This only brings to mind one thing.  And I’ve already detailed the circumstances.

Even though it was my own ability doing the ‘strapping’ it still caused a rift in my head – a place where fear dwells.  Between this and my mother abandoning me I suffer from PSTD.  And I already had a case of OCPD which only got worse the more I tried to deal with PSTD without being honest with Margo.

Around the age of 8 I started listening to her.  I conquered my fear of heights to a degree I can ride an elevator without freaking out.  It’s not comfortable and I still have panic attacks but I can do it.  It won’t kill me.  This lead me to be more honest with her than I had the past two years.

I didn’t tell her about the abuse then.  I honestly haven’t told her yet either.  I’m 29 and I’ve not told my therapist I was abused at the age of 5.  She knows something happened but what I’ve kept her in the dark.

Maybe the next time I go home I’ll tell her.  God knows when that will be though.