.

Ant joined us on the patio.  He sat down on a lounge chair and kicked back like he owned the place.  I chuckled to myself.  “Don’t get too comfortable.”

“Why?”  He asked, “You gonna kick me out?  You and your boy toy want some alone time?”

“We do want that, but no, Griffin saw a red laser light while we were on the run.  Said it could be a reflection, but he didn’t want to take any chances.  He suggest we go back to the City where we can control things more.  But I told him the boys have two more transition days, and I’d rather do it here than in the City since they don’t want to join the pack.”

Ant laughed, “It’s not that they don’t want to join the pack, they don’t want to leave you.  Rider is afraid of what everyone else will do to his family.”

“I hate you telepaths.”

Ant chuckled again.  But I went on.  “He’s an alpha, Adrian will accept that.  I think Dom might press the issues.”

I heard a popping sound and a soft whine and I turned to look to see Rider shifting back.  “Rider, dude, you shouldn’t do that until later.”

He groaned as the pain subsided.  “I’m okay.  I can do that can’t I?  If I’m an alpha.”

I nodded, “Yes, but now Lake and Fae need to stay in form longer cause you pulled on their power too.”

He nodded, “They’ll be okay though, right?”

Again I nodded.  “Don’t do it too often.”

He shook his head, “I won’t.  But I’d rather talk to you myself.”  He grabbed a towel that was left over from swimming and wrapped it around his waist and grinned at me, “I still need more food though.  I’m starving.  I caught a strange scent too, gun, oil, powder something.  We should go home before the full moon.  We can go with Adrian on a run tomorrow night.  Ant can take us, and everyone else will stay with you.”

I handed Rider a mostly rare steak from from the grill and he smiled happily, “Thanks.  But tonight we should go home, with Lake and Fae as wolf.  In the morning they’ll shift back, and we can call Adrian.”

I sighed, “Everyone gets a say.”

He smiled, “Who’s everyone?”

“Ant, you, Alex, me, Ryan, and Griffin I guess.  Jae and Seraph too if they want to chime in.”

“Why does Rider get a say and I don’t.”  Cass called from her hiding spot around the corner of the patio.

“Because you are five.”  We all said and then laughed.  

“Ant?”

“I’ll go with the majority.  I don’t need a vote.”  Ant declared, “I’ll protect Nox however he needs to be.  Ry, Jae and Seraph don’t count – Griffin either.  We go where Nox goes.”

“So you, me and Alex.”

“You include the boy awful quickly.”  Griffin said.  Their conversation apparently over.  

Alex came up behind me and looked over my shoulder at the food, “How come he gets to eat?”  He did a double take at Rider, and then the boys still chewing at their rare steaks.  “Is he supposed to be a boy?”

“He’s alpha.  And that’s why he gets a say, he leads the pack if you hadn’t noticed.  We don’t change, we don’t rank in therian hierarchy.”

“How does he know that though?”  Alex wondered as he stole a piece of Rider’s food he was slowly cutting and chewing as if it were going away.  Or more likely so that he didn’t devour it like his wolf brothers were.

I shrugged, “It’s gotta be in the power he has now.”

I pulled a steak off the grill and piled on some grilled veggies and handed the plate to Alex.  “Here you eat.  Did you hear the conversation?”

Alex nodded.  “I did. I’d love to stay for more sand and sun, but we probably should get you back where it’s safer.  But we’ll finish today off.  Go back tonight.  Is that acceptable?”  Alex looked to Rider.

He nodded.  “I’ll take everyone to go play in the sand one last time.  Hunter can stay with you?”  He asked.

Alex nodded, “Yeah, we can make use of him.  But you take one of the bodyguards.”

“Seraph will come with us.”

Our wolf bodyguard started to bristle with defiance, but Rider’s power rose with her inkling and she clamped her mouth shut.  It seemed she didn’t want to make an issue of it.  Rider smirked and looked up at me.  “You will still keep me in check?”

I nodded, “Either I or Alex will make sure you don’t abuse your power with carefully worded concern.”

He grinned, “Okay.  I am only sixteen.”

“We know.”

So that was settled.  We were going home later tonight.  But there was still some time for some fun.

I stood up and Alex didn’t hide it while he watched me move elegantly up.  He smirked when I offered him a hand up.  He took me up on the offer and I pulled him up with ease.  And he made me work for it too.

He sighed, “I don’t think I’ll ever be as strong as you.”

I grinned at him and pulled him closer,”If you keep going with Ryan you will.  You’ll do be stronger and faster than me.”

Alex smirked, “I think I might like that.”

“I know I will.” I bite my bottom lip and dropped my gaze to his.  It was submissive but it wasn’t to the floor.  It was an effort.

Alex leaned in and kissed me hard.  We broke apart with a furry head to my hand.  Rider was getting impatient.  “I gotta go.”

He laughed.  “He’s pushy lately.”

“He is.”  I kissed Alex again.  “I’ll be back.  See if you can get Ryan to cook us all up some steaks with a few rare rare ones for the boys.  They aren’t going to hunt so they’ll need the protein.”

Alex nodded, “Sounds good.  But I think he’s one step ahead of you.”

Alex grabbed the door knob to be the chivalrous man he was but the door didn’t budge despite the fact that it was unlocked. 

I sighed, “I put a locking rune on it.”  I wasn’t sure of the rune that would cancel that rune.  I stood there thinking while Alex was tapping his foot with a smirk on his face.

“Don’t worry about it pretty boy, Cass and Quinn are on it.”

“On what?”  I asked.

“Unlocking the door.”

I heard giggling on the other side of the door.  “Daddy, did you lock yourself in?”

I muttered, “I hate you.” to Alex, “How are you going to open the door Cass?”  I asked concerned.

“I’m not.”  She shouted through the door.  But the door knob turned and it opened.  Revealing a very happy to see Laker Matt.  Both of them were on the floor, Laker’s wolf having tackled his mate to the floor and was licking him like crazy.

“Come on Lake, let’s go for a run.”  I said.

Rider’s wolf pushed his head against Laker and the young wolf moved.  Rider passed by Matt and gave him a quick nuzzle before Rider was nuzzling everyone else.  He was still an overly affectionate wolf even if he was alpha dog now – maybe because of it.  He was always looking after everyone.

Alex sighed.  _He’s really going to be lording over us now isn’t he?_

I chuckled and smiled at Alex.  _He’s still sixteen.  We are still mostly the boss._

“Mostly.”  Alex laughed.  He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my lips, “Go run.  I’ll hold down this fort.”  Both Cass and Quinn were giggling behind ‘ewwws’.

I rolled my eyes.  “Come on you three.  Stay with me and don’t draw attention to me.  Rider it’s your job to make sure the other two behave.”

There was a soft yip of agreement and we all left the house to go for a good long run down the beach.  I was still a little awed by the fact that my brothers were both full fledge werewolves.  My mother had been a carrier but had never turned.  I wondered if I’d stayed around if she would have.  She wasn’t a born therian like the twins were.  At least she wasn’t here to call them monsters.

The thought of my mother feeling the same way about her boys drew my heart down as we ran the length of the beach.  I had three werewolves and a bodyguard with me.  If the Venatori thought to take another stab at me now they’d be stupid to do so up close and personal.

But now would be a great time to take my family captive again.  Though that hadn’t been the Venatori.  The New World Order was just as keen as finding me dead sooner rather than later.

A wolf rammed into the back of my leg and I tumbled to the ground.  Rider’s big black fur covered form towered over me.  He gave me a soft growl and the other two wolves came to pace around me.  Griffin was there with a stolen beach umbrella and placed it between me and the street beyond.

“It might have been just a reflection, but there was a red light dancing over you looking for a shot.”

I sighed as I sat up. “I can keep bullets from hitting us.  Or me, but I can’t do it for all of us while we run.”

Rider nudged me in the direction of home.  “You need to run.”

He nudged me again in the same direction.  “I can protect myself.”

He nudged a little more firmly than before and growled.  I sighed, “Fine.”

“Ryan will take you out again.”  I stood up wrapping air around me as thick as my thigh and as tightly compacted as I could make it.  Nothing was getting through that and I felt suffocated inside the air tube.  “Let’s go.  We can still run home.”

They all followed with ease.  “It might be best if we got back to the city where we have more control over who has access to you.”

I sighed.  “It’ll be better to keep them out here were we can run free.  Three days of the full moon.  Then we can.”

Griffin sighed.  “We’ll see.  Your safety is my first concern.”

I slowed to a walk so we could talk, “I’ll let you and the rest decide, but Alex gets final say.”

“You put a lot of of faith in Alex.”  Griffin said as he slowed with me.  The wolves ran around circles around us.

“It sounds cheesy, Alex is my world.  It’s my goal in life to make him happy.”

“That is cheesy.  He’s not worth it.”  Griffin chuckled.

“He is.  But that’s why he’s mine and not yours.”

“That sounds like jealousy.”

I shrugged.  “A little bit.  You knew Alex before.”

Griffin laughed.  “We **are** just friends.”

“Yeah I know.  Like my friends.  It’s not the benefits, just the friendship.  I never got to remember a young Alex when it mattered.”

“He liked it that way.”  Griffin said. 

The house drew into view and we sort stopped talking but it wasn’t awkward.

There was little drama for the rest of our walk through the car show.  We had some cotton candy – well Alex ate most of it I did eat some.  But it’s too sweet for me.  The price for not eating sweets.  But I had fun feeding my share to Alex.  He didn’t seem to mind too much.

He stopped at a few more cars to chat about them.  And those guys from before never bothered us.  They actually saw us once in the crowd and high tailed it out of there.  They didn’t look battered or bruised from a distance so Ant must not have beat them down too much.  He was a scary big guy vampire or not.

As we walked towards the beach house hand in hand we could smell cooking – steaks on a grill.  Both of our stomachs rumbled and we laughed. “I guess we should have eaten.”

“Fuck no – that’s steak.  It might be Ryan cooking but he’s almost better than you.”  Alex grinned at me.

Ryan stood at the grill by the pool putting another steak on the grill.  He said, “Good you can take over.”  He handed me the flipper.  “Rider started cooking, but then he ran off into the bathroom.”  He glanced at me, “Feeling alright?”

