I stood there staring at the curtained window and I knew my world was crashing in around me and I tried not to let it show. I could do this. I didn’t need to make this about me.
The bed creaked behind me and Alex sighed as he fell against the bed, but all I heard was the bouncing springs. “Fuck me Pretty boy. You dumped a lot of sh… stuff at my feet.”
I interrupted quickly. “I’ll just go.” I said turning around and looking at Alex staring at the ceiling his feet flat on the floor and his t-shirt riding up just enough to see a small slip of his skin. He was mouth watering and I took my last look and started for the door.
I wasn’t to the other side of the bed when Alex continued, “You can go if you want to, but don’t go because you think I want you to. It’s jAust a lot Nox. You want to lay it all out. Fine.”
I turned around to see Alex with his eyes closed and his hands pressed against his face, his fingers gripping his hair in fustration. “5 years ago. No wait, before that. Let me start before that. I had a best friend too. I could tell him everything and anything and he never judged me. I told him about my Mom. And I even told him about Kate. I kissed him. I loved him too, in a sort of weird way. But he didn’t know me. He thought I was just a dream, and I liked it that way. He was never going to betray me or leave me because he left me every night, and every day he saw me fresh and new and like I was the best thing since sliced bread.”
I interrupted again. “He still thinks that.” I grinned at Alex as he looked up at me, tilting his head and lifting his hands from his face so he could see me. He mocked glared at me and I mimicked zipping my lips and throwing away the key. He rolled his eyes and sat up, rolled over and was facing me with grace I hadn’t known Alex to posess.
“And then 5 years ago my Dad came to me in a dream. He’s been dead, but he looked exactly like the picture my Mom had of him, and the same leather jacket I’d been wearing that same day. He told me about his journal and it was right where he said he was. It was all about how he was drawn into a dream night after night. And how he fell in love with this girl. And he eventually found her, and married her and they were happy. He told me in that dream that it would help me in my time of need. And that’s when I started trying to make you remember. Waking you up before the dream took you away from me. It worked, until it didn’t.”
“I never forgot you again Alex.”
“You did. I used the fact that you didn’t remember me on occassion. When we’d have a fight. I’d let the black blur take you away so you’d forget. I didn’t like you being angry with me or knowing that I was angry with you. You were always so glad to see me. That’s all I ever wanted from you. And then I got that job. I knew I should say no, but the price was too good to pass up. So I tortured myself pretending to like you. Which wasn’t that hard because you know fucking well how I feel about you. I did the job, Nox. But I remembered all the things I enjoyed. All the things I wanted from 5 years ago. And I got to see the real you. The one that I never really got to see in the dream. I’m afraid of him. Not because he’s Venatori. But because he’s so broken. And all I do is make it worse.”
“You don’t Alex.” I sat down on the bed and we were so close. “You don’t make it worse. I’m better. I swear. Yeah I’m a mess around you but not because I’m worse. That’s the change. Having someone else in my life. You came at a bad time. In the middle of a stressful case. You just disrupted everything. I just need time to adjust.”
“How much time are we talking?” Alex asked, shifting closer to me.
I shrugged, “Sa much time as I need. I don’t know. Drake is coming to live with me in my new apartment soon. I’m sure there is a couple of weeks to adjust to all that.”
“So everytime something changes you need to adjust?”
“You do too. For me it’s just different. I don’t react well to change. It stresses me out. I need time to adjust my mental self to the physical world. Only big changes but cummuliative little ones add up over time.”
Alex leaned in and whispered, “Noted,” then pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I let out a small moan and Alex chuckled. “Do you want to watch another movie with me?”
“I’d rather just go to bed.” I smirked.
“Plenty of time for that Pretty boy.” He said pulling me up towards the top of the bed. “I need time for this meal to digest. I ate too much.” Alex patted his belly, “Not quite as good as your food, but passable.”