Home Sweet Home

My apartment was a split level in a really weird way. I walked into my bedroom from the entry way, and upstairs was the living space and the kitchen. I could have probably set up differently, but then I would have had to take all the furnishings and move them around, and I didn’t really feel like asking someone for help when it was perfectly fine just the way it was.

I didn’t own much more than when I had started eleven weeks back. I had a few pairs of jeans, a few plain boring t-shirts, a single black button down shirt, and a gray hoodie. And of course the other essentials like boxers and socks. I owned the pair of Converse Chucks I’d been wearing when I woke up and I’d bought a better pair of Nike that I only wore when I went out.

None of the furniture was mine. I had to buy a cell phone, which I currently didn’t have enough money to pay for. It really was a wonder anyone ever had one. But I didn’t really need one, I could just borrow Abby’s if I needed to call into work for some reason – which hadn’t happened yet.

I crashed on the bed, the sheets and comforter and pillows were mine. I needed warmth and fluffiness around me. I’d started with flat blankets and none-existent pillows and I hated it. Now I slept better, I bought one of those fancy weighted blankets which made a big difference in my sleeping habits. Instead of staying awake in constant pain, I fell asleep wrapped in a hug.

The pain was never ending – except when Matt’s fingers trailed along the edge of mine when he got his coffee. It was such a strange feeling.

And sleep meant dreams and I dreamed of the same guy every night. Every night I woke to a strange landscape of twilight and sunrise with stars that almost said something but their whispers were lost on the night breeze. The near dead tree in the middle of the grassy clearing flickered and wanted to say more but its voice too was lost on the winds.

But he always came to me. And always in a different face. Well not his own. He liked to wear the face of a cute actor who Abby and I gushed over while watching the show. His character could do magic, he was eccentric and bisexual and he spoke to me in so many ways. 

My mystery guy had gorgeous blue eyes, and a smirk that never left his lips. A few weeks ago I braved kissing the smirk from his lips and I was rewarded with him pushing me against a wall his teeth digging into my lip as he nipped at it. He’d threatened doing it every time I bit my bottom lip – he finally got the chance before he disappeared in a huff. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, but when he came back the next night I pretended it didn’t happen and so did he.

Our flirting was strained the first few nights, but we found our rhythm again. I hadn’t dared approach him again with anymore fondness, though if I ever met him in real life I probably would tell him exactly how I felt about him. Despite the fact that he was just a dream, I knew he was real some how. Somewhere in the world, this man existed and I only wished I could find him and tell him I loved him.

Eleven weeks straight of seeing this man in my dreams and I knew if I ever saw him I’d be head over heels in fucking love. We hadn’t even had dream sex yet. Hell the one kiss ended in disaster, but he felt like home. His voice soothed me. His eyes enchanted me. I didn’t care what he looked like. He could be a fat slob and short of the panic attacks at the messes I’d be okay with that. 

But I didn’t know his name, and every time I tried to tell him mine he’d put his finger to my lips and shush me, only making me want him more. 

But my dream guy wasn’t the only guy on my radar. Sadly I had the hots for my bosses boss – Alex, Rider’s sorta brother. He had the same haunting blue eyes, but I barely spoke to him, he mostly smiled at me. I remember the first time he saw me and our eyes met. He blinked at me for several long seconds before he turned away from me. From the look on Ryan’s face he was having some sort of angry fit or something. Ryan was a character. I liked him, he was easy to talk to. He often sat with me on my breaks and asked me stupid questions like how I was doing? And I’d ramble on for fifteen minutes forgetting to drink my coffee before I had to get back to work.

He only laughed as I got back to things. He had invited me to the Halloween party coming up. He said everyone in the cafe was invited, it wasn’t just me. So I’d know people. But I didn’t know. I probably wouldn’t go. Halloween wasn’t something I really got behind. Monsters and scary things didn’t really put me in a partying mood. I didn’t know why. But there was a reason in my head somewhere why this Halloween sucked worse than others – but I couldn’t find it. I wanted to just stay in my apartment and sleep. See my dream guy and maybe we’d have sex. Or maybe not – he and I seemed to be on different wave lengths.

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