Today’s word prompt was like ugh, another boring word I couldn’t really do much with until I looked it up. There are four definitions of brassy according to dictionary.com – and three if you look into the British dictionary. #3 at the top of the page is part of my title – Brazen, loud, bold. Three words I definitely would use to describe me.
So I get to talk about me.
Ironically AJ is writing a collaborative fiction which no one is probably ever going to see. We are writing it for fun, and AJ’s killing time before July so she can write the Children of Morpheus then. I realize none of that is the ironic part, today we were discussing the relationship we were forming (me and the other character involved – yes we were talking outside the story… how strange? For us it’s pretty normal but hey neither here nor there – yes I’m rambling I do that…)
Still no irony… I’m getting there I promise!
Anyway the ironic part was in the story I was coming off as “weak and easy”, the complete opposite of today’s prompt. Granted he has every reason to say that because I gave him every opportunity to see it that way. It wasn’t because I wasn’t being flashy enough, or talking enough, it was one little thing I did, maybe two or three, but things that I did gave him this impression. Where as most people who see me see the opposite. They see the hair and the nail and the make up and they see the clothes and the attitude and the loud mouth and they know I’m ‘brassy’. It’s what I exude to the public. I gave him a look inside, he saw through all that. Is that a good thing? We have yet to find out.
You’ll get to see a similar relationship start to bud in the Children of Morpheus, but it’s not this one. And it’s not something we intend to share. But the prompt and his assessment of me got me thinking about my strengths, and in truth I couldn’t think of them. I am who I am not because I feel strong, or I want to stand out. I am who I am because I have to do this. I’m not special, and I can hear you saying, you have magic, of course you are special. I’m not special in my world. I hear more grumbling too, but shush. I’m not talking about special in extraordinary ways because in my world extraordinary ways is the norm sure I may have extraordinary extraordinary things, but that doesn’t make me anymore special than the next Venatori or Dragon or Path for that matter. All I mean is that there is nothing that makes me a hero that someone else can’t be can’t do. Everything I do is because of me. I’m a selfish prick! I was raised to follow orders unequivocally, yet I don’t because I feel they are wrong. Yes I’m helping other fellow supernatural creatures, but at what cost to my own? I’m forcing someone else to murder the creature, forcing the cost of a trial upon my people. Where a simple execution on the spot would have still ended in the same results?
I am not special. I’m me. I do what I feel is right. I do it because I can. I don’t do it to save the world, I don’t do it to save the strangers. I do it because it’s right.