I shrugged. “Why are you looking at me?”

“You are the only human one among us.” And then he grinned at Alex. “How often you been sick?”

“Hardly ever, actually.”

“My point.” Ryan grinned.

Alex frowned. “Are you saying he’s more human than I am?”

Ant growled. “No, and yes.”

Ryan’s grin was wide. “You take all our strengths and weakness to an extreme. The Cesari skills are over to top. Your empathy is strong, you are reading people with ease. You heal extraordinarily fast, yet you get sick all the time.”

“Dorian said it was because even though Venatori don’t get sick, they carry it around and because I’m not exposed to it everyday like a human I get sick.”

“He is right, but you shouldn’t get sick Nox. You aren’t killed by nepenthe. So why do you catch the common cold, the stomach bug, and common regular human things?”

I shrugged. “I don’t have an answer.” 

“Your strengths and weaknesses are exaggerations of the parts of you.”

“So a common cold could kill me?”

Ryan snickered. “Not now, but I expect that you’ll still get sick. And sooner than anyone else.”

“So I’m your gage to Rider’s plight?”

Alex snickered. “He could be pregnant.”

“Men in any world can’t do that.” I rolled my eyes.

“He’d be rich,” Alex said as he lifted the lid to the grill to look. 

I pushed it back down, “You are letting all the heat out. If men could get pregnant there would be no doubt which of us would be carrying our children.”

Alex laughed. “Such a bottom.” 

Ant groaned as I handed Ryan the flipper again. “I’m going to check on Rider.” Alex followed me inside.

I found my brother behind the bathroom door. He was puking his guts out. “Alex says you might be pregnant.”

Rider pulled the door open and stared at me incredulously. He had paled even more at my statement I was sure of it.

“It’s not possible,” I said and he relaxed but another wave of nausea passed over him and he didn’t hesitate to let it all go, drying heaving until it was done. “At least that I know of.”

“I hate you.” He growled at me. It wasn’t a human growl. 

“Rider…”

He looked up at me with amber eyes. “Well fuck!” I grabbed my brother’s hand and pulled him along. “Don’t sick up all over the floor.”

I burst into the room with the other twin and he was curled up in a ball whimpering.  Alex read my mind, “I’ll go find Fae.  Anyone else?”

I shook my head.  “No, just bring him back here.  Matt, make sure everyone stays away, we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Nox.  Tell me what’s going on.”  Matt begged.

Alex looked at me with the same confusion.  “They are transitioning.” I said.

“But they aren’t even twenty.”  Matt countered but then he growled and his hand went to his face as he realized it was probably my fucking magic taking hold.

Alex chuckled, “Think before you speak.”

Matt sighed, “I’ll keep everyone else away.”

I nodded.  Alex left to get Fae and I sat down with my brothers on the floor.  They curled around each other instinctively.  They were both in pain, but they both wanted to comfort the other.  I wondered what that twin connection felt like.  But I would never know that feeling – like I knew someone without trying.

Alex shut the door with Faelen scurrying past me and piling in with the other boys.  His eyes were amber as he looked up at me.  Their power was radiating to him, and he was already in the midst of the change.  “It’s a bit early for them all to change now.”  I said.

“Tomorrows the full moon.”  Alex said.  “What do you need me to do?”

“Watch them for now.  Don’t sit too close we don’t want them to bite you.”

“They won’t bite me.”  Alex said.  “What are you doing?”  He sad looking at me as I stared at the door.

I put a contain magic run on the door and a locking rune on the door knob.  I hoped that would keep us all in and everyone else out in case of an accidental attack or mishap otherwise.  I came back to Alex who was still staring at me, “You think that’s a good idea, locking us in here?”

“Like you said, they won’t hurt us.”

Faelen was almost already transformed into his wolf.  He was syphoning off the twins power and soon they’d be in the agony of the change.  “I can force them into wolf form now that the change has started.”

Alex looked at me and shrugged, “They want to know if it’ll hurt less?”

I looked at Faelen but he was mostly gone.  Alex chuckled, “It’s harder to understand him in wolf form, but he feels less is better.”

I ran my fingers through Faelen’s fur and nodded, “Alright.  Ask them if it’s okay?”

“They both agree.”  Alex said.  “How can I help?”

“Just come sit with us.”  I said.  And the five us were all nearly on top of each other, the boys were curled around each other on the floor.  I put a hand on Laker’s hip and the other on Alex.  He mimicked me with Rider and Faelen bridged them on the other side.  It was an imperfect circle but the minute we were all touching the surge of magic coursed through my veins.  Alex winched next to me and squeezed my leg as the magic poured through him too.

I didn’t have to pull hard to push the pack magic into my brothers.  Rider resisted at first but then he seemed to realize that he could control it too and he pulled at the magic as well as pushed it at the rest of us. 

Both of the boys screamed and I immediately let go of the pulsing magic but the magic surged instead of waned as Rider forced it through us all.  I let out a low growl as my brothers transformed.  Alex was squeezing my hand as he felt the imagery of my brother’s shifting in their heads.  I could almost hear their agony, I think Alex was keeping it from me.

It felt like an eternity in the middle of bones popping and skin shifting.  Fur pouring over their bodies.  It was almost hypnotizing if it wasn’t so painful.

But only moments had passed before two very large wolves were shaking themselves off and rubbing against each other, and us including Faelen in there attentions too.

“You three need to hunt.  We have to get you to Adrian so you can join them.”

Rider’s big black wolf shook his head. 

Alex grinned, “He is so much more clear than Faelen, or even Laker.  He says, run with you.  And Steak – raw.”

“The last was an interpretation, all I saw was bloody dripping steaks hanging from a fork.”  Alex laughed.  Rider’s wolf pushed up against Alex and gave him a big slobbery lick then shook his head.

“He thinks that’s funny.  Don’t need a translator for that one.”

Alex and I cuddled and petted our new furry members of our family.  There was no going back to Colorado for them now.  Not away from pack.

I turned around to see Dan walking towards us.  I glared at him.  Alex moved me to the side, he wanted to step in front of me but I think he held back because he wanted to see what I’d do.

“Bye, Dan.”  I said taking Alex’s hand and walking towards Dan to move past him, but he stepped in my path.  He tried to pull his presence around him and be bigger than he was.  I just chuckled.  “That’s not going to work anymore.”

Dan wasn’t sensitive to the occult.  Nothing about him even whimpered supernatural, but I pulled on pack magic and the alpha inside me and I stepped into Dan.  “Back off.”

Alex put his hand between us pulling me away from the blond hair blue eyed man.  “If you don’t go, I’ll let him hit you this time.”

Dan’s eyes were wide.  In fear and in surprise but he said nothing as Alex guided me away.

“Where did that come from?”

I shrugged, “You don’t want me backing down.  He’s nothing right.”

“So this is all part of the  new you?”

I shrugged again.  “I dunno.  But I promised you I wouldn’t let anyone else manipulate me.”

“So you go all alpha?”  Alex chuckled, “Rider would be so proud.”

I rolled my eyes but sighed, “He’s becoming more alpha everyday.”

“You noticed that too.  He doesn’t even try and everyone listens – including us.”

I grinned, “My brother is a born Alpha.  His brother is born Omega.”

Alex laughed, “You think Laker would have been someone’s bitch no matter what?”

I nodded.  “Not in a bad way, but yes.  Laker relies on his brother as much as I do.  But I think it’s a hereditary thing.”  I smiled, “I mean look at my twins, Cass is so much more bossy than Hunter.  I think my mom’s line of twins split the alpha and omega just like the days and the cusp of the zodiac signs.”

“Wait…  You are telling me that Laker and Rider have different birthdays and they are born in different zodiacs?”

“So was my mother and her twin, and I’m going to go so far as to say me and my dead sister too.  And Hunter and Cass were.”

“That’s one hell of a coincidence.”

I shrugged, “Not with a wiccan line.”

“Your mother was wiccan?”

I nodded, “She didn’t practice nor did her mother, but from the records her grandmother did.  I think your Kish and Karma knew her before she died.”

“When did you find all this out?”

“After you and Sage kidnapped me with all those files you stole from the Venatori.”  I said.

“I didn’t know you had them.”

“Doc gave them to me when I started looking into my dna after I died.”

Alex and I talked while we walked up and down the rows getting closer and closer to the music.  I tried to stand still and I could feel Alex’s amusement at my effort.  The music was loud, the talking had to become yelling.  But instead of just a band playing there was a group of young people – had to be high school age, I wouldn’t say any older than the boys at home.  The music started playing and the kids all started to dance.  Choreographed and everything, not just girls, but boys too – much more so than a dance studio, but probably was one from back home. 

The music was from the roaring 20s.  The kids were all dressed like they came from that era.  The long flared skirts made the girls look the part with their white knee high socks and Mary Janes.  But there was one girl off to the side.  “Poor kid.”  It sucked to be left out.

She was tall for a girl her age, shaggy brown hair she pulled back in a pony tail.  It looked all a frizz in this weather.  She was cute in that girl next door sort of way, but everyone else was looking at her like he was a leper. 

“You mind?”  I asked Alex.

He smirked, “I don’t know if I should let my husband dance with teenage girls, he might get the wrong idea.”  He nodded in her direction, “Go make her day!  Charm the fuck out of her, as if you even have to try.”

I leaned in and kissed Alex softly.  It was sweet and tender and I didn’t want to leave, but he pushed me away with a smirk, “So easy.”

I gave him a bow and smiled at him.  I did love him so much.

I went up to the girl and stood next to her.  “Why aren’t you out there?”

She looked up at me and frowned, “Shelly’s partner is sick, so she took mine.”

“I could help you out.”

She laughed, “I doubt it.  Unless you know the moves I’m stuck out here.”

“It’s a simple thing.  I learned the steps when I was 13.”

She turned to look at me.  She frowned but then she let out a sigh, “You really want to go out there and make a fool out of both of us.  When was the last time you danced like that?  20 years ago.”

I laughed.  “Hardly.  Yesterday to be a matter of fact.  Had a party and the songs on my play list was this one.  Come on, try me.  You won’t regret it.  I promise.”

