Month: March 2018

My Brothers

It wasn’t long before the door opened againt letting the comforting and horrifying smells out. They mingled together and I couldn’t help but clamp my eyes shut and focus on my breathing. I didn’t really hear them approaching. I mean I did, but it didn’t register.

The boys had to be no older than nine or ten. I jumped when one of them spoke. “Fried chicken with mashed potatoes and buttered corn.”. The other boy spoke softly, “And I brought you a brownie with ice cold milk.”

They sounded alike. The tone of their voice only off a little but I could hear the tiny differences. Identical twins I imagined. I don’t recall what I saw before I had retched early in the day. Now it was too dark to make out the details clearly but I tried. I could see the minute differences in their cheeks. I must have looked too long and too hard. The first boy pushed his plate into my hands. “I’m Rider. That’s Laker and we are twins.”

I grinned at him. “I know. I was seeing if I could find the differences.”

“Mom and Dad are the one only ones who can tell us apart.”. Rider said.

Laker giggled. “But sometimes we trick them too.”

I laughed. “I bet I could tell you apart if it were dayligt and I had a good look at you both.”

Laker shook his head. “No way.”

I picked up the fried chicken and took a bit. It was cruchy and juices ran down my chin which I caught with my other hand before it fell to my hoodie. “So what do you like to do?”. I asked to distract them from me.

Rider laughed as sat down next to me. “We like to listen to Mom’s stories about all the animals she hunt.”

Laker sat down on the other side of me with the brownies in his hand. I reached over and grabbed one before he reflexivly jerked them away say, “Dinner first.”

I grinned. “Not in my house.”. Why save the best part for last? That was my motto. Life was short. As long as you ate the rest of it. And there really was no fear I wouldn’t eat. Even if it was fried chicken, box mashed potatoes and canned corn with marginrine. And yes I knew that from the way they tasted. I could do it all from scratch – except maybe growing the corn and potoates and butchering the chicken. I don’t think I’d want to go that from scratch. I wasn’t a farmer – I was a hunter though, so. I sighed at my thought. I could do it if I needed to.

My question was forgotten as Laker asked. “How come we never saw you before now?”

I shrugged. “You’ll have to ask your mother about that.”

“She’s your mom too.”. Rider added, his voice was hot with anger.

“She gave birth to me. But she didn’t raise me. I didn’t really have parents like you do. The community I was in raised me. They paid for my clothes, my food, gave me everything I needed.”

“You didn’t get any hugs?” Rider asked.

“I got them on occasion when I was really in need. Dorian would hug me and Margo too, but no I didn’t get a lot of hugs growing up.”

“What about bed time stories and good night kisses?”

“None of those either.” I said.

Laker frowned. “That sounds so sad. Did anyone sing you to sleep? Or feed you soup when you were sick?”

I shook my head. “I told you I didn’t have parents like you did.”

“But you were with your dad weren’t you?”. Laker asked.

“No. I just found out who my dad was just a few months ago.”

Rider set the plate of brownies on top of my empty plate. I must have been hungrier than I thought. “We always thought you had the best life. You were away from this. All the hunting and loneliness up here in the mountains. New York City has to be great.”

“Mom talks about me?”

Both of them said together, “All the time.”.

Laker continued, “Mom tells us all about your grades, how you are a straight A student, the top of your class. Whenever we get a bad grade she always mentions you.”

The door opened again and I could smell the cigaraette smoke and the patuchuli oil the air. “Boys, it’s time for bed. Leave Nox alone now. He has to get up early in the morning. That bear isn’t going to wait.”

Both of them jumped from the rock and spared me a hug. It surprised me but I hugged them back tighter and I felt the tears falling. Fuck if they weren’t good kids. And if they hadn’t changed my perception of. things I don’t know what would.

The boys scurried inside and my mother stood in the open door for a while before she spoke. “Nox, you should come inside too. It’s going to be cold tonight.”

I shook my head. “I’ll be alright. Thank you.”

She stayed there for a long time letting the light from the house stream across the rock I sat on. I didn’t move, didn’t look back at her. The door closed and I was alone in the darkness again – alone with my own thoughts and in my life. I wasn’t sure I wanted that anymore – maybe…

Apple Pie

I sat outside alone. Everyone else had gone inside. I hear my mother pass me by when she got home. She stopped and stared at me while I looked out over the mountain tops while I calmed down. My world was falling apart. I felt so betrayed. My mother had moved on without me. But they knew about me. Knew my name. Even her sons. Twins…. Fuck my heart ached for the family I could have had if I hadn’t sparked.

