Defeating Inclination

No one came outside.  I head them all being a happy family inside.  I longed for the comfort of my family for Alex, but I was pretty sure all that was over. 

The tears fell well into the morning, and no one bothered me.  No one came looking.  The house was silent.  Rider must have taken the kids out as he’d told Hunter. 

I felt more alone now than I had ever in the AU building.  At least I had my roommates to hate me.  I hated myself.  And I spiraled down into oblivion.

The sounds of the ocean lulled my senses.  The crunch of sand alerted me to someone’s presence.  I saw a pair of unfamiliar feet in flip flops towering over me.  He knelt down and his hand rested on my shoulder.  “What’s wrong you and your _husband_ have a fight?”

I shrugged his hand violently from my shoulder and looked up, “Go away.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”  Dan chuckled to himself, “Let me help.”  He tried to lift me to stand but I used my gift to make me heavier than I was.  I didn’t want to move and I sure as fuck didn’t want to go anywhere with him.

Dan sighed and let me go, “Come on, Nox.  Was it so bad with us.”

I turned my tear stained face towards him and glared, “You manipulated me.  Took advantage of everything I am.”

He laughed, “From what I can see everyone does that to you.  Just a weak man who has to have someone to take care of him.”

“Get the fuck off my property.”  I yelled.

Dan smiled, “Your big bad friend isn’t here to make me.”

I stood up with a grace Alex would have once appreciated and I towered over my ex.  “Get.  Off.  My. Patio.”  I hesitated, then added, “Please!”

Dan stood up in front of me with defiance in his eyes.  “Make me.  Shangshen.” Dan whispered the last part.

I took a deep breath and I dropped my gaze.  The whole fucking thing was pissing me off. 

Dan laughed, “See you can’t.”

I looked up with fury in my eyes.  My face was calm but I knew my eyes blazed with my hatred of this man, of everyone who wanted to make me do their bidding.  “Get the fuck off my property.”  I held up a hand, “One.” One finger flipped up and then a second, “Two.”

Dan didn’t move but I put my free hand on his chest and pushed him backwards.  “Three.”  He stumbled backwards and caught himself on the railing. Air furled around me and before I got to four and pushing him down the stairs, someone grabbed me from behind.

I growled and shook them off and was ready to punch however it was.  I turned with my hand pulled back and my fist balled up until I saw those blue eyes staring back at me.  I stood staring at him, my hand in the air.  I don’t know if Dan was still there.  I didn’t care.  I didn’t wait to see what happened next.  I just ran.  I ran away from my problems.  I didn’t want to see Alex.  I didn’t want to unleash the anger and hatred on him even though he was right.  So fucking right.

The sand was rough on my bare feet but I didn’t care.  I just ran.

I ran until the tears stopped falling.  I ran until my feet were sore.  I’d run to the end of the beach.  The small area reminded me of a dream Alex and I shared.  In the middle of no where, on the sand, looking out on the water.  We’d come to a place like this right after the night mare was killed.  After Alex had saved me. 

I collapsed on the sand and stared off into the waves.  I was lost.  I was broken.  I could just walk out into the water and never come back.  I don’t know if I’d die, but I’d suffer for the rest of my life.  But I didn’t move.  I couldn’t leave my family like that.  I couldn’t be selfish. They needed me just as much as I needed then.  So, I stayed in the spot in the sand until the sun sat.  My body was weak.  I hadn’t had any water, or food.  I hadn’t even had any coffee, my head was pounding, but I didn’t move.  I was frozen in place in a world between worlds.  Lost in my head as it tumbled around my feelings.  For the first time in weeks I was truly alone.  I’d managed to escape my body guards for once. 

The world around me turned but I didn’t care.  I just sat there waiting.  For what I didn’t know but waiting.

I watched the sun set.  And the moon rise.  I watched the waves crash into the beach in the darkness and I still didn’t move.  No one came looking for me.

The sun came up, the reds and pinks of the morning sky were bright.  Almost a whole day I sat there.  The sand crunched beside me and then someone sat down.  I knew from the citrus scent who it was.  I before he’d even drawn close he was coming.  In the solitude of everything I could feel him above all other things. 

The tears started flowing again as we sat in silence.  “You planning on coming home?”  Alex asked.

I shrugged and hung my head. 

“You aren’t going to talk to me?”

“Does it matter?”  I asked.  “You got what you wanted, I stood up for myself.  Could have killed him.  Could have killed you.”

Alex sighed, “I know. Nox…”

“Just don’t Alex.  I don’t want to hear an apology.  I don’t want to fight.  I won’t go submissive anymore.  Not to you, not to anyone.  It makes you angry.  So just don’t.  I’ll be the person you want.”

“You think it’s that easy to turn off apart of yourself.”

“There is no other alternative. I’m tired of this fight.  So you’ll get your wish.”  I stood up and looked down at Alex, “I’m going home.  Are you coming?”

He stood up and nodded, “Do you want me to?”

I sighed and nodded.  “Always.”

Alex took my hand tentatively and I entwined my fingers with his and squeezed.  Nothing was fixed.  Nothing was better, but we were together – and at that moment that was all that mattered.