She sighed and took my hand.  “Whatever, it’s better than sitting here.”  She lead me out and between songs she set up.  “We are doing the Lindy Hop next.”

I nodded, “No problem.”

In the mood came over the speakers and I just chuckled.  It wasn’t always the same so I’d have to take the cues from her but it was easy enough and I could out dance any of these kids.

She was frustrated at first and then we quickly fell into the music and the moves and she followed my lead with a bright smile on her face.  I grinned back at her as the music took us across the dance floor.  Twisting and turning, she whispered, “Here is the big…”  He didn’t finish talking as we twisted and turned a few more times and she was effortlessly flying into the air over my back to land on her feet. 

Her smile couldn’t be bigger and we finished the rest of the dance with that smile.  I was happy to make her day.  _Good job pretty boy._  My heart soared, it had been a while since Alex had intoned his nick name on me.  It made me even happier than helping this girl out.

The song ended and the troop went on to the next one, but the girl declined, “No that’s good.  They’ll never forget it now.” 

A boy came up to her and smiled at me. “Meg, wanna finish the rest with me?  I’m sorry.  You know how she can be.”

She laughed, “I’d love to.” 

They went off to finish their performance and Alex came over to me.  “If I didn’t know better I’d say she had a crush on the boy who saved her, but she’s crushing on her dance partner hard.”

I laughed, “And you would know.“

I had a date – with my husband for all intensive purposes.  But Alex was treating it as a date that I had to pick him up from.  It was kinda fun.

I rushed through my breakfast and was in my room still nibbling on a banana Hunter thrust in my hand before I left, “You’ll be hungry.”

I took his advice and ate the fruit while I stared at my closet and tried to decide what I was going to wear.  It was still hot outside, my normal date attire wasn’t going to work for an outside event.  I turned around to look in my drawers but on the bed an outfit was laid out.  An outfit I’d yet to wear, the tags were still on it.  One Alex had bought me.  The cargo shorts were blue and the tank top matched.  But there was a sheer long sleeve hoodie in the color of Alex’s eyes that would give me my coverage in a public place. 

I didn’t need the sleeves but I always felt more myself with them.  I sighed, he wasn’t going to let me dress myself.  But I was okay with that.  As long as Alex was.  It was a struggle for me to find that balance he wanted.  To let him control my lifestyle in a way he found comfortable, and not let others do the same thing.  I could do it though.  I had Alex to help me.  I hoped he understood that.

I took off all the tags and pulled everything on with a clean pair of boxers after a quick shower.  I used Alex’s shampoo and soap.  It was a comfort to smell like him.  It wasn’t as good on me as him, but it was still comforting.  I was a little nervous.  I don’t know why.

Everything fit well considering I hadn’t actually tried anything on.  I should have looked at the price tags before ripping them off, but Alex didn’t care about money like I did.  So I ignored it.

I applied a thick line of eyeliner around each eye and refreshed the tips of my hair with a variation on the blues I was wearing.  I didn’t have time to do more than touch up the black on my nails before my alarm chirped at me.  I hoped Alex was ready.

I walked to the room Rider shared with Fae and Drake and knocked on the door.  My brother answered it with a stern look on his face.  “You must be Alex’s date.”  He grinned playfully at me as he shut the door behind him.  “There are a few rules.”  He said pointing a finger at my chest and trying so hard not to giggle.  “Have him home by 10.  And… and… no drink, no sex.  Come straight back.”  And Rider burst into giggles as the door opened and he ran down the hall outside.  I heard him cannon ball into the pool.

“You’re brother is weird.”  Alex said as he came out of Rider’s room.  I looked him up and down and bit my bottom lip out of habit.  Alex groaned as he put his finger under my chin to make me look at him.  He was wearing a pair of cargo shorts like mine except in black.  His t-shirt made me smirk, blue with white lettering that read “I have ~~sexdaily~~ dyslexia”.

“Are you just now noticing that?”  I asked.

“Yeah.  Rider says it’s not far, so we’ll walk?”

“I have nothing to drive.”

“And you don’t like driving.”  Alex offered me his hand, “I can’t wait.”

My heart fluttered as I took his hand and we left with a wave to Isabelle who was sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a sappy rom com on the flat screen.  “Have fun boys.  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

“We’ll try not to fight.”  Alex said with a happy smirk.

Isabelle threw a handful of popcorn at him and Alex frowned, “You better clean that up before we get home.”

Isabelle laughed, “And Alex, only one of those statements is true.”  She was right.  He wasn’t dyslexic.

We walked to the strip mall not far from the house hand in hand.  The parking lot was filled with cars and people.  The music was playing loud but we didn’t have to scream until we were near the music.  Alex walked slowly through the crowd looking at the cars.  He held my hand and we walked past the open hoods of several cars, I got the feeling he wanted to look.  “Alex, you can stop to look.”

He shrugged, “I don’t want to bore you.”

I grinned at him and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I love watching you in your element.  I won’t be bored.”

He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my cheek and then slipped away next to the car and leaned over the open hood and the owner came up and they started talking statistics and power and I stood behind Alex listening to the classic swing music the band was playing where the music was loudest.  I did my best not to move around too much.  But dance music was something hard not to do since it was my go to listen usually.

I hooked my thumb in Alex’s back pocket while he talked.  A young man that looked like the man talking to Alex pushed into me and growled, “We don’t like faggots around here.”

I grinned at him, “I don’t see any.  You sure you aren’t looking in the mirror.”

He growled again and pushed me but I didn’t move.  I gave him a smile.  The dip shit looked at his father, “Hey Dad, don’t talk to the fags.”

The older gentleman looked up and saw me for the first time and rolled his eyes at his son, “Boy.”  He swatted him with a hat, “Get out of here and let the men talk.”  The idiot was swatted several more times before he actually left the area growling and grumbling to his friends.  He didn’t think I heard when he told them he was going to jump us when we were alone. 

“Don’t mind my grandson.  He’s having a hard time adjusting.”

Alex chuckled, “He got asked out on a date by another guy.  He thought it was just a friend thing till he got kissed.”

“How’d you know?”  The man asked.

“He has a sorta sixth sense about things.” I said.

“And cars it seems.”  The man offered Alex his hand, “You got a lot more cars to look at.  Been a pleasure, Alex.  I do apologize about the boy.”

“It’s not a problem, Nox had him well in hand.  Was good talking to you.”  Alex said shaking the man’s hand before we left the car and moved on to the next one. 

We didn’t stop until the end of the row, “They are waiting for you on the other side of that building.  Hoping to jump you.”

I shrugged, “They can try.”  I nodded in that direction and we saw Ant slipping around the corner.  “I don’t think they’ll be a problem.  Let’s keep looking, don’t worry about them.”

“I guess having a body guard is a good thing.”  Alex smirked.  “But we’re alone now.”  He said wrapping his other around me and pulling me close.  “I could kiss you now.”

“What’s stopping you?”

Alex laughed, “Nothing except that your fucking ex is staring at us.”

There was a thin sheen of uncertainty but the vacation went well.  We were a big happy family.  And the tension only rose when Alex and I were alone.  Which only happened at night. 

The first night back Alex slept on his side and me on mine.  Which never happened, but by morning we’d been drawn together in the middle of the bed.  I woke with my alarm and Alex rolled over and put the pillow over his head.

Each night got a little easier.  But the silence got stronger.  There was no anger.  Or fustration.  Just uncertainty about what we were doing, and how we were going to go forward.

We didn’t fight.  Though the silence made it seem like a perpetual one. 

It was the morning of the full moon, when things finally reached a breaking point.  Alex woke up with my alarm and grabbed my arm, “Stay.”

“I need to go do my yoga.”

“Please Nox.  Stay.  We need to talk.”  He sat up letting go of me and I still got out of bed. 

“About what?”

Alex sighed, “We haven’t talked since our last fight.”

“I don’t want to fight Alex.”

“I know.  But sit down and let’s talk.”

“I need to do my yoga.”

Alex growled, “Come one Nox you can do it after.”

“Don’t like the new me?”

Alex sighed and looked out the closed patio doors.  “I liked when you listened better and talked even more.”

“Talking only gets us into fights.  I’ll listen, if you have something to say.”

“You don’t care about us anymore?”

I shrugged, “I care.  But you let me sit out there a whole fucking day alone.”

“You needed the space. I wasn’t far away.”

“I fucking needed you.  I needed you to understand that I’m not going to let some ass hat have sex with me.  I’m strong.  I’m capable.  I know I’m not breakable.  I know.  But I can’t be this person all the time.  I can’t.  But this is what you want.  So this is what you get.  You get the fake me.”  I turned around so Alex wouldn’t see me cry.

“Jesus Nox, come on.”  He crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled me down into the bed with him.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t want to lose you.  And you are here with me, but I feel like I lost you in that punch you wanted to throw.  In the way you handled Dan.  I lost you.”

“You haven’t lost me.  You just don’t like me in any form.”

Alex sighed, “You’re right.  I have this perfect picture of you in my head, and you fall short.  But you’re human.”

“I’m not.”

“You know what I mean.  You aren’t perfect.  I’m not perfect.  But I do believe we are better together.  So please.  Just be you.  Don’t do this.  The kids know somethings wrong, but no one is going to say anything to you.”

“So what Alex?  You want me to be submissive.  You hate it.  You don’t want me to go submissive with everyone else.  I’ll try.  But it’s hard.”

Alex nodded, “I know.  I’m sorry.  I keep asking you to change, it’s not fair.  I changed.  You’ve changed.  I know.  I see it.  I feel it.  Nox please come back to me.”

I sank a little bit into his grip and Alex pulled me down in the bed.  I cried more.  I needed him so badly.  So much pain and anger came out of those tears.

I missed yoga, and breakfast.  But Alex’s stomach rumbled and he groaned, “We need to eat.  We both can’t starve ourselves.  Ant had to feed three times the other day just to sustain you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Alex pulled me close and then helped me sit up, “Come on, let’s go eat.”

I moved with Alex and we went out into the kitchen where the rest of the family was.  Ant and Isabelle were sitting on the couch next to each other happily eating their breakfast stealing glances at one another.  A stab of jealousy washed over me.

_What’s wrong?_  Alex asked in my head as he looked at them.