But I had. I had sparked and I had ruined my mother’s precious life. She’d found love and had sons and I was left alone in a hateful world. Growing to hate my mother every day until Margo helped me see that she was just afraid. Fear makes us do stupid things. That’s when I had vowed never to let fear rule my life.

I don’t know how long I sat outside by myself. The day drifted into night and it was getting cold. I didn’t really care as I sat on the rock overlooking the mountains.

I heard the door open. And I smelled the strange man before he spoke. “Why don’t you come inside, son?”

“I’m not your son.” I quipped and then I added a little more respectfully, “I’m fine where I’m at right now sir. Thank you.”

I heard the crunch of his boots as he walked towards the rock and sat down next to me looking out over the tree tops and into the starry sky. I didn’t see skies like this back home. “Your mother made apple pie.”

“I know. I smelled it when you opened the door. But I can’t eat it.”

Jesse chuckled, “Can’t eat the carbs? Mich said you were a picky eater.”

“It’s not that. I hate apple pie.”

“Your mother said it was your favorite.”

“Was being the operative word. It reminded me of her. I hated her growing up. But funny enough the smell of apple pie and all the things that make it up are the most comforting things to me. But I can’t stand the taste of it.” I said absently into the star.

“Your mother loves you, Nox.”

I laughed. “No she doesn’t. She called me a monster. She threw a fire extinguisher at my head. She dragged me kicking and screaming onto an airplane and drugged me so I’d be quiet. Then she left me with a complete stranger and I never saw or heard from her again. That sounds like love to me.” I said with sarcasm dripping from my tongue.

“She was just scared. It took her a long time to get over that fear and by the time it she did, Nox. It was already too late. When I met her she was crying every night at the loss of her boy. But she knew you were better off without her.”

I laughed ironically as I lifted the back of my shirt and wove a ball of light above my head. “Does that look like I was better off without her?” I growled out and hopped off the rock and walked away from my step-father. Just what I fucking needed another absentee male figure trying to be my father now that I was grown.

But I had to admire Jesse he followed me but said nothing until I was in the middle of the road staring. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I turned around and I knew I was crying. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. “I hated her less each day. But now, seeing this. I can’t do it. I can’t go into that house. I can’t see the kitchen we used to make apple pie in. I can’t see the living room that I torched because she was angry at me. She had scared me, shaken me for making a mess. I can’t see the pictures hanging on the walls of you and your boys happy with the woman I hate so much. I can’t do it.”

Jesse looked at me with pity in his eyes. I hated that look. I hate when it was directed at me so I walked past him back to the rock I’d been sitting at. “You need to sleep.”

“I’ll sleep in the Jeep.”

“It’s going to be cold tonight.” Jesse said. “Come inside. The boys want to meet you properly.”

I shook my head, “I can’t go in there.”

Jesse sighed. “Alright. I’ll send the boys out with some dinner – sans the apple pie. If that’s alright with you.”

I shrugged. “Whatever you want, sir, it’s your house. I don’t want to intrude.”

He didn’t say anything more. But he stood there and watched me for a long time before he went back inside. I could hear the fun and laughter in the house, the smell of warmth and comfort and the tears fell harder as the door closed behind him.

New Family

We drove to a cabin in the woods. It was high in the mountains up roads that would be better suited for horses. If anyone came down the road while we were going up someone would have to back up until the road widend and that was going to be miles down not sure about up. My heart started to race the closer we got. And I knew we were getting closer to my mother’s cabin because I started recognizing things. The rock face I remember looking down and watching my mother climb up for practice. I got dizzy once and fell from the heights but my mother caught me. I was such a little thing thing. My fear of heights came from that moment. I’d nearly forgotten it.

My breathing was ragged. I was going to have a fucking panic attack right here.

“Mich I have to stop.” I manage to get out before I be opened the door and nearly fell out down the side of the mountain. If Mich hadn’t grabbed my jeans waist band I’d have tumbled to the ground in one foul swoop.

Michaela managed to pull me in and I closed my door. “Just hold on, Nox. We are almost there.”

I wanted to puke. My body was so far out of my comfort zone I was lost to the pain and memories. I heard Micheala’s voice through my fog, “Focus on something that makes you smile.”

In that moment there was only one thing – my mysterious blue eyed man who haunted my dreams. He’d asked where I was and he never showed up. I don’t know why I had expected him to, he was just a dream after all.

