Didn’t Think

The last thing running through my mind when I left the Venatori had been what was I going to do with the rest of my life. I hadn’t anticipated the ramifications of my well being. There was no consideration to anything other than the fact that I couldn’t be what they wanted or needed me to be. I wasn’t going to roll over and submit with children died. I wasn’t going to let them treat me like a lesser inferior being because… because of whatever rights they think they had over, me or over the world.

I didn’t think. And now I had more than enough time to think. My thoughts are dark and dreary and I’m ruining every good thing I have going for me. And I don’t know which way to go.

Dev is upset at me. Dee’s upset because I’m upsetting Dev. Sage is oblivious to my plight. The once see through my guise is happily ignoring my feelings. Sage is happy. I’m not unhappy so much as displaced. I’m outside of everything. I’m outside of my life, my self, my relationships. The only thing I have a handle on is taking care of the boys. It’s what I cling to. Drake, and Fae and Matt. But they go to school and I’m left alone with my dark thoughts. Bad thoughts… Things I’ve not felt in a long time.