_We used to do that._ 

Alex chuckled, _We still do.  Least I have.  And I’m pretty sure you did too._

I leaned into Alex as we walked and he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer.  “I’m sorry.”  I said.

Alex pressed a kiss to my cheek, “Me too.”

We sat down at the kitchen island and Ryan passed us plates already piled high.  When Rider came into the room he wrapped his arms around both of our shoulders, “Bout time.”  He said then pressed a kiss to my cheek and then one to Alex’s.  “There is a car show today up the road at the shopping center.  I hear they have some pretty classic cars and some high dollar ones like Alex has.”  My little brother turned to me with a grin, “Why don’t you take Alex.  I got this here.”

I looked over at Alex, “You want to go?”

Alex shrugged, “Just the two of us?”

I nodded.  Rider had left as soon as he made the proposal and was hurrying up the kids, “Come on now, hurry up, if you want to go swimming you have to eat quickly so we can wait.”  They all giggled.

“And whatever bodyguard follows me.”  I said.

Alex groaned.  Like he’d forgotten. But he nodded, “Alright.”  He grabbed his plate and slid off the stool.  “A real date.  You pick me up in an hour.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“To get ready for my date.  You should too since you take longer than me to get ready.  I’ll grab clothes and use Rider’s room since he suggested it, you can pick me up there.”  Alex said as he headed down the hall with his plate in hand.  He felt smug in my head.  It wasn’t his plan, but he liked it now.  And he was making me take charge which also made him happy.

No one came outside.  I head them all being a happy family inside.  I longed for the comfort of my family for Alex, but I was pretty sure all that was over. 

The tears fell well into the morning, and no one bothered me.  No one came looking.  The house was silent.  Rider must have taken the kids out as he’d told Hunter. 

I felt more alone now than I had ever in the AU building.  At least I had my roommates to hate me.  I hated myself.  And I spiraled down into oblivion.

The sounds of the ocean lulled my senses.  The crunch of sand alerted me to someone’s presence.  I saw a pair of unfamiliar feet in flip flops towering over me.  He knelt down and his hand rested on my shoulder.  “What’s wrong you and your _husband_ have a fight?”

I shrugged his hand violently from my shoulder and looked up, “Go away.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”  Dan chuckled to himself, “Let me help.”  He tried to lift me to stand but I used my gift to make me heavier than I was.  I didn’t want to move and I sure as fuck didn’t want to go anywhere with him.

Dan sighed and let me go, “Come on, Nox.  Was it so bad with us.”

I turned my tear stained face towards him and glared, “You manipulated me.  Took advantage of everything I am.”

He laughed, “From what I can see everyone does that to you.  Just a weak man who has to have someone to take care of him.”

“Get the fuck off my property.”  I yelled.

Dan smiled, “Your big bad friend isn’t here to make me.”

I stood up with a grace Alex would have once appreciated and I towered over my ex.  “Get.  Off.  My. Patio.”  I hesitated, then added, “Please!”

Dan stood up in front of me with defiance in his eyes.  “Make me.  Shangshen.” Dan whispered the last part.

I took a deep breath and I dropped my gaze.  The whole fucking thing was pissing me off. 

Dan laughed, “See you can’t.”

I looked up with fury in my eyes.  My face was calm but I knew my eyes blazed with my hatred of this man, of everyone who wanted to make me do their bidding.  “Get the fuck off my property.”  I held up a hand, “One.” One finger flipped up and then a second, “Two.”

Dan didn’t move but I put my free hand on his chest and pushed him backwards.  “Three.”  He stumbled backwards and caught himself on the railing. Air furled around me and before I got to four and pushing him down the stairs, someone grabbed me from behind.

I growled and shook them off and was ready to punch however it was.  I turned with my hand pulled back and my fist balled up until I saw those blue eyes staring back at me.  I stood staring at him, my hand in the air.  I don’t know if Dan was still there.  I didn’t care.  I didn’t wait to see what happened next.  I just ran.  I ran away from my problems.  I didn’t want to see Alex.  I didn’t want to unleash the anger and hatred on him even though he was right.  So fucking right.

The sand was rough on my bare feet but I didn’t care.  I just ran.

I ran until the tears stopped falling.  I ran until my feet were sore.  I’d run to the end of the beach.  The small area reminded me of a dream Alex and I shared.  In the middle of no where, on the sand, looking out on the water.  We’d come to a place like this right after the night mare was killed.  After Alex had saved me. 

I collapsed on the sand and stared off into the waves.  I was lost.  I was broken.  I could just walk out into the water and never come back.  I don’t know if I’d die, but I’d suffer for the rest of my life.  But I didn’t move.  I couldn’t leave my family like that.  I couldn’t be selfish. They needed me just as much as I needed then.  So, I stayed in the spot in the sand until the sun sat.  My body was weak.  I hadn’t had any water, or food.  I hadn’t even had any coffee, my head was pounding, but I didn’t move.  I was frozen in place in a world between worlds.  Lost in my head as it tumbled around my feelings.  For the first time in weeks I was truly alone.  I’d managed to escape my body guards for once. 

The world around me turned but I didn’t care.  I just sat there waiting.  For what I didn’t know but waiting.

I watched the sun set.  And the moon rise.  I watched the waves crash into the beach in the darkness and I still didn’t move.  No one came looking for me.

The sun came up, the reds and pinks of the morning sky were bright.  Almost a whole day I sat there.  The sand crunched beside me and then someone sat down.  I knew from the citrus scent who it was.  I before he’d even drawn close he was coming.  In the solitude of everything I could feel him above all other things. 

The tears started flowing again as we sat in silence.  “You planning on coming home?”  Alex asked.

I shrugged and hung my head. 

“You aren’t going to talk to me?”

“Does it matter?”  I asked.  “You got what you wanted, I stood up for myself.  Could have killed him.  Could have killed you.”

Alex sighed, “I know. Nox…”

“Just don’t Alex.  I don’t want to hear an apology.  I don’t want to fight.  I won’t go submissive anymore.  Not to you, not to anyone.  It makes you angry.  So just don’t.  I’ll be the person you want.”

“You think it’s that easy to turn off apart of yourself.”

“There is no other alternative. I’m tired of this fight.  So you’ll get your wish.”  I stood up and looked down at Alex, “I’m going home.  Are you coming?”

He stood up and nodded, “Do you want me to?”

I sighed and nodded.  “Always.”

Alex took my hand tentatively and I entwined my fingers with his and squeezed.  Nothing was fixed.  Nothing was better, but we were together – and at that moment that was all that mattered.

I didn’t dream.  I woke with a gasp from the darkness lying in our shared bed.  Though the sun was down and I was alone.  There were no sounds, and there were no voices in my head.  Everyone was asleep.  No telling how long I’d been out while my body healed the trauma.  I sat up and looked around.  I didn’t see Alex.  My heart broke into a thousand little pieces.  My mind sank into the falling darkness of loss and grief.  He’d left.

I found my grey hoodie in the closet and pulled it on even as I stepped out into the summer night air.  The moon was nearing full.  Still a few days out from the full moon.  But it was close.  Maybe that was the reason for the problems. 

I sat down in the lounge chair outside what had been our shared room and I let the emotions take over.  There were tears, and I shook with the grief.

I must have cried myself to sleep.  The next thing I knew the sun was peaking over the horizon waking me from the deep dark of my ocean grave.  I’d only dreamt of drowning over and over again.  No rescue in sight until my eyes opened and the sun was lighting the world again.

The door to my room opened and my brother stepped out.  “You are a fucking idiot.”

“That’s not news.”  I agreed.

He sighed and grabbed my fully healed and brandless arm.  “Such a fucking idiot.”  He yanked and I stood up.  Rider dragged me through my room and into the common living space where a sleeping form lay.  Alex was curled up on the couch alone, and sleeping.  “He slept out here.”

“And?”

“Fix it.”

“I can’t.”  I growled at Rider.  “He hates what I am, who I’ve become.  He hates everything about me.”

Rider grabbed my other arm and pulled me close and growled, “He loves you.  He’s as afraid of everything as you are.  Maybe you should care how he feels.”

“He won’t tell me!”  I pulled out of my brother’s grip and went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

Rider glared at me and growled. “Fix it!”  The weight of his words fled down the pack bonds and I shivered with the magic.  My brother was definitely alpha.  And I was willing to give him the reigns.  I nodded.

He seemed satisfied and fled the room grabbing Hunter as he started into the living room from the hall.  “Come on.  Give them some space.”

“But I’m hungry.” Hunter said as I poured two cups of coffee.  I made one with cream and sugar for Alex.

Rider laughed, “I’ll take you all out for breakfast,” he said as he walked down the hall.

“So fucking loud!”

“You can go sleep in the bed.” I said.

Alex sat up and looked over the edge of the couch.  “You’re awake.”

“I didn’t die.”

“No just passed out because of the pain.”  Alex said as he got up and sat down at the bar stool.

The silence was deafening.  It hurt.  Alex wasn’t in my head.  There was no familiar tingle of his listening mind.  No connection.

“Are we done?”  I whispered, I was afraid to hear the answer.  I didn’t look up, I kept my gaze low.  I missed Alex already.

“See that.” He pointed to my though I only caught part of the motion, “That right there is the fucking reason we are fighting right now.  The reason I slept on the fucking couch.  You submit to every fucker who’s ever… well fucked you.”

“This is what I hate, Nox.  I hate that you think no one will love you if you don’t give in.”  I looked up to interject but Alex gave me that look that said he was done if I did.  “The only thing on Dan’s fucking mind was how much he could steal you away from me.  Even as you were in my arms his only thought was to make you come home with him.”  Alex slammed his coffee cup on the counter and it broke, spilling coffee all over the counter.  He stared at it incredulously but kept going, “And you know what.  I think he’s right.  He could steal you away from me.  Any of those fucking ass hats could, because you aren’t strong enough to say fucking no.”

Alex sighed, “You can’t even say no to me.  I know if I asked you’d give it all up. Think about it Nox, what do I have without you?” He didn’t pause to let me answer, “Nothing.  Nox.  Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.  I gave up my life to be with you.  My career, my wandering.  Everything to be **here** with you.  There is nothing else Nox.  Just you. And you don’t even appreciate it.”