The car lurched to a stop and Michaela got out of the car and opened my door heaving me out with ease. She let me walk mostly under my own power. She marched me straight up to the porch with the wooden rocker I remembered listening to my mom sing to me from. She didn’t even bother knocking as she pushed open the door. The familiar scent of pine, cigarette smoke and patchouli oil wafted out and I pulled away from Michaela and barely made it to the edge of the porch to hurl my guts out.

A strange voice spoke from in front of me, “Michaela, who’s your weak stomached friend?”

Mich’s voice was completely neutral. “Jesse, this this Nox Sétanta.”

I didn’t look up to see his expression as he responded, “Oh.” His voice said he knew my name and he wasn’t happy to hear it.

I looked up just in time to see two identical boys wrapping their arms around the man’s legs. One of them exclaimed, “That’s Mommy’s other son?”

I lost the rest of my contents of my stomach.

Secret

I know I’m being lax with a lot of my posting lately. I apologize. AJ’s busy trying to finish the First Hunt before April 1. But I don’t think we are gonna make it.

But today’s prompt inspires me to share one of my all time favorite songs. Secrets as played by the Dallas String Quartet. This song is very billowy and flows well. It’s a perfect song to dance with slow and controlled movements.

I can listen to it for hours. And I have, AJ almost has the entire scene of me dancing around built into her head. The movements the song inspires are fluid and beautiful.

I know I’m letting the more feminine side of my nature show right now but I don’t really give a fuck. I like dancing and ballet was one of the best things I did in my childhood. I do not regret it at all.

Starting A Family

We went for two rounds before Mich decided she needed a shower and I finished packing her things. Michaela was a slob. Like everything was on the floor slob. Clean, dirty, it didn’t matter. All on the floor.

My roommates might claim I’m a neat freak but I really don’t care about the dust bunnies on the floor or the cob webs in the corners of her room. Though they’d drive me nuts because they just don’t belong there and I’d have to clean them, but it’s not because it’s about being clean. I learned a long time ago that I thrived on order. And dust bunnies and cobwebs were part of chaos. As was a closet that wasn’t ordered, or a drawer that was a mess. So maybe I’m a neat freak. But it’s all about order.

The problem with my gift is that I see the patterns of normalcy. And if there is chaos among that normal order of things it messes with the patterns. Chaos is part of human life. I get it. I adapt as I can, but it’s hard. So I keep things orderly. So I don’t have to adapt as much. It’s why I eat the same things every week in a specific order. It’s why I have a schedule for wake up, workout, eat etc. I’ve learned to cope. And Mich was the opposite of me.

But it was easy enough to pack her a bag, and get her gear together. Most of it was already packed.

She came out naked, drying hair with her towel and smiling at me. “Ain’t you a doll?” She looked around, “You get that…”

“Yes, Mich. I got everything you always take with you.”

“What about..”

“Mich, trust me. I’m far more anal about things than you are. I got it. Trust me.”

She sighed. “Do I have to?”

I nodded with a wry grin. She smiled at me and pushed me down on top of the bed and straddled my body. My cock was at the ready and she squirmed against me. “If I have to trust you. You have to trust me.”

“Uh, okay. I do trust you.”

“No.” She leaned down and pressed her mouth to my neck and grabbed my cock through my jeans. “Trust me.”

The panic welled up. “Mich, it’s not about trust.”

She huffed and flew off of me and started getting dressed.

“Mich, it’s not about trust. It’s about an anxiety attack. About how much having protection is ingrained into my brain. I’m half human. There any countless things that I could catch. And you’d never even know you had it. God forbid I got you pregnant.”

Mich pulled her jeans on over her legs with no panties and my cock twitched again in my jeans making them far more uncomfortable then they had been before. “What if you got me pregnant. Would that be so bad?”

I stared at her. “You … You want to have my kid?”

She shook her head. “Would it be so bad if I did? I mean you should have tons of girls trying to get into those tight fucking jeans of yours, but you don’t. Because why, you’re gay?”

“It’s more than that.”

“No Nox I don’t think it is. I think you want all your peers to think it’s all men all the time so you don’t have to deal with their emotions. You and I can have sex because for me it’s nothing more than sex. That’s all it will ever be. You know I’m not going to give a flying fuck once you leave. You think there are a lot of guys around here willing to fuck me.”

“You’re gorgeous, Michaela. Of course there are.”

She sighed. “And just like you, I have my own airs. They don’t come near because they are afraid of me. You are either too stupid or you don’t care.”

