I pulled on Alex’s clothes. As I pulled the shirt over my head I smelled nothing but Alex. I could get used to that. Smelling him everywhere specially on me. That would be heaven.
I expected Alex to be chuckling but he was ignoring my thoughts he wasn’t reading me even now. I wondered how long he was going to keep that up. He pulled on his own sweats and a t-shirt and we headed down the stairs as a warm up to the sparring we were about to do. I was pretty sure Alex thought this was going to be just fun, and I’m sure it was. But I needed a good workout. I might have to do more when we get back to the room.
The courtyard of the hotel was nice. It wasn’t garden like but there was grass and the weather was nice even for 8am. The sun was higher in the sky than when I usually went for a run in the morning. Fuck it was 4 hours after I usually did my morning workout. I was walking to work before this time.
I felt the panic setting in. The crushing in my chest as my heart pounded and my breath caught making it all that much more difficult to breath. Alex put his hand in mine. “It’s alright Nox. You don’t have anywhere to be.” He was grinning at me. “I didn’t realize how easy you were to read.”
“You mean without being in my head.” I said. I could feel he wasn’t in my head and I let my senses go to see his shields. To know and feel and be good with it. I didn’t like Alex changing for me. I didn’t want him to change.
Alex laughed, “Stop, whatever is going through your head. Focus on your workout. I can’t say I’m going to give you a run for your money though.” He squeezed my arm and then gave me an appreciative look. “I run more than I box.”
I smiled. “I’ll take it easy on you.”
“Don’t you dare.” Alex said as he through a punch that I easily ducked. And it was on. This was the first time we’d done this. I don’t think we even play fought in the dreams. I didn’t know Alex’s training or his tactics. And it wasn’t long before I knew he was a boxer. The way he moved, and pranced and circle me. His hands held just so. It was all upper body. I didn’t like boxing. It wasn’t a practical way to fight. I’d learned the rules, the forms. We all had. But it wasn’t any one’s preferred method. Even my father was more into MMA than staright up box. But I’d been boxing with Max and Drew from Aspect.
I told Alex as much, adding in, “You should join them. I think you’d really like them.”
“Are you hooking me up with your friends?” Alex asked as he went in for a jab that struk me in the jaw making me wince.
“They aren’t exactly my friends. I practice fighting normal humans with them. Following their rules, being human.”
Alex stopped and looked at me, “You mean like you are doing with me right now?” Alex raised an eye brow, “I know you are holding back.”
“I always hold back with you Alex. With almost everything.”
“What do you mean?” He asked.
I dropped my gaze, “Like with everything. I could hurt you. I…”
“Wait you are saying you hold back when you fuck me?”
I nodded, “I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not as strong as a full Venatori, but I could easily hurt you.”
“So these big burly guys you let fuck you, you could have hurt them?”
I nodded. “Yeah probably.”
Alex got angry. “You let them hurt you?”
“I wanted them to.”
He growled at me and walked away. I closed my eyes and stood where he’d left me. I was going to fall down a hole, I wanted to curl up and die. Alex spoke softly, “Is that really what you think of yourself?”
“You’ve seen my dreams. You’ve listened to my thoughts. You tell me.”
Alex sighed and came back and force me around to face him. But I didn’t raize my gaze to meet his disapointed eyes. It was hard enough to do this when he listened to me in my head, but now he wasn’t and I was going to have to talk to him. “Pretty boy. You are amazing. When are you going to learn that?”
“So amazing you walked away from me.” I growled at him and started walking for his room.
Alex grabbed my arm, “I’m a fuck up. I’m scared. That’s not on you.”
I nodded at him as he tried to make me understand, it’s not you, it’s me. The bullshit line everyone says. “I’m so amazing a scared fucked up guy can’t love me. I can’t keep him happy, that’s on me.”
“Whever fucked you up I want to fucking kill.” Alex growled.
“You know who fucked me up.” I said as I collapsed to the grass where we’d been practicing.
“Are you saying I fucked you up?”
I blinked up at him. “Fuck no. Alex. You are the only fucking reason I survived. The Venatori made me this way, my mother made me this way.” I stood up and I grabbed his arms and made him look at me, “You did not do this.”
There was releif on his face. I smiled at him. “Alex, I fucking love you. I can’t do this without you. And I’m an oversenstive asshole.”
Alex smirked at me, “And I’m just an asshole, Nox. But you are mine, and I’m your’s.” He pressed a kiss to my lips and I melted into him.
When we broke apart Alex whispered, “I’ll watch you practice. I’m not doing you any good.”
“Yes you were,” but I didn’t press him to spar with me I just went into a body weight workout and he watched me. I don’t think his eyes left my body once while I went through a 45 min routine. Which only made me work harder.