It wasn’t our usual room. It smelled wrong, but I followed Alex to the bathroom attached. He pulled me inside and turned on the water to the shower overhead in the bath tub. I felt the steam pressing against my skin. “That’s gonna be too hot.”
I looked at Alex and he blinked at me then reached into the water and didn’t jerk his hand out like it was hot. He took my hand and lifted it into the drizzle from the shower head, “That’s gonna be too hot?”
It looked hotter than it was. Alex looked at me, “You okay?”
I shook my head. “No. Something’s wrong.”
“You sure?” Alex smirked. He sensed it too. “I don’t think you did that to those two.”
“I didn’t.” I looked at Alex. Those had been his thoughts I’d felt, that much I knew. I was barely holding it together then, now I was having a hard time even doing the basics.
“I think it was me. I was wishing I had your power so I could do what you do. So I could protect you. And then they just sort of crumbled at your feet.”
I felt better knowing Alex had done it, but also more worry about what else Alex could do with my magic. He was using the book, and now my magic. Was I just a puppet? My heart beat faster and breathing increased. The panic was cresting and I was surprised I wasn’t on the ground.
“I’m not …” Alex started to say but he was in front of me pressing me against the wall. The length of his body against mine and his hands placed above my head against the wall. The comfort of his body against mine brought me back a little. But the look in Alex’s eyes was more comforting, his concern, his love. Alex smiled at me, that smile he had just for me. _You are not a puppet. We’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to Poet._
I shook my head and and muttered “No.” I didn’t want to talk to him again. I didn’t want to see him. Something about him made me angry and it was shifting the emotions and the patterns around me.
Alex pressed a kiss to my lips. _You don’t have to see him. I’ll ask him. I’ll talk to him._
_Don’t waste your favor on me._ I thought quickly.
“If I can save you pretty boy, it’s not a waste.” Alex chuckled, “I know you don’t need saving right now, but talking to him isn’t a favor. Never was. Never will be.”
Alex pressed a kiss to my lips, “Take a shower pretty boy. I’m going to go get some food and you will then eat and then sleep. We don’t want your ability to think you are a bad bad boy for killing at the wrong time.”
I nodded. I started to tell him we needed to talk, but he kissed me harder this time and I couldn’t help my physical reaction, nor the moan that escaped my lips even though I was flying on auto-pilot. My reaction to Alex was also automatic.
Alex smirked. “I know. Shower, eat, then sleep.” _We’ll figure this all out. Be back in a bit._ I knew Alex needed time to process it all. Fuck I needed time to process it all.
I got in the shower, and the water wasn’t too hot. Even though I saw the steam, saw the patterns exaggerated. I wasn’t sure what that was about but things were getting better. I needed to figure this all out. It was not something I wanted to have happen, Alex and Ant using me as their means for revenge could be bad. Not that I thought they’d do that, but my paranoia was running strong and I didn’t know how what was going on. It was starting a panic and Alex wasn’t here. He was taking care of me – in other ways. But more importantly taking care of himself.
My shower was fraught with confusion. I really wasn’t with the waking world. My mind felt numb, my body right along with it. I felt vampire energy and then the door opened. The domination master stood against the door as far from the shower as he could get. Alex wouldn’t like him in here – he was probably the worst vampire to swear allegiance to me. A fear for Alex actualized. I wanted to say something but Alec spoke first, “Alex and I had a talk, he knows I’m here. Vin is too rigid to stand inside the bathroom with you. And Jae and Seraph are too much into protocol for your state of mind. But I also have an advantage.”
I knew his advantage all too well. A flair of his power and I closed my eyes as the feeling of just giving over slide over my skin, but I held on to myself, my control. Alex wouldn’t like me giving someone control. And I didn’t much care for it myself.
Alec sighed, “Nox, it’s okay. I’m just going to take care of you. It’s not sex.”
I pushed the curtain to the side and Alec blushed, the red reached his ears of his pale pale skin. “Out. Now.” Was all I managed to say and there was no hesitation to it, he left. No words, no comments and I sank to the floor of the shower and let the warm water rain down on me, but I felt cold and broken and I really needed Alex.
The door opened and I didn’t care who it was. “Fuck Nox.” Ant said. “Alec …. ” He sighed and reached into the shower and turned off the water. He wrapped me roughly in a towel and lifted me off the floor. I shook, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t because I was cold. Ant laid me down in the bed. Clothes had been left at the foot and he handed them to me. As if I were going to be able to do it myself. I didn’t really care or know or want to do anything. I just curled up against the strange pillow in the strange bed and shook. Fear and panic and uncertainty were all I could feel as I closed my eyes and tried to will it all away.
The Mind of Nox 