Security blankets were not something I had as a child. Before coming to the Venatori I didn’t need one, I was safe in the knowledge that I was loved but it was shattered when my mother spat at me for being a monster – an uncontrollable and dangerous magnus that would end up hurting more people than she cared to count. She saw only one thing about me – hated me for it.
Hate is a strong word. Margo’s words ring in my ears every time I think about my mother. She didn’t hate me – she feared me. She was taught that unpredictable supernatural creatures were monsters; both from experience and her training with the Venatori. I shouldn’t be angry at her for it. But I was her son. Should I not still be loved and cared for? Why couldn’t she see past that one mistake. With training I gained control – I’m not a danger to anyone. But it’s too late now, she’s gone. Died hating what I was, fearing me. I never got to forgive her. I’m not ready to forgive her, but I’ll never have that chance now.
Security doesn’t come from a blanket as much as wished it could. I wish I could have curled up in a ball and forgotten every worry I had as a child. I wish I could have had the loving environment and family that my roommates had. Jace’s family tried, but it wasn’t the same. But Jace is my family – my everything. I know there was a time he wanted more. But I can’t – couldn’t – won’t go there. He is my brother, my best friend, my only family. He is my security blanket, the reason I survived the Academy. He’s the reason that the world is bearable some days.
I can’t imagine life without him.