For years the thing I wanted most was family. What I needed most was family. But I neither got what I wanted, nor did I realize it was truly in my power to do something about it. Jace has always been like a brother to me. He was my tie to life when we were kids. I know it sounds all dramatic and suicidal speaking like without Jace there would be nothing. But it’s the truth.
I only tried to kill myself twice. I’ve mentioned it before I think, the first time I slit my wrists but the Venatori healing stopped that attempt as soon as it started. So much for fast healing.
The second time, I came to my senses and I saved myself by softening the earth below me and slowing my descent from the jump off of the AU building. Both times I needed Jace and he wasn’t there. But it’s not his fault. I take responsibility for my actions. I redoubled my efforts in therapy after the second attempt. But it was also when I realized that I had others who cared for me. Dorian was always there for me. Dae’lin was too, but her love of me is tainted with my reckless behavior. She is my mentor before she is family. And in all honesty it is how it needs to be. Jace is my life line – or he was.
We’ve grown distant as life moves on. We still hang out, we still love each other. We haven’t changed. Just our lives have. I’m busy with whatever hunt I’m on. Jace is busy with Mia and Naya and teaching a bunch of teenage kids about their Magnus gift. He’s a great teacher. He sees the world a little differently than most other Magnus. His gift is just that much different that he can teach things in a different way. The kids adore him.
While he will forever and always be my best friend, my brother and my family. He’s not always there when I need him most. And that is why I think I fell so hard for the mysterious blue-eyed boy in The Last Phoenix. Sage is my fortune. He’s better than gold. He’s better than money. Sage wants to make that family with me. We have our issues. I create most of them. But Sage reminds me constantly, he’s not perfect either. But he could have fooled me. Love is blind, right? And I do love him.
Now I know you are asking what the hell does the picture have to do with anything I’ve talked about. A search of “gold” at unsplash where I get my images from, that came up. I was looking for treasure chest type, gold coins something along those lines. I knew I was gonna write about family, but more importantly about Sage. R2-D2 is not C3PO, but if you love one droid, you love them all. And that’s the connection – my geeky boyfriends fascination with Star Wars. His treasures from his childhood that sat on his dresser.
They don’t sit there anymore. I went back and took them. They are now proudly displayed on Sage’s mantle in his living room. Celebrating his childhood loves.