Standing on the Precipice

I’m standing on the precipice of a decision. There are two choices. One right. One wrong. One good. One evil. The bad choice takes revenge upon things that tormented me my whole life. The good hurts worse.

There is nothing stopping me from just letting the bad thing happen. Nothing keeping me from turning my back, walking away. Nothing to make me change my mind. Hell there are people pushing me towards that end. People pulling at my strings saying leave it be. Let it happen. It’s not your fault.

But if I listen, it hurts me inside. In a place I can’t explain. A place no one is going to understand. Because deep down in those places that were created by the torment there is a sick love of a child to a man. To the only person who helped in my time of need – who was there – who showed even the slightest amount of compassion to me. I was five. My mother abandoned me. I was alone, lost and the only comfort I took in my life that someone cared enough about me to teach me to never make my mother mad again. To give me the control I needed so I never had another accident that made someone not love me anymore.

Because without him, there is nothing of me.

The decision to stay quiet haunts my life every day. And in Darwynn’s Law it comes to a head. In the next full installment it will play out to it’s conclusion. While not the complete arc of my life, this decision is going to haunt me – make me stand on that precipice again and again and again until I either walk away or I jump.