Because I don’t have anything else to pre-post for you – a snippet from some dreams that did happen.
I felt the call. It was like clock work. My little monster was playing in his room with the blocks, always the same. He never remembered. I sighed at the thought of the one person I could talk to but he never remembered me. Kish said maybe that’s why I kept coming back, because there was no judgement – from one person in all the world I could tell anything to and he’d never remember. It hurt as much as it helped.
I watched for several minutes while he played. He knew I was there, I’d seen the slight adjustment he’d made when he smelled me. But I had to say something or he’d just keep playing. When he started stomping the blocks I sighed, first he built them, then he smashed them unless I stopped him. His very own rendition of Godzilla. “Don’t you ever get tired of that?” I asked.
He looked back at me and his face lit up in what I always liked to think of recognition. He shrugged. He didn’t know he did this every night, we always went through the same motions. “I know you know you aren’t this little boy anymore.”
My little monster looked at me and I knew he was trying to figure me out. Or figure out who I was, he wasn’t the most pop culture literate but I always chose someone I thought was attractive. He never said one way or the other, because I knew he was staring at my eyes. They were mine. And his were big and brown and I could get lost in them. His smile drew me closer and he stood up, doing so he chose a form and it was weird looking into his eyes then seeing someone else. But it wasn’t his true face. It was a game we played early on. Who am I? Now it’s more just habit.
It’s funny what he remembers and what he doesn’t. He doesn’t remember my name, but he remembers we play this game, he remembers he calls me Mushu. He remembers he’s my monster. But never the important things.
I watched as he turned and looked in the mirror behind him. “The hair needs some work.” He grinned and turned back to me then ran his fingers through his hair and I gasped as the color changed from a dark brown too a bright reds, oranges and yellows, it looked like his head was on fire. But it was only the ends that changed color. “That’s a neat trick.” Some days he was great at changing the dream, like today, and others he was not very good, like he forgot we were in a dream. He walked to me with that smile. He wasn’t the first boy that I’d been interested in, there had been others in the real world, but it wasn’t something I’d ever go after. I was pretty sure my mom would get a bit upset at not ever getting grandkids. But there were girls that I’d kissed. His lips looked softer than theirs and I did want to kiss him. But…
My little monster stood in front of me with a bright smile, flaming hair and reached up to my head and ran his fingers through my hair. I couldn’t see it change but he was happy with himself as his hand dropped. I reached up and ran my fingers over his lips and he shivered, but didn’t react negatively. I smiled and he grinned back at me. We were close, so close, the dream having moved us closer, I wasn’t sure who’s will it had been, but it didn’t matter as I closed the distance and pressed my lips to his. There was a sharp electric jolt that faded into something deep inside.
Our lips had stopped moving but we were still so very close, we breathed the same air. I pressed my lips to his again and he grabbed my hip and pulled me close. That was when I knew he liked me how I liked him. His bulge felt as hard as mine felt as it pressed against me tightly. I heard it before he was ripped away and I wished for fuck sake it didn’t always happen, I tried to hold him tight against me, but the darkness took him. And I was left alone in the dream.