“I do appreciate it.  I never asked you to stop doing what you did. That was all on you, but you are never happy with me. And you clearly have no faith in me.”  I said sadly.

Alex shrugged and slid off the bar stool.  “You give me no reason to believe you are strong enough to say no.”

“So the fact that I brushed him aside when he tried to put his arm around me means nothing.  The fact that I walked to you meant nothing.”  I pushed my untouched cup of coffee towards Alex.  “I have years and years of habits and inclinations to fight through.  I work every fucking day at it and none of it makes you happy.  So for the same of our vacation, let’s just pretend one more time that we are happy.  That Rider got his way and we fixed it.  Because no matter what happens between us there is no going back.  We are tied until the ends of fucking time.”

I walked away.  And Alex didn’t stop me.  I made it out the door before the tears fell and I collapsed in a corner of the patio wall and the house.   

I dropped the veil and the wall separating us and Alex was there in a heartbeat lifting my arm to his face to look at the brand.  “What the fuck!”

I shrugged, “You wanted me to be normal.  This is how I do it.”  I said snatching my arm away from him.  “I’m going for a walk.”  And I didn’t wait for a response as I walked past Alex towards the street.  I could walk the beach but I didn’t want to.

I walked until I was lost.  I knew I had a tail.  But he never made himself known.  He let me think I was alone.  That I had managed to sneak off.  He didn’t realize I knew where he was every moment. 

I sat down at an out door cafe and ordered a coffee when the waiter came.  I felt those eyes on me as the waiter left, “You can come sit with me Griffin.  I don’t bite, and I know you are there.”  My voice sounded distant and cold and I felt nothing.  Funny how the magic knew what I needed.

Griffin sat down, “Why do you need a body guard?”

“You can ask my bodyguards.  I don’t.  But they think I do.”

“You and Alex fight often?”  He asked.

I shrugged, “Often enough.”

Griffin chuckled, “You know that’s a sign right?  At least for Alex.”

“A sign of what?  That it’s not meant to be.”

“Opposite actually.  Alex cares enough to fight.  If he didn’t care he’d let you do what you wanted.”

I sighed, “Yeah.  But we are always going to fight over the same things.”

“I think he just wants you to be safe.”

“He hired body guards to keep me safe.  It’s not my safety he wants to change.  Look Griffin, I’ve been abused my whole life by people who were supposed to care for me.  I trust Alex with my life, with my heart, with my body.  I want to give him everything.  I can’t be the person he wants without help.”

Griffin put his hand on top of the brand, “And this helps?”

“It keeps me from panic attacks.  Keeps the magic from hurting me.  It’s the only way my issues aren’t going to bother Alex.”

“Except this is an issue too?”

I shrugged, “I hate it.  It makes me feel like a different person.”

Griffin laughed, “And Alex hates that too.”

I nodded.  “There is no winning.  I’m a billion times better with Alex.  But he has these grand notions of the fake me.  It’s my fault that I never was truly honest with him in the dream, but then he saw me at my worst too so I don’t know.  Right now, I don’t know…”

“Running away dosen’t help.”

“I’m not running away.  I’m thinking.  And I can’t do that with everyone elses thoughts all around me all the time.”

“So what have you come up with?”

“Nothing.”  I said.  “Nothing is going to help, except acceptance that we both have pasts and none of it matters.  Only what the future holds matters.  Me and him.  Together.”

“So tell him that.”

I sighed.  “Maybe.  But right now I need to be alone.”

“How is that working for you?”

“Not much better.”I sighed,”Let’s go back.”

Griffin smiled as he took his own coffee and I grabbed mine.  We walked back to the beach house.  I didn’t go inside, instead I went through the pool gate and on to the patio. 

I saw an unexpected sight. Alex and Ryan sparring in the sand. It wasn’t quite boxing but it wasn’t Ryan’s normal style either.  He was adapting to Alex.  I sat down in a lounge chair on the edge and watched as they moved through what had to be preordered moves like a kata.  Ryan was teaching Alex.

It was beautiful watching Alex move from form to form with Ryan.  I wondered how long they had been working on it.  Surely not just today.

I sat mesmerized by my love and one of my best friends.  Griffin sat in another chair watching as well.  When they finished Ryan grinned at me and went inside.  Griffin got up from the chair and moved out of sight.  He was good at that.

Alex walked up the stairs to the patio.  I gave him a small smile, his gaze was level, “Running away is my thing.”

“Sparring is mine.”

He smirked, “Ryan had a point if I can keep up with you I can help you more.”

“You help me fine.  I just need you.”

Alex sighed, “I’m not enough.”

“You are everything.  None of the rest of it is worth living if I don’t have you.”

“Doesn’t that scare you?”

“No.”

“It terrifies me.”

“Being my everything scares you?”

“I can’t live up to that.”

“You don’t have to. You do every day and more. I just need you.” I sighed, “I only need you. I could live without Ant and Ryan’s help but I can’t live with out you.” I dropped my gaze, “I’m sorry that scares you.”

Alex sighed, “Why do you do things like this to your self?” He grabbed my arm and shared me the brand.

“I’m impulsive.  I needed you to understand the length I would go for you.  What I’m willing to sacrifice for you.”

“If this keeps the submissive tendencies away. If it doesn’t hurt you.  If **I** don’t hurt you. Then it’s worth it.”

“It’s not nox.  Hurting yourself at my expense is not worth it. Not ever.  No one should hurt you. Least of all you.  And especially not because of me.”

“So what you are going to leave?” I said that without a crack in my voice. The pain, the depression and anxiety that it induced rolled off my emotions like it was nothing, but it carried the weight of the world with it. But I didn’t feel it.

“Is that what you want?”

My eyes meet his, “Not ever.”

“I wish you hadn’t dont that.” He ran his fingers over the brand on my arm.

I always did things wrong. I would never make Alex happy. I pulled on my power and I pressed my hand into my arm. Fire and earth and heat burned into my skin before Alex could jump up and swat my hand away the damage was done. The brand was gone, and everything was a runs of emotions including the pain of it all. I hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. The pain overwhelmed me and I passed out hearing Alex shouting, “What the fuck, Nox!”

I dropped the veil as I walked and Ant was sitting in the sand.  “Hey Nox!”

I turned to look at my fallen friend, “You might want to hide the rest of the whiskey.”

I sighed with a nod as Ant collapsed back into the sand and laid like he was about to make a snow angel.  He didn’t care, but it was an open invitation for the kids to pile on.  All of them except the older ones anyway which included Quinn.

I left the pile of kids with Ant and headed inside.  Alex was where I had left him – mostly.  He was sitting on the bar stool nursing a whiskey over ice.  The bottle was half empty and he was pouring another glass.

“You feel better?”  He asked.  His letters were a little slurred but other than that he sounded fine even if it there was still anger and jealousy in his voice.

“I’m no longer in the middle of a panic attack.”  I said flatly.

“It’s always about you.”  He growled. 

I walked around slowly to the other side of the kitchen bar and pulled the whiskey bottle away from Alex.  “That’s mine.”

“I’m not stopping you from drinking, but I’m on this side of the bar, and you are on that side.” 

“Do you have any idea how fucking much I want to hate you right now?”

“Probably a lot since you are drinking all the whiskey and it’s not even noon.”

“So now I can’t drink?”

“I didn’t say that.”  I sighed and pushed the bottle back to him, which he grabbed and topped off his glass again, even though it wasn’t empty.

“But that’s what you meant.”

“You know I didn’t.  So stop making my words into what you want to hear.  You can hear my thoughts.  I’m not hiding anything from you.”

“You didn’t tell me your ex abused you.”

“I told you what I thought I knew.”

“So what, you forgot how much you feared him.”

I shook my head, “I was never afraid of Dan when I was with him.  Remember, I wanted people to abuse me.  Thought I deserved it.  It wasn’t until you came back into my life I knew better.  Dan knows how to manipulate me.  Fuck, Alex, everyone knows how to manipulate me.”

“Even me.”  He growled then tossed back the rest of his whiskey and poured another.

“I like that you know how to manipulate me Alex.  It’s safe.  I never thought I’d feel safe with anyone.  I want to give you everything.  But you hate me for it.”

“I could never hate you Nox.”  He said putting the bottle and the glass down.  “I hate myself.”  He blinked at the confession, like he realized he said it out loud and hadn’t meant too.

“I love you for the both of us.”

“I don’t know why.”

I shrugged, “I just do.  I can’t explain it Alex, but you are my home.  I’d give up everything for you, if you asked.”

Alex laughed, “And you’d die of boredom.”

I turned my back on Alex and started making lunch, sandwiches would do for today.  We had plenty of supplies for it all, plus all the left overs from the party the night before.  I made a sandwich and pushed it in front of Alex , “You need to eat.”

He didn’t hesitate.  I poured him another glass of whiskey and then put the bottle away.  I felt his eyes on me when I stretched up to put the bottle on the top shelf.  I hadn’t done it on purpose but I heard the wave of lust pass through Alex’s mind. 

Alex was busy eating the sandwich and his eyes looked less glassy.  He swayed less and the Chevalier bond was regulating the alcohol and the food was helping that much more.  “I think this is the last time you’ll be getting drunk.  So you should treasure the feeling.”

“What?”

“You and Ant are bound together, it will take far more alcohol than you or Ant can drink to get you drunk.  And with Ryan in the mix you’d all have to drink a ten gallon keg of 100 proof alcohol in order to feel tipsy again.”

“Fuck me!”  Alex growled.

“You’ll have to find some other coping mechanism to dull the pain.”

“I hate you.” Alex growled and downed the whiskey glass sitting next to him.  He got up and started walking to the door.  He swayed at first, and then with each step he walked straighter and straighter until he reached the door and growled, “Fuck!”

“That’s why I went to nepenthe when I was younger.”  I said as I finished pulling out the rest of the fixing for sandwiches, “Tell everyone that lunch is ready.”

Alex just growled in response.

I heard Alex sit on the lounge chair outside and then call out “Lunch is ready.”

I moved out of the way and stood in the doorway while everyone else readied their own lunch.  Ant was sitting in the stand staring at Alex.  “Sorry man.  But it had to happen sooner or later, just wish it wasn’t in the middle of the spar.”

