Nox
I did as Drew suggested I did a few rounds in the gym downstairs. Even though it wasn’t blood, I got my anger issues from my father. It’s true that kids mimic what they see. My dad was a great man. I loved him very much but sometimes he was a little pig headed. I was grounded still, for being something he didn’t approve of. For something that had nothing to do with him. It was later than I liked after I grabbed dinner with my family and finally got around to taking a shower. His words still rang in my head. Alex’s words that was. He was still top of my mind, and he made me angry but even without Drew’s help I still couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and grabbed my pillow and blanket again and crawled out on to my roof and laid down to look up at the stars. My phone sitting next to me. I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t call.
My mom called lights out as she walked past and I picked up my phone. I told Drew I’d call so I did. Actually I never said I would but I did anyway. The phone rang and Alex picked up, “Hey Pretty Boy, I didn’t expect to hear from you again.”
I sighed, “Yeah well Drew told me to call you and I guess I agreed. He also said I had nothing to apologize for, but I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk.”
“Drew’s right, but I’m the one who should be apologizing. I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t want you to know. I don’t want anyone to know I still struggle with things outside of my control.”
“Being adopted isn’t a bad thing.”
“No, I love my family. We all came from places like Max is in right now. Me and Luc, our mom was a drug addict and didn’t work. She didn’t want kids to begin with, and when she got arrested for grand theft auto to fuel her drug habit, we went into foster care. Except we didn’t make it that far because my dad took us home to meet his wife and we sorta just stayed forever. I mean they went through all the legal things but to me that’s what it felt like. Ry’s parents abandoned him in a junk yard. Ant came from a place much like Max except his dad didn’t have an excuse like PTSD just a mean drunk.”
“I’m sorry. I saw your cling to Drew as a kid. It was so cute, and then so heart breaking.”
I shrugged. “Drew will always be like a brother to me. He and I will always be close.”
“I’m not worried about Drew.”
“I know. But you will be.” I said, “Even Mia in our fake relationship worried about her brother one day realizing he was in love with me and we’d run off together and live that fairy tale life.”
“Are you in love with him?”
I shook my head and closed my eyes, “Not in the way they always mean. I do love him, but I’m not in love with him if that makes sense.”
“Perfect sense.” Alex agreed. “Max is like that for me. He just found out about some of my extra circulars and asked me why I never hit on him.”
I smirked, “What did you tell him?”
“He’s not my type.”
“What is your type?” I asked curiously.
“You are.”
“Do you want to go to Home coming with me? Provided I can even go?” I asked.
Alex groaned, “I don’t do dances.”
“Oh.” I frowned and closed my eyes. The sting of rejection was never good. Mia at least told me that she wanted to break up with me before she put on the big display. We talked about it before hand. This hurt.
“How about I come over tomorrow with those things my Mom promised you guys and we can talk some more?” Alex asked instead.
“Sure, you were going to do that anyway, but we can talk afterwards.” I sighed, “I should go to bed. My mom said lights out before I called.”
“Are you being naughty Nox?”
“No. I’l lying down, just not in bed.”
“Where are you?”
“On the roof, looking at the stars.”
“Is that your safe place?” Alex asked with concern.
“Yes and no. I come out here when I need to be alone. And it’s not very safe considering I’m terrified of heights.”
“Then why do you do it?”
“Because I can control that fear. It’s a battle of controlling what I can when I can’t control other things.”
“I think I understand.”
I shrugged, “My parents think it’s just a phase too, that it’ll all get better as I grow. But my therapist doesn’t think so. And my parents won’t allow medication so I’ve found other ways to adapt. One of which is clinging to those that show interest in me particularly physical contact. You have every right to feel upset about it. You don’t need my issues on top of all that is going on in your life. So yeah we can talk tomorrow, but you don’t have to.”
“You sound so broken sometimes, it breaks my heart. And I find it funny that no one notices really. They don’t see the fake smile, or the feigned interest. Those girls just want to get in your pants at school.”
“I know.” I said. “They don’t care if I don’t like them, they just want the notoriety that comes with sleeping with the popular kids. Being on his arm at Homecoming and prom. They don’t care about me at all. But at least they want to go with me however fake it is and fake I am. I have to go Alex. I’ll see you in class.” I didn’t hang up this time.
“You are going to leave like that?” Alex asked, “I guess it’s better than you hanging up on me.”
“I’m sorry about that too, but I do need to go.”
“Night, Pretty boy.”
“Night Alex.” I said and hung up the phone and stared up at the stars for a little longer before I crawled back into my bedroom and into my bed and cried myself to sleep.
The Mind of Nox 