There is only one thing that comes to mind with today’s word: Dominant

Only one thing. And if you know me well I’m sure you know what jumped into my head. No matter how hard you look you will see one thing – I’m not the kinda guy who lets you walk over him. And as my story says I’m a pretty dominant sort of guy.

But it’s all fake-it till you make-it mentality. I can pull it off but I need down time. When I was a teenager that meant seeing Adrian or some random guy to make me feel lower than lower to just want to give it all up.

I jump for some of that regaining control, but I never really found a way to give up that control when my life got too complicated. Seeing the conundrum of me? The need to take control, and the need to give it up. This is my life.


Ant and I weren’t in the apartment for more than a minute before Sage came out of the bedroom. “Dee went to stay with her dad a few days. Kai took the boys except for Matt, he went to stay with Chris. I called to make sure that’s what he was doing. And Vin has Morana down stairs. You and I need to talk.” He looked over my shoulder at Ant, “Alone.”

He looked at me. There was no anger in his face just a serious look in his hand held a card I’d given him after I’d confronted Dorian about my birth and my subsequent attempts on my life. He lead me down the hall to his room. A room I’d been in once. I stood in the door as I watched my fuming blue-eyed boy sit down and plug the card into his computer.

“Adam and I have been working on this.” He swiveled in his chair, “For you. And you have no problems telling me my brother is stealing all my time. It’s for you.” He turned back angrily and started tapping away at his computer.

I watched as files came up. He tapped and tapped and more files came up. I saw my name in reports. I saw my school records and my birth certificate, I saw my death certificate waiting for a date and a signature. Sage stopped on that one . “I checked Dorian’s file and he doesn’t have one. Your dad, not even Matt. They want you dead, Nox.”

“That isn’t surprising since they sent me out to get killed after I met you – remember?”

Sage turned around, “It was simpler back then.”

“What was? Killing me?” I asked dumbfounded by his reply.

“No. You and me. Before your new power, your connections with other people take over.”

I sighed. “You know it’s your fault with Dev right?”

He hung his head, “I know. It was my kink that brought them in. But Dev would have come into your life one way or another.”

I shrugged. “You don’t know that.” I came in and sat down next to Sage. “You know I love you right?”

Sage turned to me and frowned. “Yeah. But it’s not the same.”

I sighed. “It hasn’t changed, you just have to share now. Why is it so easy when it was just sex. Now I’m happy to share what I wanted to be just you and me.”

“Maybe I don’t want to share.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sure this isn’t why you wanted me alone. Let’s finish this so I can leave you alone since that’s what you want.”

“I never…” Sage sighed. “I like Dev and Dee too. I can’t say I love them like you do. I love Dee. Dev and I…”

I shrugged. “Whatever Sage. I’m done fighting about this. I love you and that isn’t going to change. I can’t see life without you or Dev or Dee. I love Dev. And I love Dee in my own way. But I’m done with you all thinking I’m playing favorites. I’m not. I’m taking what you give me. Dev gives me everything. You and Dee give me shit so you get shit back in return.” I stood up and walked away from Sage. I was tired of this same fight over and over again.

Sage waited until I was through the door. “I will send this information to your computer in your office and then delete it all from the system.”

I nodded. “Okay.” And kept walking.

From behind me Sage called from his doorway. “Nox. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about everything. I regret pulling them into our life. Sometimes I regret ever giving you my card. You’d be better off without me.”

I turned around quickly and sped to Sage, almost too fast – too super human. But it was a passing thought as I gripped Sage’s t-shirt and stared up into his gorgeous blue eyes. “I can’t see life without you. You can leave if you want, but that doesn’t ever change the way I feel about you. I’m a shitty person. I don’t know how to do any of this, but I’m trying.”

I felt a small hand on my arm and a warmth trying to spread through me. I looked down and saw Dee’s diminutive hand on my bicep and then looked up at her. She cooed, “Boys, boys, nothing wrong here.”

I yanked my arm from her grasp. “Don’t fucking touch me and coo at me like that. I’m sick of you manipulating us.”

Dee and Sage both looked at me with wide eyes. “Nox, what’s wrong with you?” Sage asked. “Dee’s here, she loves us.”

“She wants you to behave. You were just very depressed about things, and she’s trying to calm my anger.”

“That’s what empath’s do.” Sage said.

“They do, but they do it knowingly. Ask her if she’s doing it on purpose.”

“What?” Dee said. “I’m not trying to manipulate you. I just don’t like when you two fight.”

“That’s my point Dee. You are manipulating us. You touch us, you coo at us, you make us feel the way you want us to feel. Dev gets away from you for the first time and he blows up at me. Tells me things he has never told me before. Things he knew weren’t true but things he hadn’t processed. Ant sees it. I see it. I think Dev sees it now. Dee don’t touch anyone until you go talk to someone and get this fixed.” I turned and walked away but Dee grabbed my arm again.


I yanked my arm from her grip. “I said don’t touch me.” And I kept on walking.

My Home (12/13/2017)
Dancing (12/15/2017)
An Apology (12/16/2017)
Bottoming (12/17/2017)
Not My Thing (12/18/2017)
Great Opportunity (12/19/2017)
Submission (12/20/2017)
Unexpected Guests (12/21/2017)
Breakfast (12/22/2017)
Chris’s Mom (12/23/2017)
It’s Saturday (12/24/2017)
Adam’s Influence (12/25/2017)
My Office (12/26/2017)
Your Kinks (12/27/2017)
Don’t go (12/28/2017)
Meeting Andrew (12/29/2017)
Chatting (12/30/2017)
Party Time (12/31/2017)
Phone Calls (1/1/2018)
Hunting (1/2/2018)
The Resort (1/3/2018)
Why? (1/4/2018)
James Wright (1/5/2018)
No More Party (1/6/2018)
Calling One? (1/7/2018)
Accidents Happen (1/8/2018)
Research (1/9/2018)
Faking It (1/10/2018)
More Myself (1/11/2018)
Nightmares (1/12/2018)
Feeling Blue (1/13/2018)
Finding Dev (1/15/2018)
First Concert (1/16/2018)
A Proposal (1/17/2018)
Lost In You (1/18/2018)
Bind Me (1/19/2018)
Bound to the Son (1/20/2018)
Control (1/21/2018)
Sunlight (1/22/2018)
Breakfast (1/23/2018)
Confrontation (1/24/2018)
The Venatori (1/25/2018)
Nick’s Gift (1/26/2018)
We Should Talk (1/27/2018)
Empath to Empath (1/28/2018)
Broken (1/29/2018)
What I Saw (1/30/2018)
Eyes Inside (1/31/2018)
Busy Little Bee (2/1/2018)
Shelter (2/2/2018)
Dumpster Diving (2/3/2018)
Explosions (2/4/2018)
Right Behind You (2/5/2018)
Plans (2/6/2018)
Challenges (2/7/2018)
Disturbances (2/8/2018)
Waking Up (2/9/2018)