In order to find inspiration for this prompt I read some of the others – there was lots of poetry. No offense to the authors – but poetry is so not my thing. Anyway, the first definition of bespeak is “(of an appearance or action) suggest; be evidence of”. There are is a lot of evidence in my life.
The colored fringe of my hair, the dark eyeliner around my eyes and the painted fingernails all provide evidence of the loud and flashy personality I have. But really it’s all evidence I’m really great at hiding who I am. It speaks to my preferences in partners but again that’s all a front. Yes I like men, I like women too, but it really doesn’t matter who I like unless I like you.
I have the childish urge to stick my tongue out at you and say so there. And I really did do it in my head.
But what you say is evidence of these things I tell you is just a mask. I don’t want to be the center of attention – not really. I like to hide in the shadows to be a nobody. I am a nobody. I can hear Margo berating me for saying that now. “You aren’t a nobody.”
But again we all have our hang ups. I am self-depreciating at the best of times unlike the cool confidence I usually throw out there. Ego is one of the best ways to keep people from approaching you. And if people aren’t around well then they can’t hurt me. And that is the ultimate goal. Sometimes the ploy doesn’t work so well – some people see right through the mask. I’m waiting for that right person to see through it.