What I wouldn’t give for a night of pure serenity.  A sleep so deep and uneventful that I wake up completely refreshed after the sun has.  I don’t remember a night I haven’t woken up in the middle of the night sweating bullets and breathing hard.

My nightmares plague my mind and I can’t do anything about them.  Margo says that they are all in my head, if we grasp the problem we’ll rid them from my mind.  But sadly even after more than twenty years of therapy with Margo there has been no improvement.  The past ten years have seen a dramatic decrease in the intensity of them, but they still plague my nights.

The red eyed demon who flays my skin from my body with unseen tentacles.  Even thinking about it while I’m awake makes my skin crawl.  We’ve dug in every possible place to look for the red eyed demon in my reality, but it can’t be found.  We’ve tried hypnosis and sleep therapy.  We’ve discussed it until we were both blue in the face.  We’ve even tried sedatives but even being knocked out cold doesn’t stop the nightmares from coming, just my body is too immobilized to relax completely.

What I wouldn’t give to see that dead quiet lake in my mind, to see no ripples or terrors lurking beneath.  To be calm and at ease within my own mind.  What I wouldn’t give …