Like the caterpillar to the butterfly we all make a transformation. My life has gone from one big pile of crap to another pile of crap and on and on until we are today. Such is life. I am no longer that scared little boy who longs for his mother’s love.
I am still afraid of many things. I’m afraid I’ll never find the safety and security I so desire in my life. That I’m going to perpetually push people away from me until the world hates me. It’s the underlying fear of my life’s story. Most people don’t really know what they want in life. I do, but it scares the shit out of me. In order to have what I want I need to let people close to me. Close enough to hurt me like the one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally.
It is such a hard thing for me to get around and over and I really have issues with it. I do have hope I will. I know it’s out there – somewhere. My transformation has never been easy. I have issues. I know I do. We all have issues. We need to get up off our asses and beat back the fear and keep moving on. I will find it when I least expect it.