Guardian Angel

It was late, or early, depending on how you looked at it. The quickest way back to my flat took me through a stench-filled alley. My mates would be in bed and my boyfriend… a guitar riff played on my phone and I laughed. Speak of the devil, the screen lit up with a message: Nox: Saved you dinner. If the guys didn’t eat it.

A voice echoed clear as day in my head interrupting my thoughts, “Let me in!” Normally I could only hear the thoughts of people nearby but there was no one here . Dismissing the voice, I returned my attention to the text and typed out a reply. My phone clattered to the ground as if someone had knocked it out of my hand. The mysterious voice sounded again. “Let me in!”

“Let you in where?” I looked around checking for anyone around me muttering to myself. “Who or what are you?” I bent down to pick up my phone trying not to look like a crazy person talking to myself even though I saw no one. A blue ghostly face reflected on the screen. I dropped my phone and looked up where I’d seen the reflection. The overcast sky shed no light from stars or moon and the yellow street lamps didn’t cast a blue glow. Nothing could make that reflection

I looked down again, the face in the reflection echoed, “Let me in!” and touched my temple with a spirited finger.

I shuddered at the touch. Bad things happened when you let shit in; the scar on Nox’s cheek came from a ghost who had possessed a little girl, a demon possessed Dee and made her do horrible things but I asked the reflection. “How do I know you won’t kill the world if I let you in?”

It said, “Trust.”

I laughed. “That’s what a demon might say.”

“No take! Let me in!”

I was still learning about Nox’s world, but I had picked up a few things, like demons and ghosts didn’t ask for permission. They took what they wanted. Could this be an angel?

The reflection nodded with a faint smile. “Yes. Let me in!”

“Fine,” I sighed, “but I’m staying in control.”

I picked up my phone, and the angel touched my chest and a cold chill enveloped me. I understood things I hadn’t known before. Like her name was Lailah, and she wanted me to take her to Nox. She insisted we go talk to him now. I realized then she’d been following me to get to him.

I walked into the brownstone where Nox lived. I had a key even though it wasn’t my house. Nox danced around the kitchen making breakfast with ear buds on so he didn’t disturb the others. I stood in the doorway and watched his body move for a few moments until he turned around and stopped cold. He stared with a curious look and then asked, “Why are you here?”

I sighed. “Would you believe me if I said I came for breakfast?”

He grinned at me, “Not talking to you, lover.” His features had relaxed. He looked relieved I was still me.

“Her name is Lailah, and she needs to talk to you.”

Nox sat down with a plate of food and pushed it into the middle of the island. “Talk, Lailah. And then let Dev go.”

I sat down with Nox, picked up the offered fork and ate from his plate. It wasn’t dinner, but anything Nox made was bloody brilliant. “Little girl needs help,” she said with my voice. It was odd being in your own body, hearing your voice but not being in control. Lailah relayed the problem to Nox in as few words as possible. I watched Nox pick at the food on his plate as he listened. I didn’t pay attention to the conversation, only him.

Out of nowhere, I found myself in full control of my body and all alone. Nox grinned at me. “What?” I asked.

He laughed and shook his head. “Nothing. I have a little girl to save, you want in?”

“I need a nap first.”

Nox shook his head, “No time, lover.” I frowned, so much for sleep, I thought as I took his proffered hand. It felt warm in mine, and I wasn’t looking forward to venturing outside again.

“Why did she need me?”

“The wards around the house kept her out with the demons and the maras,” he said.

I nodded. It would keep ghosts at bay too. Maybe I should move in with them.

Nox appeared to know his destination. He grinned at me like he was reading my mind, but that was my talent. We walked down into the subway station. Nox moved a barrier with ease and we stepped into a restricted area.

We walked down the dark creepy tunnel along the service walkway and found a nook filled with blankets and cardboard boxes. Nox stopped and my heart leapt into my throat, a kid was living like this. I moved the boxes in a hurry to uncover who was underneath as Nox bent down and pulled at the blankets. I jumped backwards when the pile moved. Nox grabbed my shirt and kept me from tumbling to the rails below as a tiny face looked up at him with sterling grey eyes. There was something special about her.

She looked up at Nox and her face lit up. “I knew you would come,” she said.

He scooped her up into his arms and pressed his lips to her forehead. “I got you.” He said. She entered a brand new world. A world I was still getting used to myself. One filled with love and mystery and unexplained phenomenon.

D: Duckling

#throwbackthursday #tbt

The Mind of Nox

I like to flirt.  It’s part of who I am.  But I’m not good with names.  I don’t care to remember them so I don’t.  It’ snot like I typically see them more than once – typically.  So I have a nickname for women – Duckling.

