Month: February 2018

Weekly Review

So I had a comment about me the other day. Someone said that my thoughts were revolving around the whole ‘I like boys’ aspect of things too much – annoyingly so.

AJ explained it’s part of my mask. It was a matter of ‘show v tell’ but now I’d like extra opinions. AJ’s in the middle of the restructure and rewrite so maybe we should hear what the peanut gallery has to say. So even if you’ve never comment before I’d love to hear even your most horrid thoughts about my story and me. Think i’m dim let me know? Think I’m too outrageous, I want to know that too. And by god, if I’ve offended you please let me know (though you might want to do so privately I’m okay with that too nox.durante@gmail.com I’m only a click away.)

So here are the chapters that brought around that particular reactions. Give me your thoughts on early me! Inquiring minds want to know!

Aspect – part 1 & part 2

Family Life – part 1 & part 2

Dreams

I drifted off with my music and found myself in my dreams. It started off strangely like it always did when I managed a good day nap.

I was five. I played with the wooden blocks at my feet. I could hear the whispers of “monster’ all around me. I tried to push them away, but even the letters on the blocks as I stacked t”em higher in towers like the city I was just leaving whispered the word at me, “monster.” The blocks spelled it out, no matter what way I put them higher and higher they all spelled out M-O-N-S-T-E-R.

Over and over the word whispered in my ear. I kicked the first tower. It fell with a crash knocking another tower down. I stomped on the blocks. It whispered monster as I crushed the blocks with my feet. But they weren’t my feet anymore – the were green and covered in fur with red toes. They looked silly. I wanted to laugh but my voice came out a growl and I stopped and kicked more blocks as they tumbled to the ground. I was a monster!

A man stood watching me. I caught him out of the corner of my eye. Something nagged at me about him. I didn’t know what. The thought was lost on the winds of the dream as he spoke. “I thought we agreed you were a teenager – almost 18.”

The thought sped past and I knew we’d agreed. And in that moment I was older. I smiled at him. “Better?”

The man chuckled. “Are you still Vox Nihili? Or can I call you something else?”

I grinned. “What do you want to call me?” I liked flirting with him. Which meant that I had seen him in my dreams before. But the thought drifted away too.

I wasn’t sure but the way he looked at me he liked flirting with me too. He asked, “So is this how you always look? It’s different than usual.”

A mirror formed on the far wall and I glanced at my reflection. I shrugged with a playful grin. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I felt like a change?”

He smirked. “I like it either way.” The very thought that he liked the way I look made my body tighten and every nerve in my body ignited.

I ran my fingers through my hair to redirect attention. In the reflection I saw the tips change from the orange to the blue of his eyes. The color wiggled a memory but it fled when he stood behind me. “That’s a neat trick.”

I shrugged. “Just a dream right?”

He nodded. “Just a dream.” He stepped closer and I could feel his breath on my neck. “You are here longer than usual.”

“It’s the middle of the day.” I reminded him.

The intercom blared in the terminal and my eyes popped open. “Fuck!”

Anxiety…

Maybe I had a premonition of days to come which is why I’ve been off. AJ’s doing something new for her and is totally anxiety inducing. AJ’s kinda crashing right now. Has a few hours of work left and can’t focus. On top of a crappy night. (for both of us)

So a different topic. Friday’s I got some character interviews coming. I think I have a new series on Wednesday’s for a little while (you’ll see tomorrow). There anything else you want to see? I mean other than more me?

Can I have a premonition about that? A dream maybe? Or maybe a divination (that’s Harry Potter right?) Maybe I’ll make AJ draw something for you once a week too… maybe not that might cut into me time. We’ll see. AJ does want to start drawing characters so maybe we’ll just start off with nameless features and go for what we can until we have real talent.. AJ doesn’t think she has any – but it’s a learned skill so let’s see… but it has to take prioirity. I make it one! Monday woman I want a character sketch!!!

Survival

The taxi to the hotel near JFK was quiet. I remembered riding to the city proper from there when I was a boy. it was like yesterday the fear that ran through me as I sat next to a complete stranger in a little clown car. I learned later it was called a Fiat. But back then it was what I pictured clowns riding in and then piling out of forever. Clowns were not my favorite creature on the planet then – and even know I rationally knew they were people with make up and were being silly but that didn’t really stop my irrational fear of them.

I hardly slept that night. I was nervous and when I did close my eyes the nightmares threatened me immediately because of it. I hated change. I was going to do my best, but I was going to have to adapt quickly to this. I doubted my handler was going to give me any time to come down from this anxiety high.

