I Wish I Was Special

With all this time on my hands I get all sorts of things to do. Sage had me sorting his CDs the other day. I get a whole new perspective on things listening to his music. I threw Radiohead on and kinda felt this song hit my life.

It’s not that I’m not special I mean I’m probably too special in the extraordinary way – the magic way. But if you take that all away I’m nothing to write home about. I can hear Dee bitching at me now because I’m hating on myself. I’m breaking my promise to Sage, but I mean what am I going to do. I’ve no skills. And being the ‘house wife’ fucking blows!

I can’t do this. I spend two or three hours running around the city because I can’t stand to be in this house anymore. On the outside my life is great. I have three wonderful kids. Perfect for me. I have three understanding and loving lovers. But they are so much more than that but I’m dragging us all down.

I don’t know how to get out of this funk. And I don’t want to go see Margo and seeing Adrian about my problems feels wrong. Eventually my savings will dry up and I’ll be worthless – literally. I don’t like Sage taking care of me, paying all the bills. This is just not the way I want to live my life, but I don’t know what to do about it.