It started out just as a way to push them away, to let them know I don’t really care about them.  But as I got older it changed a little more too – Ducklings are cute, soft, vulnerable as most women are.  It became an insult at times.  And if you are a man and I’m calling you Duckling it usually means it’s an insult.  I can only think of one reason I’d call a guy Duckling and that’s if I truly felt something for them.  Meaning it would become a term of endearment.  But since I don’t get close to people that doesn’t…

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Not Exactly as Planned (Back Home)

By the time I walked back home it was late. The lights in the house were all off and the basement door was locked. Sage had already gone to bed. It was colder now. The moon was hidden behind the clouds, it might snow soon. I could feel it. But I didn’t go inside. I sat down in front of Sage’s house on the stoop and drowned in my anger and fustration. There was a deep dark feeling inside me. One I hadn’t had in a long time. One I told Sage I hadn’t had since I was a kid. I knew what it was. Knew what it meant. But I couldn’t shake it.

The door behind me opened and I could smell the soft sent of roses on the air. “Come inside, Nox.”

I shook my head. “I’m good.”

“Please, Nox. It’s cold out here. I want to talk to you.” Dee said almost pleading with me.

I sighed and stood up and followed her into the house. But I didn’t go into the living room like she did. I went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

She sighed. “It’s too late for coffee.”

I frowned. “So don’t drink any.”

Dee growled. It was becoming a thing in the house to growl. Was all those werewolf vibes running around outside. “Why are you such an ass?”

I gave her a level look and said nothing. I never said I wasn’t. I wasn’t a nice guy. I sat down on a barstool on the opposite side of Dee. The bar didn’t hang over here but I didn’t want to be near her. She had a tendancy to overpower me with emotions with a touch. It wasn’t her fault. But she did it and I didn’t want to fall into that calming trap I wanted to wallow in my pain and my misery because it was that – mine.

“You are bleeding out emotions. I can’t decifer any of it.”

I locked myself up again and I saw Dee relax visibly. “What’s wrong Nox?”

“I already told you what’s wrong. If you don’t want to listen that’s not my fault.”

“Stop being an ass.” She shouted then clamped her mouth shut with her hand. “We are going to wake everyone.”

“No you are.”

Dee got up and walked over to me and punched me hard in the arm. “Ow.” I said and rubbed my arm.

“Stop being an ass. Talk to me.”

“I did. You think I’m overreacting. You think that my problems can be worked out with a little date, some one on one time with you or Sage or Dev. You think you know how to fix me. I’m not broken. This is me. In all my fucking glory Dee. I’m a messed up kid with self esteem issues. I’m borderline suicidale. My depression has kicked up ten fold. My anxiety has ratcheted up several notchs. My schedule is blown to shit and I have to readjust to the new one. My carefully made up world is shattered and I don’t fit in to this one. I can’t do shit. I cook and I clean and I take care of kids. I to to the gym or a run and the rest of the time I’m here doing nothing. Being nothing. At least with the Venatori I had a purpose. I had a job. I could do something with my time. What am I going to do here? Be a trainer? Work as some bullshit kid in a restaurant. Go to college – to what become a PI or a bounty hunter. I don’t even have a fucking highschool education. My math and english went to maybe your 8th grade. I have no skills outside of the supernatural world. None. What do you want me to do?”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sage and I and Dev are all here to help you. We aren’t a port in the storm. I heard you tell Dev you loved us. We love you. All of you. The stubborn you. The emotional you. The one who throws a temper tantrum worse than Drake.” Her hand touched my knee and when I didn’t move she move in between my legs and straight across at me. I was a few inches shorter on the stood than where she stood. She pressed a kiss to my check. “We all know it’s hard for you. And I can’t help the feeling that it’s your fault I have to readjust. I know it’s not. I forgave my dad and I’ve forgiven you but I need time to heal too. The three of you have been wonderful I adjust. But you need to stop bottling this up.”

“Come to bed. Dev will be here later and you and he can drift together. You know Sage and I feel left out that you two do that?”

“Do what? I sighed. “It’s Dev not me. It’s not my fault.”

Dee laughed. “It’s all your fault Nox. It’s who you are. Dev can’t help but be drawn to you. He misses your openness. Don’t hide from us.”

I hung my head and averted my eyes from her gaze. “But I’ll hurt you.”

Dee put two fingers under my chin and smiled. “You are hurting Dev.” My breath caught in my throat and Dee smiled softly at me. “It’s okay.” She said calmly. “I know you love him more than me. I think Sage comes in second to Dev on most days.”

“Sage is worried I’ll leave him.”

Dee grinned. “He’s not. Not anymore. I need Sage as much as I need Dev. And you need them both. Me and you, we need to work on us. That’s what this date was supposed to be about. Not a get Nox out of his depression. Was a means for us to get better aquainted. For us to fall in love as deeply as we have with our other parts. ” She laughed. “Sage and Dev need to work at it too, but not as hard as we do. They started this whole thing.”