Ryan laughed, “It just made it more fun.”  He clapped me on the shoulder as he passed me to go inside.  It was just the three of us.

Ant slowly got up and walked inside, “I am sorry.”  He said, he put his hand on Alex’s shoulder and squeezed and frowned at me.  Ant wasn’t happy with me either.  Leaving me and Alex alone, as he closed the door behind him.

We were alone in a strained silence.  “So what do you want me to do?”  I asked to break it.

“I don’t want you to do anything, Nox.”

“You’re mad at me.  Ant’s mad at me.  So tell me, what do I do to make you happy?  To fix what’s wrong.”

“You can’t fix everything!”  Alex scoffed.

“I can fix my behavior.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “You can’t.  You’ve been going to therapy for the same shit for most of your life.  If yoau wanted to fix it you would have.”

I nodded, “If that’s what you want.”  I wove fire and earth into the form of the balance rune and steeled myself as I pressed it into the skin of my forearm.  The stench of burning hair and flesh permeated my nose.  I bit back the pain of the brand.  It would heal over but I’d just keep doing it till the scar manifested itself.

I felt nothing once the magic took hold.  Even the pain was a dull ache.

Alex was on his feet, “What the fuck are you doing!”

“What’s it look like.”  I said and pushed Alex away from me as I continued to place the brand until it formed a scar.  Alex pounded on the wall of air in front of me but I couldn’t hear him past the veil.  I was tired of this fight.  Tired of him hating me for who I was.  So this would fix it.

We walked closer to the patio and I saw a bunch of people standing around laughing and having a good time.  Griffin stepped in front of me and lead the way as a good bodyguard.  But I stopped short when I heard one particular laugh in particular. 

Dan was smiling and flirting with Alex.  It wasn’t that he was flirting that bugged me it was the way he stood.  I felt my heart racing with Dan leaning over Alex like he was ready to push him to the floor.  He’d stood like that over me dozens of times.  It wasn’t attraction or even my normal reaction to Alex’s presence.  It was almost fear.

Dan wasn’t a bad boyfriend.  Just abusive in a way I didn’t recall even when I broke up with him.  I did that because I trusted those closest to me.  They saw what I didn’t and I felt it now.  Saw it in my own memories.  The way he pushed and pulled at me – manipulated me.

I stood frozen in the sand.  Dan saw me first and pushed past Griffin despite the bodyguards much larger size.  He put his arm around my shoulder and I recoiled from his touch and moved quickly to Alex. Alex was leaning against the patio wall and watching everything.  Alex shifted to lean with his back against the patio when I arrived a satisfied smirk on his face as I leaned into him and pressed a soft kiss to his neck.  It was sweet but I’d done it to bury myself in his scent.

My body was still under panic and Griffin stood behind me, his shoulder would be pressed into the middle of my back if I stood up.  Which I didn’t.

Dan chuckled, “I see he’s still needy.”

“I think you need to leave.”  Griffin said.

“Who needs to leave?”  Ant said as he walked out the double doors from the house on to the patio.  He looked around and his eyes rested on Dan.  I stole a glance at my ex and saw the fear in his eyes.  There was nothing vampiric about the speed in which Ant was in front of Dan.  “I thought I told you never to come near him again.”

Ant’s finger was wielded in Dan’s face and the blond man’s face was drained of all blood.  “I was only visiting with him and his _husband_.”

“That” Ant turned towards me, “is not the emotional state of just visiting.  Now get the fuck out of here before I call the cops.”

Ant wouldn’t call the cops, he’d beat the shit out of him, but maybe he was being a good little boy.

Ryan, Jae and Seraph were there with Ant, and Griffin stayed where he was protecting me, while the others formed a line on the porch. 

Dan laughed, “He’s so fucking weak.  Needs to stand behind everyone else.”

Dan knew nothing.  He was human and only human.

Ant growled, “Leave now.”

Dan stood his ground and looked like he wanted to fight but he backed down moments later.  “Come on Anne Marie, we aren’t wanted here.”

Anne Marie mouthed, ‘sorry’, as she left with her friend, or maybe it was cousin.  Didn’t matter I didn’t care as I relaxed into Alex but Alex was still stiff and I was afraid of the impending fight.  Jealousy was a two edged sword.

Once Dan was out of sight Griffin moved.  “So I’m protecting him from assassins and exes.  Great!”

Ant turned around and glared at Griffin but he saw me still in the middle of the panic attack.  He walked past Griffin and grabbed my arm.  “Well enough to throw a veil for me?”

I gave him a small nod.  “Why?”

“You need to work out that issue.”  Ant said then looked at Alex.  It was neutral and said nothing, “Can I steal him?”

Alex lifted his hands from my hips where he’d placed them during the whole thing.  But it hadn’t been a loving gesture, it hadn’t even been possessive.  Alex was mad.

I looked at him and frowned.  Alex smirked, “Go.  Let Ant beat the shit out of you. That’s what you want.”  He stepped around me and went into the house closing the double doors behind him.

I stared after him and Ant pulled me towards the sand but I didn’t budge as I looked on the closed doors.  “I’ll be out in a minute.”  I said.

Ant let go of my shoulder.  “I’ll get it set up.”

I opened a single door and shut it behind me, Alex was in the fridge getting some ice for the whiskey he had in his hand.  “I didn’t invite him here.”

Alex turned to look at me, glass full of ice and he didn’t hesitate to pour the brown liquid over it before he took a long draw of it and poured again to top it off.  “Why does every fucking person from your past manipulate you so fucking easy?”

“You know why.”  I said.  My gaze fell to the floor.  It was the same fight.  The same problem.  The same thing we were always going to get into.  I was submissive to my partners and Alex hated it. 

“You are so much stronger than you let on and you let assholes like that run over you.”  Alex growled, “I don’t get it.  You can be king of the fucking City and yet dip shits like that run over you like its nothing.”

I sighed, “You do the same thing.”  I said and turned around and opened the door to the patio and closed it softly behind me. Alex relied on the submission just as much as everyone else.  He didn’t like it then, but he still did all those things.  And then some because Alex could actually control my actions.  And I relied on it sometimes. 

Ant was drawing a circle in the sand and threw up a veil six feet to the outside.  People would see what they wanted to see in the veil even just in case Ant and I got too out of control control.  It was a test of our skill to act human.  And it was difficult to maintain once we got started.

Ryan stood there waiting.  He frowned at me and Ant wasn’t doing much better.  “Alex is pissed.”  I said matter of factly.

“We know.”  They said.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s all pat of the gig.”  Ant said.

Ryan smiled, “Come on.  Let’s do this.” 

We started circling each other and soon it was two against one.  Ant and Ryan worked well together as a team.  They had been one for more years than anyone else here combined.  Their shared connection made their teamwork all the more powerful and I found myself on my back in the sand more often than not.

But we went round after round and I held my own against both of them just as often.  Ant went for a right and Ryan went low to knock me off my feet, but I dodged both in a feat of extraordinary agility.  It wasn’t a usual move that I could perform at that speed.

But short of the seconds of hesitation it was something that we’d discuss later.  The onslaught came again.  And again, and I was moving better than I ever had.  It was like something else had taken over. 

Even as I found my footing, Ant was losing his.  We were both getting used to our new situations.  While he and Ryan worked as a team, Alex was inside drinking, making Ant work that much harder.  I could see sweat beads forming on his brow from the effort.

We moved and danced and sparred.  It was glorious and I felt better than I had since we’d gotten to the beach. 

Griffin watched from outside the circle and stared in awe.  He saw me looking his direction while we circled again catching our breaths – Ryan and I anyway.

Griffin smirked, “How’s he against three?”

Ant laughed, “Join us and find out.”  He looked to me and I gave a simple nod.

Griffin was there and he didn’t work as well with Ant and Ryan.  But soon there was three sets of hands and feet aimed at my body.  I moved and dodged and hit my way until Griffin was dead to rights on his back.  Ant and Ryan laughed as I offered Griffin a hand up.  “Okay.  Why do you need a body guard again?”

I shrugged, “Ask them.”  I said and headed for the house.  I didn’t expect to find Alex anywhere.

Breakfast finished and Rider took out the garbage.  There was a yelp.  Rider rushed back inside the house, “Um, are raccoons allergic to honey too?”

“Why?”  We all asked at the same time.

“There is a dead raccoon with the cake you threw out last night.”

Griffin was the first one out the door.  I followed after him.  He was inspecting things.  “Thoughts?” I asked.

“Poison.”

“But people ate it last night.  Tell me people are dead now after our party?”  I turned to Alex, “Where did Mia get this cake?”

“Mia didn’t bring that, she brought chocolate. I don’t know whee that one came from.”  Alex said.

“Did anyone eat it?”

Alex shrugged.

“Mia brought a honey chocolate cake?  You are sure?”  I asked.

“Positive.”  Alex said.  “I don’t know where that one came from.”

I tapped at my phone and called Sage.  He answered groggily, “What?”

“I need you to mass call everyone and make sure everyone is alright.  Anyone who was here, we have a poisoned cake.  Hopefully no one ate it.” 

“I’ll get on it.  Might take some time.”

“I appreciate it.”  I hung up.

I looked to Ant, “Can you take the raccoon and the cake to Doc see what he comes up with?”

“Yeah I will.”  Ant grabbed the dead coon by the tail and took a bag from the other garbage and grabbed some of the poison.  “Might take a while.”  Ant looked at Griffin, “He’s in your care.  He dies, I kill you.  If Alex dies, I’ll let Nox kill you.”

Griffin smirked, “Got it boss.  He’s priority number one.  Your number two can stay here with them.  With Jae and Seraph.  I’m with him 100% of the time.”

Alex laughed.  “I guess it could be worse.  He sucks at blending in though.  So stay out of our bedroom.”

Griffin rolled his eyes.

“Dorian told me, the Venatori want me dead. Kai confirmed it.”

Ant sighed, “Alright.  We’ll deal with that.  Griffin won’t leave Nox’s side.  And the others will stand with us for a change.  But we are on vacation and I’m sure as fuck not going to let some little death threats ruin that.”