“I’m neither, Mich and you know that.”

“Nox. You are one of the most fucking powerful Venatori I’ve ever met. I want to have your kids. I don’t want marriage. I don’t want a life with you. But I want your seed to impregnate me and maybe we’ll have even more powerful kids than you. And in the off chance we have one lesser well that’s a chance I’m willing to take too. I got a few years left before they start hounding me. Help me out Nox. Go without the rubber suit.”

I flopped back on to Michaela’s bed and groaned. “Mich. I don’t know if I can. And what about what I want.”

She laughed. “You want to raise your kids?”

I frowned. “Not right now. I just fucking graduated. I can’t even take care of myself yet. But I don’t want the fucking Venatori taking care of my kids either. I don’t want them to end up feeling unloved and unwanted like I did my whole life.”

She came over fully dressed and sat on top of my thighs one leg on the other side of mine. “How about I make you a promise then. I promise that I will raise our kid. If our kid has your talent I will send them to the Academy early so they can learn from the best – you after of course they get through that first year.”

I sighed. “And what if something happens to you? or me?”

“If something happens to me, I’ll insure they go to you. And then if something happens to you. He or she can go to Dorian Vega. Or someone else you deem worthy. Nox. There is no guarantee this will even work, but we have time.”

“Fuck, Mich.” I groaned and put my hands on her hips. “Fine, but not every time. Please. I won’t make it the rest of the year if you send me into an anxiety attack every time you want to have sex.” I grinned up at her. “You are rather insatiable. But I have one more question.”

“Shoot.”

“What if at a later date before they come to the Academy I want to see them, or get to know them?”

“Just let me know. We’ll work something out Nox. I promise you, this is for the best.” She leaned down and kissed me hard. “Agreed?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Agreed. But not until after we get done helping my mom.”

“Of course.”

The Phone Call

The dream I had stayed with for a long time. Even after fucking Mich I still had him in my thoughts. My dream guy. The idea that he’d asked where I was made me wonder though. I remember it almost as clearly as the dream itself. The most vivid dream I had ever had.

I hadn’t remembered a dream since then other than might nightmares.

Months passed with hunts, training, sex and all manor of monsters. But mostly we dealt with animals. Mountain lions, bears, that sort of thing. Mich would get a call and then we’d head out. Sometimes it was another hunter, but most of the time it was a civilian who saw something. Mich had to check it out being park ranger and all.

So when Michaela got a call from someone while we she was smacking me around in the ring, it wasn’t unusual. We stopped and I sipped at water while she spoke. Mich looked at me and frowned, “I have a new graduate with me. You want my help still?”

I didn’t bother trying to over hear the conversation and blocked Michaela from my hearing as I stretched out the work out I’d just gone through. Moving out of Michaela’s range was taxing and she hit like a fucking truck.

Michaela came over and was standing over me waiting for me to look up. I didn’t as I said, “What’s up?”

Michaela sighed and then sat down on the bench across from me. “We got a call to help, but you knew that.”

I looked up at her. “I heard you tell someone you had a new graduate with you, but not my business to I tuned you out.”

“Even after you knew I was talking about you?” She asked confused.

I shrugged. “I’m used to people talking about me. I tune them out .”

“You really don’t care about what others think about you, do you?”

“Why should I? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. “ I said while standing up. “So where we going?” I asked.

“Well, since you didn’t overhear the conversation. Your mother is the one asking for help.”

“Okay. Did you tell her you were with me?” I asked.

“Yes. She knew.”

“And she still asked for you?”

Michaela’s smile grew. “I’m that good.”

I grinned at her and took her hand and she stood as I pulled her against me. “You are good.”

Micheala gave me that look that said so much more than words every could. “My room in ten. And it’ll have to be the last time until we get back to HQ. I’m sure you know, Leanne Sétanta, is big on the rules.”

“I wouldn’t know. But what rule?”

Mich laughed to cover her awkwardness about my mother, “No fraternization with your trainees.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m a grown up now.”

“You are her son Nox. Nothing will change how a parent feels about who their kid is fucking in front of them.”

“She gave up every right she had when she left me with Dorian, Michaela. Until my Ad Aetatem I hadn’t seen or heard from her in thirteen years.”

“You are still her son.”

I sighed, “Whatever.” I walked a short distance. “You still want me to come by?”

Michaela grabbed my hand. “Yeah, but don’t bring that pouty face, no matter how sexy you think it is.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be bubbly and perky just like my normal self. I’ll see you in ten.”