I sighed. Dee was right. “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you?”

“How are you going to do that Nox?”

I grinned. “Let me take you out on a real date. I promise I won’t be an ass. But let me plan it. I need something to do.”

Dee smiled. “Okay. I have this Friday off.”

“Friday we were going to have an early Thanksgiving with everyone’s family. Sage’s parents and his sister, your dad, Dev’s parents and the band.”

“Noone for you?”

I sighed. “Dorian declined because I had invited Kai. Kai canceled cause he went upstate with Emilio to hunt vampires. Jace and Mia had plans with her family since they were going to Florida to see Jace’s family for Thanksgiving.”

“So reinvite Dorian.”

“I did. He and Stell are taking Aidan back to Colorado to see her family. I don’t think she’s coming back though.”

“Why not?” Dee asked.

“It’s complicated. But she’s not really feeling much like she belongs in the Venatori.”

“She’d leave her son.”

I shrugged. “She has no choice, someone has to teach Aidan.”

“You could.”

I nodded. “I could but she’d have to stay in New York and she doesn’t have family here.” I shrugged. “Dorian suggested it to her.”

Dee was giddy. “You could have your own school for wayward kids. Not just supernatural ones, but the down and out kids. The ones who grow up with out folks.”

“I’m not teacher.”

Dee smiled. “Yes you are. My next day off is on Sunday.”

I nodded. “Okay. Sunday it is.”

Not Exactly as Planned (Falling Apart)

Dee told me all about how she and Dev met. They’d been in highschool together, but they didn’t know each other. It wasn’t until nursing school that she met him. He was playing a club with the guys and they hooked up. It wasn’t anything spectacular Dee said. But she went back another night and it kept happening. She felt more things with Dev than with anyone else including her father. And just like tha we were back on the topic of magical shit and demons. And it was my fault cause I responded, “Dev’s a telepath, he understood your connections to people. He said he was drawn to your shield it was inmpregnable.”

Dee nodded. “Yeah, until you broke it.” She sounded almost upset about that fact, like she blamed me for what she felt now.

“I didn’t break it. I killed the demon who was maintaning it.” I whispered in my defense. My voice was quiet and distant and I really wanted to go home now. This was a mistake. “I killed the demon that had been hurting me and five other kids that I know of. How many others did he hurt, he drive insane like Levi? I’m sorry your precious gem broke and you have to deal with something you were born with. Welcome to my fucking world.”

I stomped off. I couldn’t do this. She resented me for what I did because of how it affected her. I was trying to make it right. We had human empaths teaching Dee. I even asked Margo to help her. Margo wasn’t an empath but she dealt with empaths and telepaths and dragons and venatori and every other supernatural creatre out there. She was helping. Dee was holding her own shields. She was doing everything she could not to feel other people. She rejected the idea. Both Dev and I tried to tell her she had to accept it, learn to control it, but she refused.

I kept walking. I didn’t care that Dee was following me, trying to catch up. But high heels in the november weather wasn’t exactly easy doing. I stopped and sighed, “What?”

“We were suppose to have dinner, go dancing, instead you’re pissed off at me.”

I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to see the look on her face, those beautiful eyes blinking back saddness and fustration. “You resent what I did. How are you going to get past that? It’s not about you. It wasn’t about me. It was about five little kids who would have grown up like me. Who would have been tortured their whole lives. They might not have been as strong as I was, and they’d end up like Levi. Stuck in a bed, unable to function without massive doses of medication. I would take that pain away from them, take it away from you if I could. I’m sorry that the demon’s death hurt you. I’m sorry I’m not like Sage with his sweet smile and his innocence. I’m sorry I’m not like Dev and make you feel happy and safe. I’m sorry you feel everything.”

“I don’t feel you.” She said.

“Because I don’t let you feel me. I don’t want to make it worse than it already is.” She was standing in front of me now. and I turned back around. I didn’t want to look at her.

“Dev says you lock him out too. Says he understands but it hurts him that you are locked up so tight. Somethings wrong Nox. You won’t talk to Margo. You won’t talk to any of us. But you need to.”

“What do you want me to talk about Dee?” I turned around and glared at her. “You want to know that I’m bored out of my mind. Do you want to know that I feel useless? That my world is collapsing under me. Do you want to know that I see the three of you together and I want to run away go hide in a hole and die because I’m not with you. Do you know how many times I’ve come home to the three of you and just turned around and left?”

“All you do is sulk. You don’t join us. You don’t try to be part of anything.”

“Because I don’t feel apart of it Dee.”

“You’re pushing us away.”

“Yeah I am, that’s what I do.” I said and started walking.

“Fuck you Nox.” Dee shouted after me.