Griffin growled, “There have already been two attempts on his life.”

“And?”  Alex laughed, “If we go home they’ll know exactly where he is.  Right now they don’t have any idea.”  Alex grinned at me, “You go for that run I know you are dying to go on.  De-stress, the rest of us will play in the sand and pool.”

I wrapped Alex up in my arms and kissed him softly.  Ant growled as he walked past, “Outta the way lover boys.”

Alex laughed and we stepped aside.  “Go run.  Griff has your back.”

I nodded, “I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will.”  Alex said.  He gave Griffin a look and I’m sure he was telling him things in his head he didn’t want me to hear.  I was okay with that.

I looked at Griffin and he sighed, “I hate you.”  And then he was off running in front he turned around and jogged backwards, “You coming slow poke?”

I started after him patting Hunter and Cass on the head as I headed off into the sand to run until my legs hurt. 

 I ran and Griffin followed.  He was cursing me out the whole time. Granted he wasn’t saying anything but I was hearing him none-the-less. It was disconcerting.

The sand made the run more difficult and my legs were burning from the exertion.  A familiar face stood in front of me as I stopped gasping for air.  His blond hair and blue eyes gave me a chill.  And not in a good way.  He smiled at me, and looked at Griffin who was stopping next to me. 

Griffin hunched over to catch his breath, “Fucking hate you.”

I laughed, “So next time let Ryan come with me.”  I looked across at my ex and frowned, “Hey.”

“Hi.  It’s been a while.”

I nodded, “Busy.”  And I avoided him.  Was funny that I’d run into him now, after we’d made our marriage official.

“I heard.”  Dan chuckled, “Married.  This the lucky guy?”

“Fuck no.”  Griffin said.

“Anne Marie told me yesterday but I’d already had plans.”

“I don’t think Alex would have appreciated my ex showing up this party.”  At those words Griffin stood up straighter and squared his shoulders.  “I need to get going.”  I said and turned, but Dan caught my arm.

“You don’t have to go so soon.  I just want to talk.”  He squeezed my arm tighter to keep me from moving.

“We can talk later, right now I need to get home.”  I looked at Griffin and he nodded.

“We are on a timer, let’s go.”  He said and nodded in the direction of home but he didn’t move.  And Dan didn’t let go.

I tried to pull out of his grip but he was holding on too tight.  I could force him to but I might hurt him.  He was just human after all.

And then just as suddenly as he grabbed me Dan was slapping at his arm with the hand holding me.  “Fucking bugs!”

I stepped away from him. “I’ll see you around.”  I said and didn’t wait for an acknowledgment as I ran back towards the beach house.

Griffin was at my side as I took it slower than usual.  “Some ex you got there.”

“Yeah.  Lasted two weeks.  But only because I have good friends.”  I said.

“That’s your type isn’t it?  Big, athletic…”

“You mean like you?”  I grinned.  “I liked the preceived danger of a bigger man.”

“But not with Alex?”  Griffin asked.

“With Alex, it’s different.”  I sighed, “I’ve loved him for so long he’s just perfect.”

Griffin laughed hard but had to stop as he caught his breath in great gasps.  “He’s a good fuck, but perfect I doubt.”

“For me.”  I said.  “You still good? I need more after that encounter.”

Griffin sighed, “How the fuck do your other body guards do this?”  But he nodded, “I can keep up.”

I laughed, “My other body guards are supernatural.”

Griffin groaned but he did keep up.  We ran past the beach house and down the other way before turning back to the beach house.  I was still feeling the fear and anxiety from Dan.  It wasn’t that Dan would hurt me, but he could and would manipulate me with ease – even now.

“I won’t tell Alex about the dick.”  Griffin said as we walked the remainder of the way to the beach house once it was in sight.

“Thanks, but I’ll be telling him.”  I said.  “It’s not a secret.“

Alex and I slept in our own bed – though it wasn’t our bed – it wasn’t **my** bed. Strange places still made me restless. But I didn’t stray far I sat outside where Alex had waited for me and watched the sun come up. I dozed a little or I must have because before I knew it Alex was standing in the door frame. “Fuck time is it?” He groaned as he stretched. He hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on and stood in a pair of shorts that he’d not worn going to bed. 

“6am I think.” I glanced down and was happy enough with my estimation that I didn’t correct the few minutes I was off.

“You’re up way too early,” he said.

“I never really went to sleep.”

Alex sighed. “We dreamed though.”

I nodded. “I dozed on and off.”

Alex rubbed his head and then his chin. “I must have had more than I thought to drink.”

“Can we talk?” I asked.

Alex frowned. “No good conversation ever starts that way.” But he sat down turning the chair to face me instead of looking out on to the beach. “What’s up Nox?”

“This new bond. What if you and I had more control over what we sent over it than we think.”

Alex was in my head so he was nodding as he picked up on those thoughts as well as what I said. He used it regularly so I didn’t talk to so much. And that I knew cause I could read him.

Alex frowned. “Okay, that’s not fair.”

“You do it to me all the time.” I chuckled.

He sighed, “I will do my best not to use your thoughts against you unless you say them out loud.”

“I don’t mind Alex. I’d rather have you in my head then not.”

He grinned at me. “You are such a bottom sometimes. Always so greedy with the me inside you thing, I swear.”

There was a groan from the other door. Ant stood wearing only a pair of very short shorts standing in the morning light. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this.”

“Wearing clothes?” Alex asked.

“The sunlight.” He turned to look at us and smiled. “You two are talking about new powers right?”

Alex nodded. “Did you hear us?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m trying to keep the hunger back from you but it’s morning and I’m awake and I’m not starving.”

“You have two Chevalier and me bound to you in metaphysical ways, you might not be so hungry.”

“I’m ravenous.” Alex said.

“I’m hungry myself.”

“We are going to have to adjust to these new crossed powers.”

“Sharing powers is good,” Ant said.

“Except I hear voices I shouldn’t and I can’t keep them out. And Alex is seeing things he can’t see which makes everything off.”

Ant leaned on the wall separating the two areas of the private patios. “Can I try something? Though I’ll need some blood, my reserves are low – no breakfast.”

I looked at Alex to make sure it was alright, and he sighed but nodded. I lifted my wrist to Ant and he asked Alex, “You sure.”

“If you try to fuck him you don’t do it again, but yes, I’m sure.”

Ant took my arm in his cool hands and his fangs sank softly into my arm. There was no rush of lust or desire, just the prick of his fangs. Ant noticed too and stopped drinking letting my arm go. “Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head. “No. But there was nothing else either.” I chuckled. “Are you a full vampire now? Completely primeval?”

“I walk in daylight, control my bite, those were my only real differences.” Ant laughed. “I think the triumvirate bound is responsible. Magic is distributed better. Nox’s power isn’t overwhelming him. It can settle into us. Balance him.”

“The Ascendant to my knowledge has never been a split soul before. Aeryn was one of the First. Prometheus is said to have Aeryn’s energy – her soul.”

“Prometheus isn’t dead. I’ve met him,” I said looking to Alex with a smile. 

“You what?”

“I met him. He’s been watching me my whole life. He sent Alex back to me.” I  looked at Alex and frowned. “I think he broke us apart.”

“No, Jace did that.”

I shook my head. “To our eyes. But my father got hurt in a routine vampire hunt. He got overwhelmed and they ambushed him and one got hold of him, but only bit him didn’t kill him despite the numbers. My father can see the future, he’d have seen it. He’d have planned for it. Something else he couldn’t know or see had a finger in it. Kai always says that if I’m involved he has trouble seeing things.”

“Hunter doesn’t have that problem,” Ant said.

“Hunter is my son, he’s more like me than my father would be, in terms of magical powers. Genetically the same distance separates us, but the magic is vastly different.”

“He could teach you,” Ant said.

“I don’t want to learn from him. He’s an asshole,” I said getting up and walking into our room. I was hungry I needed to eat and the smell of bacon was coming from the kitchen – probably pancakes and eggs too.

We watched the sun set well past dark. 

Alex stood up and took the beer from my hand. “I’ve held it against you most of our life.  I know you love to dance. And I was afraid that one moment in our many dreams would stick with you and when I bared my soul to you on the dance floor you’d break me again.”

Alex laughed. “Funny thing is, you break me into a thousand pieces and put me back together everyday. Not bad breaks like heart break or hurt feelings. But those ones that make me want to savor every second with you because you’ve already been taken from me every day of my life but you always come back. Always Nox. Even when I leave you you find a way to pull me back in. And now…” Alex held out the hand with the tattoo of cancer running the gambit of his wrist to me. “I’ve married you in probably the most strictest of ways possible. I get that normal married is just paperwork to you so I’m your…  mate?” He shook his head, it didn’t sound right but he continued anyway, “Forever.”

“My Alex,” I said softly.

“Always and forever, Nox. Dance with me?”

I looked up at him. “You don’t like dancing, Alex. I’m not going to make you.”

Alex laughed. “I’m asking you, pretty boy.”

I stood up and took Alex’s hand. “The music isn’t right.”

“I don’t care. It’s just us, babe. We can dance however we want.”

I hugged Alex. I wrapped my arms around his neck and Alex pulled me close by my hips.  “Baby. I love you,” Alex whispered. “I’m a bad boyfriend.”

“You aren’t my boyfriend anymore, and you are hardly bad,” I said as we danced small circles in the sand. It was your typical teenage slow dance. Just us being close and staring into each other’s eyes. “I love you. I can’t live without you. You’re my Alex. You have all these cute nick names for me and all I want to do is say your name.” I bit my bottom lip and looked down at his. “My life is in those four little letters. I don’t need a fancy house, or tons of clothes. I just need you and the kids and everyone to be happy.”

Alex laughed. “But you have a fancy house. You want to build a fancy building. I like dressing you up or down or taking them off.” Alex smirked. “I’ll buy you whatever you want. I know you don’t need it. But it’s yours. I’m yours.”

We kissed. It was soft and tender as we shuffled in the small circle to music of our own making. 

The party raged on behind us, the sun was down and we were in our own little world.  Just the two of us.

Alex and I joined the party. He walked around with me pretty much attached at his hip. But Alex held my hand or had his arm around my waist the whole rest of the party.

