Who are you?

It’s a writing prompt what can I say? Who am I?

On the surface, I’m a loud, obnoxious “kid” who has a problem killing monsters. It’s really not the killing that bothers me. It’s the reason that I should kill them. Petty crimes receive the same punishment as the truly horrible ones.

I want people to think I’m not afraid of anything. That words don’t hurt and that my skin is thick and I’m invulnerable. But that’s sadly not the case. I’m still that frightened little boy who was sitting waiting for his life to change because his mother was throwing him away.

I am afraid of many things. My biggest fear is not being a part of something bigger. To be loved by another unconditionally. But that means that I have to put myself out there, and the fear of rejection keeps people at a distance. I’m a jerk and an asshole. I don’t want people close because they’ll hurt me. I know that it’s counterproductive to what I want – what I need. But pain is hard to overcome when it’s been growing and festering for as long as you can remember.

I promise to my future family I will never do that to anyone. I will never stop loving you, if you give me the chance, I will be everything you need me to be. I will support you in everything and I will carry you if you need me to.

Now if I could only get out of my own way – to make an effort to be that person without the fear that I will get hurt. And know that if I do get hurt at least I tried. But the possible pain still holds me back. Maybe when I find the one things will change.