Her name was Michaela Donovan. She was three years older than I was and a field hunter in the Rocky Mountains. Stationed out of Boulder, Colorado. And that was where we were going. Michaela was a hard core hunter. She was always on the move. Hiking the woods and mountain areas for rogue beasties. By human trade she was a park ranger, she knew everything there was to know about surviving in the wilderness. Everyone learned a specialty in the Academy. Mine had been Urban Investigation like Kai Viddens – my idol. Have I mentioned how fucked up it is that my father is my idol and I hate him for it?

Michaela had taken her concentration in Back Water Survival. There was desert survival which sent you to Africa to learn to hunt on the vast savannas there. There was even an aquatic concentration and one for the arctic areas. Each area you learned how to survive on your own. Year 13 and 14 you always did Wilderness survival which taught you the basics of survival. How to use a compass, find water all that. From 15 to 17 you went on trips specific to your calling. Unless you were Scrin and then you always went Wilderness when you were 17. At 18 you were dropped off in the middle of someplace you don’t know in your specialization and you have to find your way back to base camp.

I had reviewed my packet over and over. There was an envelope for my first assignment and one for my last which were addressed to Michaela not me. I could have opened it an no one would have known but I didn’t.

Sleep was precious when it came, but by the time 4 am came around I had been up for hours. I had been doing yoga when my alarm went off and I got ready to go to the airport. I’d be extremely early but I didn’t care.

I brought all of my possessions with me which included my cell phone and my laptop. I checked everything but my laptop bag once I’d reached the airport. I was so early that the terminal I was to go to wasn’t even set up for my flight yet. So I found a place out of the way and I sat down, pulled my ear buds up and listened to a calming play list.

Dreaming of you

I’m a figment on AJ’s imagination. But that is hardly news to most of you. I influence writing and sometimes general mood.

I’m not always a good influence. lately I’ve been feeling weird. AJ isn’t writing enough me and I’m not giving enough tidbits. I’m happy tho. AJ is happy. It’s all good.

Outlining Darwynn’s Law has been a challenge. not enough love imo. not even about the sex. I’m missing someone. It’s not that they aren’t there we are just separated. I think that’s the hard part. I think we need to focus a little more on that AJ. More dreams of him please!

Assignment

The final phase of Ad Aetatem was our first hunt, or our first job or whatever it was that we were going into for some that meant going to college. It had for Dorian. Some it lasted a year, others 4 to 6 depending on what you did. Dorian was going to school while he worked with me. He was a Vega – things were expected of him. Oddly enough Dorian went to school for psychology. He could have done the therapist thing, and was probably why he was my defacto guardian through it all.

So it was Dorian who padded up to me in his patent leather shoes and his finely pressed suit handing me my assignment. He waited patiently while I wretched. He patted my back when I was done and nodded. “I remember that feeling.”

I didn’t ask if Dorian threw up too. I didn’t really need to know. But he knew what it was like for me that was enough. Of all the people in the AU building, Dorian was the only one who I considered family. He handed my my packet. “Your plane ticket and assignment are in here. And a little extra spending money from Dae’lin and myself so you can buy the gear you need.”

I nodded. “Thanks Dorian.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hugged him. Dorian patted my back in true Dorian fashion He didn’t want to ever get too close to me. I sighed and nodded. “I’ll see you in about a year.”

Dorian gave me a last pat on the back before he pulled away. “Don’t die on me, son.”

I grinned at him. “Never even dream of i t.”

I took my envelope will all my things needed and headed to my dorm room for the last time. Aaron was still in line waiting his turn so I was pretty much free and clear for leaving without a scene.

I saw Madison standing with a group of friends and she gave me a little wave. There was a strange of green in her hair. She was one of few Magnus who actually enjoyed some of my tricks. She colored her stands just like I did – with a little help from the elements. She didn’t look down on me as most of the others girls did. But she had taken pity on me once when I was thirteen – my first sexual encounter. She was sweet about it. But like most others she spread rumors to make herself look good. I had become known as the whore when it was she who had come on to me strong and took control of the situation.

I didn’t really care then or now. I gave her a quick wave as I walked past. It was the extent of our interactions.

I saw my first crush too before I left. He was standing by the kitchenette in the dorm level when I got there. He watched me walk past him and I gave him a simple nod. Dylan was going on his first hunt too. But he was going to be an instructor. He had that kinda pull. Me I wanted to hunt to be on my own.

My room was empty when I walked in, but Ross quickly followed me inside. “Leaving?” He asked.

“Yeah. Dorian got me a hotel just outside the airport so I could get their in plenty of time without freaking out more.”

Ross laughed. “I won’t miss your early mornings.”

“You won’t miss me at all.” I said as I picked up my already packed bag.

Ross grinned at me. “You are probably right. Good luck Nox.”

“You too.” I said as I walked out of our shared bedroom for the last time. I would never have to share a room again.