Funny thing was no one said anything. Even Jace behaved. He gave me a hug and smiled and made jokes but never once whispered in my ear or propositioned me. Which was atypical for our relationship. Though I did catch him glancing at Alex and I wondered what had happened. It wasn’t curiosity or knowing him that was in his eyes, no it was fear. _Don’t worry about him._  Alex had said in my head whenever I started to wonder about Jace’s actions.

But they left early as Naya was getting cranky, which meant Sage left with them. He’d pretty much stayed near the music after I’d started my play list. Every once in a while strange songs would play courtesy of my beloved geeky best friend.

Of all the people that I had expect to be last it was not my father and Margo. After a certain hour the party became college drinking and debauchery, but he and Margo sat on the couch drinking wine and talking while everyone else danced and drank and carried on.

Oddly enough it had been Rider and Laker who had shooed the last of the strangers out the door and turned off the music. The kids had all passed out hours ago and the boys had tenderly put them in their beds, Matt stayed with Hunter. Like me (and Hunter) Matt didn’t much care for people and socialization. He was more than happy to curl up with my son and sleep the rest of the night.

Even before guests were gone Alex would casually grab something and put it where it belonged. Never complained about things when they got broken, but just cleaned it up and threw it away and he felt better. That was my job but it seemed that we’d been sharing a little more now with our bond.

Another reason Alex was had touched me the whole night was the voices. With so many inhibitions gone, the voices were loud and I was hearing way more than I should. Alex’s shields helped me keep some of it out, but not enough. Which troubled Alex. It might be a case of uncontrollable – like his seeing the patterns but not seeing them.

I had another thought and wondered if the other person could block them, like I could keep my magic from flowing to Alex so badly and the same for him. I had a sneaky suspicion that was what had happened. Ant and Isabelle had been conveniently absent the whole night. They returned just as my father and Margo left. Kai hugged – hugged – Ant and thanked him. He gave Isabelle a wide smile and welcomed her to the family. Ryan on the other hand had been the life of the party – he pulled every girl who would normally fling themselves at me and entertained them. I was pretty sure he’d taken a few of them home and probably wouldn’t be back for several hours.

My brothers took care of the cleaning.  There was no room in the fridge with so many left overs.  There was a cake sitting on the counter that had been mostly eaten.  “Did you eat that?”  I asked Alex.  I recognized the cake from Jay’s pastry shop but the cake had honey in it.  And I knew Alex couldn’t eat that.  One of those random memories.  Nothing I had to worry about since I hadn’t cooked with honey in forever.  Probably near the time I learned as a kid Alex was allergic to it.  It was funny how much he influenced me even then.

Alex shook his head, “It has honey in it.  I’m allergic.  Mia told me when I asked.”

I picked up the remainder of the cake and tossed it into the garbage outside.  Alex protested, “Everyone else could have eaten it.”

“Honey and shellfish aren’t allowed in the house.”  I grinned at Alex, “I won’t take chances with my family.”

Alex sighed.  “Alright, fine.”  He hated when I threw out food.  I wrapped him up in a hug without hands, my fingers might have honey crumbs on them.

Alex rolled his eyes.  “I’ll be fine!” 

And our night ended in the same place it had started in bed.

As I walked out of the room I’d been hiding in I pulled on a smile and took a deep breath to steal myself against the onslaught of people.

The living space was full of people. More people than there had been when I’d left. The place was decorated too. Alex had pulled out all the stops. The ceiling was full of light blue balloon and those tin plated ones that were made into shapes. I didn’t know what else to call them. Mylar was the word that stuck in my head provided by a simple look from Alex he smirked at me from across the room.

I waggled a finger at him and beckoned him to come closer but he was in a deep conversation with someone. _In a bit pretty boy._

I nodded and turned to look around to see if I could find some solitude somewhere.

I say Naya playing with Drake and Nickey with Carla looking on worried about something. There was a squeal and peels of laughter as little Liam toddles into their group, he was chasing them around.  Carla’s smile brightened when the little boy found them.  Hide and seek? 

Max and Drew were standing near by watching me.  I rolled my eyes as I wandered over to them.  “We’ve not see you around lately.”  Max said, “I’m losing money on you.”

I laughed, “No more girls for me.”

Drew’s smile was wide and he nodded, “Told you he liked boys more than girls.  I could see it from the start.”

“Max doesn’t have any sort of gaydar I don’t think.”  I laughed.

Drew nodded, “He never did.  So many guys I hooked up with in college, and he never even knew.”

“But you are married now I don’t need to care about your boy toys.”  Max said.

“No more betting on me.  Though maybe in the ring.  I’ll bring Alex the next time I come, he boxes more than anything else he might give you all a run for your money.”

“We’ve not beaten you in a long while.”

I laughed, “I’ve been practicing.”

My brother came over to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and smiled.  “This is Rider, one half of my twin brothers.”

“Can you even tell them apart?”

I laughed, “Yes.  I can.  Lake is wrapped around his boy over there.”  I pointed at where Matt and Laker sat next to each other talking.

“I’m going to steal him now.” Rider said and I was releived to be going someplace else.  Not that I didn’t like Max and Drew, but there was just so many people here.

When we were far enough away, Rider asked,  “You alright?” Rider asked.

“Right as rain,” I said.

Rider chuckled. “I never understood that phrase. I love the rain.”

“Me too.” 

“So you are okay then?”

“Doing alright. I’d be better if my better half was with me. There are too many people here for my liking.”

“It’s a party, Nox.”

“I know. Dance with me?” I asked my brother.

“There’s no music playing.”

I laughed. “I can fix that.”

I walked over to the false wall and pressed the button and the wall slid down. Dorian’s entertainment center revealed itself – I guess it was mine now – ours. I connected my phone to the bluetooth quickly and easily and selected a long playlist full of random danceable songs and hit shuffle. The music played softly inside, but outside was a different story. The speakers around the veranda were loud and I grabbed my brother’s hand and he laughed as he hurried ahead of me to make sure it was clear, and then he started dancing. I was glad my brother wasn’t shy.

I closed my eyes and lost my soul to the music. Or maybe my soul found me in the music. Either way Rider and I danced. It wasn’t long before there were others with us.  Cass dragged Quinn out with her and the elder daughter looked uncomfortable. So I took her in front of me. “Stand on my feet.” I took her hands and she looked at me afraid.  “Come on.”

I moved my ten year old daughter around the outdoor dance floor with ease and by the time the next song came on she was dancing with the three of us over her own volition.  Hunter clung to one leg and Drake the other and I moved with them with the same ease.  Cass was too busy doing her own thing to much care what her siblings were doing.

I watched them dance their hearts out. Laker and Matt joined us though they were dancing together – very inseparable. It made me smile. Ryan dragged Isabelle out on the dance floor. I wondered where Ant was.

I caught Alex standing in the door watching and wiggled my finger at him again. This time he shook his head. And I danced my way over to him and held my hand out. “Dance with me.”

Alex shook his head again. “I’ll just watch you.”

I pouted. “Dance with me.”

There was a general stare down as Alex defied his urge to make the pout go away. I frowned and wondered what I’d done to make him hate dancing. And I knew I had. I didn’t remember, but Alex did.

And I saw the image in his head. I blinked away the memory – his memory.

I’d been dancing. Alex had come to the dream like usual. There was no music so he’d made some and flailed about the room. It was meant to be cute and not his natural talent I saw it in the moment, but my younger self hadn’t. I had made a comment and Alex had been hurt by my words. I hadn’t had a chance to apologize before the black blur ripped me away form him. 

Again I had scarred my precious blue eyed boy and he wouldn’t dance with me. I could only nod. I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said then walked back out to the dance floor with a fake smile and tried to get back into the music.  But the feeling had fled with the notion that I hurt Alex time and time again and I always left him.

I couldn’t look in his direction so I manoeuvred myself so I couldn’t see him, no one but Alex noticed. But I felt his eyes burning holes in the back of my head. I didn’t want to see the anger or disappointment.

A slow song came on and the dance floor broke off into pairs. I walked away down into the sand and away from the party. The sun was setting and I sat down in the sand heedless of the problems it would present later when I got up, but at that moment I didn’t care. I felt like shit. I could no longer fake the happy smile. I needed a few minutes alone to process everything.

The crunch of sand behind me and the soft citrus scent meant that Alex had followed me.  “Why did you apologize earlier?”

“I made fun of your dancing. I saw your memory. You shared it.”

“I didn’t Nox. I didn’t want you to see it. I never wanted to let you see the bad parts. I never told you about that moment.”

“I’d never seen it before until just then.”

“I was thinking about it, but I wasn’t sending it to you.”

“I’m sorry I saw it then, but I can’t unsee it.”

“That’s not my point Nox. You’ve been hearing things haven’t you?”

I looked back over my shoulder at Alex and he was standing there with a beer in his hand and red Solo cup he was sipping at. He sat down next to me handing me the beer. “I think we are sharing some of our powers. There are so many fucking things wrong with that place. I had to leave. It’s why the party. I figured the chaos would make it feel better. But I was wrong.”

“It only made it worse.” I gave Alex a half smile. “What are you seeing exactly?”

“Nothing different but I fucking swear that chair over there doesn’t belong there.” Alex pointed to one chair, and then pointed to an empty spot a bit down the beach. “Like I know it goes there, but I can’t tell you why.”

“That’s what I feel and see all the time. Maybe you are right and we are sharing some of our powers. I have been hearing things. It’s not helping my mood any.”

“I’ll teach you how to filter and shut it out. I can’t do anything about this sight though can I?”

I shook my head. “If you aren’t seeing how they are out of place, only getting that feeling no. Other than put it back in it’s place.”

Alex groaned. “I’m gonna become as anal as you are? Fuck me!” He winked and I leaned against his shoulder and smiled before I took a long drag of the ice cold beer he’d handed me. “As long as I don’t spontaneously start throwing fireballs I think I can manage.”

“I’m sorry I really am.”

“I know Nox. And I know you didn’t mean to make it hurt. And I’m sorry it bothers me so much to dance. I’d love to be the one out there with all your attention.”

“But you won’t join me.”

Alex shrugged. “Let’s just watch the sunset.” I nodded in agreement and we did that – in silence.