I drifted into sleep and woke to the strange sky with stars and sun leaning against the tree that shifted and changed as you looked at it. I was alone. Alex was gone, he probably felt me in my dream. _I’m okay._ I thought to myself, but more for Alex. If he were listening I was okay. Asleep I could think straight, my body wasn’t at the control of the fear and panic. I wasn’t sure how it worked really, maybe Alex did.
I stared up at the sky, the stars shifted and moved forming things in my mind that I sort of understood. I sighed. It was trying to tell me something. Show me something, but I was keeping it from helping me. But again I didn’t know how. I closed my eyes and let myself go. Let the power go, all my forced and in grained control go. I felt it ebb and flow away from me. I felt it shift and change and it cascaded into a symphony of colors and sounds even as my eyes were closed I knew it was doing whatever it was supposed to do.
Was my control the problem?
I opened my eyes and watched the power flood the dreamscape. It felt strange and also comforting. There was a shift in the world and I smiled cause Alex had joined me but he wasn’t by the tree. He didn’t always find me right away in my new dream scape. The stars seemed to speak to me. I still didn’t know what they said, but it didn’t matter. I felt Alex behind me, watching me.
“In here, I can see the magic. Not just through your eyes, like really seeing it.” Alex said as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.
“Where you are?” I asked.
“I’m on the train back from Marco’s.”
“Thank you for coming.”
Alex smiled against my neck. “Baby, I had to think.”
“Running away.” I grinned back at him over my shoulder. “But not too far.”
He stuck his tongue out at me, “I didn’t run away.”
“Sure you did. I don’t mind Alex. We all need to think. You are coming home right?”
Alex nodded. “Yeah… Maybe I won’t.”
My heart shuttered a little at the thought of Alex not coming back. But I gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry.”
Alex pulled me closer to him. “It’s okay Baby. I’m sorry too. I killed people.”
“I know. It’s difficult the first time.”
“You’ve never had a hard time of it.”
I laughed and pulled away from Alex and paced around the tree. “My first was a little girl. She attacked me with a knife.” I ran my finger down the place where the scar on my cheek used to be. “She sliced me here before I had to kill her. I burnt down the place because she’d killed inside. She was a girl possessed by a ghost of a girl who had been abused and murdered.”
Alex frowned. “Do you remember every kill?”
“Like it was yesterday.” I said as I stopped and slumped against the trunk of my tree. “Every case, every kill, every person I’ve helped. I remember it all.”
The rough grain of the bark rubbed my back raw – or would have if I didn’t heal fast now. That was the other kicker to this whole situation, not only had Alex used my power, but now I was healing gun shot wounds like a vampire. I was still me, wasn’t I?
Alex looked at me and sighed as he sat down. “How’d you deal with your first?”
I looked at Alex and frowned. “I was with Michaela. She liked to fuck after a good kill.”
Alex didn’t look at me but I knew he didn’t like it. But we all had pasts. He understood that. “Alright, so how did you deal with the first on solo?”
I grinned. “You won’t like that either.” I said. “I went to Ant’s and let him kick the shit out of me until I was too sore to care about the life I’d taken.”
“So it’s either get fucked or get fucked up.” Alex smirked.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked Alex.
He looked at me with a wild gleam, “When I get home, I have other plans, but talking while I wait to get to you is fine. But I don’t need to talk about it. You said something was wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”
I sighed. Alex knew the answer to the question but I kept quiet. I stared at the sky and wished I knew what to do. “Letting go is hard.”
“What are you letting go of?” Alex asked, he was getting better and prompting me to get the answers he wanted – or that I wanted. I didn’t really know anymore.
“Everything. But specifically the power. This new magic is erratic, I think, because it’s bound inside, instead of free. It’s not like the elements where I have to control everything. It’s hard being specific. And I’m afraid to let it all out – to let the magic be the guide of magic.”
“Can you do that?” He asked, this time I knew where it was coming from or why he asked. Shielding hurt, so in theory letting it all go should be pain free. I’d be less likely to hurt myself and for Alex that was his number one goal in our relationship – to keep me safe – to protect me.
“I could. I could see everything, hear everything, just let the magic go. But for a Venatori that’s a big bulls-eye. Come kill me, I’m giving you everything you need to know about my power.”
“You mean the others feel it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Venatori could feel the other races if they wanted to but they don’t. Humans aren’t as sensitive to it, which is why you are only now starting to sense it around you.”
“So I’m not exactly human anymore.”
I laughed, “You are Chevalier. As days pass you’ll feel more and more magic because it’s your job as Chevalier to protect your vampire master from the things in the day time that would kill him. So you’ll know when a therian is around, you’ll be able to taste the flavors of their magic. Human and vampire too. And we are tied together now by a unique bond I know nothing about. You and I already noticed changes. If I let my magic out, it might flow down our bonds and change you more.”
“Nox if it helps you I’m okay with it.”
“I’m not Alex.” I frowned, “I don’t want to force things on you, or anyone because it’s my will.”
Alex laughed, “You know, sometimes you are too nice Nox. Why should you care what happens to other people because you are taking care of yourself?”
“So binding Ant because I didn’t know what I was doing was alright?”
“He was already bound to you. I don’t think you did anything wrong, you two were drawn together by things outside our control and you just reacted to it.”
“So you are all on board with prophecy running my life.”
Alex frowned. “Fucking hell of a time for the train to get where I’m going. I have to go. But know this Nox, I’m always with **you**. No matter what. You do what you need to do and the world will adjust.”