I had thought as I wandered around Vegas for a few hours that I had decided I wouldn’t stop by for the dinner invite. And while I hadn’t actually wanted to leave without seeing Alex again, every time I thought I caught a glimpse of him he was blonde and distracted and I could only feel rejected. Like he’d already moved on – changed his appearance so that he wasn’t the guy I wanted anymore. I didn’t know what Alex wanted.
So when I found myself in the lobby of his hotel around 6 I wasn’t surprised my own feet had betrayed me. I mean I knew where Alex was, where he would be and at what time. I should have just hopped the plane and gone home, but I couldn’t do that either, my whole body was sore from the flight in. And I hadn’t eaten anything since I arrived.
My stomach rumbled as I walked the stairs slowly – one step at a time through the empty echoing stair well. It reverberated in my soul with each step. I just wanted it over. I just wanted to see him one last time to tell him to fuck off and then I could go.
By the time I reached Alex’s floor my stomach was rumbling and my mind was reeling with rejection. I wanted to just go home. I wanted to…
I opened the landing door and there was a loud crash as a food cart slammed into the door. I growled, poor fucking design or a very inattentive service person. But I rushed around the door and found the man only a little disheveled and the cart of food still upright. I could smell all the fried food and my stomach rolled on top of it’s already hungry feeling it wasn’t pleasant. “Sorry.” I said as I made sure everything was right.
He shook his head. “Why are you using the stairs? The elevators aren’t broken.”
I shrugged. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” I said walking away from him.
“Rude much!” The man called after me and I rolled my eyes.
He went the opposite direction and when I glanced at the numbers on the doors the way I was going I found myself going the wrong way and I turned around. I found myself stopping a few doors down from where the man was knocking on a door – on Alex’s door. Fuck!
I walked up and stood behind the cart and the boy who was pushing it. He looked back at me, “What the fuck do you want asshole?”
“I’m just waiting my turn.” I said as the door opened and a pretty boy answered the door.
My heart sank, even as I recognized tips from the bar. Alex’s friend was dressed in a pair of nice jeans and a t-shirt and a smile was plastered to his face as he handed the server a tip. “I got this.” But he wasn’t looking at the man but past him at me.
“What?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Nothing. I’m glad you are here.”
“You’re glad who’s here?” Alex growled from inside the doorway. A towel draped over his head as he dried bleached blonde hair. He wasn’t looking just listening and I pulled my shields around me tightly. Alex…
His head snapped up and the towel was yanked from his head and he stared across the hallway over the cart of food and the server who still was trying to push the cart in despite Benji’s protests. Our eyes met briefly before I dropped my gaze to the floor. He was angry and I didn’t like seeing the fury in his eyes.
I heard Alex growl and the man in front of me yelped. I saw Alex standing a few steps away from me, but I didn’t look up. “Here. Go now. We got this.” Benji wheeled the cart inside and shut the door behind him leaving Alex standing in front of me in the hall.
“Why are you here?” Alex growled.
I looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes and couldn’t do it anymore. I shook my head. “Fuck Nox! Why are you shielding so hard?”
I just shook my head. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to do this now. I didn’t.
Alex yelled, “Nox!” My eyes snapped up to meet his.
“You weren’t answering my texts or calling me back.” I said flatly.
“That was sort of the point. You walked away. You disappeared. You left me.”
Alex laughed, “Yeah, you, you, you. You left and you just did it again. Pulled your shields up so fucking tight I know it’s hurting you inside. Why are you here?”
I was at a complete loss of words. He blamed me. I had walked away. I didn’t know how I disappeared. But the memories were there, every one I’d found had me whisked away in a blur to my nightmare. Leaving Alex seemed to be my thing.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. I should go. I should leave. I should go home and let Alex live his life. I shook my head and stood up straighter before I looked Alex in his eyes – his fucking gorgeous blue eyes. “I shouldn’t have come. I should have just let you go like they said. I’m sorry to have bothered you.”
Alex started laughing hard. It wasn’t a funny haha type laugh was more like he couldn’t believe I was seriously going to walk away. “Really? You came all this way and now you can’t even talk to me? All you fucking do is talk, and now, when it matters you can’t talk.” Alex let out another curt laugh, “So fucking classic.”
I frowned. “What do you care? You ran away. I thought we were going to try and you fucking ran away to another fucking city. Didn’t even have the decency to tell me to fuck off.”
Alex started to open his mouth and I glared at him, “I’m not done.” An angry smirk crossed his lips and I kept going. “You want to know why I came. I came because Sage found you. My brothers bought me tickets to come see you. And they all want me to tell you to fuck off in person. End whatever we had for good – a solid closure.” I watched as the emotions played across his eyes, though I really couldn’t tell what he was feeling. And I knew he couldn’t hear me. I felt the pain of everything being kept inside, like a thousand tiny needles pricking at my skin just not strong enough to push through, but trying so very hard to do so.
“But you know why I came, why I let them push me in this direction. Cause the only thing I wanted to do was see you again. To tell you I was trying. That I remembered you. That I fucking loved you since I was a boy. You were my first everything. And I wanted it to be my last everything.” I shrugged. “But I get here and you’ve moved on. Have a new name, a new look, a new pretty boy to spend your time with. So what the fuck am I? Just another pawn in your game. A fucking mark. So go to hell Alex.” I said and I turned to walk away dodging his attempt at grabbing my arm. I got two steps before turning back around. “And just so we are clear. It’s over. I’m done. Go fuck yourself.”
This time I turned and left. Really left.